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Bro you just posted a chubby cat wearing a cowboy hat! Fame and fortune is right down your doorstep!

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how to fast travel: down nyquil and sleep on the public bus

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once my brothers friend walked into his room and just started sniffing the air and went “oh i smell a quarter” and then walked over to a pile of clothes and moved it and picked up a quarter and i literally can’t stop thinking about it it’s been like a year and it haunts me to this day

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what’s new pussycat just started playing in this restaurant and every millenial in the room shared a knowing, fearful look

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Have fun in the war dumbass I’ll be at home fucking military wives

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breaking bad, fight club, rick and morty, clockwork orange, and the catcher in the rye are all arguably good things - but if a man says they are his FAVORITE book/movie/tv show? RUN.

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I would be the worst spy of all time because on one hand I overshare like hell, but on the other hand I also have THE shittiest memory so it’s really a lose/lose scenario for everyone involved.

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if you haven’t been addicted to anything or haven’t had someone you’re close to be addicted to anything you lead a very privileged life and i would recommend keeping your mouth shut on how to deal with it

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Holy shit

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Garden Wall fans as soon as September begins

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One time I was blasting Merrily We Roll Along on the bus and some guy walked over and said “Merrily We Roll Along was a sorry flop that couldn’t even last a month. You should listen to REAL musical theater like Hamilton.” So I said “Let me tell you something about history. Merrily We Roll Along might have had a disappointing original run but it’s beloved by fans today and it’s appreciated for what it is, flaws and all. Jason Robert Brown cites it as one of the inspirations for The Last Five Years. Yeah, the same musical that Lin-Manuel Miranda references  at the end of “Say No To This.” You can’t cut down the tree of Merrily We Roll Along without cutting down its branches.”

The guy was speechless and he tried to act like he never said anything and started going back to his seat but I wasn’t done yet.

 “Also this cast recording I’m listening to? It’s City Center Encores starring Colin Donnell, Celia Keenan-Bolger and, that’s right. Lin-Manuel Miranda.”

The whole bus burst into applause and a perfectly harmonized “Our Time.”

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Thor plays fort nite but,,,, thanos is in fortnite

Thor: boy I’m glad I’m distracting myself from thanos with some Fortnite

Thanos: is in fortnite

Thor: