fromtimeforyouonly

[fromtimeforyouonly]

I think its important to morn who you once were. The innocent unloved child who only wanted a friend, in a house where you were the easiest to belittle, and torment. The one who never felt comfortable enough to share any of your thoughts, because when you spoke it was never the right thing. The teen who looked at the world and decided that its better to be the victor than the victim, and in doing so didnt let anyone get close because that closeness could easily become a tool to hurt. And the freshly adult version of yourself who didn't know what path to walk but knew there was only forward, and the refusal to go back. And now im here closer to 30 than 8, and I morn the child who needed help with his homework and didn't understand the world, Imorn the life I could have had if things had been different. But at the same time i am better for it, there is only forward and I refuse to go back

The price I pay for my love ones I've hurt is guilt, so that I may never hurt them that way again, because there is only forward and I refuse to go back

Waiting for the rain- sun

[fromtimeforyouonly]

i’m not aromantic but i believe in their beliefs

[fromtimeforyouonly]

I wonder what name I'll call you by once your here, will it be your actual name (unlikely if we spend most of our time alone together), or if I'll have pet names for you. I wonder what you'll call me.

I had something else to say, but it's just slipped my mind.

Lovingly yours in the future- the sun

[fromtimeforyouonly]

I consider the sun to be a terrifying thing. It's so bright, beautiful, and warm. It gives life to every thing on this planet, but ultimately it's going to destroy everything too (even if we're long gone by that time). I suppose it shows a lot on how I veiw myself, labeling myself "the sun", when I mostly see it a something that will take everything with it when it dies. And the moon reflects its glow, it's a beauty that you can see and stand in its presence without hurting yourself. I don't think I usually hurt the people I love and cherish, and I do apologize when I realize I have, but strangers on the street and people who've wronged me and those I do care about.... that's a different story. I veiw myself as harmless, until I am not. I wonder if you'll find it to be a novelty when you see it the first time, or if you'll look on in horror. I think I'll probably find amusing either way. And I'm definitely a mirthful person, and if I can entertain you, I'll be happy. I won't lie to you about who I am, I personally think I'm fun

In a lovely mood - the sun

[fromtimeforyouonly]

I love the night more than anything, I've always found joy in it with the people I care about, when I first met my closet friends I'd drive out from the countryside where I lived at the time to visit them in the city. We'd all get in my car, and then we'd go midnight driving (usually to a different part of Oregons countryside), regardless of the weather. The night is where I'm happiest, and that's why you be the moon, a guiding light in the dark where only joy can follow me

Different type of light- the sun

[fromtimeforyouonly]

I want to know your favorite season (mine is fall, because winter comes right after). Do you have a favorite constellation? (I have a few, Crater is one of them) I want to go tea shopping with you and to buy liquor for the liquor cabinet in my house that's specifically for you. I want to find joy in the most mundane things with you. I know I'm not without my problems, but I hope you'll except me as I am, and even more so as I improve.

With thoughts about a future I don't have yet- the sun

[fromtimeforyouonly]

I want to experience life with you, not only the good and the bad, but the monotonous and the mundane too. I want it all, because even if I'm sad or angry, happy, or even indifferent (im not sure if that's the right work to use, but I'm drawing a blank), all of it is time I get to spend with you.

Half asleep- the sun

[fromtimeforyouonly]

I want to know a lot of things about you, what's your favorite color (will it be a Jewel tone like mine? My favorite color is purple), will you be taller than me? Will you also be an American, or a different nationality? Do you like tea or coffee, or something else entirely? What's it like where your from? Your favorite food? (I like cooking, it's an act of love , even if it's just doing it for yourself, something to show that you care) I want to share my hobbies with you, and I want you to share yours with me. If you have a favorite book series or TV show I'd read and watch them.

Waiting- the sun

[fromtimeforyouonly]

I try to talk to my friends about things like this sometimes, I don't think they really get it. They all have someone of their own. I don't think I really get it either, maybe I'm just depressed. I'm still very much gay, life feels disorienting most of the time. Sometimes I think maybe I'm the problem and that's why I'm alone. I'm still waiting for you though, whoever you are , I hope your out there.

With hope-The sun

[fromtimeforyouonly]

The relationship I want isn't a sexual one, but I still want you to be mine. I don't want you to want me because I'm pretty (ive a few too many boyfriends in the past who were like that). I want you to want me for me.

The sun

[fromtimeforyouonly]

I want someone who will drive with me in the passenger seat, not to anywhere specific, just a scenic drive somewhere with trees. I want to rent a cabin in the woods on the weekend with you, not because anything important has happened, or because it's an anniversary or something, just because we enjoy each other's company. I want to sit with you by a fire while it's raining just because we can.

Somewhere from pdx

[fromtimeforyouonly]

Im here, waiting for you, if you even exist. I want what others have, someone just for me. For sweet touches, and a soft kiss. But maybe that's not what I want, maybe I just like the idea of you, whoever you might be

Yours- the sun