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Every holiday or special event this year was ruined for me and it was a year of big ones too.

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Someone who "goes crazy" and is super emotional over a break up but shows nothing when it comes to you leaving their life?

Take it as a big ass slap in the face and walk away.

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Why is it that I try and try to keep peace or make it easy but there's no effort on the other end.

All these years I thought you were stuck in confusion and truly torn but I was wrong.

You just come back when you've got nothing or no one else.

So im just not good enough to be here all the time. Just as needed.

I'm just at my end with this. There's no reason I deserve any of this.

And Maybe I'm taking things personally and I shouldn't but I don't think this I'd coincidence.

You're using me like you used her and you're just.l holding on for some pretend fairy tale that you think you want.

Just because you were raised one way and you may or may not have liked it, doesn't mean you need to hold on to something for your child. You're making it all worse.

Do what's good for you, do what's good for your son, what's right. Not what you think people want.

Leave me alone.

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I will NEVER understand how you could do this to me.

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I'm starting to think this is some sick fucking game.

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I dont ever wish pain upon you but how come I'm the only one who has suffered for years over you. All while you suffered over everything but me.

It feels unfair to be so sad about someone who hasn't felt any pain over the loss.

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Heal yourself first.

The rest will come later 🌿

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I dont have to be involved with her in any way, ever.

If I chose to not put myself in an uncomfortable and hurtful situation then I won't.

I cant be made out to be a bad guy for protecting myself.

I will always be fair and kind but there's absolutely NO REASON for me to be in any situation that makes me feel less than.

And there's no reason someone who "loves me" should ever put me in that situation.

I'm not going to continuously suffer year after year for someone who doesn't even think twice about how I have felt this whole time.

This push and pull needs to end and I am done with ever having to worry about that girl. I refuse.

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Morningstar

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Same cycle.

Susan Sontag, from “Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963″

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You can't expect to get what you give. They're not like you.

-William Wordsworth

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I blog for the girls who cry on their birthdays and lose a little bit of themselves during the summer months

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Silent & peaceful

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I've suffered for years being pulled back in and pushed away in this awful cycle. All while he is torn, which is painful to him but in the end he really isn't torn because all he wants is her.

You're not torn if all you want is to make something you didn't have. You have to want it for you and no one else.

This feels so one sided.

How can you pretend you want something but crush it for years, neglect it for years and constantly show with your actions that you care more about someone else. I just can't keep explaining why I don't trust you.

Then here I am again in the very same position. The way I show my love is through actions to care for you and show that love, not meaningless words with nothing to back them up.

I really don't think I can come back from this, I really don't.

I appreciated having somewhat of a normalcy for a short time but I knew it wouldn't last, yet I dove right in. My mistake.