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Not me casually buying porn on the family audible account

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My mom’s wearing fishnet stockings to a funeral….

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I’m putting together a renaissance fair outfit and I’ve had to make my skirt a size 16 and my corset an XL. For reference I’m 5 foot 8 inches and only weight 128 pounds so generally I’m considered pretty skinny. I absolutely hate women’s fashion.

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My Dad to my Mom in a somber tone: I think our pop drawer needs to become a vegetable drawer…

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Watched a man at the bus stop pull a used medical mask out of a public garbage can, use it to wipe the sweat off his face, and then toss it back in. If anyone needs me I’ll be on the next rocket off this planet.

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“Guess what guys! I didn’t eated all my oatmeal cuz I was full!”

-my 4 yr old cousin making sure we’re updated

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*drinks one sip of water*

Me @ my body: WHY ARE YOU NOT FINE NOW??????

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I can never become famous because then it will become very clear how many famous people I don’t know and am now forced to socialize with. It’d be like a family reunion from hell.

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Father and daughter watching my mom mop

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Update: I put a stick and a half of butter and sooooo much cheese in my mashed potatoes that you can become lactose intolerant from looking at them.

My cooking style can be described as “how much cheese and butter can I put on stuff?”

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My cooking style can be described as “how much cheese and butter can I put on stuff?”

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Sometimes I wonder why I’ve never been catcalled. Then I remember my hearing loss and realize that maybe I’ve just never heard them. Yet another perk of being half deaf.

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Tried to figure out what bus to take to a nightclub 15 minutes from me (in America).... not on a different continent.... but good effort!

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Power went out at the movie theater. Can you imagine watching IT and then the power goes out? Let’s just say a lot of people spilled their sodas.

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Woke up to this watching me today. So good morning and also goodbye.

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My anxiety always

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Took my fancy bra off to find food crusted to my boob..... So anyway