frozen-hammerhead

[frozen-hammerhead]

This might be the most painful thing I'm going to write about you — selama kamu masih disisi, tentunya.

(Kalau kamu hilang nanti — suratnya kusampaikan langsung saja ke Tuhan — semoga di kehidupan selanjutnya, aku diperkenankan mencintaimu lagi, dengan cara yang lebih baik.)

I love you. Unnegotiably, without any doubt, I love you. You are the best thing that ever happened in my life — and yet, five months in, I still haven't got a clue on how to keep you — or even if I'm allowed to keep you.

Five months in, dan aku masih banyak takutnya, rupanya.

Maaf, ya?

"Mau cerita?" you'd ask, to which I've always said no.

Sayang, kali ini saja, boleh aku cerita sedikit ketakutanku?

Aku takut, suatu saat nanti kamu bangun — aku di sebelahmu, tidur pulas memelukmu — and you start to think of all the what-ifs, the life you could've had if you're not with me.

A nice little family — the one you'll choose to build, with a smart, loving husband and a dear child that probably will look like him but has your eyes, and all the shine that comes with your smile. The one you won't have to fight so hard for, the one you won't have to wait years for, the one who won't make you doubt their love to you like this letter will probably make you feel.

The one who listens better. The one who's capable of pulling you out of the dark places without getting smeared with all the shadows. The one who's mature enough to look at this and say, "He does love you," — and My God, I do love you — without any of the jealousy because he knows that you deserve every kind of love that you're getting and so much more.

The one, who will teach your child all about the Quran in all the right ways so they won't be afraid to ask if one day they do question it. The one who can comfortably follow along and do your daily prayers with your family. The one who will love you in all the right ways you've ever and never been loved before.

The one.

Sayang, what if I'm robbing you of that future?

This is all that I can give you — this, and most likely nothing more.

How will I ever forgive myself?

Please, please, please — do not say that this is me, pushing you away. I'm not, sayang. I'm not.

I'm just too scared to say that even with all of this fear, I'm still selfishly and desperately hoping that you'll choose me anyway — cause God knows that even if I can't give you everything that you deserve, I will always try my hardest to do so.

Reda dan redalah, reda dan redalah, reda dan redalah,

atau, mendekatlah.

Memang dasar, manusia.

Ikhlas pun ia masih menyimpan harap.

[frozen-hammerhead]

16 April, 1939 Letters to Véra by Vladimir Nabokov

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Sometimes, it isn’t the one who takes your breath away, it’s the one that reminds you to breathe.

k.b. // by jennifer johnson

[frozen-hammerhead]

I: love you without end.

14 July 1926 Letters to Véra by Vladimir Nabokov

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I’m trying. I’m trying. I’m trying.

I love you with all my heart, all my mind, all my soul.

I cannot, and will not, lose you.

[frozen-hammerhead]

I have not loved you enough lately,

yet I still feel your warmth every time we talked.

I have not loved you enough lately, yet you’re still keeping me updated on everything that you do.

I have not loved you enough lately, yet you’re still finding ways into the cracks of my life, making it back whole again.

I have not loved you enough lately,

I can barely love myself lately,

but you stayed.

I mix my love with so much gratitude, sayang,

and for this I will love you for the rest of my life.

Sampai Tuhan yang pisahkan, kan?

[frozen-hammerhead]

Anton Chekhov, from The Complete Works of Anton Chekhov; "Platonov,"

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I love you.

Just you.

"Where are my letters?"

You asked.

Soon.

I keep saying.

The truth is, sayang, I am not good with words, despite my claims of being a wordsmith(-ish). I don't know if words can ever do justice to how I truly feel about you. And so I waited, until I feel like I can write a perfect love letter for you.

I waited and waited.

Then I realised that the best letters come from the heart, just as you taught me, repeatedly.

I love you — you know this. Thank you for being so unapologetically you.

Thank you, for being in my life, for reminding me that mine is beautiful. One that is worth living, because you're in it.

I love you, sayang.

This one's for you.

[frozen-hammerhead]

[frozen-hammerhead]

7 June 1939 Letters to Véra by Vladimir Nabokov

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– Robert Polito | from "Hollywood & God"

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🦈 : Aren’t you worried about me accidentally micro-cheating on you?

❄️ : You have limited spoons each week, you only see your family, and sometimes you’re even too tired for them.

🦈 : … fair.

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“How beautiful to find a heart that loves you, without asking you for anything but to be okay.”

— Khalil Gibran

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I am too tired and I miss you too much.

Simone de Beauvoir

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Kala malam bersihkan wajahnya dari bintang-bintang memeluk tubuh lelahmu,

Ketahuilah bahwa ia hanya penggantiku yang belum mampu ada disisimu.

[frozen-hammerhead]

(via lunamonchtuna)

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