freyafrangipane

[freyafrangipane]

[freyafrangipane]

An open letter

To my querencia:

If I could turn back time, I would like to enjoy my youth. I would like to read more books, watch more cartoons and laugh more. I would like to do things that I seldom do now. I would want to once again feel the earth beneath my feet. I would want to once again admire the moon and chase it in my sleep. I would want to once again feel the sun's heat, feel the ocean's waves and hear the birds' lullabies.

I miss the days when you crave for sleep. I miss the days when you do not wake up in tears. I miss the days when no nightmares hunt you 'till you wake up. I miss the days when the world feels so close to you and everything seems to be within your reach.

I don't want to sleep with anxiety's arms wrapped around my waist.

I'm tired of crying myself to sleep. I'm tired of the loneliness that I no longer could bear. I'm tired of faking a smile to satisfy their belief that I'm fine.

Yes, I'm fine. I'm fine with my demons drowning me each night with thoughts. I'm fine with the wet pillows that lulls me to sleep. I'm fine seeing myself crumbling down. Yes, I'm fine.

--apego 🍁

[freyafrangipane]

Ideal Guy 🌹

All my life, I was waiting

Waiting for the perfect time

Time to meet someone

Someone who'll love me for who I am

He will make me see stars on his eyes

He will make me feel high above the skies

He will make my heart beat, not for a while

But for a long time

I was just daydreaming of things

Things that I know is impossible

Impossible to happen in my life

My life that's full of only dreaming

But my fantasy plagued me, when you came

You came when I was slowly unbelieving

Unbelieving of things about love

Love for someone unreal

I thought guys like you were fictional

Men who were knights in shining armors were fictional

Boys who could make my heart beat were fictional

But you were real

When you smile, it made my day

When you smile, it made me gay

When you smile, everything was a blur

Except for you

I remember the smile you wore that day

I still know where you stood that day

I'm wishing I could rewind what happened that day

Maybe for the second time, I could say 'Hi'

I wrote hundreds of letters

Letters that will never reach you

You are so out of my grasps

Grasps that I wish could touch you

You are my inspiration

You are the reason of my happiness

You are the one who make me wake up

Feeling better each day

I want you to notice me

I want you to appreciate my existence

I want you, all of you

But it's impossible for you to see me

I'm not a princess but you are my prince

I'm not someone special, but to me you are

I'm not attractive while you look ethereal

You're too perfect for me

[freyafrangipane]

She will be loved

The girl who was bruised and scarred. She will be loved by someone who'll see those flaws beautiful.

[freyafrangipane]

One day

"One day, you'll be able to speak without hesitations. One day, you'll no longer need those ellipsis to show that you have more to say. One day, you'll no longer need those stickers to show what you want them to understand. One day, there'll be no barriers. One day, you'll fully express yourself." --🌹--

[freyafrangipane]

One day

I'll get over you. I'll lose all emotions. I'll be numb. I'll forget everything. I'll move on.

[freyafrangipane]

The Girl Who Can’t Be Moved

"Going back to the corner where I first saw you 🎶🎤"

It is a trip down memory lane. I reminisce all the happy memories we had. Tears began to fall. If only I could turn back time when you're still here with me, I'll show you all my love. I'll show you what you really mean to me. You are the only person who stayed with me in my worst and best times but damn. I ruined everything. I got ourselves messed up and hurt. Now, all that I can do is cry all my eyes out, I'm wishing that I could turn back time. Back to the time we're lost kids, happy wondering in the streets.

"Got your picture in my hand 🎤🎶"

I'm hoping that I can relive all our memories together. Tears still continue to fall. I sat down on the ground and hugged my knees. I feel like a kid wanting to be noticed. To be noticed by you. As I cry, raindrops began to fall. The rain also feels my pain. I cried harder. I want you to hear my cry. I must be crazy. How can you hear it when you're not even near?

"I know it makes no sense but what else can I do?🎤🎶"

Suddenly, a shadow blocked the light and I no longer can feel the rain. I looked above and smiled. I laughed like a lunatic then cried my eyes all out. The stranger asked me why am I crying. Instead of answering, I ran away. I don't want to repeat the same scene on my life before. As I ran, I wasn't looking at my way so I bumped into someone. Accidentally, it was you. You with someone else.

"How can I move on? 🎤🎶"

[freyafrangipane]

thoughts

I wanna spill out all the lies and cry my eyes out. I wanna beg for forgiveness and hope that things will be alright, but how can I do that? I entered your life like a storm and left you in a state of calamity. I made you a total mess. If I come back, will you accept me with open arms and let me ruin you once more? Or will you build walls to prevent me from coming?

[freyafrangipane]

~

She always have a smile on her face. She's friendly and everyone wants to befriend her. She's kind and honest. She's also thoughtful and smart. She always do her best to help everyone around her. She is selfless. She puts other people's sake. She is like an angel from heaven. One day, as usual, everyone gathered around her. Instead of greeting them with a smile like she used to. She greeted them with a frown and yelled at them to go away. Everyone was shocked. Where did the angel go? Did a demon possessed her? She yelled once more then she walked away. 'Why did she do that?'everyone wondered. They watched her walked away and avoid contact with people. Everyone was hurt. What happened to their angel? "I think she got tired." Someone said. All eyes were on her. "She got tired of the people surrounding her showing fake affection. Maybe she's tired with you abusing her kindness." They all lowered their heads. Their faces showed signs of being guilty.

[freyafrangipane]

...

Buwan ng Agosto. Buwan kung saan pinagdiriwang ang ating wika. Dito umuusbong ang mga patimpalak sa mga paaralan kung saan maipapakita ng mga mag-aaral ang galing nila gamit ang wika natin. Naglilitawan sa buwan na 'to ang mga kahusayan ng mga mag-aaral sa pamamagitan ng pagsulat ng mga sanaysay at dagli, at kagalingan sa pagbigkas ng isang tula. Bukod pa rito, dito rin madalas nag-uumpisa ang mga kabi-kabilang pagsasanay ng ilang mga piling mag-aaral para sa mga contests. Sa buwang ito, nagsisimula na rin ang tunay na laban sa pag-aaral. Sunod-sunod na ang mga pagsusulit at mga proyekto. Sa isang banda, nasa sulok ng isang silid-aralan si Rea. Nagbabasa lamang siya ng isang libro habang ang kanyang mga kaklase ay abala sa pag-ensayo para sa sasalihan nilang sabayang pagbigkas. Lumapit si Eric kay Rea. Tinanong nito kung bakit di ito nakikisali sa klase. Ibinaba ni Rea ang hawak na libro at hinarap siya. "Ayokong makisama sa mga taong sumasali lang sa paligsahan na yan para sa ibibigay na grades ni ma'am."sabi ni Rea. "Sumali lang sila para sa dagdag puntos." Ginulo ni Eric ang buhok ni Rea. "Kung ano-anong iniisip mo. Haha. Nakikita mo ba yang mga kaklase natin?"tanong ni Eric. Napatingin naman si Rea sa mga kaklase nila. Nakita niya na nagtatawanan ang mga ito at mukha pang nagkakasiyahan. Tapos ay nang sumenyas na ang namumuno ay nag seryoso ang lahat at nagpatuloy ang pag ensayo. Nakita niya rin kung paanong ang lahat ay nagtutulungan. Mukha silang isang malaking pamilya. "Lahat sila nagkakatuwaan. Lahat sila masaya sa ginagawa nila. Iyan ba yung sinasabi mong sumali lang para sa grades?"sabi ni Eric habang nakangiti. "Haha. Kung iisipin mo nga naman para sa grades nga naman kaya sila nagpapakahirap ngayon pero habang ginagawa nila yan may nabubuo. Nabubuo ang isang pagkakaisa, isang tinatawag nating bond." Tumayo na si Eric tapos ay inilahad niya ang kamay niya sa harapan ni Rea. "Tara na?" Hinawakan ni Rea ang kamay ni Eric at inalalayan siya nito na makatayo. Pumunta silang dalawa sa kanilang mga kaklase. "Guys!"tawag ni Eric sa atensyon ng lahat. Lahat ay napatingin sa kanila at nanlaki ang mata ng makita na kasama ni Eric si Rea. "Sasali na raw siya."sabi ni Eric na may buong ngiti. Naghiyawan ang lahat at nagkaroon ng pagkakantiyaw sa kanilang dalawa. Sa isang saglit, agad nilang natanggap sa grupo si Rea. Tinanggap nila agad ang taong noon ay laging humihiwalay at di nakikiisa. Doon naunawaan ni Rea na ang nangyayari sa buwan na ito ay di lang lahat tungkol sa puntos na makukuha kundi tungkol na rin sa pagkakaroon ng pagkakataon na maranasan ang ganitong saya. Saya habang sama-sama kayong naghihirap para sa isang bagay upang makamit ito. Sa gitna pala ng mga ito, may mga bagay na nabubuo, at nakakamtan.

[freyafrangipane]

He

He hadn't always been this way, but he recognized and appreciated the change. He used to be the guy who smokes cigarettes thrice a day. He used to be a guy who plays with games and feelings. He used to be the guy who doesn't give a shit about other people's lives. He used to cuss and fight. He used to do drugs and alcohol. He was a very despicable man. "No one will ever love me."he told himself and began to be more worst than before. One night, he was intoxicated and had lost control of himself. He wasn't aware he had committed a huge crime that will change him. A few months passed by, someone went knocking on his door and claimed him to be the father of her baby. At first, he refused to accept the child but as he looked at the baby's face...he remembered his baby pictures her mom used to show him. For the first time ever, he shouldered a responsibility. He hadn't been the kind of guy who's always kind, smiling, and caring. He hadn't been the kind of guy who's sweet and thoughtful. He hadn't been the person who's religious and faithful. A change had turned him into the guy he is now. He used to hate all kinds of responsibilities, but look at him now as he caresses his baby's face. His whole being was changed by a single mistake that to he didn't regret. For that single mistake had brought a little angel to his life. He had become the loving father no one expected him to be. He had become the dad any children would want to have. This little creature brought great wonders to him. His daily smoking habits were gone. His daily dose of drugs and alcohol was diminished. It is evident that he has changed for the angel's sake. He was truly blessed for he was given a child. A child that brought all happiness to him. "I thought no one will ever love me but you came along with this angel."he told his wife as he caresses his baby's head. He faced his wife and held her face. "I'm forever grateful and sorry to you." "Don't be sorry. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be blessed to have an angel."she said and smiled. "What happened before had turned into a blessing." "I had always been the bad guy. I'm a devil and to have angels beside me is a miracle."he said and tears began to pour down. "You're not a devil. You're just a human who was lost but now you're found."she said and hugged him. "You're a wonderful person. You've straighten someone who was bent." She hugged him so tight and he hugged her back. Then he began to cry and felt so grateful. He kissed her wife's forehead then his baby's. He whispered, "You are my greatest treasures. No one in this world can ever replace you."

[freyafrangipane]

I like it better when I'm with you 🎶🎤