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i miss you all

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COGNITIVE ASSESSMENT   BOLD what your muse experiences then tag your mutuals to do the same! Please repost. Do NOT reblog!

Alcoholism. Amnesia. Anxiety. Appetite Loss. Binge Eating. Co-Dependence. Cynicism. Defensiveness. Denial. Depersonalization. Depression. Derealization. Devaluation. Displacement. Dissociation. Drug Abuse. Dysphoria. Emotional Detachment. Flashbacks. Flat Affect. Guilt. Hallucinations. Hypersomnia. Hypervigilance. Hypochondria. Idealization. Insomnia. Intellectualization. Introjection. Isolation. Low Self Esteem. Narcissism. Night Terrors. Obsessive Compulsion. Overeating. Panic Attacks. Passive Aggression. Paranoia. Phobias. Projection. Psychosis. Rationalization. Regression. Repression. Restrictive Eating. Risky Sex. Self -Harm. Somatization. Splitting. Sublimation. Suicidal Ideation. Sleepwalking. Suppression. Thousand Yard Stare. Triggers. Trust Issues. Violence. Whiplash Temper.

Tagged By: @lamentedhope Tagging: that’s a lot of work

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— Rainer Maria Rilke, transl. by J.B Leishman, from Poems 1906 to 1926 (New Directions Books, 1957)

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AS TOLD BY ALEX      /        ‘    there are chords in the hearts of the most reckless which cannot be touched without emotion. even with the utterly lost, to whom life and death are equally jests, there are matters of which no jest can be made.     ‘

gif credit : @sopranic

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HE  WAS  GOOD   ;   HE  WAS  DUTIFUL   ;   HE  WAS  BRAVE   .   WHO  CAN  DENY  THAT   ?

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i laughed today. / for a second i was unhaunted. i was the sun, not light / from some dead star.

Danez Smith, from “it began right here,” Don’t Call Us Dead (via lifeinpoetry)

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so I’m not sure if I’ll pick up the drafts I have after my long absence. I’ll do my best, however I’d very much like for you guys to come and plot with me! this is an open invitation! I need to revive everything here and that’s usually done quite easily with a few plotted out threads!!!

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deathless ♚ sentence meme

You will always fall in love, and it will always be like having your throat cut, just that fast.

You are going to break your promise. I understand.

You’re lonely too.

It will stop your breath, how cruel I can be.

I am a demanding creature. I am selfish and cruel and extremely unreasonable.

I am your servant.

I crawl at your feet; for before your love, your kisses, I am debased.

For you alone I will be weak.

I belong here, and you will not deny me.

I say these things, and the world listens.

I do not tolerate a world emptied of you. I have tried.

In the dark, I have pored over the loss of you like pale gold.

I will not let her speak because I love her, and when you love someone, you do not make them tell war stories.

I moved the earth and the water for you.

You will always run away with her.

You will always lose her.

You will always be a fool.

You will always be dead, in a city of ice, snow falling into your ear.

You have already done all of this and will do it again.

No one should be judged for loving more than they ought, only for loving not enough.

We look terrible to you, and severe, and you see our blood flying.

What we carry between us is hard-won, and we made it just as we wished it to be, just the color, just the shape.

There need never be any rules between us.

Let us be greedy together; let us hoard.

Do not leave me, swear that you will never leave me.

I am selfish. I am cruel. My mate cannot be less than I.

Sleep with fists closed and shoot straight.

I can’t abide a poor liar.

You look like a winter’s night. I could sleep inside the cold of you.

Oh, quit that. Blushing is for virgins and Christians.

Scold me; deny me. Tell me you want what you want and damn me forever. But don’t leave me.

Bad luck relies on absolutely perfect timing.

In his own country, Death can be kind.

What is the world but a boxing ring where fools and devils put up their fists?

Men die. It’s practically what they’re for.

I am no one; I am nothing.

Nothing in me was not made by you.

A revelation is always the end of something. It might even be cause for grief.

Just tell yourself a story that’ll satisfy you and pretend he told it.

Forever isn’t bright; it isn’t like that. Forever is cold and hard and final.

I savor bitterness - it is born of experience. It is the privilege of one who has truly lived.

If you want to kill yourself, do not use us as your knife.

What did I do wrong? Was I boring? Did I ignore you?

Don’t you dare speak to me like that.

I have worn nothing but blood and death for years.

I have fought all your battles for you, just as you asked me.

I have learned not to cry when I strangle a man.

I have learned to watch everything die.

I am not a little girl anymore, dazzled by your magic. It is my magic, now, too.

Are we not devils?

No one is now what they were before the war.

I have not seen you without your skin on.

Close up your head; your brain is getting loose.

We obsess. It’s in our nature.

I’ve a devil of a habit for being right.

In war you must always choose sides.

If you try to be a bridge laid down between them, they will tear you in half.

We are all dead. All equal. Broken and aimless and believing we are alive.

My old bones will follow yours soon enough.

It is better to be strong and cruel than to be fair.

I will see him with his skin off before I agree to fall in love.

After love, no one is what they were before.

I have survived, but I have not been spared.

In the space of one heartbeat to another I loved you and I was lost to you.

Frighten me, make me cry, only come back.

It’s not so bad, my darling. Being dead. It’s like being alive, only colder.

You’ll think it’s love, while he dines on your heart.

You will be so beautiful when you are old.

I cannot keep you and I cannot let you go.

You will live as you live in any world…with difficulty, and grief.

I look at you and it is like my throat being cut.

She said you’d come and I swore to eat your heart.

I still want to kiss you.

My heart is being cut in two. I cannot bear it.

What happens to anything beautiful?

I have to know, I have to or else you will just rule me until the end of everything because you know and I do not.

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the first time ariana dumbledore comes to after her attack it’s been three weeks and her father is gone.

she’s been awake that whole time, of course, but catatonic.   barely aware, yes or no questions being as far as she could stretch herself.    

her brother always took after their mother more.  they were stubborn, and even at their young age, they had that controlled talent that Kendra always displayed, even if their talents lay in different places entirely.  but Ariana? anyone could see that she is Percival’s daughter. while she had her mother’s hair, her mother’s eyes and lips, in spirit she and her father were one in the same.  from the moment she learned to walk she was running barefoot in the garden with him, looking for frogs or anything to get a rise from the woman inside with the boys.    when she was only a baby who could not do much at all, he would lay her on his chest and read to her stories of adventure and the wilder things in life.    while when her brothers spoke for the first time they both chose the word “mama”, she chose to pay homage to her father instead.   when she scraped her knee falling during her toddler adventures, Percival Dumbledore was the one who patched her up and told her that a few bruises never stopped a girl on a mission, and just like that she’d be up and running again.

but at the tender age of six, she was bruised so badly that without her father there to help she could not manage to get back up on her feet.

waking back up was one of the hardest things she would ever have to do.

what she knew was gone now, and she really was not old or wise enough to have the empathy to understand that everything had changed for the rest of them too. she was not the only one who had lost a father. for a while she was certain that if she tried hard enough, surely her mother could get him back? Kendra had always been able to get her husband to go anything when she gave him that look.  why would it be different this time?

Aberforth turned out to be able to be of help, though they noticed at the last minute.    she had stopped eating.  she would have fits of rage and grief that left the very cornerstones rumbling.   she would pull at her hair, she would scream words she shouldn’t know at anyone who was in the way.   and Aberforth would calm her down. speak in the way their father spoke, stroke her hair and tell her witty rhymes to make her laugh, just like their father used to do. and that would have to do. because Percival Dumbledore never came back.

it is really no wonder then, that when Ariana left life behind, her father was the first to meet her on the other side.

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“She wouldn’t use magic, but she couldn’t get rid of it; it turned inward and drove her mad, it exploded out of her when she couldn’t control it, and at times she was strange and dangerous. But mostly she was sweet and scared and harmless.”

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mmmm i love ariana dumbledore

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lamentedhope:

last christmas? last christmas albus is fairly certain he spent majority of it with elphias, even staying over on account of the lateness of the hour. he spent time with his mother, with his siblings, of course, exchanged gifts and the like, but the dumbledores never did much for the holidays, not since they moved to godric’s hollow. kendra never celebrated christmas in the first place, always calling this holiday the winter solstice instead, usually wanting to celebrate three days before the twenty-fifth of december. albus never thought much of his leaving, usually thinking it was better for everyone if he stayed away  —  less to worry about that way, he wouldn’t unintentionally disrupt anything that needed to be done for ariana, etc.  —  but the image of his siblings doing something together, something that albus would have enjoyed to join in on, something during christmas, makes his rib cage hollow out and echo. they wouldn’t have wanted me there anyway, he thinks, looking up at the sky, at least aberforth wouldn’t have.

               however, the echoing only increases as ariana continues on. albus knows she thinks she’s doing him a kindness, that she’s giving him what he wants, and that it makes sense that she would think that ( she isn’t entirely wrong, after all, despite how albus would never admit that ) but indignation digs at his spine.   ‘  i am not going to drop you off anywhere, ariana, ’  he replies, voice sharp at the very edges. kendra would be appalled if he did that, so very disappointed, she sacrificed her personal life so ariana could be safe and content; albus will not spit in the face of that, of this new responsibility. he softens the edges before adding:  ‘  you’ll stay home where you should be, and you’ll be safe with nothing to worry about. i’ll take care of you. ’ he’s their guardian now, after all, for better or worse.                  

                      most of the time she does not even feel human. her skin is the bars of a cage made to trap some wild thing.     she stays awake at night feeling it move and no matter what she does it is always there, her bones always ache from holding it in.   so when her brother takes a sharp tone with her, she wraps her arms around her knees, pretending that the pressure will keep all of her cracks shut safely and securely.  part of her is happy that she will not have to go.   she has spent so many years   (   in reality it has not been that many.  but what would to an adult seem like only a few years, will to a child seem like an eternity   )   stuck here, it is both her prison and her palace.  the birds that live on their roof during the summers guard her against harm, and the flowers make sure that the world always offers color.  ‘      okay.      ‘          she speaks it into her skirt but doesn’t worry as she’s sure he’s close enough to hear her.     for a brief moment, she considers that maybe she’d be happier at st. mungos. maybe they would know how to care for her.  ariana’s mother had always made her happy and content, but never healthy and albus does not know how to do either.   her brother could visit once in a while, maybe, and bring yellow sunflowers that would sit in her window until the next time they came to visit. maybe that would be better.                      she shoves her head further into her dress.  no, of course it would not!  to think she’d be treated kindly there is naive, she is dangerous after all.  dangerous and dying.                        ‘      I will stay here.      ‘

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pravvus:

            “   When one spends every day of their school career in this place, the idea of being out and about becomes far more appealing than exploring every nook and cranny of the castle.   ” He sounded bitter—unlike the ever-polite, ever thoughtful boy people usually saw, and he sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment before dropping his hand. He loved Hogwarts—with all that he was, he loved the only place he would ever genuinely call home, but even home became stifling, sometimes.

            “   Free of charge?   ” He appreciated it, the attempt to take his mind off of things. And perhaps he should take the chance. She meant no harm, and he did not have to be a legilimens to be able to tell that her offer was genuine. So he offered a smile back, a small one, a lift of the corner of a plush mouth, and dipped his head as if agreeing. “   I suppose you should lead the way, then, Ariana.   ”

                      ‘      oh, do cheer up, Tom!      ‘          Ariana supposes that next time a trip to Hogsmeade is in the works, she could ask Aberforth to help sneak him out of the castle.  it wouldn’t be too difficult, with all the secret passages and all.  but she would not want to tarnish Tom’s spotless record.          ‘      there are far more things hiding in this castle than just nooks and crannies, I assure you.   the founders must have had quite the love of hiding away surprises.      ‘ giving a nod away from the window, walking in the direction she is planning on taking him.   ariana hopes this will cheer him up. she’s seen too many students over the years who wasn’t able to go to hogsmeade, and it breaks her heart every time.  they should have the same opportunities as everyone else.          ‘      do you have anything you’d like to see first?     hidden treasures? secret passages?      ‘

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"'T's just that I don't like 'm much---somethin' fishy about 'm, can't ya tell, sis?" have this from Abe <3

                     ‘      well, how’d I know, Abe?   I only have you and Albus to compare him to and whilst I love the both of you dearly, you aren’t prime specimen yourselves, are you?      ‘          fiddling with her hands, Ariana lets out a sigh before promptly sitting down in one of the chars around the dinner table.     one of her favorite spots. she can look out the window right at the bushiest tree in the garden, the one the squirrels play in at summertime.          ‘      besides, he’s been very kind to me.  it would hardly be polite of me to suspect him of anything.      ‘

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gellcrt replied to your post: gellcrt replied to your post: �� loveme,ariana ...

listen, he has a soft spot for her, okay. she literally embodies his Cause, how could he not?? sweats;;

sb : so what’s the cause all about?

gellert @ ariana :

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caediteos replied to your post: �� loveme,ariana

Abe is so not pleased

i mean is he ever really