fleeingbones

[fleeingbones]

When recovering from abuse, it's vital to turn around the narrative from "what's wrong with me, why am I not good enough, what did I do to deserve abuse" to "what's wrong with THEM, why do they think it's okay to abuse other people"

[fleeingbones]

I'm not ok and I want to self-destruct.

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I'm not okay. There, I said it.

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Really tired of fighting. Really tired of being strong.

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I just don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired.

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Hello Depression, my old friend.

I'm slipping again. I don't want to fight anymore. I'm so tired of constantly being tired. For the first time in a long time this all feels so pointless. Does it really even matter?

[fleeingbones]

Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar

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I don't feel happy anymore. I haven't felt it in a long time. I'm tired. I'm really fucking tired.

[fleeingbones]

I’m having a depressive episode, what’s different this time though, is my mindset, i know from experience that this will pass, happiness will come to me again. I don’t know when, or how, but it’ll come back. And i’m going to stay alive to see that happen.

[fleeingbones]

so, here's the thing about healing:

It's not a one-time decision to make.

You don't just wake up one day and suddenly all your problems are gone and what seemed impossible to carry yesterday is easy to accept now.

Healing is the process itself. Healing IS the struggle.

It's looking in the mirror and internally crying about what you see, but resisting the urge to change it.

It's days where you eat a whole plate and take seconds and thirds and snacks, but it's also especially the days where every bite feels to much, but you keep chewing.

It's when you are feeling like a failure, like you're not strong enough, but you still keep on fighting.

It's buying that dress you were so afraid to wear, it's ordering that burger, it's taking that one size up because damn, how good it feels to be able to actually breathe in your clothes - right?

Healing, to me, is essentially bravery. By choosing to not give up, you choose yourself. You choose life, with all of its struggles and beautiful tragedies, over and over again.

And if that's not ultimate strength, then what is?

[fleeingbones]

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Happy Pride Month, everyone!

[fleeingbones]

[fleeingbones]

Tired, is an understatement. Not the Kind Sleep Can Fix. TW.

I want to get drunk.

I want to get high.

I want to cut. 

I want to starve. 

I want to binge.

I want to purge.

I want it all again, I miss my self-destruction. I miss it all. 

Part of me doesn’t care anymore. It’s been 6 years, but relapse never sounded sweeter. Who knew I’d get back here. 

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