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Worst part of loving a mortal human being is that they could die. My god. What a terrifying ordeal
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comin from a third world country to a better one is immensely confusing. i am hyper aware of how much easier everything is, hyper aware of my own privilege and how happy anyone else would be in my shoes. yet this doesnt stop me wanting more constantly. its never ever enough to have good wifi, advanced technology at my disposal, my own money in my bank account, a roof over my head, freedom, etc. my day to day life burdened my stupid bullshit. i hate the things i consume online. mindless commentery youtubers, skinny girls im jealous of, skinny boys im jealous. i constanly and exaustingly think about my boyfriend, about what could go wrong or right with us. fantasizing about good times we have had. i find it pathetic. all these years of working on myself and yet i cant shake the felling that i have to be better. smarter, thinner, more. what habits can i encourprate to make me more productive? how do i maximize the money i make? and for what? nothing brings me the real, true happiness im looking for.
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