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was talking to a coworker and realised i could not for the life of me remember his name but i was too embarrassed to ask because we've spoken multiple times so mid-conversation i started concocting a plan to nudge the conversation towards the ID photos on our building passes so that i could be like oh my ID photo is awful haha the camera they use to take these has a real talent for making me look as unphotogenic as possible and then he would say oh yes me too haha everyone says that (because they do) and then i would be able to say well let me see yours it can't be as bad as mine! and he would show me his ID because we are coworkers and why wouldn't he and this would allow me to see his building pass which of course would have his name on it and then i would be able to say well yours is perfectly nice it must be me that's the problem! and then we would have a polite chuckle about it and i would have his name without needing to ask for it and he would be none the wiser and all would be well but then before i could execute this fine plan a little voice in my head went "so this is some light yagami bull shit you are about to pull" which was such a violent reality check it shocked me completely out of my embarrassment and i went "hey im so sorry your name has slipped my mind could you remind me" and he did and it was fine.

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Since being diagnosed with cancer my husband has become very willing to step into arguments at his workplace and elsewhere because “nobody wants to be seen yelling at the guy with brain cancer” and so far his success rate is shockingly high.

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Let’s scream with mama

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sometimes people will be like "just lost a follower over my last post" and every time I am baffled by the idea of 1) knowing exactly how many followers you have 2) assuming they unfollowed you for something specific and 3) POSTING about it

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just got jumpscared at work today

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Favorite adderall review

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This bus company in my area has taken to giving its vehicles names. This one could have used a bit more constructive criticism.

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Do you consider jacking off to be a sport?

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Shout out to that guy from Florida talking to my coworker about wanting to take his sail boat through Lake Superior in November. He was planning on a little trip and my coworker was like hey man I don't know how to tell you this but you will Actually Die

*Lake Superior, in the far distance*: yes yes yes yes yes do it yes yes

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I used to be a proficient googler who never wasted a word but since Google is near useless no matter how good you are at it now I have reverted to just typing in entire questions like an old person

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Putting a penis pump on my finger so my finger gets bigger so I can touch things better

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i think one of the best parts about being a teenager in the early to mid 2010s was that cigarettes were definitely not cool anymore and vapes hadn’t popularized yet so my lungs made it out of my peak impressionable years relatively unscathed

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