fleurdepapier

[fleurdepapier]

Muse

Drive

Passion

Authenticity

[fleurdepapier]

Regret

Everyday is a blur 

Time rushes by as you feel paralyzed from taking one step forward

When did I become so afraid? And reluctant? Reluctant to change, to be better.. to take a step. When did weaknesses become so strong?

When did comfort become an enemy? Slowly but surely seeping deep into my veins. ‘Comfort’ grips me tight, binding me to my bed.. binding me to the false hope of ‘tomorrow’. 

False comforts..

Content to wallow and drudge through the day. Moments of clarity drown me in tears and doubt.

A day passes. Then a week. Months go by. Years...

[fleurdepapier]

who knew who knew i would find you sitting on a park bench in the middle of the night crying ...

[fleurdepapier]

you delude yourself into thinking that time stops at 3 am. you numb your mind until darkness envelops the world around you, feeling assured that the cover of night will hide your problems until dawn

when the sun rises you wait for night to fall

[fleurdepapier]

at home

she couldn't get out of bed.

clothes strewn everywhere, food rotting.. trapped in the grips of her bedsheets, choking on her own lack of confidence.

her bed became an island, where she spent years contemplating her worth, stranded in her thoughts. her insides began to rot like the half-eaten apple by the bed. flies and demons buzzed in the decay as the devil whispered death through the window.

anger swelled from an unknown crevice. she stopped breathing as an overwhelming wave of emotion threatened to tear her into pieces. hot tears prickled her eyes-- ears pounding-- on the brink of an explosion--

the rush of emotion subsided as quickly as it had come, ebbing away into a dark corner. tears fell, but she felt nothing.

she couldn't get out of bed.

[fleurdepapier]

Feeling his gaze upon me, I stared intently at the floor, my guilt-ridden face disclosing its sins to my feet. My insides shrivelled as I realized that he knew everything. He knew everything. I had hurt him in ways that made me cringe and despise myself for nights on end. Tears prickled my eyes as I struggled to form the words to plea for his forgiveness. 

"I only cry tears of shame."

He knew.

[fleurdepapier]

alfred's love song

it was a chilly afternoon in february i took the same bus as you i don't think you saw me, you looked lost in your thoughts eyes glazed and oblivious to the world around you you were as beautiful as ever..

i decided not to interrupt your day i told myself 'next time'

now i'll never see you again  (and i can't get over it)   

[fleurdepapier]

City life (ii)

The anonymity of city life allows us a freedom we revel in. We yell on the streets, drunken, enveloped in a comforting darkness that shrouds our name and identity  

[fleurdepapier]

City life (i)

City life consists of fatigue People sit They plug in earphones They close their eyes They close their hearts   

[fleurdepapier]

(lights will guide you home)

my eyes are closed. my heart is shut. will you still try to fix me?   

[fleurdepapier]

"Because in that moment, we owned everything. The world was ours. There was nothing we couldn't do, nothing we couldn't face. Every breath was exhilarating, life and laughter, bursting in our hearts."

"Gold."  

[fleurdepapier]

it was a paper flower.

you promised that it would always be in bloom, that the colour would never fade. the synthetic flower would bring me joy year after year and i would smile at the potency of its enduring beauty as all the other flowers withered away.

a flower will bloom in the spring and wither in the fall. then winter will creep in with her icy grip and choke the flower in its frozen bed.

a paper flower will bloom from busy hands. it will sit and sit and sit and sit. the colour will fade and the paper will mold. disgusting. -

i will watch my paper flower, i will watch it till its end. year after year i will smile and be reminded of the lies i saw from the very beginning, but chose to ignore.