genuinesourpatch

[genuinesourpatch]

Danielle Campbell for LVLten Magazine.

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The next few minutes zoomed by in a flash, and before she realized it, they were standing outside the Rowe's garage. A smile grew on her face as she realized the garage was his work station, too. Another similarity between them, like sour gummy worms and bacon. She followed him inside and stood still as Zane ran around his space and collected pieces to show her. Slowly, she went to the light switch and turned it on. She struggled to breathe as she found herself staring at a better, prettier version of herself. Turning around in a slow circle, she tuned out what Zane was saying, and focused in on the art around them. Her. Most of it, a great portion, was her in different mediums. She sucked in a breath and turned to Zane, walking quietly over to him to see what he selected. Her hand shook as she slowly went through the sketchpad, looking occasionally to the other pieces around it. Her heart swelled. She never considered herself beautiful until now. She sidestepped and grabbed Zane's arm as leverage before looking up to him, eyes wide with shock and new understanding. "But... it's all me. I mean, almost all. H-how? And how long? You make me look so..." She turned back to a pencil sketch and carefully picked it up to study her own face. "She's so pretty." She considered herself average with brown eyes and brown hair. At best, she was pretty for the grand ball but she never put in an effort until then or since that night. She was a freak. Freaks weren't pretty. And yet through Zane's eyes, she was a beautiful as a fae, a fairytale world. Something unnatural. 

Girls? HELP! || Vanessa and Zane

"It’ll make sense, I promise," he looked at her, excited and sincere, trying not to bounce slightly as he stood. He nodded when she asked him to wait right there, hesitant to let go of her hand, but she needed her things. It didn’t take very long, certainly not long enough for him to lose his nerves. Once her shoes were on, he pulled her into a hug, just for a moment, before pulling away to beam at her, hand slipping into hers before he began tugging her towards the door, gentle, as she was a lot smaller than him. "I have something to show you." He lived down the block from her, and with his little speed walk, too excited to walk normally, they were there in minutes. He ignored the front door, going straight to the garage instead. His stepmom was the only one home at the moment, but he knew she wouldn’t bother him out here. The garage was his space, even she respected that. She’d mess with his room, as much as he hated it, but this was his one true studio, at the moment. This is where he kept all the artwork that really mattered. He punched in the code for a second, briefly remembering that no one had ever seen the work in here. He’d never invited anyone in. But there was a first time for everything. As soon as the door was up high enough, he ducked under, letting go of Vannie’s hand to make a beeline for one of his sketchpads, tossing it onto a little desk, before he looked around, pulling tarps off a few paintings. There was also a sketch of drawings he ruffled through for a moment, before he added them to his pile on the desk. "I know I don’t want any other person," he turned to Vannie, hugging the pages and pad to his chest, "because they don’t inspire me to do anything. You inspire everything. I haven’t been able to stop drawing you, I don’t know why. Is that weird? I mean, I still draw landscapes and people in town and stuff, but when I go to draw the things that come from my heart, or my dreams, or wherever they come from, I end up drawing you. It didn’t make any sense. Not until now. But now… I get it now. See?" He offered the stack to her, despite all the other proof on the walls and scattered all along the room. "It all makes sense."

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"Thanks, Goldie," she smiled, leaving her hand in his and turning it to hold on to it with a better grip as they walked side by side. "Partners in crime 'til the end. Even to the punch bowl." She laughed softly and nudged his shoulder with her forehead like a dog. As they walked, she manuevered around people best she could and sighed when they got to the refreshments. Only then did she let go of his hand to get some sparkling grape juice. She took a sip and moved away to let others access to the drinks. "So," she started and took another sip, "I'm thinking pizza or burgers from Granny's afterwards. I'd say paintballing but it'll be too late and I actually kind of like this dress. Oo! Let's paintball this or next weekend. Yeah? Nah? Yay? Nah?"

What is Date? || WTSC Grand Ball || Vanessa and Zane

Zane moved back slightly when she pulled away, looking for her eyes when she spoke, “I’ll come with you.” He’d drink water, if anything. His stomach seemed better now, though the butterflies were starting to flutter all over again. He offered a weak smile, taking a deep breath to focus on keeping himself calm. It was only a drink of water. Nothing terrifying. But he focused his gaze on his shoes again, not wanting to look up and see the enormity of the crowd, or someone he needed to talk to, not quite ready for it yet. For a moment, he wondered if Vannie was getting impatient with him, if his sudden cowardice and reluctance to do anything made her think less of him. But he hushed those thoughts, knowing that he’d never get through the night if he convinced himself that his ally in this place was sick of him and just wanted him to get it over with and go home.

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"Maybe?" she wiggled her brow, nudging him hard (for her) in the side though it probably didn't feel much more than a bug flicking off of his arm. Her smirk reappeared as she studied his face. "Maybe," she said to copy him but her smile failed her and gave away how happy that would make her. A movie night would be enough. Horror movies, pizza or pasta, and gummy worms. It sounded perfect. "Wait whu?" She rose to her feet, slowly blinking as Zane got more excited. "Goldie...you're not making sense..." After a few seconds, she nodded. "Lemme grab my sweatshirt from the living room and put some shoes on." Heck, she'd go without socks! "Wait right here, 'kay?" She slowly let go of his hand and ran to the living room. Briefly pausing to turn the Playstation and television off. Van pulled on her sweatshirt and shook out her hair before rejoining Zane and put her shoes on. "So why your place again?" 

Girls? HELP! || Vanessa and Zane

His hand on her knee suddenly made the world stop spinning, made everything almost… click. But the shell-shocked expression didn’t disappear from his features until she smirked and asked him to ask her out. A grin stretched across his features suddenly at those words, and his free hand went up to wipe the tears and ickiness out from other his eyes. Everything made sense, not in the way where he could verbally explain, but it made sense to him. “Maybe,” he leaned forward to rest his forehead against Vannie’s, flipping his hand over so he could interlace their fingers, “but only if you’ll say yes.” With that, he carefully stood, using the wall to help him up, but he kept his hand in Vannie’s, in case losing contact would ruin the sudden bravery that stifled all the fear and told him it wasn’t warranted. “But first we need to go to my place. It’s important. You said you didn’t want to picture me with anyone else. I know it won’t happen. I can show you. It makes sense now. All of it. Come with me?” The sketchpads he had sitting at home, filled with sketches of Vannie, or beautiful creatures, faeries and mermaids and heroines of every kind, that shared her likeness. Now they made sense. Why he kept drawing her features over and over again. Why the muse commanded it. “Please?”

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Vanessa lifted her head up and bit her lip, about to laugh at the fact Zane found peace while dancing and in his monkey suit, so he called it. She, on the opposite end, thought he looked good in it. Not like his normal self, but good. She wondered what he was singing but didn't bother him with the question. Her thumb brushed over the back of the collar to his jacket. And she lifted her head again, keeping it close to his head still rested, but looked around again. After the second song ended, she cleared her throat and pulled a few inches away from Zane. "I need something to drink. You sure you don't want something?" She paused afterwards. Then we can start our wild search to smooze your bosses or whoever they are.

What is Date? || WTSC Grand Ball || Vanessa and Zane

Zane absentmindedly started humming the melody, just barely loud enough to be able to hear it himself. He was never overly confident in his voice, but he found himself humming to a tune when he knew it, more often than not. This was one of those times. He wasn’t even aware that he did it. He was only really aware of his hand in Vannie’s, that single point of contact. The rest of the world, the ballroom, became irrelevant, or as irrelevant as he could with the barely there, but ever present, nagging doubt that whispered in the back of his mind. But that eliminated most of the world, to the point where Zane didn’t notice that he’d placed his chin on the top of her head, and sighed happily as a result.

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Vanessa barely walked, feeling more like she was being dragged but at the moment didn't care. She sat close, at his side, and on her knees to see him more eye to eye and so she was seen more as an equal. It was an old habit that probably would never be broken. Short people had to compensate some how. "What do you mean?" she questioned in a loud whisper. She glanced down to his hand for a moment then covered it with hers, placing it on her knee before looking back to him with a weak smile. "Like now now? Or what are we doing? Cause... they're different things." She bit her lip, looking back down to his hand, gently brushing her thumb over the back of his hand, thinking. "I really can't see myself with anyone else and I don't want to picture you with anyone." She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked up to him, making herself smirk. "Are you going to ask me out on a date?" she asked playfully, hoping her Goldie will wake up.

Girls? HELP! || Vanessa and Zane

"I-I know," he stumbled over his words, suddenly not sure how to talk or what to say, brain not in overdrive anymore. It felt like everything was shutting down, like he was about to just fall over and lie there, until his brain restarted and managed to catch up. "Y-yes please." Carefully, without letting go, he managed to maneuver them a bit further into the hall, where he could sit down and lean against the wall. He didn’t know if he’d make it to a couch without both of them being toppled over by his clumsiness. But when they sat down, he finally managed to look up, worrying his bottom lip as he looked at Vannie, eyes darting over her features, for once just out of nerves, not out of an instinctual need to draw her again later. "N-now what, Vannie?" he barely breathed the words, not sure where they were supposed to go, what was supposed to happen. Were they girlfriend and boyfriend now? Were they just together? Were they something else. Never in his life had he had to understand things like these. And it scared him half to death. But it was for Vannie. So he could be her Zane. And that would make it okay later on. He hoped.

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As Zane moved closer, Vanessa did as well, gently resting the side of her head on his shoulder for added comfort. She kept her eyes open and alert, having noted that Zane shut his probably to help him relax. She only wished she knew what the directors looked like or where they were in the room at the moment. Knowing either or both would help a bit, especially for her to plan their next move. It was going to be calculated until Zane bit the bullet and smoosed? Is that the word he used? Van tilted her head up a little and smiled, he was too peaceful to be disturbed. She couldn't fight not smiling.

What is Date? || WTSC Grand Ball || Vanessa and Zane

Zane had stopped thinking, eyes slipping shut as he fell into a rhythm. It made him feel better, and without even being aware of it, he slowly moved closer, so his chin was barely by the top of her head. This would be nice if it weren’t for the nagging reminder that soon he’d have to deal with less pleasant things. But he could push that into the back of his mind for now, dancing with Vannie much more pleasant than anything he envisioned for the night. It’s not that bad, see, Z? You got this.

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But how? How could he suddenly be hers? Just like that? Twenty minutes prior it seemed impossible that he'd have those kinds of feelings towards her. She was even trying to get over it, accept that they were best friends and just that. Or that she was just a bro to him. She screwed her eyes shut again as he almost whispered that he was hers. It was too good to be true. Maybe it was just a dream? Nightmare turned better. Those happened frequent enough. She somewhat registered that Zane was shaking and forced herself out of the deep thoughts. Opening her eyes, she sighed softly as he barely kissed her neck. Feeling goose flesh jump up on her bare arms. She continued to hold on to him, as securely as a short person could to a tall one. "Yeah?" her voice cracked as she answered him. Again she pulled her head away from his shoulder and looked to his face. "Are you okay? Do you want to sit down? You're...shaking,"

Girls? HELP! || Vanessa and Zane

"Yours," he managed to choke out when she said she might love him. That she wanted Zane. There were tears streaming down his cheeks, but only a few. He bit his lip, knowing that if he wasn’t careful the floodgates might burst. It didn’t make sense that he felt like crying, but he did. Now he was holding onto her for dear life, not sure why he felt even less stable, like his legs might give out from under him at any moment. But he did manage to press a soft, barely present kiss against her neck, hoping she didn’t take his freaking out as a bad thing. He just didn’t know how to react, suddenly being wanted. He’d never been wanted before. Not ever. Shaking slightly, he held onto her tighter, almost sure that he was about to fall over. He didn’t know what to do now. How to move, where to go. But if he let go of her this would all shatter and it wouldn’t be real anymore. And it had to be real. "V-vannie?"

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Vannie looked out of the corner of her eye to one side, then the other, monitoring those around them as they started to waltz. It was foreign but not awkward at least, and Zane was a trusted friend that made her worry less and care ever less about what others around them were thinking. She kept her eyes up on his as they danced, looking for any other signs of stress in his features. After a minute of seeing him calm down and almost enjoy it, she smiled softly. See? I knew you could do it. 

What is Date? || WTSC Grand Ball || Vanessa and Zane

Zane let her lead to the dance floor, focusing solely on his hand in Vannie’s. It was comforting, for some reason, he didn’t know how to explain it. But it gave him the courage to move from his spot, shifting to put a hand on her waist. Tightening his grip on her hand slightly, he kept his gaze on her, slowly pulling her into a waltz, leading. He never said he could dance, but the reality was that he could. The music was just right for it too, slow and steady, and minute by minute his heart beat slowed down until it was in time with the music. He should thank her, really he should. But talking would ruin the calm that had fallen over him.

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"What?" the question came out no more than a whisper as air caught in her throat. Her arms tightened around Zane but that was as much as her body could register. The more he explained, the more she felt like crying. Emotions confused her. If she was so happy to hear those words, why did she feel seconds away from bursting into tears? Vanessa squeezed her eyes shut, arms moving to wrap around his neck though it meant her going up to her toes to do so effectively. "Zane," she breathed out his name, hiding her face now in his neck. He barely smelled of charcoals or paints today, but it didn't bother her much. It was still Goldie. "I do like you." She bit her bottom lip as she opened her eyes. Turning her head, she softly kissed his cheek then pressed the side of her head to his. "But it scared me. I didn't want something silly like a crush to ruin your friendship. You're one of the best friends that I have, ever had. I thought you didn't think of anyone like that, like... like like or more than that. It almost crushed me that Diana likes you. When I love you. Or think I do. My heart gets all... all weird, and my stomach twists whenever you smile to me. Like it's only for me. But I know that's dumb. You can smile for anyone. It's a stupid selfish thing and-... but... I want you."

Girls? HELP! || Vanessa and Zane

"I don’t want her to like me," he repeated adamant, "I don’t want anyone to like me. Except you." Zane’s face was buried in her neck, arms around her waist in a death grip, as if she was the only thing that he had to hold onto to keep him from totally losing it. And maybe she was. "I-I love you. The muse loves you. I don’t want anyone else to like me. Just you. I won’t hurt you because you like me. Because I like you too. More than like." And that’s when his brain caught up. He didn’t let go. He might break if he saw the look of horror he was all but certain was on her face. Did this count as hurting Vannie? He wouldn’t take back the words though. He wouldn’t have said them if he wasn’t panicking, but it was when he was freaking out that the truth came out. And he did mean that. He wasn’t sure what love actually was, but he knew he felt it towards Vannie.

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Van tried to find his gaze then followed it to their hands. It wasn't suppose to mean something more than being supportive. A voice in her mind laughed at her, but she couldn't will her hands to drop his. She needed to focus on giving Zane courage to go out for the one thing he wanted most. He spent too much time preparing not to try for it. Plus, she spent all day getting ready and avoiding all her favorite things that would make her filthy. "Yeah," she said with a nod, dropping one of his hands and intertwining their fingers with the other. There was a comfort to it that made other people fade away. The girl guided him towards the center where others were dancing. Taking a deep breath, she placed one hand up on his shoulder and looked him in the eye, to see if he'd take the lead from here.

What is Date? || WTSC Grand Ball || Vanessa and Zane

Zane looked up when she took his hands, focusing on how their fingers looked, intertwined, the room melting away for a few moments as he suddenly had the overwhelming urge to draw them. He didn’t even hear the option, too focused on the visual, on memorizing it so he could obey the muse as soon as he got home. “D-dance?” he asked, hoping it’d help. Food would make him sick, his stomach had decided to tie itself into knots he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to undo. And if he saw Jace or Barrel he’d convince them to help him escape. She was right, he’d come here for a reason, and he had to see that it didn’t all end up in vain. But now was too soon. later was a little better. He just needed to get the invisible weight that was crushing his chest off, before it got too hard to breathe.

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"I'm always right," she winked. Van sucked in a breath. She wasn't anywhere close to perfect. And the last person who tried to say that wasn't in the picture any more, to put it short. Though she knew Zane meant it differently. Her heart was twisting his words and making her feel even worse. This wasn't the time, and she doubted there'd ever be a good time to admit that she was jealous of the new friend. Of the fact she was strong enough to admit feelings to Zane. Someone she spent almost every day after school with. Maybe it was an age thing. And he could only see her as a 'bro'. As her brain and heart argued, she tried to keep a straight composed face. "I know you don't want to hurt anyone, Z. And I think that's a reason why she likes you. You're a good friend, and really sweet. And goofy. You make others smile and are really talented with art. You give the benefit of the doubt and don't want to be a bad guy. This is... this is probably just the first girl admitting it to you. I bet there's other girls that have crushed on you and not admitted it." Crushed on was the best word. Her heart was crushed despite the 'barrier' of her ribcage. 

Girls? HELP! || Vanessa and Zane

Zane relaxed a little more against her when her arms tightened, physically, at least. “Y-you’re right,”he nodded slightly, worrying his lower lips as he listened to her, “I don’t want any other Pop Tarts. Mine is perfect.” She was. There was no way to make her better. She was the best friend. The best bro. The best person in the whole town. “I want all the other girls to go away.” He didn’t want to be mean. If they were gone he wouldn’t have to. And he’d still have Vannie around. Problem solved. Everyone was happy. “Why does she have to like me?” he asked, pressing closer to her, more comfortable, calmer, “I didn’t want her to. I didn’t ask for it. I just wanted a friend. I don’t want any of them to like me. They don’t even have to talk to me. I have you. Why do they have to make me the bad guy? I don’t want to hurt anyone, Van. I promised I wouldn’t.”

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Van walked towards the closest corner then turned to Zane, shaking her head. "We're not leaving until you talk to the directors and other people with the theatre." She carefully took his hands in hers and gently squeezed them. "I know you can do it. Not right now, but soon? Okay? You really want a shot at acting, right? You need to do this. We can get bubbly grape juice and some cheese for now if you want? Or... at least the juice. Food may be a good thing to avoid for now. Or we can dance if you want to. Or look around for Jace? Maybe Barrell?" She paused to let the options sink in. "But we're not leaving until you talk to the head-honchos." 

What is Date? || WTSC Grand Ball || Vanessa and Zane

Zane took a deep breath when she hooked her arms through his, looking over at her, drawing a sort of comfort from the fact that at least she believed in him. If Vannie thought he could survive this, then he’d be able to. She was smart, she knew how things worked. “Okay,” he mumbled softly, letting her tug him, forcing his eyes down to the toes of his shoes, where at least he couldn’t get overwhelmed by the room as a whole. Baby steps. Those would work. Another deep breath. “Van, can we go home?” This was a bad idea. A very bad idea. The tie was on too tight, and the room was too hot, and he wanted to go home. He could shmooze… some other time. But this was too much, it made his head spin. “Please, Van?”

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She rubbed her scared friend's back a little more before wrapping her arm more tightly around him. How could someone almost double her size be more afraid of feelings than her? Then she remembered Rich. And how confused she was by him admitting his feelings, if they really were genuine. Her heart was never there, for as much as she tried to ignore the past and give it a decent effort. He wasn't someone she wanted, or needed. And he was too direct and almost forceful anyway. She didn't need relationships. Then her heart ached. Zane didn't like girls. Maybe he didn't like anyone. She gave a weak smile, choosing to stay quiet until he was done rambling. The girl grew more confused. She blinked a few times and opened her mouth to comment on how his heart and muse liked her, but couldn't. That would be taking advantage of a friend in a rough spot. "You don't really want all girls to be like me. C'mon." She nudged him slightly. "Think of all the chaos this town would face? And if more girls were like me, then you'd still have to choose your favorite Poptart. It's just hard 'cause it's the first time you have to seem a little mean. But what's really mean is not giving her an answer or a reason or having her wait and lead her to think you like her back."

Girls? HELP! || Vanessa and Zane

Zane just barely relaxed, only the tiniest bit, when she rubbed his back, eyes squeezed shut as she told him to breathe. He tried to comply, he really did, but it wasn’t exactly the ideal deep breaths she was probably suggesting. But he didn’t know how to calm down, the idea of having to hurt someone feeling like a dagger to the heart. He tried so hard not to hurt anyone, not to be the mean one ever. But no matter how hard he tried, something like this had to come up. “But I don’t want to,” he mumbled against her neck, pressing his face closer, so maybe he could disappear in Vannie, so he wouldn’t have to face being mean. A part of him was chiding him, telling him that he was supposed to be brace, that it was what he claimed to be. But the rest of him didn’t care. “I don’t like girls,” he spoke the words, brain not really censoring as his mouth decided to move and cause him to babble, “They’re scary. You’re the only good one.” Though Zane had been convinced that she and Jace were the only truly good people in town. Not even Barrel was on that list, as great as his friend was. “Why can’t everyone be like you? I wouldn’t ever have to hurt any of them if they were like you. It’s not fair, Van, I don’t want to be mean. But the stupid heart thing and the muse won’t let me be nice. They don’t like other girls, Van, only you. You’re the only good one.”

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"Pssshh," she rolled her eyes and nudged him in the side. "Alright. That's fair- I guess." Van turned and looked up at Zane when he doubted himself. Her brow rose. He needed to have more faith and believe in himself. "You do deserve stuff. And you deserve at least a chance. Gotta just step up and take the bull by the reins and wrestle it. I think that applies to theatre?" She questioned. Theatre was one of the realms she stayed away from. She knew at least that you had to be liked to get a good audition response and with her involvement, the show wouldn't do well. Cars were more her thing any way. When they walked in, Van took a deep breath, sensing Zane's panic, and hooked her arm with his. "Come on," she tugged him slightly. "You're going to do great. Just a party with stinky perfumes and colognes and suits. You go this." With that, Van attempted to pull her tall friend with her.

What is Date? || WTSC Grand Ball || Vanessa and Zane

"Since now," he smiled back at her, shrugging slightly, "If I’m Goldie, you’re a Pop Tart, and there isn’t anything you can do about it." Zane stuck his tongue out right back at her, but quickly dropped the expression so he could look forward and avoid crashing into telephone poles or wall. Despite his trepidation, he was excited, and his brain didn’t always like to work enough to keep him from crashing, sometimes. "I don’t deserve anything," he shrugged slightly. Such was the way of the theatre. No matter how good one was, it didn’t need you. There was always someone to replace you. But he wanted it, more than he wanted anything else. “But I’ll keep trying until one day I get my chance. One day.” A smile stretched across his features when one appeared on hers, “Come on, then, we need to get in.” But he let go of her skirt, walking the short distance into the ballroom without a problem. But the second he stepped in, the smell of perfume and the sheer amount of people caught him off guard, leaving him to stand there, frozen still as he looked around, dumbfounded. Now what?

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[SMS] I KNEW IT WOULD! I tooollddd youuuuu that you'd get a role :P

[SMS - Vannie] The schmoozing paid off

[SMS] I GOT CAST

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Van froze as Zane suddenly wrapped himself around her. She pushed the door shut before wrapping her arms around his chest and hugging him close. This was different from other hugs. Zane was scared, maybe even terrified with the fact that a girl liked him. How would he react if... if what? If Vanessa decided to tell him that he makes her stomach twist funny and her brain spin? No. Seeing him like this was enough. It was clear he didn't want any commitment like that. At least then no one would have him. It shouldn't bring her as much comfort as that fact did. Van rubbed Zane's back, closing her eyes and letting out a sigh. "I know it's scary, trust me I do. But I really need you to breathe, Goldie. You're no use if you're dead. And the show needs you. Your friends need you too. Including me." She smiled weakly to herself before pulling away a little from him. "If you don't like her, then you need to tell her."

Girls? HELP! || Vanessa and Zane

Zane stepped in the second she told him to, brain in overdrive due to his confusion, and it didn’t think to keep him from pulling Vannie into a bear hug, pulling her close and hiding his face in her shoulder, like he did a gazillion years ago when he was young and scared after his mom left the picture. He just clung to her for a moment, inside enough that she could shut the door if she wanted, but tight enough that it wouldn’t be the easiest thing to have him let go. He didn’t know what to do. If there was one thing he hated more than anything it was hurting people. Especially nice people. And he’d thought that Diana was nice. Maybe that they could be friends. But now she like-liked him. And he didn’t know what he was supposed to do to make that an okay thing.