from-my-gabriel-notebook

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

Upgrading to: body pillow

Word count: 1514

You walked through the door, closed it and leaned back into it, your bag discarded at your feet.

Damned ghost in the damned town that for some reason didn't name their damned headstones.

It had taken you days to find the right grave, days that you spent barely sleeping, and now that the adrenaline had finally got out of your system you could feel your body shutting down. How you were still standing was beyond you.

You were very, very glad one of Gabriel's safe houses happened to be nearby, because you really weren't looking forward to spend the night in a moldy motel.

You started walking down a corridor and looked into the first room you found. It was the media room. You distantly noticed the TV was on, but you were too tired to properly process it, let alone worry about someone else being in the house. You eyed the long sofà in the middle of the room, then looked towards the others doors, asking yourself if you were really going to go to all the trouble of finding an available room where there was a perfectly, readily available place right there, with the added bonus of the white noise.

Your dropping eyelids decided for you.

You walked into the room, yawning and rubbing your eyes, and jumped over the backrest.

The pillows were firmer that what you expected, and they moved, but it was also warm, and it instantly made you feel safe, so you just wiggled about until you felt comfortable and set to sleep, hugging the pillows tightly to stop them from slipping from your fingers.

You felt light, and then it was soft, but the safe feeling was going away, so you reached out to bring it back. It worked, because a moment later it was close to you again, and you nuzzled into your firm pillow with a happy sigh. It smelled sweet, and you could hear a faint melody, a familiar tune that spoke of wind and laughter, and you sank into it with relief.

When you woke up the next morning, feeling more rested that you had in ages, you were surprised to find yourself in an actual bedroom, wearing your - softer than you remembered - pjs. You must have been more tired than you thought, because you could have swore that you fell asleep on a couch, not a bed.

Oh well. Loki's safe houses were safe, and you were no stranger to the tricks being a chronically under-sleeper played on the memory.

You got ready and left, and soon the whole ordeal faded from your mind.

----------

Gabriel just wanted some peace and quiet , a week when he didn't have to deal with his family's drama or the Winchester's. Unfortunately, that also meant he would have to go a week without seeing you, and that put a sad note to the whole thing, keeping him from partying as he would have in the past, the idea of it alone dampened without you by his side to enjoy it together.

So he picked at place at random, some nowhere town, snapped himself a safe house, and set to half-relax, half-mope till he detoxed from all the family drama.

He was in the movie room, laying on the couch with his hands behind his head when he heard the door open. He payed it no mind. Even without counting on the wards that stopped anyone with malign intention from getting in, there was really noone that could harm him, and most creatures that found themselves in need of one of one of his safe houses were not that interested in being social.

So his surprise was understandable when someone basically landed on him.

By the time he had moved past the surprise, you had already wiggled until you were comfortably set in the the place between him and the back of the sofa, hugging his waist and looking for all the world like you had no intention of letting him go.

He spent a good minute just staring at you, wondering if he had involuntarily summoned you with all his pining, or if whoever planned his odds thought they were that funny.

He tried to remove himself from the situation by wriggling around, but you just tightened your hold on him and muttered something that sounded a lot like "still". He then silently snapped himself free from your grasp, but you made a sound of protest and curled on yourself.

Right. The couch was probably not very comfortable. He considered just snapping you into a bed (and maybe some pajamas, because, with all due respect, you stank of graves and your clothes were covered in dirt.

He took care of the latter with a passing thought, but decided that miracling away might disturb your rest, and he wouldn't want that, so the only logical solution was to physically carry you. (And no, it wasn't because he would take any chance he got to hold you close, of course not.)

He lifted you with no effort, and you immediately leaned into him, one hand resting on his chest, curling around the lapel of his jacket. The walk to the master bedroom took no time at all, and all too soon he was gently lowering onto the bed.

He started to righten himself, wanting to brush your hair away with a blessing for nice dreams and a good rest, except a pull stopped him: you still had to let go of him, and didn't seem inclined to do so any time soon.

He slowly pried your fingers open, place a soft kiss on the back of your hand and started walking away.

"Gabe?"

Your voice glued his feet to the floor mere steps from you. He was so sure you were asleep... Maybe he had imagined it? But still he half turned.

You weren't asleep, but saying you were awake would have been too much of a stretch. Your eyes were clouded, eyelids heavy, voice a barely there murmur.

"Stay?"

He hesitated. He wanted to, Father knew he did, but "I don't know if I should, cupcake."

"Please?"

He closed his eyes for a moment, almost pained, but then sighed and turned fully, his usual clothes melting into soft pants and shirt.

His inability to deny you anything would be the death of him, but your expression when you understood he was doing as asked might just have been worth it.

He rounded the bed to get in on the other side, nut he shouldn't have bothered. You immediately scooted closer and pressed into his side, sighing happily when he hesitantly put an arm around you.

He slowly relaxed, staring straight ahead and accepting his destiny as a body pillow, ready to lay there until you eventually moved away.

You didn't.

In fact, halfway through the night, you decided that the covers were an hindrance, and who needed them to stay warm when you could just roll on top of an Archangel that you had previously called, multiple times, a furnace?

And he did wanted to keep nightmares away from you... Well, no way anything will disturb you now.

He had his arms around you, holding you close, but only because you made soft unhappy noises until he did.

Where you always this clingy when you slept? He couldn't know, and asking of the Winchesters, which whom he knew you had sometimes shared the bed when needed, was out of the question. They were already being assholes about his pining, and giving them more ammunitions to tease him with was not on his plans.

So he held you close thorough the night, and he could almost pretend it to be intentional, that you wanted him there. After all, who was he if not a master of illusions?

And when he thought he couldn't get more pathetic in his affections.

Still, he stayed there with you until light broke through the curtains and made you stir, when he snapped yourself away without a sound and plenty reluctance.

------------------

"You're telling me it wasn't a dream?"

Dean - very rudely, in your opinion - started laughing at your very high pitched voice.

"You thought it was a dream?", Gabriel asked. He had his arms around you now as well, and this time, it was by design.

He figured a couple of months into your relationships was a good enough time to share this story. The hunters were probably not the best choice of audience, though.

"What was I suppose to think? It wasn't like it had never happen before."

"Hold on. You've dreamed of me before?"

You looked away, not wanting to answer, and chose instead to glare at a still-laughing Dean.

"You're being rude."

"You're being hilarious. Did you honestly not noticed the mutual pining you had going on? For months?"

"Like you're one to talk." Sam mumbled, and Gabriel snorted.

While you started a familiar back and forth with Dean, Gabriel took a moment to simply take you in and smile. No more pretending now.

Tag list: @this-is-me19

A/N: I'm not dead! Just, my mind was all over the place for a while. But I managed to finish this, and I wanted to post it. Hope you enjoy!

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

Angels don't sleep

Word count: 2047

Angels don't sleep.

When Gabriel was first created there hadn't been any time to think, let alone sleep. Like his older brothers, his only purpose of existence was to help their Father in his battle against the Darkness, so they only knew to act, to fight. Resting was not a concept that had time to even exist yet. And even at the end, when the enemy was finally defeated, their Father simply snapped their injuries away and set them to work on worshipping him.

It was an abrupt chance for them all, but they helped each other, and that was enough.

Angels don't sleep.

Back in the early days, after the fighting was done but before humanity was anything more than a thought behind their Father's eyes, , their preferred - and, well, only - method of recharging was to simply stand in their Father's light and hope He deemed them worthy of, if not his attention, at least his energizing Grace. It was needed, but it wasn't always nice. Looking back, Gabriel didn't have to wonder why they spent most of their time exploring the universe as it was created. The vast and jeweled expanse of space was always going to be warmer than their Father's cold shoulder at their tentative asks for attention.

These occasions, Gabriel later realized, were most likely the first instances of his tendency to run far enough from the ugly sides of his life and into the beauty of new life.

Angels don't sleep

Sleep was a human necessity, meant to restore the energy of the body. At least, that was what their Father told them. Angels, beings of Grace lacking a physical body, didn't have that problem, so there was no need for them to sleep. They could fake it if they need to, they but can't never reach the actual thing. It never bothered Gabriel. Why sleep when you still have so much of creation to explore, so many humans to meet?

He doesn't notice when Earth becomes more of a home to him than Heaven ever was.

Angels don't sleep.

After ditching Heaven to escape the bloodbath, the fighting that keeps mercilessly tearing his brothers apart, Gabriel wished they did. A way to pass the time, to forget his problems for a little while. To ignore the aching hollowed spot in his mind where his connection to the Host, his family, used to be. But he can't, and the only thing he can do is wait, hidden, through the centuries.

Angels don't sleep.

When the apocalypse starts, he wants nothing more than being able to fall asleep and wake up only when it's over, his self-assigned duty to Earth and humanity be damned. But he isn't that strong, he can't ignore the first place he ever found a life of his own, so he tries to speed it up, playing with the Winchesters and - not praying, he stopped that millenias ago - hoping that, after the bloodbath (because he knows that's the only way this is going to end) there will be enough of them left to start again. He doesn't know how much of a real chance there is, and he's so, so close to just give up, but then-

Then he meets you.

Angels don't sleep.

But the first time you talk to him, really talk to him, not those pointless small talks that you seems to hate just as much as he does, he feels like someone just slapped him awake.

He had spent all those centuries among humans, thought he had seen everything, experienced all the emotions they had to offer, mingled his fair share, and yet he never truly realized how beautiful they were.

You changed that, and now he's so desperate to save the world just to re-experience it with you.

Angels don't sleep.

They sometimes use human's dreams to communicate with them, when they need to keep their presence on the low or when the recipient of the message is being particularly slow. He doesn't need to do that with you, you hear him just fine.

You don't fear him, or hate him, or accept his presence because you need him, not like the others do, and you're not afraid to call him out of his bullshit. But you're also seem genuinely happy to see him, and that alone amaze him. It has been so long since someone really enjoyed spending any sort of time with him, and he can't get enough of your companionship either.

He vows to himself that he would protect you and the world you so loved no matter the cost it would cost him, and if it means he meets his end by his brother's hands, at least he could provide you with another way to stop him on the way out.

Angels doesn't sleep.

And yet he wakes up, confused, in a field he doesn't recognize.

His last memory involves Lucifer, his own blade, and a pain deep in his Grace that burned too hot to leave anything else behind.

He tries to snap himself away, but nothing, and it takes him a moment to realized that his Grace is barely there. Apparently, there were a price to pay when coming back from the dead.

He doesn't know yet the hows or the whys, but he knows one thing: he won't waste another chance to be by your side again.

Angels don't sleep.

He has contacts, people who owns him, safe houses spread all over the country that should still be protected enough to be of use. But he also has enemies, some more dangerous and cunning that he doesn't want to bring to you, so he'll have to be careful, strike first while they still believe him dead. He can't just snap them away like he used to, but his abilities extend far beyond his heavenly pedigree. It will be harder, but he could do it.

Angels don't sleep.

With barely enough Grace to be called an angel and no Godly light to bask in to recharge, Gabriel has no choice but to rest. He learned it the hard way, after the vessel-his body- passed out from exhaustion.

After a couple of forced naps, sleeping lost the rose-tinted idea he had of it, and his recurring nightmares quickly make him understand why so many do all they can to stay awake, but he needs to grow his energies again, so he deals with it.

Angels don't sleep.

But his surely was one hell of a nap.

He finds out it had been several years since the first Apocalypse. First, he has to specify, because apparently there have been more. All involving the Winchesters one way or another. He doesn't know why he's so surprised. He sit anxiously through every recap his informants give him, dreading to hear news of your demise, and getting progressively prouder as they tell him of your great victories instead, because pf course you wouldn't let something like the end of the world to bring you down.

Angel don't sleep.

You look like you haven't been resting properly either when you open the door of your place, but he doesn't want the first thing he says to you upon coming back be something so crass. He doesn't have a chance to say anything at all, because you slam the door to his face with a stricken look in your eyes.

It takes him a long time for him to convince you he isn't a nightmare, come to die in front of your eyes time and time again, or a dream, here to trick you into believe he came back only to disappear when the light shininging through the curtains wakes you up. When you finally accepts his presence as real, you throw yourself into his arms and he has the intention of never letting go again, and he can't think of a better place to be.

Angels don't sleep.

And now you're hunting nightmare's fuel together. Your relationship is still undefined, something more that what it was but still too new to burden it with as tricky things as labels, but your fighting styles seamlessly melt together, and you quickly make a name as a powerful and dangerous couple to cross. More and more dangerous enemies come your ways, but you don't worry, so certain of each other's abilities, and it's almost fun.

Until it isn't.

Angels don't sleep

And yet he feels sleepy. He should be used to it by now, but this feels different. Maybe it's because of all the blood he's losing, but he's not so sure.

You are bent over him, frantically trying to speak to him, hands pressing on the wounds in a fruitless hope to save him, but you both know it's too deep, too late.

He thinks he hears you telling him to use his grace, to heal himself, but he can't. He used what he left to heal you, to make sure you were okay. He can't bring himself to regret it.

His vision is starting to get cloudy, so he make an effort to fix it on your face. You're beautiful, and he'd like to go with you being the last thing he sees, now that he can choose it.

You froze for a second, shocked, but he has no energy left to figure out why. It seems you notice it, because you swear as new tears wet your cheeks.

He smiles at you, trying to reassure you, and let his eyes slip close. In the dark, he hear you start to mutter.

A part of him recognise the words. That's weird, he thinks. You couldn't know them.

Then he slips away.

Angels don't sleep.

Even if he needed to, which he doesn't anymore thanks to you, he thinks he wouldn't be able to. The only think he can do is stare at you, fidgeting in front of him, explaing to him what happened. How you found an ancient book of angel lore, where you found the words needed to tie an angel's grace and a human's soul together. How you did just that to save him when he so foolishly used his last strength to heal you.

In all of that, the only thing that came to his mind was how that hunt ruined his carefully planned proposal to do just that.

He takes a moment to look inward, and now he understands why his grace feels whole again. It was thanks to the little, bright, warm, beautiful light of your soul, nested close to his core.

He's mesmerized by it, but apparently he spent too long lost in its contemplation, because next think he knows you're profusely apologizing for what you did, ranting about how you're not worthy of him- he put his hands on your mouth, and the action surprise you both. He didn't know what to do, but he knew he needed you to stop talking. Well, this is a method as good as any.

He uses your perplexed silence to start a speech of his own. He tells you about when you first met, how different you treated him, how his care for you went deeper that he has ever felt for anyone else. It was for you that he faced Lucifer, and you were the first thought on his mind when he found himself in that field, alive and alone and mostly human. Of how he was afraid you wouldn't remembered him, and how relieved when you welcomed him back with open arms. Of how he found his feelings for you anything but gone, growing stronger with any moment he spent with you. How he has been planning for weeks, thinking about the best way to tell you about a old spell to bind his grace to your soul and how that bloody hunt had ruined his carefully laid out plan-

He suddenly stops, realising that in the heat of the moment -ah the irony - he has said more than he intended.

But you smile shines so bright, creation's light but oh so much more warmth, and he can't bring himself to regret it.

Angels don't sleep.

He looks down at you and think he doesn't need to. He has everything he ever dreamed of resting in his arms.

Tag list: @this-is-me19

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

Third Time’s a Charm

Summary: Gabriel unexpectedly comes to your aid and reveals a part of himself you never expected to see.

Pairings: Gabriel x Reader

Warnings/tags: Mate AU, mentions of torture, swearing, wings

Word Count: 4400+

Author’s Note:  Part 1 of the wing!kink follower request.  Keep an eye out for part 2 which will be posting for the smapocalypse!  Edit: Also found out that tumblr broke the reader insert submit function/script and I can’t get the fix to work.  THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS HERE.

Special thanks to my wonderful beta @sumara62 for her suggestions and ongoing encouragement and to all my followers who participated in the survey which led to this!

***Please do not repost or copy my work to any other site without my written permission.  Giving credit does NOT count.  Reblogging is ok.***

Part 1      Next Chapter>>

What the fuck?  Y/N?”  Dean half-shrieked, half-roared as you were dropped unceremoniously at the foot of his bed.  You might have screamed, too, if your voice hadn’t already been so hoarse from doing just that.  Instead, your eyes went wide as you took in the state of dress, or undress as the case actually was, and three things happened at once:  

Dean moved so fast to cover himself that he kneed his lover square in the face, sending Cas sailing over the side of the bed.  

You saw parts of both men that were going to be as difficult to scrub from your mind as the last several days were.  

The lights gave a furious flicker overhead as the archangel responsible for the entire debacle graced you all with his presence.   

The rush of energy that accompanied Gabriel’s presence was disorienting, along with your sudden change in location, and you felt the world give a little beneath you.  It was a good thing you were already sitting down, your body completely exhausted and barely able to shoulder the weight everything began to catch up to you.  

Pain burst across your consciousness, pulling you back from the blissful darkness that had given you reprieve.  You blinked, vision clearing as much as it could.  You found yourself once again staring into several sets of black, soulless eyes, and you knew; you were going to die here.   

“Is this what you idiots have been up to?” Gabriel demanded, disgust contorting his features.  “Boning each other’s brains out?”

Continua a leggere

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

A last goodbye

Word count: 2316

Content warning: major character death

Dean had barely finished answered your question of "Where-" with "He's in the car" that you were already out of the door.

But still, a part of you didn't believe him until you saw Gabriel leaning on the Impala.

You run to him, and he barely had the time to notice you before you threw yourself at him, hugging him with all your strength.

"Don't you ever do something like that to me again!" you said, voice breaking.

The arms that rose around you to were so familiar and safe and alive you wanted to never let go.

But you had to, so you squeezed one last time and stepped back.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I wouldn't have let her kill me, of course, but there wasn't a way to let you know. I had hoped you knew it was fake. Wings or -

" Wings or it didn't happen, yeah, I know. " you finished. It was something he had drilled into your head, to make sure any angel you fought against was actually dead and not just faking.

But it had happened too fast, and you were too close to him to think clearly.

" Sam had to keep me from going at her throat," you said, blood boiling all over again for the way Kali had killed him. Tried to, you immediately corrected yourself. He was alive, it didn't work, he was fine. Maybe saying it enough will keep you from remembering the pain.

"What, just for little old me? I'm not worth that much.".

Then again with the self depreciation. It was either that or exclamation of grandeur with him. But you were having none of that tonight, not when you could easily be dead shortly.

" You're worth that and more. Especially to me,"you said, looking him straight into his eyes and trying to convey just how important he was.

He didn't say anything immediately, then tilted his head and went " Uh. "

" What? "

" Just... Something to consider talking about if we survive this. "

" If? You can survive anything."

"Your faith in me is touching, but Lucifer won't fall for my usual tricks. At least I won't have to worry about you."

Wait.

"What do you mean?"

Instead of answering, he showed you what he was holding.

"A tiny vial?" you asked.

"It was the only one I was able to grab before Kali got me. It's your blood."

"So what?"

"So I can zap you away, where you'll be safe."

The light behind you flickered, and you turned towards it just as the screaming began.

When you turned, Gabriel looked almost scared, but steeled himself after looking at you.

"Time to go," he said, raising a hand.

You took a step back.

"Wait, no. I want to stay and help the others."

"I'm the only with with even the tiniest possibility of beating him. You'll only be in the way."

"I don't want to leave!"

"I'm afraid it's not up to you." He stopped for a moment. "Look, I promise I'll do my best to live and come back to you and you can scream all you want at me after it. But now you need to go."

And he touched your forehead before you could say anything else.

Between the dizziness and the stark difference in lighting it took you a moment to recognize he had sent you to one of his most secluded, and best protected, safe houses. You had stayed here only once before, and you knew it was far, far away from the hotel.

It was empty of people but not in decorations, most surfaces covered in knick knack of every kind.

You had a burning desire to trash the place.

How dare he, to send you away like that? You wanted to stay and help, fight against Lucifer, not being kept away like some defenseless damsel when they were fighting and for all you knew be already dea-

You stopped and forced yourself to take some deep breaths. Getting mad won't help you now. You'll keep it contained until you saw him again and could say it all to his face, before getting a hold of him and never letting go again.

So think. You were too far away to reach anyone in a human way, so, supernatural it was. Crowley? But no, he would never come out of hiding for this, and you didn't really want to sell your soul. Most angels would try to use you as bait or torture you to get informations on the brothers, so they were out. Gabriel was really the only one you had a good relationship with....

Wait. Not the only one.

Balthazar. Your relationship was nowhere near as close as the one you had with Gabriel, you were amicable at best , but he was your best - and admittedly only - option at this point. You knew him enough to know he most likely wasn't going to respond to a normal prayer, but you uttered one anyway as you gathered the ingredients to summon him, sticking the match and setting it on fire as soon as everything was in the same bowl.

"Wow, prayer and summons? What do you need me for so badly?"

"Send me back," you said before he had even finished.

He tilted his head.

"Send who where?"

"The Elysian Hotel. Gabriel sent me here, but you can send me back."

"Why would my brother sent you away? And here, of all places?"

"He didn't want me to go against Lucifer."

He stopped from pouring himself a drink and looked at you properly.

"Come again?"

"We stopped at the wrong place, some pagan gods trapped us, Gabriel came to help us, they thought they could kill Lucifer, and he sent me here. So now you send me back." When he didn't immediately moved, you groaned and added "Now! C'mon, we don't have time!"

He placed both drink and glass down and faced you properly for the first time.

"Look, I'm not sure I understood correctly, but if some small gods are trying to get against a bloodthirsty Archangel and my brother decided to sent you here before going in, I don't think it's a good idea to just sent you back into the shit show that's going on. "

His refusal to help you, not even in the fight, just in getting back, made you snap, and before you could think better of it there was an angel blade pressing against his neck.

"Bring me back, Balthazar, or I'll make you."

He completely ignored you, instead focusing on the weapon in your hand.

"Where did you get that?"

Irritation merged with your anger.

"It's Gabriel's."

"I can feel that. What I want to know is how you have it."

You stepped back, the question distracting you from your poor attempts at threatening him.

"He- he bonded it to me, so that I'll always have something to protect myself with. But it shouldn't come when he's using it, so why-"

You stopped, too afraid to finish the thought, but you knew.

If it came to you it meant the battle was over. And Gabriel hadn't come like he promised.

You looked at Balthazar, and all your fury had been replaced by despair for the truth you had yet to accept.

" Bring me back. Please, I need to - to help him - to -" your voice broke. "Just, please."

Balthazar sighed. Lucifer was never one to stay after he won, so you'll probably be safe, but you both knew what you would find, and he didn't know if you were ready to face the truth yet.

But he couldn't let you hope neither, it would only hurt more when the reality will crash onto you.

He touched your forehead.

Balthazar stood quietly against the wall, watching you.

It hadn't been difficult to find the place. The energy left behind by two archangels were difficult to miss even if one didn't know where to look.

He thought of when you first arrived. You didn't even wait for the dizziness he knew you must feel from the travel to walk inside. Blade in hand, you strode through the place with little care for the blood on the walls or the bodies on the floor.

Well, except one.

You were kneeling between the burned imprint of his wings, his head resting on your legs as you softly brushed his hair.

You hadn't shed a single tear yet. Maybe you were in shock.

He knew how you felt about Gabriel. It was hard to miss, and yet his brother did, despite feeling the same.

Your voice cut through the silence.

"Why did you send me away? I wanted to be by your side no matter what."

Despite knowing you weren't talking to him, Balthazar found himself speaking. "He wanted you to be safe. Your safety and well being were his first thoughts."

You smiled at Gabriel. "Silly angel. I'm a hunter, danger it's part of the job."

"He wanted you to be happy."

"How can I be happy now that he's gone?"

"You fight."

His words had come harsher than he intended, but he won't let you crumble under his eyes, not when Gabriel had done this to protect you.

You took it the wrong way.

"I'm sorry." you said, "he's - was" your voice broke on the correction " your brother, and I'm acting like I'm the only one who lost him."

"That doesn't mean you can't miss him. You loved him. You're allowed to grieve."

You hummed, looking back at Gabriel. "I guess there's no reason to keep it hidden now, is there?"

"There was no reason to keep it hidden before either."

"I didn't want to lose him. I didn't deserve his friendship, let alone his love."

"Funny. He thought the same thing."

Balthazar words took a moment to hit you, but when they did you looked up to him, shocked still.

"What -"

"Why did you think he acted like that with you? Out of pity?"

He didn't expect you to nod.

"Why else would he be so kind to me? I'm a simple human, and he had always been... so much more."

"He never pitied any of your kind. In fact, Gabriel was one of the few of us that took our father's words to heart. He loved all humans, but what he felt for you... that was something more."

Your breath itched, and you pressed your eyes shut, but you couldn't stop the trembling.

He let you mourn in silence.

He didn't kept track of the time, but he could tell it took you a long time to rise.

You gently lowered Gabriel's head to the floor and walked towards Balthazar.

He could tell you were nervous by the way you wouldn't meet his eyes, or maybe that was because you didn't want him to see how red they were from the tears that you still wouldn't shed.

At last you took a deep breath and forced yourself to speak, even in your voice was still low.

"I know angels have their own way of mourning, but I was thinking of doing something else. Would it be okay?"

To be honest, he didn't care. But it couldn't hurt, especially if it helped you move on.

"What did you have in mind?"

"There's a place. Can you bring us there?"

You didn't know where it was. Gabriel never told you, and you felt no need to ask. You were worried it would be a problem, but Balthazar was quick to reassure you. A quick scan of your memory, with your permission, and he snapped you all away.

It was peaceful.

There was a wide field of grass. One side melded with a forest, while the other ended in a lake.

Balthazar looked around him. "What is this place?"

"I don't know. He used to bring me here when things became too much to bear, " you remembered out loud, "But there's something different. It used to be so... alive, but now there's just silence."

Maybe it was better this way. You didn't think you could bear to come back here with his empty vessel and see that everything was still the same. Maybe it was its own way of mourning.

You walked towards the lake or, more precisely, to the weeping willow on its shore. You always loved to lay under its leaves, seeing as the light shine through.

You touched the bark, feeling the wet lump in your throat cutting your breathing thinking of how he would never again be laying with you, and turned towards Balthazar.

"Can you use this wood to make a boat? Just big enough for..." you didn't have the strength to finish, but he understood.

Among everyone who knew about his double life, you seemed to be the only one who tried to give importance to his past as Loki, so it didn't really surprise him that you wanted you put him to rest in a way that honored it.

With a snap the tree disappeared, and a boat appeared waiting on the shore.

Gabriel's empty vessel was already in it, laying among wood and flowers.

With closed eyes and his hands covering the stab wound, he looked peaceful, like he was sleeping.

Your voice was soft, not wanting to disrupt his rest.

"Do you think he'd mind if I...?"

You were holding an uncapped bullet full of salt.

An hunter's funeral.

Balthazar shrugged, and simply watched as you poured in over everything and use your lighter to start a flame.

He helped you push it onto the lake, then stood by your side as you watched the fire take.

It proved to be too much for you, and you fell to your knees sobbing, the sound traveling over the water and back like the world was crying with you.

He put a hand on your shoulder and watched the boat burn.

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

Party night

Word count: 3601

Content warning: alcohol, vomiting

The Impala came to a stop in the middle driveway of the safe house, more out of the shock of the driver than it being the proper parking spot.

"What the hell is that?" said Dean, voice fighting between exhaustion and surprise.

You, Cas and Eileen looked up from bandaging your respective wounds, and leaned forward to better see thorough the window shield.

"A party", you said matter-of-factly. Because really, what else could it be with all the lights, music and people coming and going from the house?

"They threw a party?" Sam asked while Dean was still coming to terms with the fact that he was not, in fact, hallucinating the whole thing out of sleep deprivation.

"Rule number one of living with two hedonistic angels: be expected to come back to anything and everything if you leave them alone for more than a couple of days. I mean, c'mon. Were you really expecting them to just sit quietly?"

"They have a point." said Eileen.

"See? She agrees with me," you said, then you grabbed your bag and exited the car, impatient to get in, wash the goo of the hunt off you, and join the festivities.

Dean turned off the car and followed, the others close behind.

You walked in, sure and confident despite the stares your state attracted, too busy studying the decorations to care.

"You know you're in the way, right?" asked Dean.

"It's possible that you could be overwhelmed by the volume of the music? I can lower it." offered Cas.

You waved away Dean's very useful remark, but answered Castiel. The angel was very sweet - both in remembering the effects too loud things could have on you and in his offer to lower it - and you didn't want him to worry or use his grace for such a trivial thing.

"Don't worry about it Cas. It's a little loud, but it's not that bad. Besides, better not to mess with their music choices. No, I'm just trying to understand whose party this is."

"And what is your verdict, oh great oracle?"

You looked around some more then said "Balthazar's".

Your tone was certain, and Sam looked at you surprised. "How can you tell?"

"I don't see nearly enough sweets for it to be Loki's."

"I know! Balthy didn't let me bring my candies!"

Gabriel appeared in front of them, a drink in his hand and a pout of his lips. You rolled your eyes and sighed, then winced when it pulled at your side. His gaze immediately changed, more attentive, even if he didn't let it show outside of his eyes. Instead he extended a hand, which you took after a suspicious look. He twirled you around and closer to himself, then used his suddenly free hand to dip you.

"Hey, watch it! I'm -" but you stopped when you felt no pain.

"Yes?" he asked you.

You laughed as he righted you. "Never mind, thank you."

"Hey there. I don't know if can see us, with all the heart-eyes you're exchanging - don't try to deny it, we have eyes ", Dean added when he saw you open your mouth to argue, which prompted a muttered 'You're one to talk' from you, "But we also could use some healing."

Gabriel took a long sip from his glass, back from whatever pocket dimension he had stached it, smacked his lips, and said "No."

Dean scoffed, but noone else seemed surprised.

"We all know who's his favorite." Eileen teased.

You expected him to say something, but he simply shrugged in a what-about-it gesture, then saw your gaping mouth and said "What?"

"You can't just - Why would I be - You didn't deny it?"

"Eh, it's true enough. Plus, you're too easy to fluster, and you're cute."

You looked around for help, but Cas looked confused, Sam wasn't looking at you, Dean seemed a little bit pleased at your predicament, and Eileen winked at you. Extremely helpful, the lot of them.

"Anyway," you said perhaps a little too loudly to cover your reaction, and you hoped it could be passed because of the loud music, "I think I'd like to join the party, but not without a shower and a change of clothes. Is my room where it usually is?"

He bowed with a flourish, eyes glinting in the lights. "Ready and waiting for you. I took the liberty of choosing some outfits I think you'd look simply divine in. Give me a prayer if you find nothing of your liking. "

You linked arms with Eileen and started walking down the corridor away from all the noises.

"Can you help me find something not too atrocious? And I'm sure _he_ made sure - you added with a pointed look over your shoulder - there will be something for you too if you want to. After all, it's your first angel-thrown party... "

You were quickly too far to be heard over the music, and so Gabriel turned towards his brother and the Winchesters.

"Balthazar's parties are famously open to everyone, so I guess that includes you too. Just be warned, not everyone in here is human. We're all here to have fun, so don't cause any scene and be careful with who you call what and everything will go smooth as whiskey, capisce? " he said, posture relaxed despite the command in his voice .

"So it's Loki for the night? " Sam asked, and Gabriel's smiled was a bit too sharp.

"Atta boy. Now, go and take a shower, you stink." he waved them away and walked back into the main hall.

Sam and Dean - and a reluctant Castiel dragged along by Dean - were the first to be done with the refreshing and enter the main hall. They were immediately handed drinks. Dean sniffed it, suspicious.

"Do you think I should drink it?" he asked Sam, who shrugged.

"With Loki around, anything could bite you in the ass."

"That's actually pretty sound advice, if you ask me."

"Nobody did, Balthazar." Dean passed a hand down his face "What are you even doing here?"

"You apes do realize this is my party, right? And anyway, " he went on before the hunter could protest, "They need an audience for their grand entry." He tipped his drink, and the others turned.

You and Eileen were walking towards them, you dressed in dark green and black that seemed to catch all the light around you and Eileen in a gold, practical but stylish suit.

"Wow," said Sam, and Dean bumped him on the shoulder.

"You got lucky, Sammy. She's way out of your league."

"They're out of everyone’s league, Deano." Dean jumped when Gabriel suddently clapped him on the shoulder.

Dean looked at him, then did a double take at the Trickster strange look. The intensity in which he was looking at you was almost scaring.

You were offered a drink and denied it, only to snatch Gabriel's as soon as you were in range. You took a sip and immediately made a face.

"What's this? Alcohol and sugar?"

"Yes." he replied with a smug expression.

"Do you ever eat anything that isn't sweet?"

"You know," he said, eyes slowing moving up and down to take you in, "I'm feeling in the mood for something... darker."

Dean was about to complain about his flirting, because really, there was only so much he was willing to witness before he locked you both into a closet to make you talk about your obnoxiously obvious feelings, but his voice was drowned by the "Cheers!" as Balthazar and Eileen tipped their glass back, and he decided that whatever was in his drink was better that facing this sober.

They mixed with the people dancing, the hunters shying away every time they saw something too supernatural. Sam could live with it, as long as they weren't killing anyone, but he more than once had to stop his brother into threating every non-human. Luckily, their fame kept them from getting too close.

You had no such problem, having long since gotten used to the circle Gabriel and Balthazar were involved in, getting in and out of talks and dances, regardless of the participant kind.

Balthazar, as a proper host, was always around, drink in hand, entertaining everyone.

Gabriel, true to nature, always had either a drink or some candy in hand, making deals and subtly making sure no one went to far. He still was one to punish, after all.

And despite the monsters roaming the halls, even the infamous Winchesters had some fun.

A couple of hours in, a clap stopped the music. At the centre of the floor a circle was quickly formed around Balthazar.

"Now, the matching begins. I'll explain the rules. I've put silk ties available to all. Anyone can offer one to anyone else, any number of times. If you accept the offert, you become the fly, and you are then to dance with your spider to avoid - or surrender - to be caught in the span of one song of your choosing. If the spider wins, they'll get a key to one of the rooms in the mansions. If the fly wins, they get a drink, offered by the spider. If anyone has any questions, keep them to yourself and use your eyes. Now back to the dancing and the drinking."

Dean, predictably, took little time to start offering a thread to women, unaware of the sad look on Castiel's face every time he had to watch the hunter run after someone else.

You laughed at Sam's face when Eileen offered him the end of one of the string with a big grin on her face, and cheered with everyone when she won. She winked at you and mouthed 'You're next', with a meaningful look towards Gabriel that you really hoped he didn't notice.

At first you refused the offers someone would give you, but after you had a few drinks in you you started to consider them a little longer. You even accepted a couple, when they were the right type of charming, but it only took the briefest of glance, your eyes meeting hazel while dancing, to make you reconsider and not get caught. Still, there was still fun to be had.

"Aren't you the pritties fly?"

You flinched and turned, ready to punch whoever had dared put their hands on your waist without permission, but relaxed when you realized who it was.

You grinned proudly and put your hands on Gabriel's chest to fight the light dizziness. Maybe you had more drinks that was was advisable.

"And the smartest! Nobody could catch me!"

"Yet. But you could have easily trapped any of them."

You shrugghed while moving with the beat. "It's against the game. But it would be funny to be both."

He held you tighter against him. "Why don't we try it then?"

A silky line materialized between his fingers, but you shook your head.

"You're not following the rules."

"When do I ever?"

You hit him in the chest. "This time you'd better."

"And what would I have to do then?"

You looked up at him, at his liquid eyes and seductive smile, and found yourself willing to play. Bless the liquid courage.

"To eat the fly...", you trailed a hand down his arm, voice a silver purr, "the spider has to catch them first!"

With a laugh you booped his nose and ran away, the end of the silk between your fingers.

He followed you to the centre on the dance floor, the other guests quickly forming a circle around you when they noticed the black tread between you.

Gabriel snapped and the music changed.

The strong, quick beats of the song guided your steps, both trying to trap the other without getting caught yourself.

You were feeling giddy, both because the alcohol and the rush of the game. Of the couple that had tried this dance with you, none could really make it challenging or alluring enough. But with Gabriel at the other end, every twirl and twist had to be calculated, because he knew how to use your every falter.

But the fun of it all didn't make you forget it was first and foremost a dance. Even when jumping or ducking you tried to move with what grace you could muster.

But Gabriel... Even not taking into account the confidence innate in any angel, millennias of practice had made his movements fluid and elegant, and you could have watched him forever.

His grin could also not be ignored. The thrill of being both predator and prey was unusual to a being as powerful as he was, and your presence made him enjoy it all even more.

Watching them from the sidelines with a drink in his hands like everybody else, Balthazar couldn't help but marvel at the irony of the situation. That dance had to be the most accurate representation of your relationship. Always circling around each other, teasing and brushing but without the gut to actually do something about it.

Probably everyone who knew them both knew it too, and he had no doubt that many of those watching now could get there was something more between them than a simple game.

He watched as Gabriel pulled the string, trying to make you falter, but you simply used it to spin, ducking just in time to avoid the knot to close around you, or the way he tugged at it to help you regain your balance if you seemed to be tipping too far to one side.

He had no doubt his brother would win, not when he chased you with the eyes of a starved man, but you wasn't going to go down easy. You knew each other too well to fall for obvious tricks, could predict the other intention and move accordingly.

The whole thing looked more like a choreographed dance than a simple game of catch.

As the song was playing the last notes, Gabriel sharply pulled his end of the string. A line of silk suddently closed around your waist and brought you right into his waiting arms, body flush against his.

"Caught you."

His tone was practically dripping smugness, but you simply held up your end of the string, breath heavy but eyes alight.

"You too"

Gabriel looked down and noticed that there was indeed a ring around his wrist.

He chucked. "I see"

Suddently the string seemed to retract itself, running around them till it all ended in his palm. He closed his hands and when he opened it again, instead of dark silk there were two matching bracelets, an open end and glimmering in the multi-colored lights.

"A prize for the winners?"

With a laugh you took one and put it on without a second thought before mixing in the crowd with the next song.

You went to the bar, but a hand stopped you before you could drink from your glass.

"I think you had enough, darling."

"I'm not a lightweight, Balthy."

"That's for sure, but I haven't seen you flirt that much in ages, especially with him, so I think you can enjoy the rest of the party without any more drinks. "

He then finished your drink in a couple of seconds.

"You're a party-popper, you know?"

"Quite the contrary, my dear. Now, to apologize, what do you think of a dance? A normal one, of course. I'd fear for my life to try to catch you after that, " he said, offering his hand. You rolled your eyes but let him lead you to the dance floor.

It was a couple of hours before you decided it was time to call it a night. You had danced, mostly with Gabriel (noone else seemed that willing to step between the two of you, but you didn't mind) , until your feet hurt, and you even manage to sneak a few drinks behind Balthazar's back.

You let your feet guide you around the house, and reached out when you stopped in front of a door, knowing the handle wouldn't give unless it was your room.

You were too tired to bother switching on the lights, so you walked blindly around until you found something that felt like a bed.

You took off your clothes, leaving a little pile on the floor. You took the first soft, cloth - feeling thing laying on the bed and slipped under the covers, sighing at the softness of the matress.

You was asleep in seconds.

You were woken up by a bright light, a suffocating smell of caramel and the loudest trumpet you had ever heard.

You hid your head under the pillows. It helped with the light, not so much with everything else.

"Whoever this is, shut it! I'm trying to sleep!"

The sound stopped.

"Says the one in my bed."

Wait a minute. You knew that voice. With great effort you left the nice shadows of the pillow. You had to squint your eyes almost completely - there was way to much light for your taste - but in the end you could make out a familiar silhouette.

With a shriek - ouch, bad choice - you brought the covers up to your head, hiding yourself.

"What are you doing in my room?!"

"Ehy, I'm the one who should be asking you."

This time, your brain actually registered his words.

You slowly lowered the covers and finally looked around you, hand shielding your eyes from the light.

The room was big, way too big for a single person, the bed itself large enough to comfortably fit ten people.

There were at least four candy dispenser and from what you could see, a table covered in cakes.

Everything was in golds and greens tones, except the occasional bright colored-something that your hungover brain could not make sense of.

Yup, definitely Gabriel's room.

"Oops. Sorry? The door let me in, so I thought- wait. If this is your room, why did your door let me in?"

He rolled on the back of his feet, looking around. "You're welcome in every part of the house. Including my room."

You blinked and looked away, a little flustered. "Oh, okay. But sorry to have stopped your fun."

He raised an eyebrow. "We had plenty of fun dancing."

"Yes, but you usually leave a party with someone."

"But why would I need hooks up when I already have you in my bed?"

You covered your head again to hide your reactions to his words and wiggling eyebrows.

"Don't say things like that!"

"Why not? It's true enough."

You peeked from under the covers, trying to understand how much he was joking, but he seemed very serious.

You opened your mouth to say something back, only to bring a hand up to it and rush to the bathroom.

You felt him rush to your side, rubbing your back as you heaved on the toilet and taking the nausea away.

"Right. Should have done that immediately. Sorry. Here."

He gave you a glass of water, and it helped with the awful taste in your mouth, then he offered a hand to help you stand.

Now without the hangover fog over your brain, you had the sense to look down at what you were wearing.

" Is this your shirt?"

" Yup. You can keep it, if you want."

You were glad he had offered it first, since you thought asking for it would have been proper - but then again, should you really be thinking about being "proper" after you occupied his room all night?

The silence stretched out into a bit of awareness, until you realized you were still holding his hand. You abruptly let go, cradling with your other hand, and the movement made the light catch on your forearm.

Oh right, the bracelet.

You raised it to see it better, and with a clear, not ever changing light you saw the stones embedded on it formed a soft gradient, going from the deep red close to the open end to a warm gold in the center.

"It's beautiful," you whispered.

"Nothing compared to the wearer's."

Maybe it was that some of the boldness of the previous night hadn't left you yet, or maybe standing so close made your yearning spill.

"Do you mean them? All the flirting, the compliments, the -" you stopped, unsure in how to describe all that he had been for you and to you.

He looked at you for a long time in silence, then said a simple "Yes."

Your breath itched at the emotions behind such admission, but when you open your mouth to say - something, even if you weren't really sure what - when a loud, grumbling sound filled the bathroom.

You looked down, horrified at the way your body kept trying to ruin the atmosphere, but Gabriel simply laughed.

"Why don't you go eat something, and then we'll sit down and talk about it properly?"

"Are you going to disappear?" you asked, then immediately flinched. You knew you had little filter before your coffee, but that was just plain rude. "Sorry, that was -"

"A reasonable concern, with my history," he sighed. " But I'm never going to run away from you. You can be sure of that, okay? "

"Okay," you said because really, what else could you respond to that?

He smiled then, something small and genuine that brought out his dimples.

"Perfect. Now, what do you want for breakfast?"

Author's note: Hello there. First of all, thank you for reading this far! I hope you liked it. Second, I'm here to give the due credit to @foruneyti, who's the one that used that Spider/Fly dance first thing that I used here. (And honestly, if you like MCU!Loki x Reader fanfic, go check her out, her works are wonderful, I highly recommend them.). Okay, that was all. Have a good day!

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

Free falling

Word count: 2883

Gabriel had been poking his head in and out of every room in the bunker, on a quest for the Winchesters, when he found you in the media room.

Human eyes would have only seen a vague shape made of blankets, but he could sense your soul, that brilliant light that only grew more beautiful the more he got to know you.

But something was off today.

It wasn't like you to avoid everybody all day to huddle in the dark, changing channels too fast to be properly seeing what was being played. He wanted to know what was wrong, but being too forward would have just made you close up and pretend you were fine, and he didn't want to make you put up an act with him.

He was, admittedly, not the best in trying to talk about those pesky little feelings, but he wanted to try for you.

So he smoothed his frown into an easy smile and walked in.

He jumped over the back of the couch to bounce by your side. He wasn't sure what type of reaction was he was hoping to get - maybe a yelp and you throwing something at him like you did everytime he startled you - but he knew that the lack of any reaction whatsoever was not a good sign.

"Here you are, cupcake. What are you doing?"

"Hi Gabe." click "I'm trying to find something to watch." click

Your eyes, that along with the hand holding the remote were the only parts of you visible under the the mountain of blankets you had cocooned yourself in, stared blankly at the TV screen, and your finger kept mechanically pushing the button to change the channel.

He looked at you, your hand, the tv.

"Having much luck yet?"

"Not really." you said - click - and left it at that.

Ok, so you were not in a chatty mood. Luckily, he was both chatty and stubborn enough to keep any conversation going when he wanted to, and lifting your mood was of the most importance.

"Is there anything you want to watch? A genre, a plot, a vibe?" he asked.

"Nothing specific, really." click

"... Ok. What about doing something else if you're not sure what to watch?"

"I've already tried going for a walk," click "Exercising," click "Reading, " click "Taking a nap," click. "Nothing is quite what I want." clickclickclick

"Okay," he said, drawing out the 'o', "What about you give me the remote before you click it to pieces?"

You didn't put up resistance when he took it , just sighed and tipped to the side until you were leaning against him. He changed the channel once, making one that would play all your favorite songs in the background, before giving you his full attention.

"Sorry," you said before he could start anything.

"What for?"

"I know I'm insufferable when I'm like this. I just can't settle on anything."

"You're apologizing to me for not being able to settle? Like, you know me, you know how I am."

You hummed. "You're not that bad."

Maybe, but it was mostly because you calmed that part of him that was always seeking movement to avoid thinking about his past.

"Were you looking for me for something?"

To be honest, he was. Sam and Dean had sent him looking for you to help them look through the library, but looking at you, he made a quick decision.

"Not really. Can't I just want to see my favorite person?" he said, making it so they would find the needed information in the next book they picked.

He stood up and turned towards you, extending a hand. "I have an idea. Come with me."

You blinked up at him from where you had tilted sideways on the couch. "What?"

"For your unsettlingness. It's something that always works for me if I can't seem to find something to do to scratch that itch."

You took a minute to untangle yourself from all the blankets, then stood up and took his hand.

He pulled you closer with a hand at the small of your back and took mild pride in seeing you getting flustered for so little.

"Where are we going?" you asked.

"It's a surprise. Now close your eyes."

You looked at him with maybe a hint of suspicion, like anyone should when he announced a surprise, but complied without saying anything.

He took a moment to savor the moment, holding you close, before he snapped.

" You can open your eyes now. "

Before complying you took a second to feel your surroundings. You could feel warmth, both from Gabriel's body, pressed close to yours - you really hoped you weren't blushing - but also from all around you. You could hear your breathing, and a soft, regular whooshing sound.

Deciding you had took as much information as you could with your eyes closed, you opened them , blinking several times to adjust to the very bright light. The first thing you saw was Gabriel's blinding - even if seemingly a little unsure - smile, and quickly looked away before you got too distracted. You were surrounded on all sides by a deep, vibrant blue. The whooshing sounds turned out to be - and this time you did stare - the massive wings sprouting from his back, beating rhythmically and glinting gold in the sunlight.

Putting aside the fact that he was showing you his wings, which was overwhelming enough, a thought came to your mind. Beating wings usually meant flying. And if you were flying...

You looked down.

And promptly screeched and shut your eyes tightly shut again, your stupor a distant memory as you wrapped arms and legs around Gabriel like a very clingy octopus. You didn't care. You were high. Very, very high, and everything below you looked very, very small.

You could hear him laughing, but you didn't dare open your eyes to glare at him.

"Gabriel," you said, voice surprisingly level, "What, and I mean ot in the sincerest of ways, the fuck."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but you should have seen your face. And what was that sound you made?" he didn't seem to be stopping laughing anytime soon.

"That was a perfectly appropriate reaction to find out you're up in the stratosphere!"

"You know, technically, it's the -

"I really don't want to know."

He laughed some more, and you focused in the sound of it to get your heart back under control. You had always found his voice to be beautiful, and that was true even when he was being an ass.

"Look at me," he said when he calmed down.

Careful not to look down you did, and your breath caught. With the sun forming a halo behind him, you could see the heavenly beauty so many painters had tried in vain to capture.

"Like what you see?" he asked, and the smugness of his voice brought you right back down to earth. Or, you know, as close to earth as you could be when you were suspended so high.

"Shut up," you said. "Your ego is bad enough without adding my opinion," your very biased opinion, "to the mix."

He chuckled and looked around.

"You know, ever since Dad created the Earth, I've always loved just flying around with my siblings. They lost the interest in it, chose to focus on more 'important things that mindless and useless' flying, but it never stopped calling to me. I often sneaked out my younger siblings, wanting to expose them young to the beauty and freedom this world could offer. You should have seen Cas and Balthazar the first times... "

And on and on he went, talking about his past as an Archangel in Heaven. You listened to him without making a sound, afraid to shatter the moment and make him retreat those secrets into his mind, unwilling to share even the slightest informations that would let people see beyond the Trickster persona he had built.

You were so absorbed in the images he was able to craft with the simple sound of his voice that it took you a moment to notice he had stopped talking.

While he spoke you had gotten calm enough to relax your death grip on him, and while you were still keenly aware of where you were, you were starting to understand why he liked being here so much, and you told him as much.

"I'm glad," he said, "because it means we can move to phase two."

"What's phase two?" you asked, immediately wary again.

He ignored you. "But first, a very important question. Do you trust me?" he asked, with the most innocent looking - and thus most suspicious - smile you had ever seen.

You narrowed your eyes at him. "Normally, yes, but right now this feels like a trick question. And it's not like I can say no, with you being the only thing keeping me from falling and all."

"Yeah, about that..." and before you could say anything else, he vanished.

You stayed suspended for a moment, blinking dumbly at the place he had just been like a cartoon character.

And you started falling.

The drop was too abrupt to let you scream, but you tried anyway, the wind stealing your voice.

"Open your eyes," you heard, somehow, since your ears were filled with the roar of the wind and the rushing of your blood. And when you had closed your eyes?

You thought a few chosen exploitatives at Gabriel, but decided you might as well do as he said.

Above you was the deepest black, filled with so many stars that put the most shiny diamond to shame. The air was so clear it looked like you could just reach out a hand and grab them.

"I could bring them to you, if you'd like," you thought you heard the wind whisper, but you couldn't be sure.

Then you felt wings brushing your side, and you turned with them, facing downwards and being met with yet another amazing sight. You didn't feel the biting of the air, but you figured if Gabriel was just going to drop you, the least he could do was shield you for the worst of it to let you enjoy the view.

And what a view it was. Lands and water as far as the eyes could see, and no borders in sight but what nature had saw fit to form. You passed through a cloud and laughed as the mist got caught in your hair.

But your mirth suddenly changed when you saw a dark form under you, small at first but growing bigger at an alarming rate.

Your eyes widen when you realized it was a plane. The excitement was drown in fear as you fully realized you were free falling with no way to stop it.

You tried to maneuver yourself out of the trajectory of the plane, but you were getting too close too quickly.

If this was how you were going to die, you would haunt that bloody archangel 'till the end of times.

As the plane got too close you turned your back to it to avoid seeing it coming and curled in yourself as much as you could, your arms around your head as an instinctive protection.

But instead of the bone-crashing pain there was just a slight disorientation due to the sudden chance in speed.

And what you hit was way softer that a plane.

An arm under your knees and one behind your back, Gabriel rewarded you with a shit-eating grin when you unwrapped your arms from around your head.

So you promptly smacked him in the chest.

"Oh, you wound me!", he said, the drama queen, when you both knew there was no way you could possibly hurt him. "Is is how you reward your savior from certain death?"

"Says the one that dropped me!"

"A little adrenaline is good for the heart. "

"If you wanna die young, maybe." you muttered.

"And may I add, your face? Priceless. You for sure can be counted on to make me laugh, " he said, and you glared at him.

"You try falling with no wings and then tell me how you like it, " you said, and a strange looked crossed his face, but it disappeared too quickly for you to fully catch.

"And you knew you weren't really in danger." he said, and there was a weird tone in his voice, like he needed you to tell him you knew he would keep you safe.

You huffed but relented. "Yes, I knew. It was kinda difficult to remember it while going down, but I knew you would be there. But," you said, "I won't be so easily scared again."

"Really?" he said, tone was dripping with sarcasm.

"Absolutely."

Gabriel merely raised an eyebrow and folded his wings around you, enveloping you in a world of gold.

You dropped like a stone.

He laughed when you threw your arms around his neck, then he used the momentum to spin and twirl, relishing the wind on his wings and the weight in his arms.

Soon you joined in his joy, free laughter that went lost in the wind.

You asked him to keep flying, legs tangling in the air and eyes alight with child-like joy, and he couldn't deny you.

So he carried you around the globe, brushed the seas and the top of the mountains, and then reaching further up into the sky.

You rose high, the black filled with oh so many stars, more and brighter that you had ever seen even when the night was dark and the sky clear.

He let you command his movements, shared with you his most treasured way of blocking out everything and just bask in the freedom he craved so much.

Yet when you asked him to free fall again he hesitated.

"Weren't you afraid of the void?"

You shrugged, a little sheepish. "Yes, but it's quite funny and now I've got a little something to keep me safe."

"I could drop you again," he said with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"And I will tell Dean that you actually like him," you said back with the sweetest voice.

"You would never," he dramatically gasped, then let out a full laugh and folded his wings, enjoying the fall with you.

There was something about it that called to your wildest side, the one you had to keep hidden from society because you had been taught it wasn't proper. Being able to freely felling it again was reinvigorating.

You spread your arms and felt the air pass through your fingers, keeping your eyes wide open as the world spun around you, the colors mixing in a dizzily kaleidoscope.

They kept going for hours, with occasionals calmer flies to avoid you being sick, which Gabriel never fail to tease you for.

It was during one of these times-up that your eyelids started to feel heavy.

All the adrenaline from the day had taken its toll, and you were seriously considering asking him to bring you back. But it was so nice out there, the silence broken only by the soft sounds of his wings.

Without noticing you leaned more into his side and rested your head on his chest.

When Gabriel looked at you, surprised by the sudden abandon of your weigh in his arms, you were already lost to dreams.

Soft and ritmic breaths and hands resting open on your lap, you looked peaceful even with the mess your hair had become.

The sight struck him like lightning and he thanked his father for the strength that kept his wings beating.

It had been eons since someone trusted him so blindly.

To trust him with their deepest secret, with their very life, certain without a doubt that he would keep them safe. And being able to trust them with his in return.

He hadn't dared hoping to find that bond again, not since God left them and his brothers started fighting, and yet you seemed to give it unquestionably, unknowingly even.

He knew he should bring you back, not to mention the two brothers would have probably noticed their absence by now. But this kind of peace was so rare that he wanted to stretch it as much as possible.

He had always been more selfish that most of his brothers.

So he kept his wings beating and enjoyed the flight, so different from the previous one but just as precious.

A pained sound interrupted once the otherwise silent night when your nightmares came to torment you again.

Gabriel was conflicted. He didn't want to wake you up, but couldn't just let your nightmares be. His first reaction was to soothe you with his grace, but he stopped himself. That felt like an invasion of privacy.

But there was something else he could try.

He gave himself an heartbeat, something he usually only did when dealing with strangers, and was immediately rewarded when you nestled even more against his side. After a couple of moments of the gentlest flight he could manage you finally seemed to calm down.

With a relieved sigh he kept flying, making sure to follow the Earth to always stay in the shadows, and didn't stop until you started to stir.

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

A true laugh

Word count: 2314

Summary: Gabriel is very set on his self-imposed mission to hear your real laugh

Most people would say you had a difficult sense of humor, since they'd never see you properly laugh. They were wrong.

It was actually quite easy to make you laugh. Almost too easy, someone would say, especially with a loud laugh like yours. It was getting annoying for others, so now you were simply quiet in your mirth, with your shoulders silently shaking and a hand covering your mouth to smother any sound that might escape your control.

When Gabriel first saw you "laughing", he was confused. He had just pulled a - objectively hilarious - prank on Dean, that had left the hunter buried under some unidentified sludge. Only his eyes were left clear, and they were currently glaring at Gabriel in such a way that it was a luck the Archangel wasn't enough feet deep to be visiting his brother.

Your shoulders were shaking, lips tightly pressed together in your effort to remain silent and avoid ending up in the hunter's black list of the day. You may have gotten on Gabriel's if the offended look he threw your way was anything to go by.

"What was that?", he asked.

You immediately stilled at being noticed.

"Nothing," you said.

"You were laughing at me," came Dean's voice from under the layers of whatever it was that Gabriel's had thrown at him.

"Was not," you said in your most innocent voice.

"They weren't," Gabriel said, surprisingly helping you, "Because _that_ wasn't a laugh.". Ah, there it was. Your glee forgotten, you prepared yourself for the usual complains.

"I don't put so much efforts into my prank not to get a single sound."

You blinked. That was... not what you were expecting.

"I'm honored you put so much effort just for me.", Dean said, and the bitch face was clear enough in his words.

"Don't think you're special, Dean-o. I take great care in the making of all of my pranks."

"Like I care. Anyway, don't bother with them. We've been trying to make them laugh for months and the best we got was a huff for our troubles."

"Excuse me, are you forgetting who you're talking to? No one can resist my charm," he said looking at you with a winning smile and esagerate eyebrows wiggles.

You gave him a tight-lipped smile in return, and he pouted.

"Whatever," said Dean, "I'm out of here. If you need me, no you don't. If you really need me, I'll be in the shower trying to get this sludge off me."

"Actually, it's -

" I don't want to know, " he cut him off, already walking out towards his room.

You watched him leave a trail behind him like a gigantic slug, and turned to see Gabriel staring at you, deep in thought with a hand under his chin.

You looked away. Such intense focus on you never meant well.

"What?", you asked.

"I'm trying to figure out what could make you properly laugh."

"You just heard it. That's just how my laugh is."

He raised an eyebrow. "You do remember that, as Loki, I was known as the god of lies, right? You're gonna try harder than that if you want me to believe you."

You stuck your tongue out to avoid having to say something back. He mirrored you, then winked and vanished, off to do whatever a Trickster Archangel did in his free time.

Your face fell.

He was right in you lying to him, that that wasn't your real laugh. Your natural one was way louder, and you didn't want other people, especially him, to hear it and tell you it was too much. You had enough of that growing up. Your laugh was too loud, too ugly, to easy to come, too weird, too annoying, you had heard them all. From your friends telling you to take it down a notch because it was embarrassing for them to be with someone who attracted so much attention with something so ugly, that they were doing you a favor by telling you to stop doing it because it made your face look weird; to the whispers of your classmates wondering with each other how stupid you must have been to laugh that often and to such stupid jokes.

You changed the way you laughed then, trying to appease them, but then they called you stuck up, fake. It took you too long to realize you just couldn't win.

Those times where long gone, they probably had forgotten all about you, and while you had tried to move one, you had not been able to brush their words from your mind, and the fear of getting the same reactions from the boys, who you were starting to consider your new family, followed you and kept you trapped, so you kept your new, silent laugh.

You knew it was a stupid fear, they were better than mocking you for something as trivial as your laugh, but you had also thought the same of your so-called friends, and you knew how that went.

You shrugged it off. Gabriel's attention span was notoriously short, he would probably find a shinier, newer idea and forget all about it in a few days.

He didn't.

Apparently, when he said he wanted something, he committed to it.

In the following days he organized more and more elaborate pranks, all in the hope of making you laugh (much to his unfurtunate victim's, namely, the Winchesters, dismay), and every little sound that escaped your control, no matter how tiny, seemed to only spur him further.

You should have found it annoying, but noone had ever focus so much positive attention on you, and it made you feel warm. You were already suspecting your feelings for the Archangel were more than a plain liking, and this only confirmed your feelings. Feelings that you had no hope he'd reciprocate, especially if he succeeded and made you lose control of your laugh enough to hear the real one. Just one more reason to keep it close to your chest.

Today you were walking around the bunker, trying to find Gabriel to ask him if he wanted to binge watch your favorite serie with you, but he was nowhere to be found. You were about to take a shortcut and just try praying to him when you heard some noises coming from a room a little further in the corridor.

You decided to take the long way around to try and sneak up to whoever was the cause of the disturbance, but stopped when you entered, surprised of the view.

The very angel you were looking for was balancing on the back of one chair - you didn't even bother wondering how many law of physics he was breaking - to reach the top of the slightly-ajar door to balance a bucket of something - better not to wonder what-, obviously meant to fall on whoever has the misfortune of open the door next, making you very glad of your sneaking up tendencies.

You leaned on the opposite door frame, watching amused his total concentration on his task, the tip of his tongue peeking through his lips.

He was adorable, and you would have been happy to just stand there and look at him, but you had been searching for him for a reason.

"Ehy," you said.

Now, you thought Archangels were supposed to be Heaven's most capable and fiercest warriors, always aware of their surroundings, impossible to be surprised, sure and graceful in every movement, yada yada yada. You had fully expected him have sensed your presence already.

You were not expecting to actually startle him.

You watched as he wildly moved his arms, trying to regain his balance. You didn't know whether to be worried or amused at the scene, especially when he completely lost the fight against gravity and started to fall. He landed safely in a suddenly-there giant, fluo bean chair, and blinked at you.

"Hey there, sugar. Need anything?" he said, stretching like a cat.

Bad move.

His hands hit the door, making it move. Time seemed to slow as you watched the bucket tilt and fall, releasing a - incredibly big amount for its tiny size - of glitter in the air, before landing straight over Gabriel's head, dumping him in even more glitter while the rest rained around the room.

He let out a string of what you supposed were swears in Enochian, still with the bucket on his head.

You blinked once, twice and yet again. Then your shoulders started shaking. You pressed your hands to your mouth, desperately trying to stop the noises from you, but to not avail, and a weird, high sound filled the room.

Gabriel immediately fell quiet. He brought his hands up and raised the bucket from his head, and the sight of yet more glitter falling over his already covered form only made it worse.

"Are you okay?", he asked.

You nodded, but tears were starting to form in your eyes.

He tossed the bucket away and stood up, shaking his whole body and sending more glitter flying in all directions.

At that you couldn't keep it in any longer and your laugh filled the room.

Gabriel went from being worried at the weird sounds you were making to realization that you were, in fact, laughing at him, and far from being offended, he seemed almost smug. At least, he tried, but it was made a little difficult by his sparkling look.

If you could have focused on something beside trying to catch your breath you would have heard the running steps, but you didn't, so Sam and Dean's appearance came as a surprise.

"What happened, is anyone dying or-?" Dean voice stopped suddenly when he took in the state of the room. His face was hilarious, and made you stumble right into another laughing fit. His eyes went from you, bent in half with a hand pressed against your side, to Gabriel, looking at you with fondness and satisfaction from beneath a whole lot of glitter. He turned and left, shaking his head and muttering "Nope, not getting involved."

Sam waited a little more, watching amused the scene playing in front of him. To be honest, he wasn't sure of what was going to come out from Gabriel's self-imposed mission. The Archangel waa as stubborn as one could be, so it was hard to resist him when he really wanted to achieve something, but he knew from experience that you were no different. But he was happy he had succeeded. You hadn't told him much about it when he asked, but Sam had put two and two together and managed to deduce a possible reason for your stifled laugh, so he was happy Gabriel was able to help you move past that.

He nodded at the angel, who gave him a thumbs up in response, and left.

Gabriel's eyes moved back to you. This wasn't exactly how he had planned to try to make you laugh with this particular scheme, but the idea had struck him when he had heard you coming from the other side of the room, and he was glad it worked. The slow motion had been a nice touch. Added suspense.

After a couple of additional minutes you managed to calm down enough, a hand pressed to the stich in your side and the other wiping away the tears from your eyes.

"Oh, my side hurts," you said.

"I bet."

Gabriel's amused voice brought you back to the situation, and your mood fell.

You gulped and swallowed, and he handed you a glass of water and a napkin. You took them without looking at him.

"I'm sorry," you mumbled at last.

He tilted his head, displacing a new wave of glitter from his hair. He was still adorable, but you were too embarrassed to allow yourself to stay in that state of mind.

"What for?" he asked.

"About, you know. That."

His confused look told you he did not, in fact, know, so you made yourself explain, looking everywhere but at him. "Laughing at you. It was rude. And my laugh. I know it's weird and annoying and loud, that's why I didn't want any of you to hear it, but -"

"Hold the phone," he interrupted you, waiting for you to look at him. You glanced at him from the corner if your eyes.

Good enough.

"Where do those ideas come from?"

You shrugged. "It's what I've always been told. If everybody's telling the same thing, there's a high chance they're right."

"Anyone specific comes to mind?" he asked, trying to be nonchalant but ready to add a few names to his naughty list.

"It was anyone who heard me laugh, really. You can admit it's annoying, I've heard it before."

"Cupcake, there's nothing wrong with your laugh. Who cares of its loud? It's you, an expression of your joy, it can be nothing but beautiful." he said, voice filled with certainty.

You looked at him, unsure.

"And you're not made that I laughed at you?"

"I think it more as you laughing with me. And I'm sure I look fantabulus in my glittering glory," he said, striking a pose.

"You look good no matter what," you said, then cringed a little.

"Aw, thank you. Want to know what you would look like covered in glitter?" he said, advancing towards you with open arms.

You took a step back, shaking your head.

"Nope, I'm fine."

"C'mon. It's your time to shine."

He took another step towards you, so you turned and started running away, his quick footsteps telling you he took part in the chase, and as you're laugh came out of you again, you thought of what was next.

It would take time to unlearn something that had trapped you for so long, but you could. After all, you were surrounded by your people now.

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

A charm of protection

Word count: 1339

After Gabriel interfered a little too much, again, in one of your hunts, you decide that maybe you both needed some time apart. You surely didn't expect the way he reached out.

When you got out of the bathroom, still wrapped in a towel, you couldn't sense anything strange in the cheap motel room you had rented for the night, so when you walked towards the bed and saw a small box waiting on it that definitely hadn't been there when you checked in, you were immediately on alert and grabbing your gun.

The room was very small, and the only hiding place would have been under the bed, but a quick check confirmed it was clear. You hadn't heard the door open, and they creaked something awful, so it probably wasn't any human involved.

Now the question was, which supernatural creature was this from? Was it a threat? There wasn't many ways to test a box. You sprinkled some Holy Water on it, just to be sure, and cautiously opened it.

When nothing exploded or otherwise attacked you, you lowered your gun and looked inside.

There was a little jewelry box and an envelope with a big "READ THIS FIRST" written on it.

You picked the paper up, and something clicked.

You jumped back and threw your hands up, but you still weren't able to completely avoid the burst of glitters.

Now more annoyed that anything else, and with a growing suspicious of who this might be from, you opened the letter.

Hi there, cupcake.

The handwriting was familiar and you smelled something sweet.

You narrowed your eyes at it.

"Gabriel?"

The greeting faded and another one came in.

The one and only, in the flesh.

Or, well, the paper.

"Are you listening to me?"

Nope. I'm not some creep.

"First of all, you are. Second, if you're not listening to me, how are you responding?"

Rude. And you're just that predictable.

"Very funny. But really, are you here or not?"

Nope. I'm not listening in the way you think. There's grace in the paper.

You couldn't say you understood what it meant, but that was often the case with him, so you shrugged it off as angel stuff.

"Is it timed?"

No. Why you'd ask?

Without another word you put the paper back in the box, grabbed some clean clothes and walked back into the bathroom.

When you were dried and dressed you went back into the room and picked up the somewhat-sentient letter again.

Took your sweet time.

"Shut up, you're a piece of paper. You don't know what time is.

I am not just a piece of paper.

"Oh, sorry, you're fancy paper."

You fell back on the bed, bounced once and grimaced when something creaked.

You raised your arms to bring the letter to eye level and gave it your best glare.

"I'm still mad at you," you said.

I figured from all those anti-angel sigils you have going on.

"Then how do you get in?"

I can miracle things in, just not me. Plus, it would be rude of me to pop up when I know you don't want to see me.

"Wow, you respecting boundaries. What a surprise."

Come on now. You know I only push what I'm allowed.

"Or if it's a bad person, yes, I know." you conceded.

After a moment of quiet, you sighed.

"I kind of miss you."

Then take down the sigils and call me. You know I'd come to you.

"I know, but..."

What?

You sighed. "If we brush this away like we usually do, it's just going to happen again, and I need you to really understand that you can't keep interfering with my hunts like that."

I don't want to see you hurt.

"And I appreciate your help, truly, but this is still my life, and I get to decide what to do."

I know. This is what this is.

"Uh?"

The jewelry box. Open it.

Oh, right. You had forgotten about that. Talking to him - in any way, apparently - had the habit of making you forget about inconsequential things.

You pulled yourself up and picked up the box. You cautiously opened it, wary of another glitter bomb, but it seemed to be safe. Inside there was a necklace, a single, golden feather.

You slowly picked it up by the chain, the other hand going to gently hold it.

"It's warm."

Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw the writing change, so you picked that up as well.

Please be careful with it. It's delicate.

"What do you mean it's- Hold on." you stopped, a sudden idea popping into your head. "This isn't one of yours, isn't it?"

The hesitant ... No. took too long to be truthful.

You looked between the paper and the feather, now infinitely more precious, almost too shocked to say anything. Almost.

"But-but why?"

It's the most powerful protection I could offer you. It won't do much against physical attacks, I'm afraid, but anything supernaturally weaker than me won't be able to hurt you.

"What-Thanks? But you didn't need to go this far. A simple 'I'm sorry' would have been enough."

Would it? I thought this would be better at showing you that I care about you without, you know, overtaking your life. Win-win.

Before you could gather something to say, a new, less loaded writing appeared.

I have just a teeny tiny request though. Nothing bad, I promise. For safety reasons.

Touching moments aside, this was still Gabriel, so you narrowed your eyes.

"Like that doesn't sounds suspicious at all. What is it?"

Don't tell anyone about it. Especially Balthazar and Castiel. They would have my head.

"Why?"

You see, to angels, giving someone your feathers has certains... implications.

"Like what?"

Oh, nothing important. Just. The intent to court.

"The WHAT?!" and wow, you didn't know your voice could go that high.

It doesn't have to mean that, if you don't want it to. But it's a possibility. Just throwing it out there.

This conversation was giving you whiplash. You took a deep breath to center yourself, considering whether or not to ask the important questions for what you had aways hoped but never really believed would come.

Oh well, in for a penny...

"But did you give it to me with that intention in mind?"

...Yes.

"And" - you couldn't believe you were having this conversation with a piece of magical paper - "What should I do to... Accept the offer? I mean, I don't have feathers."

I'm sure we can work something out.

A beat of silence passed, and you let out a nervous giggle.

"Since when you're so forthcoming anyway?", you had to ask.

Don't ask me, I'm just a piece of paper.

Speaking of...

"What would you remember about this conversation, once I do... Whatever it is that I need to do to send this back to you?"

Once you burn the paper, the grace in it will come back to me and give me the gist of this but with no details.

"Ok, good. I'm sending you off then, but we'll definitely need to have this conversation face to face. Now I need a moment to think."

You stood up and grabbed your lighter. The paper caught fire quickly, and it was soon just a small pile of ashes that you swept under the bed with your foot.

When that was done, you sat back on the bed, stared at the necklace, and thought.

So. Gabriel had understood the point you had been trying to make by going away, which was good. A good protection was always welcome, so there was that. And apparently Gabriel reciprocated your feeling. Cool.

You felt like screaming in a pillow.

Taking a deep breath to calm your nerves, you walked around the room and methodically broke all the anti-angel sigils. When you were done, you took a good look at the feather, and slipped the chain over your head.

You gently cradled it into your hands and brought it up to your lips.

Time to have a long discussion, face to face this time.

"Come to me," you whispered.

A flutter of wings came from behind you and you turned.

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

A soft comfort

Word count: 3642

Content warning: panic attack, age regression (not sexual in any way, but due to high levels of fear)

Author's note: I know the topic of age regression can be controversial, but this fic is very close to my heart so please, be kind.

Sam and Dean were fighting again.

You shouldn't be surprised, really. You knew they cared about each other, and they showed it in multiple ways, but they were also incredibly quick to anger and blaming each other, years of untreated traumas and codependency certainty not doing them any favor beside telling them where to hit to hurt the most.

The fight had started in the drive back to the bunker from an especially challenging case, and the chance of going to their own room to calm down hadn't stopped them from keeping on their shouting match.

You were hovering, unsure if you were allowed to leave or if they would take it the wrong way. The shivers had already started, and you flinched every time one of them would wave their hands around. You kept running your hands on your arms and tights, fingernails pushing in maybe a little too much, but you needed to anchor you in the now.

And you were fine, really, you were, as long as they didn't drag you into it-

"And you? What do you think?"

Dean's voice, still loud and sharp, cut through your mind. You startled, looking frantically at Sam, but he was just as riled up as his brother, so no help would come from him.

"Wh-what?" you stuttered.

"Who do you think is right, me or Sam? Whose side you're on?"

Nope, you were not answering that. You didn't even know what they were fighting about, half hyper-vigilant and half dissociating, recognizing words and gestures just long enough to be able to tell if they were a danger to you before discarding them.

And even if you knew, picking a side never ended well.

"I'm - I don't think - I mean," you tried, but you couldn't find the right way to put it that wouldn't make it worse. Dean urged you on, not caring for your struggles, so you took a deep breath and tried again.

"I think this is an issue I shouldn't be involved in? I mean, this was mostly between the two of you, so my opinion really isn't that important?" you said, voice tilting in a question like you used to when you tried to be safe. Not that it ever worked, but you were still clinging to an old hope it would help.

No such luck, not then, and certainly not now.

Dean scoffed and turned towards Sam, animosity momentarily forgotten to have someone to complain about you with.

"Oh, they don't want to get involved.". He turned back towards you. "You never do, too concerned with being above us to step in. Do you even care about us?"

Do you even care about this family?

You froze, similar words running through your mind, and suddenly it wasn't Dean you were seeing, and another voice was screaming in your ears. So many similar situations, and how they ended, flashed through your mind, and you wanted to run, to hide, but your legs were locked in place, so you closed your eyes, hoping they'd forget about you if you stayed still enough.

Snapping, loud and sharp, right by your face, and then a hand shaking you, and something inside you snapped.

Your eyes shot open and you turned and run away from them, trusting your instinct not to crash into walls when your vision was blurred by tears.

You didn't know how long it had been (not enough to make them stop, to make it safe to take up space again) when a soft knock came from the other side of your door. It rang like thunder in your terrified quietness.

You curled up in a tighter ball in the corner, hoping that whoever it was would leave if they got no response.

Another knock sounded, then the door slowly opened, cutting a blade of light in the otherwise dark room.

"Cupcake, it's me. Can I come in?"

You wanted to be by yourself, but you also didn't. You wanted to be away from the danger, but you didn't want to be alone with the dark thoughts running in circle in your mind. People meant the risk of making them angry, but Gabriel was safe.

You were too conflicted to answer, so you let him enter the room and close the door behind him.

Darkness draped you again in its comforting embrace, and you were glad Gabriel didn't try to turn the lights on.

It was easier being ignored in the dark.

You heard him walk towards you, somehow avoiding tripping on all the mess littering your room.

He stopped in from of you - you thought, at least. Your head was still hidden against your legs, eyes pressed tightly shut.

You heard him sit down, far enough to leave you in your safe bubble but close enough to feel his presence.

A particularly loud, even if slightly muffled, sound came from outside and you flinched, hands covering your ears. You didn't want to hear them, you just wanted them to be quiet.

Something shifted in the air. You let go of your ears and realized with a jolt that no more voices came from outside anymore. You started to panic. What if they were coming to you, to scream at you for hiding? What if they left while they were still upset? You couldn't decide which option was worse.

"Hey, hey. It's okay, nothing happened. They're still arguing, I just thought you didn't need to hear them."

Gabriel's soft voice was a sharp contrast to the wheezing sound that bounced off the walls.

It took you a moment to realize that sound was your uneven breathing.

You tried to take deeper breaths, but it only seemed to make it worse.

Suddenly there was something taking your hand, trying to pry them from where you had them wrapped around your middle. You tried to resist, sure your lungs would burst if you didn't put pressure on them, but the force was firm yet kind. It didn't stop pulling until your hands were resting on something solid and warm. It was raising and falling. You could feel a strong heartbeat under your palms.

Gabriel's chest.

"Hey. I'm here, you're safe, focus on me. Breath with me."

You tried, you really did, but it was so difficult, like there wasn't enough air in the room. It took you so long to make even the smallest improvement.

He was there with you the whole time, encouraging you, never raising his voice or getting angry, not even when your breath would speed up again after almost calming down.

At one point a faint, warm glow started breaking through the dark. A shy golden light, seemingly coming from Gabriel himself. No, behind him. Around him? Then you realized: his wings.

They were beautiful, bringing you comfort just like the angel's presence always did for you.

You stared at them, mesmerized. They distracted you enough to stop worrying as much, and your breath was able to calm back to normal.

But the peace wasn't going to last.

As one storm passed, another was quick to manifest. Your fingers curled up in his shirt as your shoulders began shaking.

A loud, choken sob left your mouth. Your hands flew up to try and smother the ones you knew would follow.

He opened his arms, inviting you to go in his lap but still giving you the final choice.

You hesitated and glanced at the door. He noticed.

"Do you want me to leave?", he asked. Your eyes snapped to him again, afraid he was going to get angry at you for being rude, but he didn't look mad, only attentive.

You thought about it. You didn't want him to see you like this, when you were so weak, but being alone would be worse, and he was comforting.

You gave the tiniest shake of your head.

He smiled at you. "I'll stay then", he said.

He opened his arms again, and this time you inched closer. He offered one of his hands and intertwined your fingers when you placed yours in his, while the other went to gently wade through your hair.

The dam broke.

Your grip on his hand turned crushing as you pressed it against your chest and curled around it. Broken, ugly sobs tore from your lips, your shoulders shaking with the force of them. He never once shushed you, instead telling you sweet and encouraging words, his other hand never stopping its soothing motion.

After a time that felt so long the sobs died down, even if your breaths kept coming out in uneven, wet sounds. Your shoulders still shook, but you didn't know if it was for the sadness or for the cold.

When had it become so cold?

You had barely began to tremble that the glow from before came back. Gabriel's wings were around you, hugging you in a world of soft light and warmth.

You looked at them, then at him, and his smile was blinding even through your blurry eyes.

"Hi there. How are you feeling?" he asked.

The tiniest bit better, thanks to him, but you still couldn't find in yourself the strength to talk.

He seemed to understand the problem.

"Speaking is hard, isn't it?"

You tensed, waiting for the anger that was sure to follow, but he surprised you again by saying "It's okay. But there's a way, if you still want to comunicate. Can I...? I'll only hear what you want me to tell me, I promise. " he said, raising a hand near your temple.

It took you a moment to understand what he was asking. He wanted to permission to read your mind. You were unsure. Your mind was a mess, especially now, and you didn't want to burden him with it. And there were bad parts you wanted to keep hidden. But you trusted him, and he had always been so kind, so you nodded.

A tiny shock made you jump a little when his fingers touched you.

"Sorry. Let's see if it works. How are you feeling now?"

A little better. Thank you.

"No need to thank me, I'm happy I could help."

You looked away. I'm sorry.

He tilted his head. "What for?"

It's bad for people to see me like this.

He brought your hand to his lips, placing a kiss on the back of it.

"There's nothing to be ashamed of in being scared. "

It's if it's for something small. I'm big, I should have handled it. And you didn't have to-

"Nonsense," he stopped you, "When I said I would have been there for you, I meant it. For better or for worse, I just want to be by your side."

Overwhelmed, you threw your arms around his neck, holding tight and with fresh tears in your eyes. You couldn't understand how someone so... Him could care for someone as unimportant as you. Someone as weak and pathetic as you could never deserve his attention, and yet-

"What was that?"

You froze. You hadn't meant for him to catch that, but your thoughts, loud in a good day, where always the loudest when you were like this, especially these ones.

"Sugar, look at me."

You slowly let go of him, but you couldn't look him in the eyes, focusing instead on his wings.

He sighed but let it pass. "Where does that come from?" he asked instead.

It's nothing.

"It's not nothing if it makes you feel like that."

It's just something the adults used to say when they were angry.

He hummed. "Was that the only thing they'd say?"

You didn't want to answer that and think again of all the mean things they would more often scream rather than say to you, but you didn't want to have to keep pretending they were always nice.

"I guess it's not really important what they said, because they were wrong," he said, voice harsh enough to make you flinch. He immediately softened. "Sorry, that wasn't at you. It upsets me knowing you were treated so poorly. But really, whatever they said, you are not like that."

But they were right. I can't do anything properly, and I just... Can't. It's so hard.

"Cupcake, stop. Listen to me."

This time he took your face in his hands to make sure you did.

"You're not a failure, weak or any other bullshit anyone may have said about you. You are strong, even if you don't realize it. You are trying, and that alone takes so much strength and effort. You're doing everything you can to fight against your own mind, and that must be so draining. It's totally understandable if you don't have any energy left to do more. But know this: if you ever need something, anything, I'll always be here for you."

There was so much conviction in his words, such surety in his eyes, that you couldn't find any words to express just how much they meant to you.

Only when his thumbs brushed your cheeks you realized you had started crying again.

"I'm not so great at comforting you, am I? I made you cry again."

You shook your head, then hugged him tight.

"Thank you."

It was merely a whisper, but he heard you. He always would.

"Anytime."

Some time passed in safe silence.

"Can I ask you something?" Gabriel said, voice soft.

You leaned back, tilted your head at him and blinked yes.

"You're mind, it feels... Smaller. What's about that?"

You flinched and looked away, worried again despite yourself, and curled up more.

It's weird. You'll get mad.

"I won't. I just want to make sure you're okay. I pinky promise." he held up a hand, all but one finger closed.

You looked at him, at his hand, away, at him again. Slowly you raised your hand and linked fingers, moving to complete the gesture.

"Now that that's sealed, is it okay to share?"

It's just. When I get very upset or very scared or very sad, I - you moved your hands in front of you, made a ball and made it shrink. It's not a decision and I can't control it. It just happens.

"And they made you feel bad enough to trigger it?" he said, voice taking an edge of steel again.

You fliched and made to move away.

I knew it, you're mad.

"Not with you, never to you, and never for something like this. Only with those two mutt heads," he said, looking somewhere past you with hard eyes.

It wasn't their fault. Dean just said some bad words.

His expression turned soft again when he looked back at you.

"Look at you, still trying to be kind, even when they were mean to you." He saw you trying to move away and added " I won't stop you from moving, if that's what you want, but you're free to snuggle for as long as you want. "

He opened his arms and wings, making way for you to push away from him, if you wanted, but he didn't seemed mad, and he was soft, and he was comforting...

Without looking at him, you gripped his shirt and shook your head.

He chuckled and closed his wings again.

You stayed like that for a while, neither of you feeling the need to move.

Until your eyelids started getting heavy.

He let out a small chuckle and pushed you back a little.

"Why don't you go to sleep? You'll feel better once you wake up."

You shook your head, fingers holding tight on the lapels of his jacket.

"C'mon. I'll be right here, I won't leave you alone."

Even with that reassurance, you were reluctant to move. There was something you wanted to ask, but you were hesitant. It felt like it would be too much, especially with everything he had done already.

As usual, you didn't even had to ask.

"What about this," he started, "You go get ready to sleep while I take care of a little thing. Then we'll have a little sleepover until you fall asleep. I've heard I make a terrific plushie. What do you have to say about that?"

You looked at him, eyes wide. He didn't have to stay, why would he offer such a thing?

" I want to," he said with a shrug, like it was the most simple thing in the world.

You finally mustered up enough courage to ask what you had always wondered

But why?

Why was he always so kind to you, why he was always there without asking anything in return, why he chose to spend his time with you, why -

"Because I love you," he said, then "Totally platonically right now, because you're small, and minds that are small must not worry about this things" he specified, booping you on the nose, "but the love remains, as it always will."

Two simple sentences that had the power to freeze any thought you may had.

Of course you loved him too, even if right now your mind felt it in a different way, but even when you were big, you had never thought he could see you as you were and still feel the same, but the deep affection in his eyes left no room for doubts. You looked away under such intense emotions.

Same.

He chuckled at your reply, cradling your face between his hands to make you look at him and leaving a soft kiss on your forehead. From there warmth spread all over your body, reminding you just how tired you were.

He booped your nose again. "Off you go to get ready so we can go to sleep, okay?"

You nodded and moved from his lap to let him stand up. He stretched, joints popping with too much gusto, and you watched, captivated, as his wings mirrored his movements. Then he rolled his shoulders back and they were gone.

He offered a hand with wiggling fingers, and you took it gratefully. You expected to feel a little rigid, as it would normally be after spending so much time curled up in a ball on the floor, but you were actually feeling very nice. You looked at him, and he winked.

"What's the point of being close with an Archangel if you can't have some benefits?"

You smiled tentatively, still trying to wrap your mind around the fact that he considered you that important.

"Get ready. I'll be right back," he said, then vanished.

The room felt colder and darker without him, and you felt the need to curl up against a wall to shield yourself come up again, but you squared your shoulders and fought against it.

You changed into the cleanest pjs you could find and went into the bathroom to brush your teeth and wash your face.

When you got back into your room, changed and cleaned and refreshed, you felt a little bit better.

As promised, Gabriel was already lying on top of the covers of your bed. He had changed too, swapping his forever attire for a more comfortable and softer looking one. He was surfing through the channels of a TV that wasn't there before, looking for something appropriate to watch, the volume just low enough to be heard without being overwhelming.

He put down the remote when he saw you and patted the free space beside him.

You crawled under the covers until only your head was peeking out a proper distance away. A part of you noticed that your room used to have barely enough space to move around, it surely wasn't large enough for a TV and a bed big enough for two people to comfortably lay with room to spare.

He noticed your confused looking around.

"I renewed your room a little," he said, "I hope you don't mind."

You felt how soft the mattress under you was and shook your head.

It's okay. It's soft and comfy.

"Of course it is. Only the best for you."

Thank you.

"Don't mention it. Now, there is something you want to watch or are you ready to go to sleep?"

You thought of your favorite comfort movie of when you were small but like, actually small, and things were well, not the nicest but nicer, but you couldn't remember the name, so you just thought what you could remember of it at him.

"Wonderful choice. Now close your eyes and let it pull you into sleep."

You nodded and closed your eyes, a hand inching towards him until you could hold a fist of his shirt. It really was soft. Just a little reminder that he was there, that you weren't alone.

With your eyes closed you didn't see him fondly roll his eyes and reach out to you.

You jumped, eyes snapping open as you felt a gentle pull.

You looked up to Gabriel, and he smiled.

"Sorry for not warning you, but, as I told you, you can come closer and cuddle to your heart's content. I mentioned to you that I'm a great plushie, didn't I? It would be suspicious if I didn't let it test it for yourself."

You had been too shy to ask, but if he was offering, it must have been okay. So you snuggled closer, your hands trading his shirt for one of his hands and curling around it until you were a tiny ball by his side, and he didn't seem to mind having a blocked hand.

Exhausted from feeling all the big emotions of the day and lulled by the familiarity of the movie, it didn't take long before you started to feel heavy.

Just before you fell asleep you felt something soft and warm cover you, and you felt so safe and loved that a single tear escaped your eyes before finally entering the dream world.

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

Fair fight

Word count: 593

"So we spent some time 'trying to kill each other'. What's the big deal? The first thing you did was to stab Cas, and even Eileen attacked Sam at first. "

Dean sputtered, trying to find a way to explain to you why it was different, thank you very much, while Sam chuckled.

"You have a point. But why the - ? " he asked, copying your air quotes.

" Because this asshole, " you answered, pointing behind you to your current chair, "wasn't really trying to kill me. He was just playing with me."

"And that bothers you."

"Of course it does! He didn't even had the basic respect to actually try. It's insulting."

"It's not about respect, sugar," Gabriel said, "If I had tried even the smallest bit, you would be dead. And why would I have wanted to kill the only hunter who seemed to appreciate my work?"

"Hold on, appreciate your work?", Dean asked, looking at you with judgment.

"Only the ones he did against actual bad people," you defended yourself, "and were funny. Which wasn't a lot, because his sense of humor is trash."

"Excuse you, I'm hilarious.", Gabriel said, offended, but not that much, Sam figured, since he made no move to push her off.

"Guys, let's stay on track please." Sam said before you could say something back, trying to stop you from starting your back and forth. While your bantering was cute, you tended to forget you were talking about something and just kept bickering for the sake of it.

"You were talking about him not really fighting you?"

You turned towards them again, and blinked a few times. "Oh, right. I mean, I know he's strong, but why refuse every time I've asked for a fair fight?"

"Because there's no fair fight against an Archangel, and you know that," Gabriel said matter-of-factly, "And no, this isn't about your fight skill. You've improved massively, but even when we spar I have to take it almost all the way down."

You huffed and crossed your arms . But you couldn't be that mad about it, since you stayed on his lap.

"What do you mean, you spar?" Dean asked.

"Exactly what it sounds like," you responded, "I found out who he really was when I rescued him from a group of angry Pagans, and it made me realize how weak I actually was against supernatural entities. So I figured, since I saved his ass, the least he could do was helping me get stronger."

"But how does it work? He's always going on about how he's such a better fighter that us."

"We work on levels. I fight one level above them until they can keep up, and then I turn it up," Gabriel explained.

"Can you teach us too?" Sam asked, then shrugged when Dean looked at him funny.

"What? It would help us fight against all the other angels."

To his credit, Sam noticed, Gabriel did consider it. Sure, it was for all of two seconds. But hey, even that was an improvement.

"Nah." he said at last. "Doing it with them is enough trouble already. And you're not so bad. I mean," he added, "by my standards, you are, but nowhere near where they was when they started."

"I call favoritism." Dean said.

"Well, duh." Gabriel said back, then tilted his head when you turned towards him with a strange look. "What?"

You shook your head. "Nothing, " you said, facing the brothers again, this time leaning back against him, and he automatically put an arm around you.

Progress, Sam noticed.

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

A worthy sacrifice Pt. 3

Word count: 5109

The first thing you realized upon waking up was the killer headache splitting your head in two.

You groaned, hands raising to press on your eyes.

Then you registered the voices. Right, a side effect of wanting a room so close to the library was the whispering sounds when there was a meeting of any kind.

You pushed yourself to stand up, only to immediately sit back down when you got hit with a shitton of dizziness. You cursed and blamed... Whatever you had been doing before blacking out.

But what had you been doing?

You scanned your memory and frowned when you realized you had no clear memory of what happened. The last thing you remember was... Getting ready to leave for a witch case? Maybe? Then it was just a vague recollection of a weird dream.

You made a note to yourself to stop drinking so much right before a case.

The whispering grew louder, so you tried to stand up again, slower this time. When no black spots appeared in your vision you walked to the door and poked your head out of the room.

The first time you tried to call out the most you could muster was a weak croak, and when even clearing your throat didn't help, you walked out, leaning on the wall for support. Really, what did you drink to make yourself so weak?

The further you went into the corridor, the clearer the voices got. You heard Dean's voice, and he sounded... Not pleased, to say the least. What a surprise.

"He's only asking for a few more days-" Sam was saying back.

"We gave him a week already. They are using their grace, and for what? Nothing happened. We can't keep them stuck like that for more time, it's sick!"

"Dean, please, try to understand," and there was Cas, "my brother feels personally responsible for their death and -"

"And what? We all miss them and we all have to live with it -

You finally made it to the end of the corridor, even if you were out out breath.

" So, ", you panted," Who's dead? "

Everyone stopped dead and turned, whip-fast, to stare at you. And then kept staring. And staring.

They all looked so spooked that you turned to check if a ghost had appeared behind you, but there was no one.

You turned back towards them only to come face to face with a wall of flannel as the youngest Winchester engulfed you in a bear hug.

"Sam, Sammy," you wheezed out, "I love you and all, but I still need air."

The moment Sam put you down Dean took his place, ending his own hug with a couple of strong pats on the back that didn't really help in the breath department, but you brushed off his fussing with a smile.

Cas didn't move, just stood quietly by your side, but you wouldn't have it.

"Come here Cassie. I don't know why but it's hug time, and that includes you too. Only if you want to, of course."

His hug was kind of awkward, but he was getting better at it.

"I'm glad to see you again," he said.

You opened your mouth to ask what he meant - it seemed a little excessive for a simple hungover - but a flutter of wings distracted you.

Gabriel had just appeared in the room, eyes downcast and looking defeated.

" Guys, I'm sorry. I tried everything I could but-

His voice cut off abruptly when he looked up and saw you. He stared at you for several moments, then glanced around at the others, as if to check they could see you too.

Sam nodded at the corner of your eye, and something changed in Gabriel's eyes. He walked straight towards you with hunted eyes. You wanted to ask him what was wrong, how you could help, but he reached you first, pulling you into a hug. His hold on you had a desperate edge and it brought tears in your eyes without knowing why, but you hugged him back with just as much strength.

"Thank you," you heard him whisper into your hair, and even if something inside you knew those words weren't meant for you, they were filled with a feeling so deep you found yourself crying in his shirt.

"It's okay, it's okay," he said, trying to reassure you, "I won't let you go again."

It took you two minutes to calm down, and even then you didn't want to let go. But you had to, so you forced your fingers open from where they were clinging to his shirt.

You stepped back and rubbed your eyes, hoping they weren't as red as thought. You looked around you and realized the others had left the two of you alone, and you found yourself grateful. It was bad enough already to have wasted Gabriel's time with your random tears.

You kept looking around, not really wanting to meet his eyes, but your eyes snapped to him when he took your hand to pull you closer again, and the look in your eyes made your breath hitch.

He was looking at you like - like you were some kind of miracle, and you felt yourself blush.

"Why are you looking at me like that?", you muttered, not really expending an answer. You stared at were his hands were holding yours. They were warm, and you liked it, but you couldn't keep them there. You had to collect yourself and-

"I love you."

Your brain audibly screeched as your eyes shot up, shocked, waiting for him to deliver the punchline, to say he was joking, because even if he hadn't ever been that cruel with you there couldn't be any other way, but no, he was the most serious you had ever seen him. His eyes were determined and sure and filled with so much affection and - and love.

You felt like you couldn't speak past the block in your throat, but you had to ask.

"Why?"

His smile was sweet and sad, but there was also steel in his eyes, like he was swearing an oath.

"I'm not wasting another chance."

You wanted to ask more, why was everyone acting so weird around you, but then he leaned toward you and you forgot what you were thinking.

Things were a little... weird, for a little while.

The good kind of weird, where you could stay close to Gabriel without having to hide your feelings for him, and you didn't have to sleep alone. He kept looking at you like you were his personal blessing, and that never failed to make you blush and look away, still unused to be shown such open affection. You still couldn't understand what an Archangel like him could see in someone like you.

"You are you," he told you the one time you mustered up enough courage to actually ask him, "You're kind, you help others. You literally fight monsters for a living. You are brave, strong yet gentle, and you know when to act up against those who deserve it. And your soul -" his eyes unfocused for a moment, then he shook his head - "You're so much more than what you think."

You didn't really know how to respond to that.

And then there was the boys.

The Winchesters, Dean in particular, seemed death-set in keeping you inside the bunker and out of the business. You were cool with it, for about a week. Not that you didn't enjoy spending time alone with Gabriel, but you both were starting to get restless.

Right now, you were trying, yet again, to convince Dean to let you go on a simple, alleged-werewolf case, but he wasn't budging.

"You're not coming."

"C'mon, Dean. I've been through a bunch of Apocalypses, same as you. I can handle this."

"I can handle this, " you said, not looking away from what were usually beautiful, warm eyes, but that now looked back at you devoid of emotions. You knew you couldn't possibly last long against him, but if you were going down, you'd be damned if you didn't save him first.

"-Ehy. Ehy!"

Snapping fingers in front of your eyes brought you back from that... whatever that had been. A flashback maybe? You weren't that sure.

"See?", Dean said, diverting your thoughts from looking more into it, "You're spacey, you can't go on hunts. You and Gabriel will stay here and search for infos if we need 'em.".

You sighed but agreed, knowing there was no changing his mind.

Satisfied, Dean walked away to finish packing his stuff, nodding at Gabriel on the way out.

That was another thing that had changed.

The boys seemed to have developed, if not a liking, at least a new respect for the former Trickster. It was about time, if they asked you, but you were confused on what exactly had made it happen.

You looked at the angel, batting your eyelashes, but he shook his finger at you in a gesture well practiced. This was another strange addition. He was usually the first to think about breaking the rules and have some fun, but he had become just as strict as as Dean in keeping you inside the bunker. He would stay with you, so there was that at least.

Making peace with the fact that you had been benched once again, you started to think on how to spend the evening.

You were comfortably curled against your angel's side while you watched a history movie. To be honest, you didn't really care about what the narrator was explaining, but it was interesting to hear Gabriel telling you how things actually went down.

He was in the middle of a recollection, hands moving wildly around to better prove his point, when a loud noise stopped him mid word.

It lasted for a good couple of seconds. When it stopped, you looked at him and blinked.

"Was that - was that your stomach?", you asked.

"No it wasn't." he responded, far too quickly not to be suspicious.

His words were punctuated by another grumbling noise.

"Yes, it was!", you laughed.

He crossed his arms and pouted. "I don't see the fun in this."

"That's a first."

"Ah-ah. Very funny, smart-ass."

He reached between the pillows of the couch and pulled out a candy bag, but you snatched it away before he could even open it.

"Ehy! That was mine!", he complained.

You waved your finger at him. "Nope. If you're hungry, you need to eat, and if you are gonna eat, it's going to be something healthy. Wait here, I'll go make you something."

"But we were watching a movie together."

"You still need to eat something."

You started to stand up, but he pulled you back down again.

"Compromise?", he asked, showing you a sandwich in his other hand like a peace offering.

"Acceptable.", you said, laying back against him.

"I still want my dessert though," you heard him muttering between bites.

You didn't paid much attention to it, it was Gabriel after all, but when the movie ended and you made to stand up you found there was something, or rather someone, holding you down.

You looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"I want my dessert."

You handed him the bag from earlier, but he shook his head. Before you could say anything he bent down and caught your lips in a breath-taking kiss.

"Sweeter than candy," he said when you parted, wiggling his eyebrows at you.

Caught between groaning and blushing, you hid your face in his shirt.

Unlike Cas, who discovered the place with you; and Gabriel, whose increasingly frequent visits (originally to annoy the boys) had become permanent with time and your developing relationship, Balthazar preferred to move around, using the safe houses he had all over the country. So it was a surprise when you walked into the kitchen for lunch and found him looking at Gabriel cooking with an almost pitying look.

"Oh, Balthazar, hi. What brings you here?"

"Just checking in to see how this annoyance of a older brother was doing. And I find him cooking. Wearing that."

"C'mon, Balthy, this is high fashion," Gabriel said, turning to show off his 'kiss the cook' apron. He looked at you with clear expectations, so you rolled your eyes and, ignoring your still somewhat present embarrassed at PDAs, walked up to him and lean up to kiss him on the cheek.

"Spare me the sugar, please."

"You're just envious that I get this beautiful soul all to myself."

"I'm just glad everything worked out fine after what happened."

Gabriel tensed, his movements at the stove no longer fluid but stiff, and you looked between them, unsure of what could have caused such a reaction.

"What do you mean? What happened?"

Balthazar looked at you, at his brother, then back at you. He opened his mouth to speak, but Gabriel was faster.

"Nothing happened, he's just being dramatic," he said, as nonchalant as he could. Too nonchalant.

"You don't remember?", Balthazar asked you then.

"What should I remember? Gabe?"

"It's nothing, really," he said, shooting a clear 'shut it' over your head, but the irritation was gone when he looked back at you. "Could you leave us for a moment? I need to have a word with him."

"Sure,"you said,"I'll just..." you made a vague gesture and walked out of the door, but you had no real intention to go far. You didn't like eavesdropping, but there was clearly something Gabriel didn't want you to know but that involved you, and your gut instinct told you it had something to do with how everyone was acting lately, so you stuck close to the door.

Even without looking inside, you could feel the tension in the room.

"Go ahead then," you heard Gabriel say, "Start your lecture."

"They don't know." it wasn't a question.

"The whole ordeal seems to have affected the memories related to it."

"And you don't plan to tell them."

"Not if I can help it. And you won't either."

"Oh, won't I?"

"No. And if asking you as your brother is not enough, I'm asking as the Archangel ruling over your garrison."

The shocked silence could be cut with a knife.

"You, pulling ranks? I never thought I'd see the day.", Balthazar said, voice thick with sarcasm. "Fine, have it your way, General. See how it ends."

Even the flutter of his wings sounded offended, and you didn't know how to act.

What could have possibly had happened that Gabriel wanted that badly to keep it hidden? Even wreaking your memory brought nothing but a splitting headache.

You decided to let it sit in the back burner for a while while you decided what to do.

The spell was coming your way, and you were too slow to get out of the way, it was going hit you - but suddenly there was someone in front of you, slumping as the red mist hit them.

You run to their side, barely noticing Sam and Dean advancing towards the witch. Gabriel was motionless, and you frantically searched for a heartbeat, forgetting than angels didn't have any.

He started to stir, but the sigh of relief froze in lungs when he opened his eyes.

Staring at you weren't the warm, hazel eyes that you loved so much but they were instead completely overpowered by red.

You wanted to reach out and shook him, but a sharp pain in your side distracted you. You looked down and saw an angel blade piercing you. He pulled it out and watched you as you uselessly pushed a hand over the wound to try and slow the bleeding. You reached to him, asking for help, but he didn't move and-

You woke up with a gasp, a hand going to your side while the other searched for a weapon. You found none, your fingers closing over Gabriel's hand instead as he tried to calm you down.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt? What happened?"

You didn't answer him, too agitated to speak, instead grasping his head with your free hand and looking into his eyes. To your great relief there was no sign of red, only worried hazel.

You sighed, but it broke midway by a groan when a sudden burst of white-hot pain shot through your side. You curled up, trying to protect yourself from the threat, but it didn't go away. Then a cooling sensation washed over you, taking away the pain and finally allowing you to relax. It also helped to clear your mind, allowing you to understand what happened.

A nightmare. A very vivid one, but still, only a nightmare.

You unfurled and met Gabriel's worried eyes. The calming feeling still hasn't passed, and it took you a moment to locate the source: he had his hand on your back, where he was using it as a conduct to transfer some of his grace to you.

You jerked back perhaps a little too strongly, and you would have fallen off the bed if Gabriel hadn't grabbed your arm.

"Don't waste your grace on me," you said. He scowled a little. "Nothing done for you is a waste." he said, then, before you could object, he asked, "What just happened?"

"Sorry about that. I think it was a nightmare."

"Wanna talk about it?"

You hesitated. You didn't want to worry him, but it had left you shaken, and talking with him usually helped you.

"We where on a hunt, I think, and you jumped in front of me to protect me from a curse, and you went under. I tried to wake you up, but you-" your hand went at your side. It felt so real. "-you stabbed me."

You felt him stiffen, so you rushed to reassure him.

" Don't worry, I know you would never hurt me. It was just a bad dream."

Your words didn't help with the pained look in his eyes, and there was an current of desperation under his next words.

"Let me chase away the dream.", he said opening his arms, and you were quick to accept his invitation.

As time went on, you started to notice that Gabriel was, for lack of a better word, getting sleepy. It wasn't uncommon now to see him dozing off on the couch. He stubbornly refused to get a proper night if sleep, insisting that he was completely fine while drinking a cup of - very sweetened - coffee after another.

He also started spending increasing time in the gym, training from the base level instead of showing off with the hardest exercises like you had seen him do before. And every time you would ask to train together, or more specifically, spar, like it had become common for you, he would firmly refuse and walk away with an haunted look. He seemed to have no problems in spotting you, so you didn't understand the problem, but asking him brought no answers but a plea to drop it. You hated to see him like that, so you stopped, leaving you with the distinct impression you were missing something.

And the list of unusual little things you started noticing only grew longer the more time passed.

Like the sympathy in Cas' eyes whenever he looked at his older brother; or the increasingly common situations where Gabriel would snap and nothing would happen. He brushed it off with a laugh, but, when he thought you weren't looking, he would let out a soundless sigh, eyes clouded by a deep sadness and loss. He would look at you then, and a new determination, marvel and deep gratitude would cover the pain.

You, on the other hand, kept having these... Flashbacks? Nightmares? Negative daydreams? Where those even a thing? You didn't know anymore.

One moment you were examining a bakery's window, wondering if Gabriel or the boys would appreciate some sweets, when suddenly you were looking at another cupcake, one you knew had been made by your own hands for a special occasion.

"He really loves you," you thought you heard someone say. "You'd be surprised."

There was a presence, in those moments, that you were sure you knew from somewhere, but couldn't for the life if you pinpoint from where.

Then, just when Dean had finally allowed you back in on cases, it happened on a hunt. The vampire had lunged at you, claws ready to pierce you, and while you had manage to evade him, if only by a hair, a sharp pain in your side made you double over and black out. When you came back Gabriel was fussing over you, the vampire laying headless behind him. You reassured him you were fine, but the aching lasted for days.

Of course, after that no one let you go on another hunt for a week, but this time you didn't mind it too much, mind elsewhere. You had started to think every weird little thing that was happening was connected, that something happened, something that you didn't know, that involved you and made them so damn protective over you.

You couldn't ask Sam, Dean or Gabriel, they would never tell you, so you turned to Castiel, the angel who was infamously knows for his inability to keep secrets.

"Cas!" you called him. The others were getting ready to leave for a case, and Gabriel was waiting for you in the library, so you only had a short window of opportunity. "Just the angel I was looking for. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course. How can I help you?"

"Could you please try to convince the others to let me come with you? I'm dying being locked up in here."

"I don't think it would be a good idea. We don't want to see you hurt."

"Cas, I've been hurt before, it's part of the job,", you pointed out.

"I know, but please understand, your loss pained us deeply, my brother especially. I still don't know how he did it, but none of us want to risk losing you again."

You opened your mouth to ask him to elaborate, but then Dean called for him to hurry up, so he apologized and made to leave.

" Wait!", you called him,"Do you ever feel hungry? Or tired?"

"Not since restoring my grace."

You thanked him, and he smiled at you before following Sam out.

You went to the kitchen to make some coffee and grab some snack while you reflected on Cas' words. What did it mean, losing you? And now that you thought about it, it wasn't the first time someone used those words for you. They started after that witch hunt you didn't remember much of anything of. Maybe it was all connected.

You kept thinking about it while waiting for the water to boil, while you picked everything up and walked to the library, and what you found made you smile.

Gabriel was sitting on the couch, surrounded by books and fast asleep. You had tried to get him to try sleeping before, but he always refused, insisting that caffeine would help him just as much. Stubborn angel. It seemed tiredness had finally won.

You put the cup in the table and started on moving the books out of the way, then you sat down and carefully tilted him until he was laying with his head on your lap as you gently passed your fingers through his hair.

You sat there for a little while, quietly enjoying the softness of the moment, before you thought back at Cas' words. Something didn't add up. You frowned and massaged your forehead. Damn headaches. One seemed to always pop up when you tried to think more deeply about it.

You momentarily let if go and chose to look at Gabriel instead, his serene expression making you smile. It was probably the first ever you had seen him actually asleep.

Then it clicked, and the blood froze in your veins.

The only times you had ever seen an angel sleep was that time Cas' grace was getting weaker by the day.

Gabriel getting hungry. Gabriel snapping without anything happening. Gabriel getting tired to the point of sleeping.

How stupid could you be? His grace was vanishing and you were too caught up in your own thoughts to notice. But why didn't he say anything, when a part of his as important as his grace was -

"Someone offered something truly important for them in exchange for you. To have you back."

You clenched your teeth and pressed the heel of your hand into your eyes. Now was not the time for whatever this was, but more flashes kept coming to mind. It seemed your brain had made a connection and wouldn't shut up until you saw it too.

And then you did.

Barely there memories from that witch hunt no one wanted to talk about. Those weird flashback-like daydreams you had with increasing frequency about a perfect life in the bunker, too heavenly good to be real. Vague mentions of you being lost and Gabriel "bringing you back" somehow. The looks Cas and Balthazar threw at him. Gabriel getting more human by the day, but still looking at you like you were a miracle that could vanish any moment.

Tears started falling from your eyes, running down your cheeks and raining onto his sleeping face. Sobs that you desperately tried to keep silent not to wake him shook your body, waking him up despite your tries.

He blinked up at you, eyes still clouded, and raised a hand to your face. The sleepiness was gone in an instant when he realized what was happening, replaced by worry.

"Sugar, what's wrong? Tell me how I can help, please."

You just shook your head, hand still pressed against your lips to reel in the sobs.

Not knowing what else to do, he hugged you and let you hide your face in his shirt, holding you close until you had calmed down enough to talk.

"I-I died," you stuttered with a broken voice.

He stilled, then let out a deep sigh. "You remembered."

It wasn't a question, but you still nodded.

"Then you also remember that you didn't just die, I _killed_ you."

There was harness and pain behind his words, but you wouldn't let him stay in his guilt.

"It wasn't your fault! We've all done things we regret while under someone else's control."

"That doesn't change the fact that it was my hand holding the blade. And I couldn't let you go. It was my doing, so it was my job to fix it and bring you back."

"But you didn't have to. And your grace-" you inhaled sharply, needing to take a deep breath but still unable to finish the sentence. He kept looking at you with the same affection and calm resolution you had seen in him since you woke up again.

"Why?", you couldn't help but ask. "And why didn't you want me to know?"

"I was afraid it would... Ruin what he had, I guess. And, even if I knew you wouldn't hold against me, deep down I couldn't bear to see you look at me with fear or disdain, not when you are the first to see the real me in so long. And for why I needed you back... I'm old. I know, it doesn't show," he said, flipping his hair with an exaggerated motion, not succeeding in dispelling the tension but getting a watery laugh out of you. He smiled in victory before becoming serious again. "And with old I mean really, really old. I've seen a lot of things, outlived a lot of people. But I simply couldn't live in peace knowing you were gone, and by my hand at that. But I was too weak to bring you back. So I prayed."

You sucked in a breath. You knew how he felt about his family, especially his father, and for him to go as far as praying...

" Pops isn't really one to answer prayers, so I needed to get his attention.", he shrugged, like what he did was a small thing.

"But your grace?", you said. You couldn't understand how he could sacrifice something so important for him for you, a no one.

"It was the only thing I could offer. I was afraid it wouldn't be enough-"

"Not enough?", you said, voice cracking, "We're talking of a part of you, and you just gave it up? For me? I'm the one who's not worthy of such a sacrifice-"

"You're worth so much more than the grace of a runaway. I would have offered more if I had it. Low as it was, I'm still can't believe Dad accepted it and brought you back.". He took your face between his hands, thumbs brushing away the still falling tears. "And I'll never stop being grateful for it."

You still couldn't understand how he could be so calm and serene about it.

"But what if you regret it and come to hate me for it?"

"It was my decision to make, and I will never regret it." he said, voice filled with a certainty that came from a soul-deep conviction. "How could I, when it allows me to see you alive?"

"But won't you turn human once it runs out?", you asked, remembering how sad Cas was when his grace had been stolen.

He simply shrugged. "I made my peace with it. And it won't be too bad, especially if I get to get old with you."

Your heart was too full, beating too fast, to let you speak, so you just stood in silence, taking all of his words in.

He took it the wrong way.

"Only if you want to, of course. You don't have to put up with me for so long, I was just blurting things. Don't feel obligated to stay with me just because of what I did. You can do whatever you want, and I'd still be okay with it-"

He was rambling, and you were still too emotional to speak. So you threw yourself into his arms, holding on as with as much strength as you could muster, like you were trying to make him feel what you felt by touch alone.

"I'll take it you'll have me?", he asked with an hopeful note in his voice that made your heart clench.

You nodded, and fresh tears spilled from your eyes when he hugged you back with just the same emotions.

Part 1

Whatever may come, you'll face it side by side.

Part 2

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

A worthy sacrifice Pt. 2

Words count: 1316

You were trying to bake.

Code word: trying.

You regarded your attempt at a anniversary cake with a critical eye. It was okay, really, except for the "365 days till the last apocalypse" written with frosting on the top.

You shuggred. The pros of living with not one but two celestial beings ( and an occasional third you had to bribe into visiting) meant that all you had to focus on was the thought, while the angels fixed the actual thing with a snap.

You smiled as the image of one specific angel crossed your mind. You checked the corridor to be sure no one was coming, then you pulled another sweet out of the fridge. The chocolate cupcake was the only survivor of the batch you had attempted to bake, and you could only hope it was good enough. You took the golden frosting and made a careful twirl. Your smiled fondly as you placed a single candle on top, ready to be lit in a more private celebration of another anniversary.

A gentle knock bought you back to the moment and you turned around with a frown.

"I told you, no one's allowed while I'm-"

You stopped abruptly when you realized that it wasn't one of either pair of brothers at the door.

Instead, a average looking man waited patiently.

You looked him over as you reached behind you and grabbed the first thing within reach. He was shorter than the boys, with short hair and some stubble. He looked quite peaceful, but your gut told you that whatever he was, it wasn't human. And it had to be damn powerful to break through all of the bunker's protections.

He looked at your hand and smiled, hands slowly raising.

"That won't be necessary. I come in peace."

There was an underlying humour in his words, probably at your weapon of choice - that, after a quick glance, turned out to be a spatula with some frosting still on it.

You inwardly shrugged. You didn't get a fame as one of the best hunter out there without getting out of tight spots with alternative weapons. And if this being thought he'll have a easy game just because you were retired, he had another thing coming.

But with a wave of his hand the spatula vanished, and your eyes widened. You were ready to call for back up, but he brought a finger to his lips and you found yourself unable to speak a word.

You then fixed your best glare on him.

"I'm sorry", he apologized, "but this is the easiest way."

Your eyes flickered to the door and back to him.

"I have no intention of harming them. Or you.", he assured, "I just want to talk to you."

You studied him for a minute, then sharply nodded.

"Great. First things first. I'm Chuck. Do you know where you are?"

He looked at you as he waited for an answer, but he was forgetting about a tiny detail. You raised an eyebrow and pointed at your throat.

"Oh, right." He waved a hand.

You tested your voice for a second before answering.

"I'm in the Men of Letter's bunker."

He shook his head. "Not quite. This is actually your Heaven."

You blinked at him. "My what?!"

"Your Heaven. I assumed you knew how it works..."

"No, I mean, yes, I know, but. Don't I have to be dead to be up in the clouds?"

He just looked at you.

"No way. I'm dead? But..."

"What's the last thing you remember?", he asked.

That made you pause. To be honest, you didn't remember much. You knew that the Apocalypses were over, but you couldn't really pinpoint how you knew or what made you so certain.

You stared at him, lost.

"Maybe this'll help."

Suddenly he was much closer as he pressed two fingers to your forehead.

Pictures passed through your mind, too fast to fully grasp, and yet you understood their meaning.

Still, the guy was too close.

You took a step back. "C'mon buddy. Personal space."

And then it hit you.

"Oh god I really am dead. What about the boys? Are they ok? And Gabriel? Please, tell me he's ok. And I hope he's not blaming himself, it wasn't his fault. Wait a minute. ".

A sudden thought broke through the frenzy of your mind. "Are you sure this is Heaven?"

"Quite certain, yes. Why?"

"I just... Never thought I'll end up here."

"And where did you think you'll go? Hell?"

You shrugged. "I guess? I've done some seriously shady things in my life, so I thought that was the most logical choice."

He seemed surprised. "Do you really believe that? You help people, you're kind to those who suffer. You always try your best. There's no way you'll end up in Hell. Trust me, I'd know. "

You looked away, not quite certain of what he was saying. You wanted to object, saying that you still hadn't done enough to deserve this, but he sounded so certain...

"Anyway", his voice brought you back from your dark train of thoughts. "That's not what I'm here for. I'm actually here to give you a choice."

He waited for you to nod before continuing.

"You see, someone has asked for my help. And that hasn't happened in a really, really long time."

"I'm happy you're starting to reconnect and all", you blocked him, "but how am I involved?"

"They offered something truly important for them for you. As an exchange to bring you back."

You looked at him, surprised. There was really someone that thought you were that special? That you were worth such a sacrifice?

"So.... Do you accept?"

"Accept what?"

"To go back. You can stay here if you want. It's your choice."

You looked around you. The bunker's kitchen, the cake. You were happy here.

But it wasn't real.

Maybe you should go back, see the real boys again, help a little more. Try to be as worthy as someone seemed to think you as.

Then your eyes fell on the cupcake.

Maybe it wasn't real, but it was the closest thing of true happiness you had felt in a really long time. You weren't leaving them behind, you were already dead. You could be a little selfish for once, couldn't you?

You sighed. You wouldn't be able to live, well, sort of, with yourself if you consciously stayed in Heaven when you had a choice to help others again.

Chuck's voice brought you out of your considerations. "He really loves you, you know."

You looked up to see him looking at the little sweet.

You smiled, but it was empty. Like he could love someone with as little importance as you. "In here, maybe. But out there...."

"You'd be surprised."

He gave you one more moment to decide.

You took a deep breath.

"I can't leave them. But you knew that, didn't you?"

His smile was kind. "They wouldn't know what to do without you."

He held out a hand. "Are you ready?"

You went to took his hand, but stopped at the last second.

"The thing you said they offered for me... Are you going to take it?"

"Yes. I'm not known to do things just for the sake of it. They will think it's a trap if I don't take anything in exchange. "

"But won't they regret it? I mean, I'm surely not worth whatever they're offering, so-"

"Listen", he cut you off, and something in his voice made you unable to do anything but do as he said, "He knew what he was doing, so it's clear he thinks you are."

To avoid being overwhelmed by such a statement, you found a little part to ground you.

"He?"

Chuck looked a little sheepish at that.

"Woops. I slipped. Time to go!"

"No, wait-"

But he grabbed your hand, and everything went white.

Part 1:

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

A worthy sacrifice Pt. 2

Words count: 1316

You were trying to bake.

Code word: trying.

You regarded your attempt at a anniversary cake with a critical eye. It was okay, really, except for the "365 days till the last apocalypse" written with frosting on the top.

You shuggred. The pros of living with not one but two celestial beings ( and an occasional third you had to bribe into visiting) meant that all you had to focus on was the thought, while the angels fixed the actual thing with a snap.

You smiled as the image of one specific angel crossed your mind. You checked the corridor to be sure no one was coming, then you pulled another sweet out of the fridge. The chocolate cupcake was the only survivor of the batch you had attempted to bake, and you could only hope it was good enough. You took the golden frosting and made a careful twirl. Your smiled fondly as you placed a single candle on top, ready to be lit in a more private celebration of another anniversary.

A gentle knock bought you back to the moment and you turned around with a frown.

"I told you, no one's allowed while I'm-"

You stopped abruptly when you realized that it wasn't one of either pair of brothers at the door.

Instead, a average looking man waited patiently.

You looked him over as you reached behind you and grabbed the first thing within reach. He was shorter than the boys, with short hair and some stubble. He looked quite peaceful, but your gut told you that whatever he was, it wasn't human. And it had to be damn powerful to break through all of the bunker's protections.

He looked at your hand and smiled, hands slowly raising.

"That won't be necessary. I come in peace."

There was an underlying humour in his words, probably at your weapon of choice - that, after a quick glance, turned out to be a spatula with some frosting still on it.

You inwardly shrugged. You didn't get a fame as one of the best hunter out there without getting out of tight spots with alternative weapons. And if this being thought he'll have a easy game just because you were retired, he had another thing coming.

But with a wave of his hand the spatula vanished, and your eyes widened. You were ready to call for back up, but he brought a finger to his lips and you found yourself unable to speak a word.

You then fixed your best glare on him.

"I'm sorry", he apologized, "but this is the easiest way."

Your eyes flickered to the door and back to him.

"I have no intention of harming them. Or you.", he assured, "I just want to talk to you."

You studied him for a minute, then sharply nodded.

"Great. First things first. I'm Chuck. Do you know where you are?"

He looked at you as he waited for an answer, but he was forgetting about a tiny detail. You raised an eyebrow and pointed at your throat.

"Oh, right." He waved a hand.

You tested your voice for a second before answering.

"I'm in the Men of Letter's bunker."

He shook his head. "Not quite. This is actually your Heaven."

You blinked at him. "My what?!"

"Your Heaven. I assumed you knew how it works..."

"No, I mean, yes, I know, but. Don't I have to be dead to be up in the clouds?"

He just looked at you.

"No way. I'm dead? But..."

"What's the last thing you remember?", he asked.

That made you pause. To be honest, you didn't remember much. You knew that the Apocalypses were over, but you couldn't really pinpoint how you knew or what made you so certain.

You stared at him, lost.

"Maybe this'll help."

Suddenly he was much closer as he pressed two fingers to your forehead.

Pictures passed through your mind, too fast to fully grasp, and yet you understood their meaning.

Still, the guy was too close.

You took a step back. "C'mon buddy. Personal space."

And then it hit you.

"Oh god I really am dead. What about the boys? Are they ok? And Gabriel? Please, tell me he's ok. And I hope he's not blaming himself, it wasn't his fault. Wait a minute. ".

A sudden thought broke through the frenzy of your mind. "Are you sure this is Heaven?"

"Quite certain, yes. Why?"

"I just... Never thought I'll end up here."

"And where did you think you'll go? Hell?"

You shrugged. "I guess? I've done some seriously shady things in my life, so I thought that was the most logical choice."

He seemed surprised. "Do you really believe that? You help people, you're kind to those who suffer. You always try your best. There's no way you'll end up in Hell. Trust me, I'd know. "

You looked away, not quite certain of what he was saying. You wanted to object, saying that you still hadn't done enough to deserve this, but he sounded so certain...

"Anyway", his voice brought you back from your dark train of thoughts. "That's not what I'm here for. I'm actually here to give you a choice."

He waited for you to nod before continuing.

"You see, someone has asked for my help. And that hasn't happened in a really, really long time."

"I'm happy you're starting to reconnect and all", you blocked him, "but how am I involved?"

"They offered something truly important for them for you. As an exchange to bring you back."

You looked at him, surprised. There was really someone that thought you were that special? That you were worth such a sacrifice?

"So.... Do you accept?"

"Accept what?"

"To go back. You can stay here if you want. It's your choice."

You looked around you. The bunker's kitchen, the cake. You were happy here.

But it wasn't real.

Maybe you should go back, see the real boys again, help a little more. Try to be as worthy as someone seemed to think you as.

Then your eyes fell on the cupcake.

Maybe it wasn't real, but it was the closest thing of true happiness you had felt in a really long time. You weren't leaving them behind, you were already dead. You could be a little selfish for once, couldn't you?

You sighed. You wouldn't be able to live, well, sort of, with yourself if you consciously stayed in Heaven when you had a choice to help others again.

Chuck's voice brought you out of your considerations. "He really loves you, you know."

You looked up to see him looking at the little sweet.

You smiled, but it was empty. Like he could love someone with as little importance as you. "In here, maybe. But out there...."

"You'd be surprised."

He gave you one more moment to decide.

You took a deep breath.

"I can't leave them. But you knew that, didn't you?"

His smile was kind. "They wouldn't know what to do without you."

He held out a hand. "Are you ready?"

You went to took his hand, but stopped at the last second.

"The thing you said they offered for me... Are you going to take it?"

"Yes. I'm not known to do things just for the sake of it. They will think it's a trap if I don't take anything in exchange. "

"But won't they regret it? I mean, I'm surely not worth whatever they're offering, so-"

"Listen", he cut you off, and something in his voice made you unable to do anything but do as he said, "He knew what he was doing, so it's clear he thinks you are."

To avoid being overwhelmed by such a statement, you found a little part to ground you.

"He?"

Chuck looked a little sheepish at that.

"Woops. I slipped. Time to go!"

"No, wait-"

But he grabbed your hand, and everything went white.

Part 1:

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

A worthy sacrifice Pt. 1

What should have been a simple low-level witch hunt went south. You regrouped and went to try again, all too aware of a the new forced enemy you'll now have to face.

Word count: 1390

Content warning: Injury, major character death

"So, the witch should be in now. Angels, do you confirm?" Dean asked.

Cas was the first to answer. "I can feel two presences in the house. One soul and-"

"One angel's grace,", Balthazar finished with a pointed look to you.

You were keenly aware of the absence of the third comment that should have been there, mostly to make fun of everyone's seriousness. But no one, least of all you, were feeling like this hunt was joking matter anymore.

"Ok then. Let's go inside. And be careful. We don't want anyone else going under her spell. "

You divided into smaller groups - you, Sam and Balthazar were to be the main scouters and go through the front door, Dean and Cas through the back as the back-up - and walked closer to the house.

You made quick work of the locked door, turning the handle as quietly as you could (not that it mattered much how little noise you made, with who she had stolen from you) and crept on the soft carpet.

Most of the sounds and light were coming from farther in. You looked back - kitchen? you mouthed - and Sam nodded. Gun at the ready, you tip-toed as close as you dared, holding your breath, listening hard to try and distinguish any voice from the clattering and bubbling coming from the room.

"-luck at hitting you. If this work, you'll be tied to me far longer than with the first spell alone. Here, drink this and-"

You glanced back at the others in a panic, and barely noticed their wide eyes. Faster than they could raise their hands to block you, you run into the room.

"Stop!" you ordered, witch-killing gun aimed straight at the head of the enemy. You refused to acknowledge the other presence in the room. You only needed to kill her to break her hold, to have him back, and she was too stunned by your apparition to do more than scream "Stop them!".

You pulled the trigger...

... And hit the wall to her right.

A hand had come up and pushed the gun away.

Knowing and dreading who you would find, your eyes traced back to eyes that, instead of the beautiful hazel you loved so much, were a dull red.

Gabriel stared back at you, one hand on the gun, the other limp by his side. He looked disinterested in what was happening, following orders without any outwardly signs of recognition.

If this was what the spell did to an Archangel, even if a underpowered one, you didn't dare think about what it would have done to you if he hadn't pushed you away to take the hit himself.

Why did he do it? And how did the witch got possession of such a powerful spell? Maybe she wasn't as low-ranking as you had though.

But if you wanted to know more, you had to capture her.

You pulled your gun back to you, but the witch had had enough time to grab what was closest and run through the door at the other side of the room with a "Kill them!" shouted as she fled.

Gabriel immediately reacted, springing in front of you with his blade raised, and lunged.

Balthazar jumped back, careful not to get hit and trying to keep him as far as he could.

"There's no way we're getting through him," he said.

You took a deep breath as you put the gun away and took hold of your own blade.

"You can if I distract him."

Sam looked at you like you had just made the worst decision of your life, which was fair.

"Are you crazy? She said 'kill', so he won't hold back. You won't la-" his words were cut off when Gabriel moved to attack him.

"Then you'll better find her quickly. Now go! I can handle this. " you said.

He looked hesitant, but then Balthazar grabbed him by the arm to make him move.

"We'll be as quick as possible. Try not to die," he said.

They made to walk to the other door. You saw Gabriel prepare to strike, so you attacked him first, sure in your knowledge that you couldn't really hurt him anyway.

"Focus on me now, pretty angel," you said, grimacing when he faced you with a fighter stance.

Now it was only a matter of who was going to be the quickest, the boys with the witch or Gabriel with his blade.

"Dean!" Sam called, trying to ignore the sound of fighting behind them to focus on trying to relocate the witch and hoping his brother had more luck.

"In here. We got her!" he heard back, so him and Balthazar moved closer to the back door.

They found Dean holding the witch at gunpoint while Cas looked through her bag.

"Where's -"

"Keeping Gabriel busy. Why isn't she dead yet?" Balthazar asked.

"She said she needs to be alive to break the spell. Cas's checking if it's bullshit," Dean said. "What do you mean, keeping him busy? He's an Archangel, you always goes about how he's so above us. How can they keep up?"

"They can't for long, so let's be faster. Cassie, found anything yet?"

"No."

"Keep searching, I'll try reading her mind."

The witch looked scared at his words, and even Cas looked up for a moment, before nodding once and bending over the book again.

"Cas said you couldn't do that!" Dean said.

"Not without burning through some grace, but today's a day of bad choices, apparently." Balthazar said before putting a hand on her head.

Bloody Hell, the angels really weren't lying when they preached about their superior fighting skills.

You were good and you knew it, but you had yet to land a single hit. Sure, you didn't want to hit him, but the only way to last any time at all against Heaven's-highest-and-mightest was to go all out, and your angel blade wasn't going to really hurt him anyway.

Gabriel, on the other, had no problem in seriously trying to skewer you, almost succeeding several times, but you managed to avoid the worst of it by some increasingly creative escape maneuvers. You still got hit, but at least you were not being impaled.

You looked away from him for moment, wondering how long were the boys going to take, but the distraction proved a bad idea.

Suddenly he was right in your space and your side was burning.

Instinctively, you swung at his head with the hilt, and a shot rang from a different part of the house.

Gabriel stepped back and his free hand went at his head. When he looked back at you, you were as thrilled as the moment would allow to see his eyes back to their original color.

"Of course,", you muttered, your free hand absently going to your injured side, pressing down and ignoring the black specs in your eyes. "A hit to the head. Why didn't anybody think of that."

He looked confused for a moment, then properly focused on you. You had never seen someone go so pale so fast. He looked at you, at his hand, still holding the - very bloodied - blade in his hand, and dropped it like it was burning him, looking horrified.

"It's okay, I'm fine," you said, but your voice sounded faint to your own ears.

He walked over to you, hands raised between you like he wanted to reach out to you but didn't dare to.

"You're bleeding. Please, let me heal you."

"I told you, I'm fine. Don't waste your grace on healing me." you insisted, waving a hand.

Your very wet, very red hand.

You looked down at it, remembered what you were using it for, then at the wound, and considered your freely bleeding side with a detached sort of calm.

"Oh. That's a lot of blood. ", you said.

Then the world tilted and your vision went black.

The body of the witch hit the floor, limp.

"Okay, now he should be free. Let's go check on -"

Dean's voice was covered by a wordless scream coming from the kitchen.

They looked at each other for a second before sprinting into action.

They rushed in, guns raised, only to find Gabriel kneeling on the floor in a puddle of blood, holding your too still body.

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

Choosing a side

When the Winchesters called you to help negotiate with an angel, the familiar face you find there pushes you to make a choice and show where your loyalty lies.

Word count: 2674

They were staring at each other with various degrees of annoyance when someone knocked on the door.

Dean went to opened it, gun raised.

"Oh, it's you.", he said.

"Of course it's me. Who else would come to this place?" you said as you looked around.

Dean was facing you and standing directly between you and the angel, blocking your vision, so you didn't see who it was, but you saw Sam give a confused look at the place where you assumed they were after you spoke, but then he turned to you and you quickly dismissed it.

"Wow, is all that really necessary?" Sam asked when he saw the big bag you were carrying.

You let it fall and hit the floor.

"Ok then, let me fill you in. This is the latest douchiel, Ga-"

"What? Oh, no, this is just my all purpose bag. I just need a couple of things in it." you said, then crunched down and started rummaging through it. "Give me a second while I look for it."

You finally looked up, angel blade in hand, at the trapped angel, and you frowned. That was not a face you had expected to see here, of all places.

"Loki? What are you doing here?" you said, cutting Dean off.

When he didn't say anything you turned to the hunters.

"I know him, he's a Trickster, not an angel."

"Hold on, you know him?" Sam asked.

"Yes, we... run into each other a couple of times."

Dean, who had finally recovered from the interruption, spoke up.

"And you didn't kill him?"

"I tried!", you said, "He just kept popping back up."

You found best not to tell them that while yes, you had tried to kill him the first few times, that turned into the two of you discussing the ethics of his work, which then turned into him tagging along in some of your hunts, which then turned to him offering you a room at his place when the motels you had picked didn't meet his criteria, which you accepted because those rooms were the worst and you liked his company maybe a little too much.

You looked at them all, eyebrows raised high.

Yeah, better to skip over that part.

"Are you sure you guys haven't been tricked? I mean, no shade, but that's kind of his thing."

"Why don't you ask him yourself why he can't jump out of the holy fire?"

You looked at him, and he looked away.

"Wow. I really had no clue. ", you said, "But it kinda makes sense, now that I think about it. At least it explains why he wouldn't die from the stakes."

"So, what do you say? Are you in or not?" Dean asked.

What to do, what to do?

"Give me a moment to think." you said, and started pacing back and forth.

One part of you wanted to help him, of course, but on the other hand, he was an angel, not the Trickster you though him to be. But did that really changed your idea of him that much? Yes, you were hurt he didn't tell you the truth, but you knew him enough by now to know he must have had his reasons. But the Winchesters had told you this particular angel didn't want to help them stop the Apocalypse, and that was bad. So, what were you supposed to do?

You sighed, your decision made. You raised your angel blade to point it at him.

You stopped suddenly and looked at him again. Seeing him trapped felt wrong, but you also knew that he tried his hardest to avoid certain topics, so it made sense they had to lock him into the holy fire ring to force him to listen to them. You still didn't like it.

"I've come to a decision. But you're so owning me after this."

You really, really hated the look in his eyes just then.

"So you'll help us?" Sam asked.

"No."

You thanked your lucky star when water started pouring, and so you turned to them with an almost-but-not-quite apologetic smile.

You ignored everyone's confused expression and turned, slamming the hilt of the blade into the fire alarm you had noticed while you paced. Knowing you had very little time before the hunters recovered from the surprise, you hurried to pull the lever and hoped they still worked, or this was going to get awkward real quick.

"Sorry boys. I'm on his side for this, " you said.

Out of the corner of your eyes you saw the last of the fire dying and him vanishing, only to appear behind you.

It was only a second before you appeared, and Gabriel internally cursed when he realized that, in his rush, he had brought you to his place, and he wasn't sure you still trusted him enough to stay there.

You waved at the Winchesters while he reached out to you, and you felt the pull of teleporting.

You wobbled a little, dizzy like you always were when he snapped you somewhere, and he automatically reached out to stabilize you. You grabbed his hand and hissed, letting go as soon as you were stable, and he had barely any time to feel bad about it when he noticed his hand was wet. He frowned and raised it to look at it, and was surprised to find it bloody. Strange, he didn't remember getting hurt, but he was distracted by seeing you there, and-

"Sorry. Must have cut it while pulling the lever. You know, broken glass and hurry, not a good combo."

He scowled, looked at the way you were holding your hand, and finally broke out of his stupor.

He took a step forward and gently took your hand.

"Here, let me."

You tried to pull it back, but he stopped you with a look.

"Fine, Mr. Overprotective." you mumbled.

"It's the least I can after what you just did." he said.

You heard a tip-tapping and knelt down when you saw the dog coming towards you wagging his tail.

"It was nothing, really. But thank you." you said, shaking the tingles out of your freshly healed hand.

"Hi there Cookie! Did you miss me? Did you? Because I surely missed you - oh by the way, can I know your angel name or should I stick to Loki?" Cookie licked your face, bringing your focus back to him. "Oh, someone wants attention. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"

Gabriel simply looked at how at ease you were in his house, and hesited. He didn't want to tell you and watch you become wary of him. But you didn't seem to mind that he was an angel, and after going against the Winchesters to help him, he felt like if anyone had the right to know, it would be you.

You were clearly not expecting him to actually tell you, because focused as you were with Cookie, it took you a moment to react at his words.

"It's Gabriel."

First you frowned, your hands stilling as you mouthed the name.

"Hold on. Wasn't Gabriel one of the the big four?"

"Yup. Archangel at your service."

You turned to look at him, lost in thoughts as you considered the new information. Then you shrugged.

"Good to know."

"Oh, is it okay if I crash on your couch for a couple of days? While I don't regret doing it, the Winchesters are going to be all over my ass after this and I'd rather not deal with them right this second if you don't mind. I'll be out of your hair in a flash, promise."

And went back to the dog, leaving him dumbfounded.

"You don't have to stay on the couch, your room's still ready. And you can stay as long as you want, I don't mind." he said automatically, then it hit him.

"Wait. That's it?"

"What's it?"

"How are you not freaking out? I lied to you about who I was."

"So what? Yes, I am a little bit hurt, but my reactions are not your fault. I'm not entitled to your every secret. I'm sure you had your reason to keep it to yourself, and that's good enough for me."

"And you're okay with the Archangel part? You don't mind I'm one of the god squad who's trying to end the world?"

You stood up and crossed your arms.

"Do you want to end the world?"

"No!"

"Then no problem."

"And that I don't want to interfere?"

"I mean, I'm sure you stepping in could help a lot, but I can't blame you for not wanting to get involved in the family drama, especially with a family like that."

"Why are you so chill about it?!"

"What, do you want me to have a problem with it?"

If this was a normal circumstance, he would have fled home to avoid any pesky feeling and questions and laid low for some time, but you were in his home, looking like you fitted there, and that left him with nowhere to go to hide.

That stopped him still.

Did he? If he was being honest with himself, which he rarely was, you taking it so well left him... off filter. Up till then, everyone who ever found out had decided they no longer wanted anything to do with him, not to mention the ones that outright tried to kill him. And here you stood, not judging him, even sticking your neck out for him, and he didn't really knew how to act.

So he tried the next best thing. Distraction.

You weren't quite fast enough, the little thing bouncing off you and ending on the floor. Cookie jumped to the job, picking it up and presenting it to you proudly.

"Catch."

"Well, thank you."

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Of course. I put myself out there, and the dog gets the praise."

"You're just jealous he's cuter than you are." you said, and Cookie barked with a timing too perfect not to be in agreement.

You laughed in good humor, then you actually looked at what he threw at you, which turned out to be a key.

"Traitors, both of you."

You looked at him, a question clear in your eyes.

"The front door, " he said, pointing a thumb behind him. "Open it from this side, it'll get you wherever you want to go. Use that key in any door, it'll open to here. It'd be a little annoying to be here and having to ask me anytime you wanted to go somewhere."

"Well, thank you, " you said. He looked at you, unimpressed, and the light in your eyes meant you knew perfectly what you just did. You paused for a moment and turned more serious. "But isn't it a little risky?"

It was, in more ways that he cared to admit.

But he couldn't very well tell you that. So, he deflected.

"Have you ever known me to play it safe?"

"Actually, yes."

"Just, accept the key, would you?"

You stayed silent while you thought about something. He could see the moment the lightbulb turned on in your head.

"Alright, alright," you said, then mumbled "Not in an elaborating mood, I see. "

"Say, do you have a chain?"

"A what?"

"Like, a necklace thing. About this length?" you said, raising your hand around your abdomen.

"What for?"

You rolled your eyes. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna try to strangle you with it or anything. It wouldn't work anyway, as an Archangel and everything."

He almost flinched. "I wouldn't blame you from trying."

"Ehy, none of that. I told you I'm not mad."

And stared when you looped it through the ring of the key, clasped it around your neck and hid it under your shirt.

He looked at you, clearly not believing you, but humored you and snapped you a necklace like you asked.

"What?", you said when you looked up and found him still staring, "I'm not gonna put it with my keys where it could easily be lost or stolen."

"I pity whoever may try to steal it now.", he said. "But you don't have to be so careful. It won't work for anyone else anyway."

"You can make it that specific? Oh, wait, I forgot.", you said, and the teasing in your voice was a familiar one, "You're an Archangel. You're fierce. You're absolute. You can do whatever you want, because you're among the most powerful bitches alive. "

He sighed at your dramatic poses. "So you heard of Cassie's little speech."

"Yup. And now that I know you're brothers, it makes sense you'd share the same level of drama."

"You know, most people would be wary of making fun of me after finding out how powerful I am."

You looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Hard to be intimidated by you after I had to remind you you can summon shit up when you went all sad and pouty because someone had taken the last popsicle at your favorite ice-cream truck." Your expression turned softer "And after you gave the one you made to the lost kid to calm him down while we looked for his moms."

He felt slightly uncomfortable at the open affection in your eyes, but he always didn't want it to go away, so he tried to distract you with a half truth.

"Look, I don't like crying kids, okay? They're annoying, so making him stop being so loud was purely selfish.", he said.

That had always been the thing with you: you seemed to be able to see right through him, no matter the act he put on, and you never used it against him. And even now, after he gave you unrestricted access to the one place he would retreat to when he wanted to get away from the mess the world could be, you were more worried about his safety than finding a way to take advantage of that. Because that was just who you were. And maybe he could allow himself to enjoy your companionship without fearing you may turn against him, because he trusted you not to.

"Sure, honey, sure, " you said, looking like you didn't believe him in the slightest.

"I'm going to freshen up, then what do you say to watching a movie?" you called over your shoulder.

Unaware of what he had just realized, you turned and walked towards your room.

"Sounds good to me. Who's choosing?" he said back, glad that his voice didn't crack at the domesticity of it all.

"You can pick this time," you said, then poked your head out of the door, "But if you pick that one again, I'm going to find a way to break into your sweet stache and eat all of it, alone."

"You'd get sick."

With that you closed the door, and he was left alone. Well, not really. Cookie was still sitting by his feet, looking first at where the direction of your room, then at the him in what seemed a far too knowing look.

"And it would be worth it. Consider yourself warned."

"Why are you looking at me like that? You're a dog."

A dog, he had to add, that would hide from or growl at basically anyone that he didn't like, but seemed to love your presence as much as his owner. Had he realized what Gabriel had not admitted to himself yet?

Cookie barked once and rolled over.

He grinned when he thought of the perfect movie. It wasn't the one you hated so much, but it was similar enough to make your reactions more enjoyable than the movie itself.

Gabriel rolled his eyes and crouched to rub his belly, while the other hand went under his chin to think.

He snapped some snacks, turn on the TV, and set to wait.

For a day that had started to go to shit, he found he didn't mind too much getting trapped in holy fire if it ended like this.

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

Feathered pillow

Word count: 798

Balthazar, a bottle of champagne and a flute in his hands, was casually walking through the dark house, lost in thoughts.

Since you had forbidden hooks up while you and the Winchesters were exploiting their welcome at one of their safe houses, he had no choice but to turn to his second favourite way to spend some time and indulge in some other form of hedonism. In other words, spending the night in the Jacuzzi with some expensive drink.

Yet, while walking past the game room, something in the corner of his eye made him stop and lured him in.

He still wasn't used to seeing his brother with his wings out.

Gabriel was sitting cross-legged on the big couch that took most of the space of the room, fully involved in his current race in Mario Kart.

That wasn't surprising. The youngest archangel had always been full of energy, never unmoving for long, and since sleeping wasn't really an option for them, he had to find alternative ways keep himself busy. Balthazar doubted he had any annoyance at being stopped from finding someone to spend the night with, and, while Gabriel was probably not aware of the why, Balthazar didn't have to wonder the reason for his change of habit.

He was, hower, surprised the volume the game was at. While it was more than enough for their supernatural hearing, it was low enough that a human would have had difficulties in catching it. Could it be to not disturb those hunters? Knowing the Trickster, it was more likely he would keep it loud just to annoy them.

Too add to the list of oddities, he noticed that his wings weren't moving as they should. To be precise, they weren't moving at all.

While Gabriel was putting his whole body in the curves of the game, leaning this and that way like one must do in the turns, he was also making a considerable effort on making sure his wings stayed fixed to their spot, even stretching them to make sure they stayed still.

He took Balthazar only a couple of steps inside the room to have both his questions answered.

Of course.

He couldn't see it until he was closer, the couch and his brother's wings obscuring his view, but really, who else could make him act with such care?

You were sitting on the couch too. Surely you must had been playing as well, racing against his brother as usual, until you had grown too sleepy to make a decent opponent and decided to just sit and watch him beat his own records instead. Now the joystick laid abandoned on your lap, as you rested with eyes closed and soft breaths in your sleep.

And putting all of you weight on one of Gabriel's wings, basically using it as a pillow.

Pillow and blanket, Balthazar corrected himself, watching amused how said wing was curving protectively around you body.

He so wanted to take a picture, but who knows where the Archangel would have sent him if he did. Their perfect memory would have to do, but the teasing possibilities lowered considerably without a physical proof to show others. The pity.

But apparently their Father wanted to repay him for this wrong – or He was tired of those two and He was trying to give you an hint (in which case, good luck, you were both far too oblivious for something as subtle as this to work) – because, as he watched, his brother put too much energy into a turn, leaning a little too far on the side and making the couch give under his movement. Gravity worked its magic and your body followed until you ended up with your head in his lap.

Gabriel froze (sending his little pilot off the road and straight off a cliff) while you, true to your nature, shifted until you were comfortably hugging his legs.

He slowly rose to a straighter position, and the situation was reversed, with his wings being the only part of himself he allowed to move. Balthazar couldn't keep in a snicker. A death glare was immediately shot in his direction, but it's effectiveness was tampered, with how still he was trying to be, only his wings occasionally twitching.

The younger angel raised his hands, bottle and all, in a placating gesture and walked out of the room smirking. Stillness has never been Gabriel's strong suit, so he would soon grow restless and would have to either snap or carry you to your room. No doubts on which one his idiotically pining brother would pic.

And despite how much Balthazar would have loved to see that, it was wiser to remove himself from the Trickster's wrath.

And anyway, there was a Jacuzzi waiting for him.  

Author's note: Hi there! First of all, if you've read this far, thank you. Second, yes, this work is basically the same of the one on @dream-your-own-stories , but not to worry! That is still me. I decided to rework it a little and post it here so to have them all in one place. Okay, that was all, bye!

[from-my-gabriel-notebook]

While driving to a new case with the Winchesters and Gabriel, you stop at a diner to eat something, and the Archangel decides to keep the condiments from you.

"Gabriel, please, give me that bottle!"

"Why, do you need it?"

"Yes! Now hand it over!"

You felt Sam and Dean's eyes on you as you stretched up in an effort to grab the ketchup bottle Gabriel was refusing to hand over, and a part of you felt embarrassed they were seeing you like this after all the time you had spent to have them consider you as a proper, serious hunter, but most of you didn't care.

Going out with Gabriel, first as friends and now as a couple, had helped you realize you didn't have to act so formal all the time to be seen as competent, and it had been freeing. Just another of the many reasons you were grateful to have him in your life.

However, that didn't mean you couldn't find him an annoying little shit sometimes. Like now.

He was leaning back on his chair and raising an arm up to try and keep the sauce out of your reach, but you were stubborn enough in trying to get it back to lay over him in an effort to grab it.

Close as you were, his eyes kept dropping to your lips, while yours stayed glued to the hand holding the bottle.

"Give it up! This hamburger tastes awful and I need something cover the taste up!"

"What's the magic word?"

His suggestive tone did not go unnoticed, but you refused to be swayed from your mission.

"Now or I'll have to make you."

"That's far too enticing to be a threat, sugar.",he said, then laughed when his reply made you more flustered. He leaned back even more, pushing his chair on the two back legs and defying every law of physics you knew about.

It also had the added effect of forcing you to lean all of your weight on him, while still keeping you from being able to grab that damn bottle.

You growled and hit him in the chest. "You are impossible."

Far from being offended, he seemed to be enjoying the whole situation way too much.

"But you love~me" he sing-sung.

"Still."

He froze, and you used it to you advantage, the ketchup finally within reach.

You sat down with a winning smile and poured a generous amount of it on your burger, ready to finally eat something after hours on the road.

You were just about to bite into it when something nudged your foot. You paid it no mind, thinking it was just an accidental touch (the table was very small, after all), but it happened it again. Gabriel was sitting by your side, so it couldn't be him. At the third nudge, you looked up, ready to scold whoever was keeping you from eating.

But then you met the apologetic smile of Sam, whose eyes kept switching from you to right next to you. The same direction Dean was throwing small paper balls at.

You turned and saw Gabriel staring. At you. It wasn't so unusual - by now you were pretty sure there was some gene in whatever angels passed as DNA to make them so staring as a species - and it normally made you blush, but this time he wasn't even blinking, which made you instantly worried.

He had spent so much time with humans that most of the behaviors needed to blend in had become an habit, but he would forget to keep them going when shocked, hurt or severely distracted.

You quickly looked him over and relaxed marginally when couldn't find any tellings that said he was lost in a memory, but it wasn't a good sign he was so far gone to not even comment on you checking him out. You thought about how to knock him out of whatever it was, and after a moment of consideration, you took the bottle of ketchup again and squirted him in the face.

It worked.

"Hey! What was that one for?"

"You were staring.", You said, completely unbothered by his offended wiping.

He fell quiet for a couple of seconds, and looked at you out the corner of his eyes.

That was weird.

Dean threw a napkin at you to get your attention and motioned to Gabriel, and you shook your head, your guess as good as his.

You knew that asking the Archangel directly usually didn't work out all that well, so you set to wait until he felt like sharing; but after two more minutes of extremely unsubtle side-eyes, you had to at least try to ask.

"Is anything wrong?"

He looked away - was he being shy? Him? - then back at you, his eyes flicking between yours. Whatever he saw must have given him enough courage to speak, even if it was directed at his plate.

"You didn't deny it.", he said.

You were puzzled, and it must have shown, because he took a deep breath, looked at you straight on, and continued.

"You really do?"

It took you a minute to understand what he was talking about. You were the one to look away when you realized what you had accidentally admitted.

Dean, confused by all of this implying and looking at and away, looked at Sam and opened his mouth to ask what was going on, but his brother rolled his eyes and brought a finger to his lips.

Of course Dean wouldn't get it, he couldn't understand romance when it spent a great part of the day intensively looking him straight in the eyes.

Gabriel took your hesitation the wrong way.

"It's okay, I know it's too soon for that, you probably didn't mean it that way, I shouldn't have asked."

His smile was a little too much on the sad side to be the reassurance he likely intended it to be, and the hurt look in his eyes broke your heart and made words spill out of your mouth in a hurry.

"I do!" you said, perhaps a little too loudly.

His head turned towards you so fast you were sure he would have pulled something if he was human, and you forced yourself not to look away under his intense stare.

"It's not the way I thought I'd tell you, but I do. Had for a while now, actually."

He smiled, bright as the sun, and you felt a little embarrassment was well worth it if you could make him look so happy.

"Me t-"

Before he could finish speaking colorful confetti fell upon you with a chorus of "Congratulations!".

"What in the name of..." said Dean, whose hand had instinctively gone to his hidden gun at the tiny explosion.

You watched as your waitress placed a white cake in the space between you and Gabriel.

"I'm sorry", she said, "but I overheard the last bit of your convestation. We have a special offer for proposals, so enjoy. It's on the house."

"Wait. That wasn't-" you started to say, flustered, but stopped when your foot was crushed. Hard.

Dean smiled at the her.

"Please excuse my sibling, they're very emotional right now. What they wanted to say was 'Thank you, you're very kind, we'll enjoy this cake. '"

You waited for her to have gotten away before speaking again.

"What was that for?"

"Never says no to free food."he said, mouth already half full of cake.

"But that wasn't even a-"

"I know, but you two are saccharine enough to be on your honeymoon phase, so it's fine." he said, waving his fork around.

"At least don't eat it all," Sam said, "It wasn't even for you." His eyes flicker to your side. "He's staring again.", he added, almost apologetic.

You scooped a little of cake on your finger and booped Gabriel on the nose. It was enough to snap him out of it and, with a dangerously mischievous glint in his eyes, he grabbed your hand and licked what was left of the cream, making your brain short-fire.

He laughed at your expression and pulled you close, sticking his tongue out at Dean when the hunter made a gagging sound and said "Gross, get a room. And thank you for proving my point."