fromtseli2you-blog

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I DO WHAT I LIKE...at the moment.

“what do you want to be when you grow up?” is a question all too familiar to many of us, one I have often answered with apprehension and uncertainty. This year I turn 24, I have two degrees and one on the way. I always find myself in a horribly awkward position every time I meet someone for the first time and I have to answer “so what do you do for a living?” I recently realized that simply saying “ wow, that question is hard to answer, I do a lot of things” is becoming less acceptable in these interactions. Now begs the question, why are people so obsessed with boxes and definitions? I have never understood why beings as nuanced as humans have to choose one life and career path and then live with that decision for the rest of their very short lives. When you live in a world of endless discoveries, especially thanks to the internet, there is always something new to learn about the world and ourselves. If life is this series of lessons, if it is the journey that people so often claim it is, then how can it be enjoyed if one spends all their days doing one thing?? We are born with talents, so naturally every individual will be more inclined to do what they are either talented at or fascinated by. Some talents are learned, interest and self expression are nearly always great tools to learn and even perfect a new skill. And if this is the case, then why can’t people just do what they feel like doing in that phase or stage of their lives? I believe very strongly in pouring positive and fruitful energy into the things we do, and as important as education, sheer talent and experience may be sometimes it is okay to take up something completely new or different... and actually become good at it. I reckon if we all stopped trying to define ourselves based on our qualifications and occupations, a whole new world would open up before us. A world where everything and anything is possible. A world where mysteries and problems could be solved just by putting someone who thinks differently from the usual up to a task. I want my children to live in such a world, limitations are so overrated. Just let a nigga beeeee!! 

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TILT YOUR HEAD FOR A LITTLE PERSPECTIVE

As the last year drew closer to an end my life seemed to be changing faster and faster before my eyes, 2017 was a year of so many trials and tribulations. So many life altering changes, lessons, failures and successes. As I felt and watched myself grow, change, evolve, I couldn’t help but feel Iike I was fighting a losing battle. The harder I tried to practice mindfulness and self-love and care, the more it felt like I was clutching at straws. When my fitness game was on point, my personal life was a mess, it was like trying to solve a rubric’s cube… and I am really bad at those. I kept setting expectations for how the months ahead would progress and how I would grow and flourish in a certain direction in a matter of months. The harder I tried, the more I failed. It was a whirlwind of confusion brought on by goals I had set for myself years ago, when I was a different person, and the personal and outside environment in which my life was now unfolding.  Besides the obvious confusion being in this space can bring on so much self-doubt, and disappointment, you can’t help but feel defeated...by everything! I was so tired, so sad, and the longer I felt this way the further the possibility of a breakthrough seemed. One day I woke up and decided I would change my entire perspective on life, make a fresh start, I would begin with myself and I did. In just turning my head to look left as opposed to the straight forward perspective I have always known, life itself became something different. People change and with them come new priorities, new ways of doing things, and it is more than okay to have to start from scratch because of this new outlook. Everything you think you know about yourself and your life could be your reality, but may not be your truth and it really helps to just tilt your head a little for some perspective, you never know what you might see.

As I write this I am thinking of all the things that have happened this week that brought on feelings of anxiety and self-doubt, and I am so proud that none of those feelings crept into my week and consumed my energy so that all I could do was be absorbed in the sense of failure, disappointment, sadness, ANXIETY. Every time things seem a little too hard to bear, too confusing and exhausting, all I do is take a deep breath and tilt my lenses for some perspective.  Molly’s therapist in Insecure said something like, “what if you focused more on how things could be than how they SHOULD be?” Moral of the story: be welcoming to change and challenges that come with that change, it might make life more worth your while.

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Bruno Mars - Finesse (Remix) [Feat. Cardi B] [Official Video]

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Decluttering and Embracing the Moment

It seems like it has been a really long time since I was able to do things I enjoy and take my time with them. My life feels incredibly clustered with things I should do, and people I should see and emotions I should feel. It will be my birthday in about a week and a half and right now I don’t really know how to feel. At 23 I honestly don’t know how much I should have together and how much I should still be unsure of. It is weird how used to having company we have become, if it isn’t our careers, it is school, and friends, and plans and family, and falling in love.... ooooh falling inlove!...I am still caught between voluntarily switching my phone off because I need to get my head right, and literally prying myself away from people and my phone. 

This has helped... I wish I could get more time alone, but I am working on it. Decluttering, some people might understand this, others not so much. And that’s okay I guess.. because it really isn’t about them. 

The idea of taking time away kind of seemed purgatory to me at first being an “extrovert” and all. But I am having more fun with my books, and my pen and paper than I have had in a long time. My days go exactly how I want them and I will admit that kind of control, even over the mundane day to day activities feels really good. I have time to read all the things I have been meaning to... well I am in the process. I am reading Sons and Lovers by D.H Lawrence, I wasn’t really sure I would like it at first because it has been a while since I spent time with the classics, but it is helping me work on my own writing. I am also reading that book on Julius Malema... ‘The Coming Revolution.’ I hope one day someone can write so confidently about my goodness as Shivambu does about Malema. 

The music is also a great companion, it always has been. I am learning that Lesotho has a truckload of uncovered unappreciated talent, which is really unfortunate. I am enjoying most of the stuff coming out of the L. My international playlist varies from Ed Sheeran, to the Drake’s More Life and some Ta-ku in between. Recently started listening to Mulherin and Oshi... some incredible spirit music. 

I think more writing will be coming out of me soon. 

Love and Light 

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(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msR0Mf_31W4)

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Can’t get enough of this image @mutuamatheka. LOVE LOVE LOVE 

“Let me just hitch a ride real quick!” - Sundown in Amboseli really has to involve a Tusker.

#OnetouchLive_Amboseli #igKenya (at Amboseli National Park)

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Please tag whoever this image belongs to.

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Awwwww

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Love this too! Seriously... you should be writing more! 

Taxi take me there…

I’ve always fancied myself a black diamond (def: the new middle-class fast-growing, affluent and influential black community), however, although I am making great strides in my career, my financial situation is still holding me back from the much desired ‘black diamond’ status I deserve.

My friends all drive amazing cars, live in estate developments in Midrand and the Northern Suburbs of Johannesburg. They black diamond status is further affirmed by the Gucci, Polo and Zara clothing. Issey Miyake Cologne and Perfume, cause you need to smell the part, Plain old Red Door will not suffice. Lastly, the air-conditioned Gautrain, which they use to commute to and fro. Oh I envy them, I cannot stand public transport, why can’t my commute to work be as glamorous and luxurious?

I don’t hail the taxi, the driver knows exactly why I am waiting, he hoots waiting for my confirmation that I will be using his chariot to get to my destination. My manicured finger nails never stood a chance against his Zola Budd (def: South African township slang for Toyota Siyaya Minibus Taxi’s). I struggle to open the old door and just as the door finally opens, my nail breaks! My body trembles in shock of the pain…the impatient and almost angry driver looks at me and says: “Eh Madam, can just get in the taxi? You’ll cry about your nail in the taxi, nxa!”

I scramble to get in the taxi as fast as I can, and before I even sit, he speeds off. I look at my right hand and cautiously rub my index finger, which now is pale and missing an acrylic nail tip, to ease the pain. In that moment all I can think is Black diamond my foot!

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Dangerous beauty, Krajuharo

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Jessica So Ren Tang

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In a few days, a couple of friends (@jaydabliu, @lulukitololo & @joshkisamwa) and I will be launching a crowd funding campaign for a road trip to explore and photograph 13 cities in Southern Africa. We plan to travel 15,000km over 2 months to 11 countries to make a couple of books from a whole lot of images.

We believe in documenting African urbanity to define it to the future. We believe in showing a side of Africa seldom seen. We believe Africans should meet more and smash preconceived ideas about each other. This is what Unscrambling Africa means to us.

Will you join us?

#UnscramblingAfrica #Nairobae (at Kenyatta Avenue)

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“Let me just hitch a ride real quick!” - Sundown in Amboseli really has to involve a Tusker.

#OnetouchLive_Amboseli #igKenya (at Amboseli National Park)