han group leader of 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗠main rapper, hip-hop unit leader
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he doesn’t try to move, any signs of life are hidden behind the inhuman groan that tumbles from his lips. hanjae has become a professional at ignoring his members, in a way that hasn’t eased since moving out from the dorm they all shared. the members have an understanding of him, he likes to think. years of building up a reputation for being their dragon-like leader isn’t all for nothing. the crash at his side is almost expected, even in his sleep he might have seen it coming. the grunt as he fetaled into himself and sighed almost as though he were withering away from all the bullshit- he lays still with eyes squeezed closed like he were in pain (emotional, mental, bone deep exhaustion) “get off of me, you worm.” he mutters, and shoves his fingers into eric’s hair with a shake, like he would a pet. “you’re annoying,” though the words are harsh he sounds tired but, undeniably affectionate. “food?” he asks, hooking his free leg around eric’s ribs to hold him like a pillow. “if you came in here and woke me up like this without food i sweat to god-” he grumbles into eric’s hair.
@fmdhanjae liked for a starter
tap tap tap. with one fingernail, eric gently tapped the other’s door. it was a sunday, they happened to have no morning schedules, but it was already noon. the only thing on their agenda was a quick meeting with the managers to talk about practice schedule conflicts. other than that, they had the day off. still, eric wanted lunch, and he did not want to go alone again. plus, it was noon! hanjae was going to have to get up sooner rather than later. he gently cracked the door to the bedroom. last night, eric forgot why, they ended up actually sleeping on the bed side by side, but he got up much earlier. since eight, hanjae had the bed to himself, but he would not have it alone for much longer. “leadeeerrr… wakey wakey, vegtables and sadness.” he giggled to himself as he opened the door. he peeked in, just the top of his head and eyes visible, until opening the door fully. he stepped on laundry and pushed through empty boxes as he made his way to the curtains, “hanjae. . . you gotta wake up.” he whispered into the room. as usual, nothing. eric skipped his usual mumblings about needing to be awake and went straight to what he knew would work. he tip toed to the side of the bed that hanjae took the least amount of space on. he wiggled his feet through the towels and underwear, until, he was right beside the bed. he silently LEAPT onto the bed. he crashed into hanjae’s side with a big laugh. his hands were stuck under his stomach. he wiggled to pull them out and then crawled on top of han. he pushed his forehead into the other’s neck and nuzzled it. “wake up wake up wake uuup…” he wriggled his body, and consequently, wriggled han with him.
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@eunahfmd
in america, he thought of her more than he figured he ever would. maybe it was missing home al together, the comfort of korea had become a blanket. hanjae was comfortable with english, even the cultural gaps weren’t insurmountable. but there’s something about home. when korea became his home? he doesn’t know. no where ever felt like home. england wasn’t home, england was the place his mother lost everything. daegu wasn’t home, it was the place he lost his mother. but he gained a piece of himself when he came to seoul. charm was a piece of home. sometimes there was home to be found in the arms of others, but it isn’t her arms he thinks of. when he knocks on her door, hanjae doesn’t know why, exactly. she finally agreed to become his girlfriend, a long winded and uphill battle, it’s natural that he should gather some of the rewards. but it doesn’t feel like he’s getting a prize, he feels like he’s relaxing after a long time away. he breathes out so deeply as he steps inside and his fingers dust over her temple to tuck the strands away. “i didn’t call,” he begins, an unsteady beginning but he’s used to misteps with her. he smirks away the insecurities, as always. “but i wanted to see you.” he kicks off his shoes to make himself at home. “i thought we could make a night of it, or something.” date night with eunah was not just on his list it was at the very top of it. he’s not going to mess it up. “watch a movie, maybe? i’m here to win boyfriend of the year award.” since after all, he had previously benen too busy to spend time with her. it was a way of making it up.
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♡
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minjung
starter for @fmdhanjae
sobriety and hanjae — two things that never mix in minjung’s life. the chaotic mess of twist and turns, bringing a mutual yet inevitable ticket straight to hell becomes a looming void every time hanjae’s not around. and she learns that this is a feeling of dependency on a friendship — the first time she’s felt this in a while. and maybe, that’s why today she’d find herself in the middle of his unboxed apartment, sober with two iced americanos with no forewarning to her entrance. because today, she feels blue — a flopped solo with a necessary pick-me-up with mindless and dopey words that she knows that only hanjae can provide. “i haven’t seen you since charm went to flaunt all over america — i didn’t even see you at the retreat. ” her head rolls around the sofa, a straw still tipped on her mouth, slightly agape with faux wash of disappointment. but in reality, she appreciates his presence during off hours of work more than the hellos and tongue-out faces backstage at events. “but it’s okay, no need to explain — i’m just gonna assume your dick priorities were more important than playing blackjack around a fire, roasting marshmallows.” she shoots him a wink, laughter hugging her words as she takes a sip of the melted ice that remains in her cup. “at least one of us is tangoing done while the other just remains here planning my next contemporary dance.” hanjae’s apartment becomes a safe place for her, a place where she can step out from the burden that becomes the looming echoes of troubled thoughts inside her house — outside chaos becomes the resolution to the unruly silence.
just the thought, the very mention, of charm’s time in america, sends hanjae into a state of exhaustion complete with eye roll and slouched shoulders. “don’t mention it,” he warns to her, thoughts on charm against his will as he huffs and pries an americano from minjung. he takes a sip and nods, propping his hips against the edge of his couch. “i was busy at the retreat,” moving from charm to the thought of eunah, his now girlfriend, with a confusing swirl of emotions. his smirk is pressed with as many layers of them as possible. her wink is reassuring at least, and he gives her a record breaking second eye roll within minutes. “you’ve had too much going on lately, just as much as me, even if so much of it is solo.” he chuckles, “trust me, being in america or out on tour isn’t anything special. you should learn to relax, you don’t always have to be the tortured aspiring artist who never stops working or creating, you know.” he teases even though he knows she knows him to be exactly the same. always working, writing, pushing. running away from emotional burdens and real life, falling into music and mischief to feel exactly the something they sanction (and nothing else). “i’m looking forward to the time off, though. even if you’re here bugging me during it.” he sips his drink. “what’s left on your agenda now?”
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‘thanxx’ performance preview — seonghwa
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hyunsoo
hyunsoo nodded in agreement. charm was always busy with something - if it wasn’t promotions, it was a tour, and if it was neither then the company always found a way to keep them working without much of a rest. it was part of the reason why still even after so many years he still wasn’t entirely pleased about his life as an idol, but it was the card that he had been dealt. “it is, i can actually think for once instead of listening to half of the guys yelling about something,” he replied, letting out a laugh. hyunsoo had always been a homebody, preferring quiet and time alone and found his strength in that rather than being constantly surrounded by people. of course, he had grown to love charm, but being able to have his own space to go back to at the end of the day instead of the ruckus that had been their old dorm had made things a lot more enjoyable for him. “you’re so kind, hyung, looking after your younger members. what a great leader,” he joked, turning his attention to the food for a moment, “the fans say that i’m a growing boy and that i need to eat well.” the mention of how busy he was caused hyunsoo to let out a sigh in response. he had been booked a lot more this month, seemingly having something new happening every couple of weeks. first the magazine, then the advert, who knew what would come next. it made him uncomfortable, he didn’t like this much attention on him. “i guess i am, but i’m hoping it will calm down a bit soon. still, that doesn’t mean i can’t make time for you guys, right?”
hanjae laughs, pouring out liquor for himself and growing more comfortable by the moment. the emptiness of his apartment hadn’t felt this full in a long time, hyunsoo’s presence was always something to be treasured within charm for hanjae if only because the effortlessness of it. the quiet, the lack of expectations, nearly humbling for hanjae who had built half of his career as charm’s leader arguing with his members. but the maknaes were different, and within that list, hyunsoo was always a member who gave him very little trouble. he laughs, “don’t lay it on too thick,” the smile on his face can barely be matched. hyunsoo’s private schedule was something hanjae could admit to barely following. really, he didn’t follow any of the members, but their feelings on their personal work even less so. so it takes him aback when hyunsoo seems to deflate in sighs. “you are growing up. all of charm is,” he reflects in hopes that it’ll lighten up hyunsoo’s mood. “i have my doubts it will slow down. the tour and our time in america, as well as all of our solo schedules leaves little time for that.” it isn’t said in an attempt to belittle hyunsoo’s worries. hanjae is somewhat oblivious to the fact that it might add to hyunsoo’s worries, in this case. “i can always make time. especially when it’s like this.” he takes a shot of alcohol. “you’re growing up fast,” he smiles, “you and yuanjun have both grown up so much it’s crazy.” it’s unlike hanjae to stay sentimental for long, but he can’t help himself. he remembers a time that the maknaes of charm were basically his shadows he spent time playing with and babying more than treating like a real leader should. how times have changed.
#let's agree to ignore how late this is pls#it got buried in my drafts apparently#i'm so sorry#━ ⟨ › тняєα∂ ›› 𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘰𝘰 . ⟩
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⟨ › 𝐌 𝐎 𝐎 𝐃 𝐁 𝐎 𝐀 𝐑 𝐃 ‹ ⟩ ╾ ‹career: soso collaborate›
the filming of soso turns out to become more of a statement than he thought when agreeing to do it in the first place. the song was interesting enough, he liked it, but if he had known when being shuffled into the collaborative spot he’d end up going nude on set and feeling emotionally connected to and exposed by a song? he might have thought twice about agreeing, and then did it anyway of course because he’s gyu hanjae after all. the filming was overwhelming even for someone like him, and unforgettable both to him and the countless audience probably not expecting a fully nude hanjae in the music video. yet, it stands as a memory he’ll never forget.
#⟨ › MOODBOARD ‹ ⟩#everyone pls watch the soso mv bc that song is a bop#and bc hanjae really did that
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COLLA3ORATE releases “Soso″
base’s COLLA3ORATE project has released their final special single today. For the second single executive produced by Gold Star Media, the project has brought listeners “Soso”. Musically, “Soso” balances its prominent backbeat with vocal and rap deliveries that go between emotionally dense and numb. The music video is the most cinematic of the project and each member of the project group gets their own highlighted story and theme. Silhouette’s Youngjoo is credited as a partial composer and partial producer of the song. The project group includes idols such as Knight’s Duri, CHARM’s Han, and soloist Maverick Kwon. Following the release of the final single of base’s COLLA3ORATE project, the mini-album featuring all six special singles and two special physical-only bonus tracks will be released on August 11. There will be six versions of the mini-album, one themed around each special single.
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#happy today everyone hope it's going well#here is hanjae for your dash#mwah ily !#⟨ ∂σ уσυя тнαηg ωιтн мє ησω ; 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦. ⟩
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minjung
she’s hanging by the thread of vulnerability right now — so taut the second it tugs any further, the smile gracing her features might snap right then and there. it’ll efface the regal grin and dissipate it into something half-human, fully broken. minjung sits stationary, not moving, no. it’s her fingers that continue to drum away on the wooden table as she eyes her writing-mate from across the table, emptiness pooling deep in her eyes. “you’re going to feature. i wouldn’t have anyone else do it,” she relays in a demand guised as a playful quip on the eerie shadow that casts from the candle onto the table. her arms cross themselves across her chest, and now — she’s firm in her stance, physically and mentally. “the mind of a boy on a chase..” she begins, but her thoughts are a deer in headlights — an abrupt halt as her heart only knows the embitterment of pining a dead-end war, set in stone. “the only thing, i can come up with is the cliche that every boy says to win girls over. i pushed back my schedule today. i can’t even make a move on you. i’m usually funny, but in front of you i get nervous.” and minjung says this with a sarcastic bite to her words, a form of humor she seizes when the mark on her soul becomes a little to raw for comfort. “do you think that’s cliche to use?” there’s a complete drop of her dazed words, clouded by random sentiments. it’s the streak of her true colors now peeking past the surface level — and maybe, that’s okay because hanjae’s not just another blank face in a crowded herd of people. misery and vice no longer corners them into a niched friendship. now, he’s become one of the strings, permanent or not, pinning her down to the ground like a weight on reality. “selfless love and selfish. i see no difference — to give so much you neglect yourself, that’s another form of selfish to me.” a blithe shrug escapes her shoulders, and she finds being too giving becomes a shiny title to flaunt around inside a greedy world — a humble brag. “life gives us lemons and expects us to make lemonade. yet, everyone forgets that sometimes, lemon juice gets in your eyes — it just shows, everything has a way of hurting you. but maybe, people like us deserve it since we ruin everything we touch. isn’t it sad we have to accept that?” she poses the question as a somber soliloquy in a gaze casted back to the flickering shadows, and a low steady sigh of her breath.
her words are surprising, though they shouldn’t be. perhaps because he doesn’t remember how they got here. from hazy nights to being a certainty in her life. but then, she’s one in his. how he answers her call and always shows up for her. and the very love and dedication he puts into writing with her, the emotion of the music they make together partially caries so much depth in his mind because it’s theirs together. friendship is a strange thing for hanjae; often times, even friendship suffers similar to romance in his life. he runs from things, he destroys them. but this is different. “you’re sounding sentimental,” he smirks, twirling his phone in his hand and leaning back to get more comfortable. “we’ve come a long way.” she seems to think on his words and it’s cute, in a way. different than usual, but he thinks maybe the song has the right intent if it can bring a look like that to her eyes. maybe he was right to suggest it. “it is cliche,” he laughs, “but it might break up the song? the other things we have are heavy, and it’s good, it paints a feeling, a sadness. but the contrast will help. it can show how she fell for him in the first place. since a lot of men try harder for women only in the beginning or when they can’t have her.” it’s sexist and cliche and marginalized and he says it with such fact to his voice that it isn’t even a question. “someone who tries for her. who can make her feel like nobody else does.” he writes it down, typing out nobody else makes me feel like you, and staring at the blinking cursor. it’s such bullshit, isn’t it? hanjae doesn’t remember the last time he felt like that. but he understands the sentiment, in a way. the contrast, the part of the song he does understand; the longing for something more and the uncertainty. it’s a math equation to him in this moment. or maybe, it’s a goal. what he wants out of life, out of this so called love that he doesn’t even know he believes in. “this love song is indeed going to turn into a sad song with 2 people like us writing on it,” is all he says, with a laugh, at her comments. but her question hits deep, so deep he fears the weight of it will effect his songwriting in the future, and in this song for all they keep writing tonight. “ah.” he ponders it for a second, and his handsome face turns that flat stern that it sometimes does. “it’s something i don’t question any more. and maybe that’s why i’ve given up hope on things like that.” and maybe that’s why he and minjung have this strange, fitting relationship that they have at all.
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alyssia
she’s silent as he weaves his fingers into her hair and forces her chin up, tilted to glare at him through wet and tear filled eyes, still bleary from crying just a little moments ago. “well..keep telling yourself that.” her fingers grip onto his wrist, prying it away from the base of her skull. “if you think that’s enough to chase me away, think again.” she knows implicitly that he needs her–its never something too far from her mind ever since she had made hanjae’s acquaintance and they’ve struck up some strange sort of a relationship that lingered between then as fighting friends. “and why do you keep thinking that being friends with you isn’t healthy for me?” There’s deep derision in her tone at how low hanjae thought of himself, the stubbornness that she was so well known for finally settling into her jaw as it clicked together firmly, her chin sticking out like a mule as she side-eyed him sceptically through tears. its inconceivable to her–for someone like him to lack so much in acknowledging his own worth to others and to himself when he was so much more. there was nothing in his life that made him that way as it did for her, and alyssia blatantly decided–that she didn’t like hearing it fall from his lips.
“you know what, you need me. even if you don’t want to admit it.” she’s snuggled comfortably into his side once more, hair rustling against the fabric of his shirt. “and besides, touche. i’m not healthy as a friend for you either. so don’t try that excuse with me.”
he massages and preens her like it were his job, looking down at his hands to watch his occupation carefully. if this is all he can do, he should do it well. why she’s so tender with him, so willing to forgive and forget, to chase back after him when everything is so close to crumbling like a cliff side– that’s beyond him. he doesn’t lack the comprehension, he lacks the logistics. so she cares about him, so what? so it’s a form of love, so what? does it change the way the ground is shaking beneath them, so to speak? no. he brushes her hair with his hand gently, as if to soothe that jagged ground. “good, because i won’t.” he repeats it to her firmly. he says it. he said it. but he holds her close, and he pets her hair and it has the opposite effect.
maybe he’s right. maybe he won’t chase after her. but if she chases after him.... he’ll be there to catch her, won’t he? with his fingers at her chin from tilting her to face him, he thinks the tears in her wide eyes are a shame. his fault, of course. it’s always his fault. “i don’t think it’s enough to keep you away.” that much is so true it’s frustrating. “because our friendship isn’t right,” he smiles when he says it and he almost laughs, “there’s nothing good about the way we fight and the way i always make you cry. it doesn’t matter if we’re friends or not.” he mimics the weight she said it with. “why the fuck would you keep it up when things end up like this every single time.” he shakes his head, “sometimes, i have friendships that are easy, sometimes people stay and it’s easier for me to justify. but someone like you, i’m always saying and doing the wrong thing.” for a heart wrenching moment, he thinks of his mother, of her tears and the way her life towards the end was a rock slide. he remembers more than he lets on, he doesn’t even tell his sister, nor his grandparents, just how well his childhood memories linger. he was old enough, more than old enough, to understand the pain he saw.
hanjae closes his eyes and tilts his head back until it hits the wall, no longer comfortable looking to alyssia’s tears. he feels inexplicably dirty in this moment, his fingers grow still in her hair. there’s no more calming down his heartbeat, or the guilt that festers inside. why does he always do this? why does he always create pain? because he doesn’t believe in love? because he doesn’t understand why people put themselves through it? hanjae looks down at her against his chest again and his eyes have grown sharp and his frown twists in disgust. it’s himself he’s angry at, he knows. he knows. he knows. he knows it’s himself he’s angry at, and he’s just doing more of the same. he’s perpetuating the guilt as he sneers and agrees, “you say that like i consider you my friend. or like you have any idea how i feel or what i want.” he shakes his head, his voice grows louder and more passionate, “you just keep coming back over and over, i throw you out like a dog and you come back, like a dog. does that seem like i want you around, alyssia?” he aches, in a way he quickly goes numb to. his tender touch falls away as he plants his palms to the ground. touching her wasn’t helping his point, he knows, it’s better this way. “why don’t you catch a hint? when i tell you to get the fuck out and you just keep coming back. how can that be a friendship?” it’s better this way. if their friendship ends for good this time, he can wallow in his guilt alone and eventually, get rid of it all, lock it away without worrying about the love he lost, the respect, the way he made her feel.
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dawon
“It’s okay if you want to be a baby about horror games,” he mused, his lips pulling into a teasing shark grin. “Just because you’re a group leader doesn’t mean you can’t have others taking care of you too.” He considered his options briefly before opting to playfully ruffle Hanjae’s hair. “You can tell me, I won’t tell anyone.” For a moment he leaned in as if to share a secret with the other. “And I’ll protect you from the creepy shadows at night.” Pulling away he looked satisfied, his features returning to a mellower iteration of his charming smile. “Though here the creepiest thing you’ll meet at night is Salem, probably.”
Giving Hanjae free rein to pick probably was a bad idea. He felt unpredictable, like giving him a finger would result in losing the whole arm but Dawon was tired. Of what exactly he wasn’t sure; holding back, being cautious, putting his career over his wish to be closer to people. The singer hesitated for a moment at the invitation to move onto Hanjae’s lap, studied the other’s face carefully and then, taking whatever observations he’d made and tossing them into the wind, followed it.
“What kind of comforting do you need?” He asked, swinging one of his legs across Hanjae’s lap, bracketing his hips. His arms followed suit, casually looping around the rapper’s shoulders. “It’d be horrible of me if I denied you your comfort when you were so brave for me.”
“hey,” he smiles and the bemused, comfortable way that dawon deals with him is proof of how far they’ve come, to be able to come this far at all. “like i said, you’re the baby.” he huffs playfully and it’s all he has to say over the embarrassing way he had dealt with the game his friend played. he would pout over it and make a scene but instead he chooses to play it cool. as he usually tends to. “i do have a habit of that though, i’ll admit. i blame charm, they did a number on my psyche.” hanjae jokes as he gets comfortable with dawon in his lap, the warmth pleasant and the view much better than the game he had been watching before.
the drag of fingers in his hair and the familiar warmth of dawon’s eyes sends shivers down hanjae’s spine. it brings out a mellow side of him that hanjae rarely felt, ever being the active, volatile and emotional man he was. rarely did he ever just sit in the throws of a moment and soak them in without a care in the world. usually hanjae’s heart wouldn’t allow it. but dawon summons a different kind of feeling inside. something comfortable, content. his gaze is steady and accepting while dawon pets him from the comfort of his lap. like bringing a small kitten onto the lap of a large dog and watching them preen, hanjae accepts it graciously until the arms rest and draws them close together.
“you’ll have to come up with something,” hanjae tells him, playfully. “now you sound a little as though you’re mocking me,” he’s still smirking, lazily now as, a wolf on the prowl with a meal within grasp, “yes, i guess i was very brave for you,” there’s a sparkle to his gaze, he lightly traces his palms up dawon’s thighs and down and nods, “for years i’ve been wondering if you’ll be brave for me, in return.” there’s an undeniable layer of meaning to his words, a reference to how long they’ve danced, so to speak. “are you ready to be brave for me now?” hanjae waits, patiently, for once, with his hands roaming but nothing committing. he refuses to scare dawon off now that they’ve come this far.
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⟨ › SCHEDULE SELF-PARA ‹ ⟩ ╾ may 2020 ‹477w› 🢒 ⤻ ODE TO YOU CONCERT TOUR cont.
ODE TO YOU tour stretches on, and on, and on, and hanjae is losing his mind. 〈 mentions of CHARM, briefly @eunahfmd as well as mentions of @fmdminjung and hanjae’s future solo projects 〉
hanjae hardly recalls what it meant to enjoy fear as a song. still being his favorite track to date, the one he was most proud of, it’s still a novelty to listen and perform so repeatedly that he could hear it in his nightmares. the repetition of lyrics, the amount of times he had completed and again completed the set pieces of this concert, was mind bending. this is the life he chose for himself. the near robotic drilling of this concert reminded him that though he might enjoy his music, it’s a dressing he must apply for his fans otherwise, go forgotten. or perhaps it’s a mixture of everything lately, that has him so anxious for change, growth.
it’s beginning with the amount of production he had done lately, and the projects outside of his group which had him running circles, but at least the circles were fresh and exciting. at least he felt accomplished, and hadn’t burnt out while holding the metaphorical torch for so many months he could hardly recall what it felt like to unball his fists and relax.
the persistent hamster wheel of his group’s music feels more and more slighted the more his solo work reminds him of what it could be like. the variety is what he craves coming to him, surprisingly, in the love songs he writes for people like youngjoo, or the tracks he’s composed with minjung lately. the trust from his company to do that in the first place had been hard earned, not that it doesn’t come with strings, but he more than accepts the challenges that comes with it.
fear as a track only stretches so far in his mind. the ode to you concert strikes him as a positive and a negative result of his career, a culmination of his hard work. their fans clearly still wish to see them live, and it certainly serve as a very sobering reminder just how far reaching their fan base can be, especially how much it has become since they debuted. touring the world seems like a selfish thing to grow tired of, but hanjae is nothing if not a volatile type, discontent and eager to move forward. or at least, not to run in circles.
his group had likely grown exceptionally tired of his moodiness the months prior, but in the closing of their concert, and in the acceleration of his personal schedule, hanjae could admit to being more positive. it helps that minjung and eunah were a part of his life. very different parts, but parts, important ones.
if there’s anything he walks away from this month excited about, it’s the future. the end of his concert, the release of the new charm tracks, and the free time he’ll be able to utilize to grow closer to eunah. at least that much, keeps hanjae sane.
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