frog-wizard-helpmeplease

[frog-wizard-helpmeplease]

I’m straight out of a fuckass situationship so it’s time to get back to brewing potions and casting spells , I got dragons to kill , Roy Mustang style.

[frog-wizard-helpmeplease]

I’m sorry but how do coming of age movies think cinema dates work like , there’s no way you are stretching your arms over anyone else unless your straight up Mr Fantastic or Monkey D. Luffy because of those fuckass armrests that don’t move for some unbeknownst reason and I’m sorry but if Superman is on the big screen , there’s no way anyone is focusing on their girl . Hell your partner is not focusing on you.

[frog-wizard-helpmeplease]

For the low low price of 200 Bucks or a Nacho Bowl (or both) I’ll turn your worst frenemy into a frog , just say the word brochacho.

I’ll do toads and newts for you freaks out there but it’ll cost an extra gyros kebab with garlic sauce , a wizards gotta eat

[frog-wizard-helpmeplease]

I need to figure out how to smite the customers at my job Roy Mustang style because for the last time no Carol you cannot have your coffee warmed for the fifth time because you left it to go cold (it’s still burning my fingers off) I have more important things to do, like scroll tumblr on company time

[frog-wizard-helpmeplease]

I’m not convinced that horses standing up to sleep is a real thing , it’s horse girl propaganda to try and outdo the awesomeness of cats and dogs , like your trying to tell me you sleep with that big ass neck outstretched , I’m not even standing up when I’m sleeping and my neck kills , surely horses do not go through that unfathomable pain each day , unless that’s why ketamine exists

[frog-wizard-helpmeplease]

Life is worth living again ( I just had a kebab again after the world trying to stop me from having a kebab for two months , and I just watched Superman )

[frog-wizard-helpmeplease]

I want an interview of the over 100 New Yorkers that bite people a year

"New Yorkers bite more people than sharks annually" is an excellent example of how statistics can be misleading. Like yeah no shit, do you have any idea how rare it is to even encounter a shark in the wild? They're not exactly urban animals. I'm pretty damn sure that if sharks were living in big cities like pigeons, just strolling down the streets looking for food scraps, you'd see a lot more news stories about New Yorkers biting them.

[frog-wizard-helpmeplease]

my collection of drug doing kitties

[frog-wizard-helpmeplease]

black cat eating a whole rotisserie chicken while Mamma Mia by ABBA plays in the background

[frog-wizard-helpmeplease]

Gonna lose my shit if I see another co operative advertisement that literally fucking blocks out the sun (tumblr ) with the amount of room it takes up

Wizard frog out

[frog-wizard-helpmeplease]

Sounds like constipation , I’d suggest pooping

being depressed and resentful is so embarrassing I feel like a cartoon villain