gcdspoke

[gcdspoke]

surprise , i'm still alive 🤪

[gcdspoke]

🐝  *  ―  𝑰𝑻'𝑺 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝑨 𝑷𝑯𝑨𝑺𝑬, 𝑴𝑶𝑴. ( a random assortment of various lyrics from emo songs. feel free to change pronouns if needed. )

❛  i know you well enough to know you never loved me.  ❜ ❛  i am finished with you.  ❜ ❛  you were the last good thing about this part of town.  ❜ ❛  so don't go worrying about me, it's not like i think about you constantly.  ❜ ❛  do you feel like a man when you push her around? do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?  ❜ ❛  take back everything you ever said, you never meant a word for it.  ❜ ❛  i'm glad i didn't die before i met you.  ❜ ❛  say anything, but say what you mean.  ❜ ❛  what the hell is wrong with me? my friends say i should act my age.  ❜ ❛  it's no surprise to me, i am my own worst enemy.  ❜ ❛  i'm sick of the things i do when i'm nervous, like cleaning the oven or checking my tires or counting the number of tiles on the ceiling.  ❜ ❛  well, you treat me just like another stranger.  ❜ ❛  but i don't wanna feel a thing anymore.  ❜ ❛  doesn't it feel like your time is running out?  ❜ ❛  i don't blame you for being you but you can't blame me for hating it.  ❜ ❛  and up until now, i have sworn to myself that i'm content with loneliness.  ❜ ❛  i'll keep you my dirty little secret. don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret.  ❜ ❛  and all the times you promised me that everything would work out in the end, you were gravely mistaken.  ❜ ❛  thanks for the memories even though they weren't so great.  ❜ ❛  i never thought we'd make it out alive.  ❜ ❛  i know somewhere, somehow we'll be together.  ❜ ❛  honestly? honestly, i can't remember all my teenage feelings. and the meanings.  ❜ ❛  the more i try, the more i lose.  ❜ ❛  why can't i feel anything from anyone other than you?  ❜ ❛  second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.  ❜ ❛  and the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared.  ❜ ❛  you contradict the fact that you still want me around.  ❜ ❛  don't ever look back. they'll tear us apart if you give them the chance.  ❜ ❛  you don't know what it's like to be like me.  ❜ ❛  i kept my word when i swore that i would let you down.  ❜ ❛  so let's just pretend everything and anything between you and me was never meant.  ❜ ❛  and i fell for the promise of a life with purpose. but i know that's impossible now.  ❜ ❛  glad the future didn't fail you like it failed me.  ❜ ❛  but i wish that i'd never met a lot of the people that i've met. not because i don't like them but because i only let them down.  ❜ ❛  don't waste your time on me, you're already the voice inside my head.  ❜ ❛  can we pretend to leave and then we'll meet again.  ❜ ❛  let's just forget everything we said and everything we did.  ❜ ❛  i don't want to waste my time, become another casualty of society.  ❜ ❛  so i told her i loved her, and she told me she loved me. and i mostly believed her and she mostly believed me.  ❜ ❛  the truth is you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath i'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.  ❜

[gcdspoke]

HARRY STYLES ROLLING STONES MAGAZINE BTS

[gcdspoke]

❝ that they do. ❞ there is a nod that accompanies the words. green hues falling upon their companion with a brow raised. ❝ however , being underestimated makes for a perfect opportunity to prove people wrong , yeah ?? ❞

@gcdspoke liked this post for a lyric starter !

cardigan by taylor swift.

" when you are young, they assume you know nothing. "

[gcdspoke]

🐝  *  ―  𝑭𝑳𝑰𝑹𝑻𝒀 𝑻𝑬𝑿𝑻 𝑴𝑬𝑺𝑺𝑨𝑮𝑬𝑺. 

[ 📲 sms: ]  i hate everyone. but not you. [ 📲 sms: ]  want to make a beautiful memory together? [ 📲 sms: ]  i'd rather do nothing with you than something with anyone else. [ 📲 sms: ]  netflix? chill? both? [ 📲 sms: ]  can't stop thinking about you. [ 📲 sms: ]  you're my favorite veggie. a cute-cumber! [ 📲 sms: ]  i adore you. that's all. [ 📲 sms: ]  you make me a better person and i'd like to keep improving. [ 📲 sms: ]  it's cold today. can you warm me up? [ 📲 sms: ]  i'm into curves, and my favorite is your smile. [ 📲 sms: ]  my day is more fun when you're in it. [ 📲 sms: ]  you were in my dreams last night. wanna hear? [ 📲 sms: ]  you were the first thing i thought of when i woke up. [ 📲 sms: ]  i already miss you and can't wait to see you again. [ 📲 sms: ]  what would you do if i were with you right now? [ 📲 sms: ]  hey stranger. stop being a stranger. [ 📲 sms: ]  this is me asking you out. want to get coffee tomorrow? [ 📲 sms: ]  nobody understands me like you do. [ 📲 sms: ]  i wish you were here with me. [ 📲 sms: ]  you never text first. i can’t tell if you hate me or if you’re playing hard to get. [ 📲 sms: ]  which emoji makes you think of me? [ 📲 sms: ]  want to have this conversation in person? [ 📲 sms: ]  i don’t have anything interesting to tell you, but i really wanted to talk to you. [ 📲 sms: ]  everything makes me think of you. [ 📲 sms: ]  i can't sleep. i blame you. [ 📲 sms: ]  surprise! i got you flowers: 💐 [ 📲 sms: ]  i can't help but smile every time your name pops up on my screen. [ 📲 sms: ]  you look so good right now. i can’t actually see you, but i assume you look good because you always do. [ 📲 sms: ]  even over text you're so charming. [ 📲 sms: ]  i'm smiling just thinking about getting to see you later. [ 📲 sms: ]  my day would've been a lot better if i'd gotten to spend it with you. [ 📲 sms: ]  i'm really glad to have you in my life. [ 📲 sms: ]  i could talk to you all night. [ 📲 sms: ]  just thinking about falling in love with you. i'd do it all over again and again. [ 📲 sms: ]  you mean the world to me. don’t ever forget that. [ 📲 sms: ]  i'm so incredibly lucky to know you. [ 📲 sms: ]  you get more beautiful every time i see you. [ 📲 sms: ]  you are my heart. [ 📲 sms: ]  you’re single. i'm single. i feel like this is a problem we can solve together. [ 📲 sms: ]  thinking a lot of things about you i can’t say … but i could text.

[gcdspoke]

❝ we can always commandeer one of the golf carts the techs are always drivin' around. ❞ they could also ask & easily be handed a set of keys for one of the vehicles . . . but that was decidedly less exciting. ❝ we could get you to the other side of the lot with time to spare or just go for a joyride. what do you say ?? ❞

closed starter: @gcdspoke

"i'm already sick of the heat," jill said as she sat on the steps on her trailer. "the sun needs to mind its own damn business and stay out of mine. i don't even wanna go into the studio, i have to walk all the way across the lot and sweat my makeup off," she said with a grumble.

[gcdspoke]

IT’S  ALL  ABOUT  THE  YEARNING 

❝  you need someone.  let me be that person.  let me be what you need.  ❞

❝  look,  i dunno if i’m the kind of person you need or even want right now.  but i’m looking around and i’m the only one who’s here.  ❞

❝  i never realized how much i needed you until you were the one person who wasn’t there.  ❞

❝  you asked me once,  if i would ever take a chance on us…maybe that ship sailed.  but.  ask me again?  sometime— doesn’t have to be today.  maybe tomorrow just.  ask me again.  ❞

❝  i know i can’t protect you from everything,  but i wish you’d let me protect you from the things i can control.  ❞

❝  i used to have so much faith.  maybe not in deities or something but,  in the world.  the universe.  i believed their was a purpose to it all.  i’m not sure when i lost that.  ❞

❝  have you ever had something…missing?  like something just doesn’t feel right inside you but you don’t know what it is.  ❞

❝  sometimes,  i just need the world to be beautiful.  i know how dark and ugly it can be but i just want to see something good and focus only on it for a few minutes.  ❞

❝  i was sort’ve hoping you needed me.  is that selfish?  ❞

❝  people need someone to see them for what they are and not just see it but accept it.  i want to be that person for anyone i can…but it can be so suffocating to be that person and also remain unseen.  ❞

❝  sometimes i feel i’m being crushed under the weight of everything i’ll never be.  ❞

❝  you’re looking at me but you’re not seeing me.  do you know how that feels?  just see me.  please.  ❞

❝  i want to deserve you.  i’m trying to deserve you.  ❞

❝  i know i fucked up.  i know i did but don’t shut me out anymore.  let me in.  please let in.  ❞

❝  every time you smile at me,  i memorize it.  i remember each moment that i get to be the one to bring out that light inside you.  no matter what happens between us,  that’s what i’ll remember.   ❞

❝  i can’t help but think there’s got to be something out there for me,  somewhere.  just some place where i actually feel like i belong.  ❞ 

❝  the world is so big.  why do i never feel like i fit into it?  ❞

❝  when i’m with you i feel like myself.  i feel like every side of me is present and accepted.  and i feel good about it—  i feel good about who i am when i’m with you.  ❞

❝  do you like me?  i know you love me.  i know you care about me but.  do you like who i am?  ❞

❝  i want to look in the mirror one day and not feel uncomfortable with my own reflection.  ❞

❝  just take my hand and close your eyes.  pretend we’re anywhere else but here.  ❞

❝  so,  what would you be?  if you had to power to change all the things making you unhappy,  what would your life look like?  ❞

❝  do you even know what it does to me?  every time i see you cry,  any time you’re hurt even the smallest bit it just— do you realize how deeply you’ve imbedded yourself into my heart?  ❞

❝  i don’t feel like a whole person without you anymore.  i don’t fucking care if anyone else would say about that.  you’re part of who i am now.  the most important piece of me.  ❞

❝  every time you walk away you take another piece of me with you.  ❞

❝  i’m only really living in the moments when we’re together.  the rest is just existing until you look at me again.  ❞

❝  it feels like there’s a string around my heart and it’s connected to you.  everywhere you go you’re just tugging me behind,  pulling me towards you.  ❞

❝  you’ve got me in the palm of your hands.  you could crush me and i would still thank you for touching me at all.  ❞

❝  i no longer know where i end and you begin.  you’ve wound yourself around my soul so tightly,  you’re all i feel anymore.  ❞

❝  you’ve stolen my heart,  the least you could do is tell me what you intend to do with it.  ❞

❝  i don’t have perfect words.  i’m not the kind of person who knows how to sound poetic and shit.  so all i know what to tell you is that i belong to you.  i don’t know if you want me.  but i’m yours.  and at this point however it is you need me,  i’m here.  ❞

❝  you’re the only thing that matters anymore.  i can’t eat,  i can’t sleep—  all the goddamn cliches from every stupid movie and song.  you’re all i think about.  i’m useless except when i’m yours.  ❞

❝  i haven’t stopped thinking about the way you laugh.  i’m hoping i’ll get to hear it again.  ❞

❝  when your eyes are on me,  i feel like something worth seeing.  ❞

❝  just let me look at you for a little bit.  ❞

❝  i would do anything for you.  all my lines and rules.  they mean nothing when it comes to you.  it’d cross and break them all just to make you happy.  ❞

[gcdspoke]

❝ i could have still been nicer about it. it isn't like i don't know what you wished to get from them & that you might be hopeful with them reaching out. ❞ there is that petty part of them getting beaten back. they don't need to confirm that they were right about those assholes whose care she had been in for a time — playing it fast & loose with the word care in this case. ❝ we can apologize in circles for days. i'm sorry & you're sorry. i forgive you & if you forgive me then i think we're square , yeah ?? ❞ they're ready to move on. let the past stay in the past & keep their focus on the here & now. moving forward , hopefully with delphie at their side. and by the sound of it , she was amenable to the idea. the distance between them closed ; her grip on the collar of the simple white t-shirt they wore held them firmly in place . . . not that he would have any inclinations of stepping away. ❝ i may have caught on that you liked it , given that you make damn sure i can see joey & you every time. ❞ words are accompanied by a rather pointed look before green hues would fall to her lips. ❝ fans. and i at least gotta be nice to 'em. but you'll have my undivided attention , how about that ?? ❞

" no , you were right about them and had every reason to say what you did. i was just blinded , thinking that was their way of showing me i was actually wanted by someone as a daughter. " truth had been a heavy toll on her , time away from them had allowed her room to self - reflect , to realise their sentiments behind those words were right. she was being manipulated , an easy target for them to continue to harvest at every opportunity she naively gave to them. " i know you were only projecting out of concern , i'm sorry i reacted so negatively. " if they were going to apologise , she needed to as well. guilt had eaten her alive ever since , venomous words unveiled in a moment of what she could only refer to as ' madness '. he didn't deserve the wrath she swung at them , acting in her best interest and that alone. she realised that now , it's given her the confidence to cut ties with said foster parents for good. " my brain does think of right ideas sometimes. " a dig at herself , harmless really causing her to grin from ear to ear , kittenish laughter teetering on the tip of her tongue. " consider me woo'd already , murphy. " she reassures them , a slow pace was needed to help bridge their gaps , to provide them with equal opportunity to grow together. closing their space , tips of almond shaped nails drag along their sternum vertically , light grip of his shirt to keep him close. " call me toxic but jealous you is . . . very attractive , " each syllable's emphasised , head of tongue flicking to wet bottom lip. " but i'll stop if you try to do the same with your groupies. "

[gcdspoke]

CONVERSATIONAL  SENTENCE  STARTERS  

❝  you wanna know how i know you’re a good friend— not just for me but in general?  i always feel better after hanging out with you.  ❞

❝  sometimes things aren’t alright and they’re not gonna be okay for a while.  and that’s alright.  as cliche as it sounds it’s okay to not be okay.  give yourself time.  ❞

❝  have you even taken the time to let yourself feel it?  everything that’s been happening.  eventually,  you have to slow down and let it feel real.  ❞

❝   i’m not really the advice type,  but i am damn good at coming up with distractions to forget the bullshit for a while.  ❞

❝  was this not what you expected?  ❞

❝  i think the whole idea of ‘finding yourself’ is kind of bullshit.  we are what we chose to be.  we make ourselves.   ❞

❝  did you come by for a reason or did you just want some company?  ❞

❝  i’m going to tell you this,  once,  because i think you need to hear it.  you deserve more.  you should expect more from the world and put in the work to get what you deserve.  ❞

❝  i brought some seeds for your garden.  i thought about bringing a bouquet but— this way you can grow them and enjoy them longer.  ❞

❝  please,  stay for dinner?  i enjoy your company.  ❞

❝  come sit a little while with me.  tell me how you’ve been?  really.  ❞

❝  you don’t know how glad i am to see you made it.  here,  let me get you a drink.   ❞

❝  if you’d like to discuss it in private,  we can step outside?  ❞

❝  whatever it is you wish to tell me,  it won’t leave this room.  ❞

❝  well,  i’ve been wanting to talk to you.  but i don’t really know how to put it all in words.  ❞

❝  how have you been sleeping?  ❞

❝  don’t take this the wrong way,  but you don’t quite look well.  ❞

❝  don’t feel bad for not knowing—  i was trying not to bother anyone.  you didn’t know because i didn’t let you.  ❞

❝  miscommunication is a shitty trope in sitcoms and it’s even shittier in real life,  so let’s just take a moment to breathe.  and let’s get on the same page.  alright?   ❞

❝  is this a time for me to listen or fix it?  ❞

❝  i don’t really have anything to say,  i just know that i don’t really want to be alone.  ❞

❝  could you just…talk to me?  it doesn’t have to be anything important.  i just like listening to your voice.  it calms me.  ❞

❝  honestly,  it was a long time ago.  i don’t really remember the details.  ❞

❝  i’m rather proud of you.  i don’t say that often,  so believe i mean it.  ❞

❝  you seem content here.  happy,  even?  ❞

❝  i’m not here to drudge up the past.  i’m just hoping we could have a future.  ❞

❝  i see you’re not getting much sleep either.  should i make us both some tea,  then?  ❞

❝  are you sure you didn’t want to mention something to me?  ❞

❝  are you sure you’re alright?  ❞

❝  i’m a fan of your work,  actually.  ❞

❝  you have more of a reputation than you might think.  ❞

❝  you haven’t heard of me?  how refreshing.  ❞

❝  go on,  tell me what’s on your mind.  ❞

❝  something is troubling you,  yes?  ❞

❝  with a smile like that,  i can’t help but want to know your secret.  what’s got you so cheery today?  ❞

❝  come on,  you’re clearly upset.  and i’m not the asshole who pretends not to notice.  ❞

❝  oh,  i’m going to enjoy making my first impression with you.  how am i doing so far?  ❞

[gcdspoke]

❝ i mean , don't let me go ruining your escape plans yet. as long as you don't mind me poppin' in & out , you can still use my dressing room as you please. ❞ a shrug. then there's a beat of silence ; a little shit eating grin taking up residence swiftly. ❝ just know you might see more than you bargained for if you go burstin' in on me in there. see why i'm gettin' those bras & panties aimed at my head. ❞

"When you have itty bitties like me, you don't always wear a bra that you can just throw around," she explained with a shrug. Ali poked his bicep a couple times. "Dang. I was hoping you were going to take off again so I could steal your dressing room. I mean, if I want to avoid people, it's way easier to do so if I'm not in my dressing room," she explained. "But I guess it isn't too terrible for you to be here."

[gcdspoke]

they don't need to be told twice ; immediately leaning forward to inform the driver to keep driving on. they know that look in her eye & are not about to watch their only sister make a run for it . . . again. ❝ that better ?? ❞ they ask , genuine concern at the forefront as distance builds between them & paparazzi now in the rearview. their offer remains the same , while they can't actually hop on a plane & take off wherever ; they can escape la for a time. ❝ you know dane here can just keep drivin'. we can fuck off to palm springs for the weekend & hang out with the elder gays. you just give the word , michie. ❞

the idea of jet-setting was a comfortable thought. she was half-tempted to say ‘fuck hollywood’ and book plane tickets on the spot. they certainly had enough money to retire to some remote farm town where they’d be able to properly cope with whatever trauma they had collected over the years. but… she couldn’t bring herself to drag them along for a lifetime of running. those few minutes apart made all the difference. “let’s just… get out of here for now.” she wrapped a hand around his wrist and looked out into the crowd. too many cameras pressed against the glass for her liking. it was one thing when they were yelling tactless questions at her, however muffled by the door their voices were, but it became a little too familiar when finn was present; hit a little too close to home. 

[gcdspoke]

a curious brow raised ; attention falling fully on their twin. and yet , they don't question it. willing to run off if she so wishes. ❝ alright. where we off to then ?? we talkin' different building or different city ?? ❞

@gcdspoke​

“we shouldn’t stick around here.”

[gcdspoke]

she sees them before they see her , voice carrying over to his ears. the grin comes immediately ; green hues alight with amusement as they fall to her. ❝ i mean , the panty throwing offstage would certainly get my attention . . . i'd also accept bras. i'm not too picky. ❞ the words are accompanied with a chuckle as they push off where they had been leaning comfortably to greet her properly. ❝ i am here to stay for the time being ; management wants me to focus on acting over chaining myself to the studio for the moment. afraid you're stuck with me ! ❞

@gcdspoke

"Well look who has finally decided to grace us with his presence. The superstar himself," Ali teased, walking over to Finn on the lot. "Are you finally back from the whole tour life or are you just teasing us with a glimpse of you before you set off to your next fabulous destination?" she joked, smiling to let him know she wasn't serious. "Do I need to throw my panties at you or is that just when you're on stage?"

[gcdspoke]

❝ i stand by what i said about your foster family — but , i shouldn't have been that harsh. i know the shit you put up with already & don't need to be piling on top of it no matter how concerned i am. ❞ a hill they would die on was her cutting ties with those people completely. perhaps it wasn't his place , but seeing someone you love being seemingly used & taken advantage of — well , they had a hard time keeping their mouth shut. and efforts of communicating better over bottling things up & only showing expression through song had them being a little too blunt sometimes. navigating intense topics required a delicate hand ; one of which they did not always posses. but he was working on that. ❝ a clean slate might be the right idea. ❞ their agreement comes swift , all the while trying not to appear overly elated at the returned sentiments. no use getting too far ahead of himself after all. ❝ i know it won't be the easiest with our history , but i want to try. take you on a first date & woo you all over again. ❞ those last words are paired with a grin. knowing good & well little wooing ever took place , she showed up with joey one day & it was over for them ever since. speaking of his guitarist . . . ❝ and maybe ease up on flirtin' with joey in front of me. one day there will be no one to stop me from booting his arse right out the band. ❞

" you've got nothing to be sorry for , finn. you were brutally honest , like i would've been with anyone , i just wasn't ready to listen. " she admits , short - circuit easily tripped when confronted with matters she didn't want to come face to face with. fire ignited within pit of stomach as a result , a ticking time bomb ready to blow , but she'd completed some in - depth self reflection during their time apart. realising she was her own worst enemy , the obstacle in solving all her problems. conflict with them she hated , internal turmoil ripped through her the moment it was over , their fights finishing as quickly as they started. however , this cycle they'd found themselves in wasn't fair to either of them , but she'd prefer it over losing him entirely if that was the only way of securing them in her life now. spring green optics flick to meet his again , guided by their touch , melting into each fibre. " i love you. " she repeats , not a single doubt ever casted on that , inability to restrict self of such feeling for him. she nods in agreement with their words , understanding each one as she's thought the same. " i want to be with you , how do we make it work ? is it best to start from the beginning ? a clean slate ? "

[gcdspoke]

Harry on stage at Murrayfield Stadium - Edinburgh, May 26

[gcdspoke]

❝ and you know when that next time rolls around that i will happily say yes. ❞ the words are kind & sincere. there is little that they wouldn't do for pepa & the sentiment often extends to their sister as well. both have done right by this particular murphy & it certainly helps that they all speak through music just as he does. there is a kindredship in that. the drink is done , last bit of the amber liquid downed & tumbler set back onto the tabletop. the guitar is set aside as well , no longer needed now that the melody is complete. the woman across from them holds the full attention of green hues now. ❝ i give you the credit you deserve. as for the name , well , been callin' it shame reactions for a minute. but we'll see what sticks when the band gets a listen — assuming i let 'em have a say in our song. ❞

MUSIC WAS HER SAVIOR ── it was what helped her out of her chaotic family, the rules and the violence , it was what helped her through the heartbreak and the loss. it was simply just how she was wired and it seemed to be the same way with finn. she sticks to the joint she's rolling up, tongue slides along the RAW paper as she closes it, then lights it up. the smoke hugs her lungs before she lets it escape through her nose. hearing his prose, she can't help but let a smirk taint crimson petals. ❝ you don't need TO THANK ME, i would have love to have you in my album, but there is always a next time right ? ❞ she inquired with a tilt of her head. ❝ you give me way too much credit , but thanks . have you thought of a NAME YET ? ❞

[gcdspoke]

❝ i'm sorry too. ❞ the response comes to the surface immediately. they hated fighting — in general , but even more so with her. love bloomed & twisted in their heart at the mere sight of her ; of course the last thing they would want to do is argue. but it seemed like the pair of them had an inclination for being intense. with their shared history it made sense to a degree. but they couldn't run hot & heavy for so long only to have a monumental blow up shatter things every time. he didn't want to keep going in circles ; round & round until one of them tapped out for good. a free hand reaches out , index finger tipping her chin back up so she might meet their gaze again. the need for her to meet this next bit head on. ❝ i love you. ❞ as if there was ever any doubt , but he still needs her to hear it. ❝ don't think i'll ever stop — but if love was enough we would have never broken up in the first place , yeah ?? might've been a little overzealous on our part tryin' to pick up where we left off. i want to be with you , but don't want this to keep blowing back up in our faces. ❞

it's not long before feet are planted , glued to the floor with no real desire to run in the opposite direction , a conversation was needed. she couldn't deny them of that no more , whatever was on both of their chests' needed to be announced , one step forward in true reconciliation. palmwood studios wasn't the best location for such , vague idea of how something minuscule could escalate rapidly , but it couldn't be postponed any longer. subject needed to be broached , even if conversation wasn't finished. " guess we can save the supply closet for later. " she decides to return the playfulness , helping both of them to relax the weights on their shoulders. sage green hues are somewhat piercing , mesmerising entirely , mind searching for words to start with but a shaky breath fills the void of silence instead. optics drop momentarily to their hands , a distraction from intrusive thoughts telling her this was the end , but head lifts with subtle shock at their words. " you've got no idea how much i missed you , finn. all i did was think about you , wait up for you , look for you. " she chooses to admit extent of thoughts , gaze dropping from his again. " i'm sorry. "