freetheoverthinker

[freetheoverthinker]

“Going to church every Sunday, posting verses everyday, and having Jesus in your bio won’t get you into Heaven. Those things don’t mean you’re a Christian…give your heart and life to Jesus and follow His ways, not yours. Don’t just be a believer, be a FOLLOWER of Christ.”

—

[freetheoverthinker]

I cannot stress this enough- Build a routine. Build Habits. Wake up every day and get used to being productive, one day at a time. Do this for long enough and eventually you’ll be at your goal without even realising it. 

[freetheoverthinker]

[freetheoverthinker]

French Apple Cake with Maple Ginger Custard Sauce

[freetheoverthinker]

[freetheoverthinker]

Funny how God speaks. When I wasn't feeling up to anything anymore and completely done, over everything, ready to give up.

Yet still God spoke today. "Don't give up. Pick up your cross. Persevere until the end. Do not quit. Don't give up."

Truly I needed today. And God is reminding me that I can't be done. So i guess I can't be...

[freetheoverthinker]

[freetheoverthinker]

Wayne Thiebaud (American, b.1920)

Pancake Breakfast

[freetheoverthinker]

I give alot. I give alot of my heart, alot of my fimances, alot of my time--especially my time, alot of my strength, alot of my physical mental and emotional energy. I give alof of myself as a whole. And I feel like that's shat God has called me to--to be a giver.

But there comes a time when I'm tired. Not that I'll ever tell God no or ever want to tell Him that. I gave Him my yes and my yes is a yes hands down for life.

But when nothing is reciprocated, especially from the pwople you expect to reciprocate, when you don't feel heard, when the people you expect to understand simply don't, then naturally you begin to feel like folks just don't care, right?or is it just meM tell me if I'm overthinking and be honest.

But I'm genuinely starting to feel like people don't care. Especially the men in my life who are supposed to be closest to me. I just get that "shutting you down you're doing the most I'm not gonna give you a chance to speak up or I don't wanna really hear it" type of vibe.

And it hurts. And it sucks. And I'm done. I feel myself sloely shutting down and at this point, I don't care anymore. I always have to be the one "looking out" for everybody. Suggesting and stepping up and listening and giving meanwhile everything for me is barelyholding together. Perhaps I'm just tired and Lord, this is in no way me telling you no.

But I'm tired. And I'm done with everything and everyone.

I'll only do for You, God.

Everything else, I no longer care.

I'm going to sleep. ✌🏾😴

[freetheoverthinker]

I just passed a homeless guy in the street and there's just so many around this part of the city. But as I'm speed walking by I slowed hearing him play a gospel song from a radio". I turned back toward him to give him something. It made me think--he has so little yet he trusts God who's watching over him right now, protecting him, causing people like me to turn back to give him something for a meal. Who am I to ever doubt what God can do for me.

[freetheoverthinker]

"This too shall pass" But dammit sometimes it's hard to get through.

[freetheoverthinker]

I wish I was less awkward. And that anxiety didnt creep up on me so much as it is right now my goodness it's overwhelming. The workday is almost over though. 45 mins and I'l lleave and forget it all. 45 mins oh my goodness I'm gonna drown myself in music. It's been a better mental health though I'll say that. (:

[freetheoverthinker]

It's a bit chilly out tonight.. the air smells of Popeyes chicken and fries. I'm a bit of a ways away from that place I call "home". Really just my place of residence until I move to somewhere else. Don't know how much longer I can live there. A walk became a bus ridr became a train ride. I almost went to the city. It's 11:19pm now. I have work early in the morning. I can't be late. I'm sleepy.

[freetheoverthinker]

Today so far is a better day than yesterday. Not mentally exhausted, though by body is yearning for my bed. But I think it's ginna be a decent day. One day at a time.

[freetheoverthinker]

Trying to prove yourself to others takes way too much energy. Just be yourself and let your aura speak for itself. Energy doesn't lie.

- Unknown

[freetheoverthinker]

His family treats me like family, but why do I feel so weird? It's like if anyone tries to get too close to me I become mentally and emotionally defensive. And I've been noticing that in my relationship...which is making me doubt. Perhaps I'm too guarded and I can't ever let these walls down. Or maybe I just want my family to be the same and accepting on all aspects. Perhaps I fear how he would be treated by my family and have closes off the possibility of anything more serious than we have now. Either way my perspective is screwing with me, and I feel like I'm sloy sabotaging my own relationship. I need to fix this. But how?....

[freetheoverthinker]

hey!!!!!! congrats!!!!! why??? you ask???? because you made it to today!!! even after everything !! i’m so proud of you!!