gcar90

[gcar90]

(A short story I wrote) Terri and Kerri are twin sisters. When one twin passes, she enters a limbo between the realm of guardian angels and the living world. In this state she is allowed to watch the life of her living twin from the other side without being able to affect the living world.

[gcar90]

[gcar90]

[gcar90]

I am doing fine, I am just working a lot and busy

Carmen Ella will return soon

[gcar90]

Peace of mind. May is all about mental health. For commissions and more art check out my Ko-Fi page - https://ko-fi.com/neonsake

[gcar90]

Future Of Zen

Future of Zen

Mary was the daughter of a smelly old man from across the lake. The man was mean and cruel. Nothing she did was ever good enough for him. "You're doing it wrong!" was all he ever said to her. That constant mantra hurt her soul to the point where she had ceased to function. Her confidence had taken a bad hit. Mary was determined to survive. She was stubborn and would make it at all costs. With great care, Mary worked the soil. She had already survived 1 year. If she could survive one year, she could survive more. The smelly old man from across the lake was gone and could no longer affect her life anymore. Through all her hard work, Mary taught herself that it wasn't as difficult as the smelly old man made it seem. Mary felt positive & worthy.

Mary rooted around in her Zen garden. Moving the soil and watching green things grow provided a sense of peace. Mary needed peace. She had worked herself to the brink of collapse trying to survive on her own. One clod of dirt didn't seem like just dirt. Puzzled, she grabbed ahold and pulled. It was a rock. She tossed it to the side. Mary noticed a small patch of clover and decided to try her luck. She bent to search. AHA! A four-leaf-clover. "It's going to be a great year." Mary's mother had taught her that four-leaf clovers were good luck, Mary plucked the small sprig. Last year had been difficult, but this year can only be better. Mary placed the clover in her bonnet. Later, when she went inside to tidy up, she would press the clover in her favorite book. That book would radiate luck and positive energy. The positive energy would bring prosperity. It was going to be a good year.

Mary dressed and prepared herself to go to dinner. She had a date with a local man. It would be Mary's first date since moving to the area. The locals didn't know her and tried to send her back to her strange ways. Her perseverance had won them most of the way over. She still had some distance to go before she would be fully accepted. At least one man had come around. Mary could see herself building a future in the area. Mary put on her sunglasses. She picked up her keys and exited the house. Before leaving, Mary passed the fenced in Zen garden and smiled. The future looked bright and sunny indeed.

[gcar90]

Lent

Lent, as I understand it, is a tradition where you voluntarily give something up in order to bring yourself closer to God. When people ask me what religion I am; the short answer is I'm a Christian: I believe in Christ, I read my Bible from time to time, I attend Church… It's all well and good. The long answer about my religion is a little more complicated than my simply stating that I am a Christian.

The basic requirements of being a Christian are accept Christ as your own personal savior. (Done) Trust and believe in God. (Done) There isn't a whole lot more than that. I'm a Christian. But my own personal choices regarding religion don't follow the teachings of a single church. My own personal beliefs are based more on acceptance, love, and kindness to all. (If God can make all kinds of things and people, I can accept all kinds of things and people.) That is my religion, as a whole, in a nutshell. I've made some poor choices in life. I'm learning to leave the judgements to God.

My health isn't always the greatest. My diet is horrible. I am extremely hard on myself. I think I have to do everything all by myself. I could go on. My crazies live and feed on negative energy. If I want to get better, in my life, I need positive energy. Positive energy starves my crazies and helps me function better as a person. Several different religions have positive messages to share and good advice for life. I am not forced to listen to things I do not wish to hear nor do I want to force my beliefs onto others. The truth is, when it comes to religion, in general, I'm still figuring things out and I am trying new and different things to see what works and what doesn't. Religion is confusing to me. I learn from the teachings of different religions to improve myself and my life in some way. Like with Lent…

I started observing Lent as an experiment. My diet was poor, I didn't take care of myself, and I wanted to change some bad habits that I had which were negatively affecting my health. I had become a diabetic because I ate too much fried greasy food from restaurants. My doctor and I both wanted me to lose some weight and put on some muscle, but I kept having trouble finding the motivation to eat right and exercise. I'd start a diet and/or exercise routine and it would last barely a week before I quit whatever and went right back to my bad habits. Lent… was different for me. I respect God. My respect and sheer stubbornness saw me through the duration, that first year.

Lent lasts 40 days and 40 nights from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday. As far as I know, all you have to do is give something up. You don't have to give up anything vital up, like breathing or sleeping. You can give up a bad habit, if you choose. I chose to give up eating out at restaurants for the duration. (I would allow myself a beverage on Fridays, but no food at all from a restaurant.) Lent would be a challenge, but it was a workable and acceptable challenge.

The first year I did Lent, I took a let's try it and see what happens approach. What I was looking for was to see if I was capable of change and getting better. The first time I tried Lent, I made it the entire 40 days and 40 nights. The results were as follows; My weight went down a little bit, my blood sugar improved a little bit, as well as, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, I felt great! My experiment was a success:

The second year I tried Lent, I failed, I was tempted by fries and found myself in a drive thru on a Tuesday. I didn't judge myself for failing. I accepted it and moved on with my life.

That third year, after the initial experiment, it just didn't seem like a good time for a diet. So I gave up on negative self judgement. I don't remember if I made it to the end or not. To be fair, I don't remember how many years that I have been observing Lent. It's been that long.

Last year, I lost my mother. She passed of a heart attack on February 13, 2021. I didn't get notified of her death until February 17, 2021. Ash Wednesday was February 17, 2021. I had already decided that I was going to diet for Lent, that year. Despite the difficult time, I decided to stick with it. Mom was the one who initially told me about Lent. What it was and what it meant and a few other basic details about it. I kept with Lent, last year, as a tribute to Mom. And I ended up learning several valuable life lessons in the process. Self Control, discipline, faith, and that I had a very weird kind of strength that I never knew existed. It also enhanced the hardest journey of my life and the fulfillment of a promise I made when I became an adult and separated from my mother to live life on my own. "No matter what happens, Mom." I told her. "Call me, and I'll come get you, wherever you are." I drove through 7 states, from Michigan to South Carolina and back, again, with my husband, to pick up my mother's ashes, to bring her home. Several people tried to convince me to have my mother's ashes SHIPPED to me. I said "no, I need to make this journey." I made it. Last year, I made it to the end of Lent, too.

This year, I tried Lent, again. Part of my observing Lent, last year, was I didn't apologize for non-world ending stupid stuff. I put my head down and focused. I did what needed to be done and got the job done. This year, we started off normal. My friends and family thought I was nuts for doing it this year. However, I felt like it was something I had to do.

I don't understand it. Sometimes, I feel like I have to do some things. I believe that things happen for a reason. I think faith and God aren't meant to be understood by living, breathing, people. That's okay. I'm sure I'll understand it someday, when I meet God. I'm okay.

The first couple weeks into Lent this year, were awkward. Changing the pattern and doing things different took getting used to. I am teaching myself to be more mellow and to be more relaxed. Things were weird for a minute. They got weirder. I got sick. My mind ran wild. I started feeling really worried and anxious. I had random family and friends pop in and out of my life. Some ugly comments were made and I got really down on myself. In the last couple of days, I decided to chill out and go easy on myself. I had been hurt, enough. It was time for me to be nice to myself.

Every Lent experiment that I have done, since that first one, has been different. Sometimes, I make it to the end, sometimes I don't. Every experience I've had with Lent has taught me something valuable. I haven't decided, yet, if I'm going to practice Lent, next year. If I do, I am sure I will learn something new about myself. I'm going to be fine. Life goes on.