florencebabaran

[florencebabaran]

Peeps know me as a person who doesn't share her ideas a lot. They say I'm brilliant and I'll say some stupid stuff so they won't think that I am something. I don't share anything because of two things first I am a coward and I'm all alone.

First I am a coward. I'm scared of sharing my thoughts. Instead of creating the idea I'm not going to do it because I'm scared. Why am I scared? I know I don't have anything that I need to build something. I just have an idea but I don't have anything or tools to create it. I don't have the skills to create something.

Next, I am alone. I am a coward because I am alone. All my life people never supported me on anything that I do. I tried to write a novel but none of my friends read it. I worked hard to create it but I don't have the courage because if people would throw bricks at me I know I have no one. No one would help me to get through it. I don't wanna become a burden to anyone they have their worries and I have mine.

Lastly, it feels stupid when you are alone. It feels like I'm in a battle but I am the only one in the frontline. Sacrificing myself without anyone knowing what I do for them. I'm not saying they should do something in return but you know sometimes a friend just needs a word or two to keep on fighting. One of the most gut wrenching experience that I've ever been to is when someone abandoned you when you needed them the most. Use that feeling to make you feel worse about yourself. Night

[florencebabaran]

I remember this classmate of mine. He told me that I just like fictional men because they are written as good looking characters. He didn't give me a chance to explain why I like fictional men. If you're reading this, let me explain why. First of all, TANGA KA BA? ni hindi nga namin nakikita mukha nila eh. Let's say yeah, they can be handsome if we wanted to imagine that they are BUT it is not all about that (that's one of the reasons why I think men are not totally dumb, they just wanted to believe what they wanted to believe) WE LIKE FICTIONAL MEN BECAUSE THEY KNOW WOMEN'S WORTH.

Secondly, do not compare your UGLY ASS PHILOSOPHY with our fictional men. Kayo lang naman 'tong hipokrito. Sabi mo pareparehas lang kaming mga babae, mahilig sa pogi, oh well kasalanan mo yun ginawa mong matching type yung ugali mo tsaka mukha mo. Hipokrito kayo kase kayo yung unang unang humuhusga sa pisikal na anyo ng mga kababaihan. Diba nga, pinagtawanan mo ako kase sabi mo dumikit ako sa magaganda kong kaibigan ng mahawaan naman ako. We all have our own preferences so sino ka dyan? "Guys can be as porky as they want and we still like them." - Chanel Oberlin.

In addition, kaya nga may mga LALAKI na naghahanap ng kabit kase diba mostly sinasabi nila nalosyang na. Alam mong totoo yan rather than women ang sinasabihan mo ng ganyang TANGA KA bat di ka magself relfect? We will stick to fictional men kase they give us assurance na no matter how we look, di kami iiwan.

Lastly, kayo nga may mga e-girls, anime women with unrealistic symmetry, prn stars etc. Jinujudge ba namin kayo? Why can't we have this? When you guys like something may naririnig ba kayo? Kayo lang naman 'tong tangang nagrereklamo at nagpapakasad boy pag di nagustuhan ng babae. Paano ka ba nagkadyowang hayop ka? I mean you look decent but with that attitude of yours? Any girl would pass.

In conclusion, FICTIONAL MEN are better than men that we meet on a daily basis. Some would argue but that's true. Women fall in love with their traits rather than their appearance because we can't totally see them but we fell in love with the idea of them.

[florencebabaran]

Bruuuhhhh, I don't wanna brag about my failures. Like he's a mistake, I'm a mistake. To us WE ARE A MISTAKE so why do I have to talk about it?

[florencebabaran]

Walang maniniwala dito sa prank ko eh pota sino bang maniniwalang awoj ko 'to? Tsaka puro edits niya yung nasa my day ko😭😭 yan si bang chan tsaka berry😭😭

[florencebabaran]

When I was in 8th grade, my cousin made a drawing. It is my mother's favorite flower, orchids. She asked my cousin if she could frame it as a display and give it to her. My cousin declined. I was so dang pathetic to gain my mother's love, I drew flowers to cheer her up but it is not in its great shape. So, when I gave it to her she (I was so excited to see her reaction) but she said that it wasn't that great.

At that time I remember my friends' parents are so proud of them and even boast their child's work with me. That was the time when I thought that I really didn't have anything much to be proud of. I am so envious of them that even their parents are supporting their children.

Now, that I am older, I drew these as a sorry note to my younger self. It is my healing and it is a constant reminder that even if it wasn't in a great shape at least you still have room for improvement. You did great that time and it is not your fault if they don't like your art.

[florencebabaran]

I am so sick and tired of being efficient to other people. This is me saying I know what I deserve. I am so sick of people treating me as if I am nothing when they do not remember me. I am always there being stuck at the moment. 

[florencebabaran]

I am not the type of person who likes leadership roles. People around me would rather die than accepting me as their leader (based on my school exp) it is fascinating that it somehow speaks to my soul. Specially the line "you dream of being alive" for sometime I feel like I am stuck somewhere and I wanted to be free.

[florencebabaran]

Am I too sensitive? It feels like they’re doing it again. My friends encouraged me to watch this series and they hyped me up because everyone in our group seems to know this series. It is in its second season at that time and they’re waiting for the last season. I feel left out so I decided to watch the series maybe in that case I could finally relate to them. several months later, I got hooked on the show and finally, the last season came out. I excitedly asked them if they have watched the new season since they encouraged me to watch it. They said that they are too busy with their school works. I waited until they are done with everything in the end they never watched the series finale. I feel left out and it seems like they abandoned me. They never asked me to wait but why do I feel this way? petty right? I know that this is not right.  Yeah, I keep hanging out with them but why do I feel alone now?

[florencebabaran]

pa rant isa lang no? magkaiba kase ang like sa love pero baka translation error yan or something. para sa akin (oo, perspective ko lang) when it comes to faith ine-earn yan eh parang respect. Kasi you cannot trust agad agad. Dati kasi ganun akong tao when it comes to liking someone, all out ako (syempre di kasama sa package na yun yung tawag ng laman basta may personal philosophy din naman ako uulitin ko akin lang yun personal nga diba? bahala kayo kung ano gusto niyo di ko naman kayo ijujudge katawan niyo yan so pake ko dyan) ang ending kase kapalit ng trust and loyalty ko baka kahit papaano susuklian ako ng ng kahit anong love kahit pity tinatanggap ko na which is mali. kaya rin siguro kailangan mo rin magtira sa self mo kung mayrong nadama yung instinc mo na mali. Naalala ko yung philosophy subject namin dati di ko sure kung kay confucious ba galing yun pero naalala ko na yung intuition natin may pinanggagalingan yun maybe past experience or pwede ring galing sa maliliit na details na pinalampas mo lang ganun.  I don’t give a damn kung fun fun lang trip mo sa buhay kasi buhay mo yan eh pake ko dyan pero kung ako lang di ako mananakit ng ibang tao para makuha yang fun na yan.Syempre choice mo pa din yan diba? sana piliin pa rin natin yung tama kahit mahirap di ako perfect or righteous na tao pero kahit ganun susubukan ko pa rin gawin ang tama.  When it comes to faith ineearn talaga yan at once na naharvest mo yan sana ikeep mo kase pinaghirapan mo yun eh.

[florencebabaran]

Ang gagaliny magsisuyi pag dyowang nagtatampo pero pag tropa tang ina na lang talaga.

[florencebabaran]

mas maganda pakinggan kung live bukas na day 2 tix selling alaws paring arep

[florencebabaran]

Gusto ko lang ng kasama habang nakining ng the 1975.

[florencebabaran]

So tomorrow is my first day of internship.  I feel a little nervous because I am going back as a student teacher. I might cry a little on the day of the deployment. It has been almost six years since we graduated from that school. In my dreams, we’re still those kids trying to figure out our future. Confused and exploring at the same time, I never thought of those memories as good ones. It was a place where I could say that “It is a place where my greatest what if’s gathered” it makes me tear up remembering those wonderful people that withered beautifully just like the flowers. They have so much to offer in this world but sadly they have to leave soon. It is impossible to turn back time and bring back their precious lives. It is funny how things changed and how that establishment stayed there. You could always go back to that place but you cannot bring back or relive those fondest memories of yours. You can always go back but everything is not the same anymore. I just had a dream about that school and it was about how happy I am when I was younger. I thought I never had a happy memory but it turns out that it was those tiny golden memories engraved within me. Those innocent laughs and those conversations that don’t make any sense. It is crazy how things have changed but deep inside, it feels like yesterday. It was a mixture of good and bad memories. I always have a problem with letting things go. Sorting how to let go of those bad memories and keeping that good stuff within me. I used to think that I would be happier in college but it was the other way around. Now that I’m in my last year of college (hopefully), I think that I should have cherished those moments while they lasted. It was just a sneak peek of the greater days ahead. Now, it is my time to witness how our young ones undergo the metamorphosis of their lives. 

[florencebabaran]

cute niya diba? feeling emo pero mpg ang music taste

[florencebabaran]

mbti na sisisra sa self love ko anuena galaw bhie 😭😭😭😭😭

[florencebabaran]

drop ko lang poem ko dito kase lotlot tayey mga ferson

[florencebabaran]

I dunno how to say this but whenever I’m at my darkest I seek your guide and light. This post is kinda hypocrite but I never claimed that I am a perfect person. Sometimes I want to believe in something and lean on my faith. There are also times when I disagree with some of my religion’s beliefs. There are times that I am scared to express my faith because it might cause some discussions between me and the people that I love. It makes me feel sane as I lay down all of my worries. Closing my eyes as I pray makes me feel like everything’s gonna be fine tomorrow. This is Manila Cathedral as soon as I saw this I kinda forced my friend and I am glad that she totally agrees with me. I am thankful to her that we could at least pray for that day in a church. It was something that I couldn’t say out loud because there are people who can see it as a weakness. It is something that keeps me staying still.