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bluest

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so what tumblr really is for: manifesting thoughts meant for diaries

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who let this bird on the train

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[*i stop and i stare too much | afraid that i care too much | and i hardly dare to touch | for fear that the spell may be broken.*]

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nicest pics of kristen stewart: the ones made by her girlfriend, ocean side, salty hair

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Some fanfic dedicated to Ursula whose Mom had locked in the basement of her house near the lighthouse close to mount Gordon in GTA 5. She's got an entry in Villains Wiki. The lighthouse always reminds me of Virginia Woolf and her Work The Waves. Maybe it's also inspiration.

Basemental

On islands one does not build cellars.

One would only build it

for the ocean to take possession

of it.

Possession -

obsession

I'm obsessed with cellars

the base(ment) of things

basement -

basemental

(people calling me mental)

On islands one does not build cellars,

but one does on coastlines.

Basements for big houses like mine,

covered in

white wooden fittings,

washed out by the sea

whipping against.

I know that cellar by heart

coz I lost it there

my heart

(coz - cozy,

people say I never had one).

She never had one,

is what my mom says,

her ghost talking things like:

Ursula was horrendous.

I wished she was different,

a son maybe, or

that I never had one,

a child, so I locked it up

to forget.

It is hard to forget a child,

I had to get used to it first.

Scratching sounds from beyond.

It's mice, I told myself.

It's grief, I'm grieving.

I broke my nails doing that,

scratching.

At school I told I'm biting nails

to a few mildly interested.

(I was home schooled anyway)

What strikes me most is

how sad it was not to catch a glimpse

of the sea while being down there.

I envied my mom for seeing it all

through every window directed east and south.

The shade of blue it went

in bluest hours,

glitter in midday heat,

almost white, vanishing.

(Is what my gardener was,

white, then

vanishing,

I threw him down the cliffs,

at least he was meant to be

one with the sea.

Can't throw myself

you know.

Not yet.)

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« I am growing […] I am losing some illusions […] perhaps to acquire others »

- Orlando by Virginia Woolf

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Orlando, 1992, Sally Potter

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frosted

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[*a letter, once composed. seven years long and as tall a tree*]

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Closing in on 10pm. Same place again, slightly different hours, vague mood. Somewhere in between gratitude and restlessness. Dimming the bright once more. Ignoring todays leftovers, leaving a cup of tea nearby, and a window slightly opened as always, for the breath, and for the soul to roam a bit in dreams. Waving the usual goodbye to the hours passed. Sinking in the usual hope for undisturbed sleep. Have a calm night wherever you are.

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a bit early for the Christmas art but I really wanted to draw them

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that one's fulfilling my deeply rooted need for a festive "yeah I fancy you Moony that's why I'm sharing my cigarettes outside one of the greenhouses with you"

Chapters: 25/25 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Remus/Sirius, Lily/James Characters: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Lily Evans, Severus Snape, Regulus Black Additional Tags: Christmas, Hogwarts Era, MWPP Summary: It’s December of 1976. The Ministry is more concerned about cracking down on werewolves than it is about disappearing Muggleborns, Remus is a lousy prefect but a decent friend, and James has declared that all Christmas gifts must be “creative” this year. Includes strongly worded letters to the editors, Muggle protest tactics, Quidditch games, and a very temperamental Sirius. Happy Christmas!

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Not sure how often I've been reading this one

Chapters: 14/14 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Wolfstar - Relationship Characters: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs, Lily Evans, Lily Potter, Alice Longbottom, Frank Longbottom Additional Tags: text, Texting, text fic, Hospital, Boarding School, MWPP, Marauders era, The Marauders - Freeform, Maurders AU, AU, Alternate Universe, Modern AU, texting fic, School, Injury, Mention of family abuse, mention of depression, family stuff, Parents, Illness, Homophobic Slurs, Mention Of Homophobia Summary: Sirius is in boarding school, Remus is in hospital, and they don’t know each other until Sirius texts the wrong number.

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Weyes blood, Titanic Rising