ggukalaxy

[ggukalaxy]

“create with me, Michael, and let’s call it sin”

[ggukalaxy]

still deep in my "angels before man" brainrot and after reading @nicosraf's tweet about fan-favourite lines and dislking like 75% of his own writing, i can't not share my own favourites with rafa himself and also everyone else so get ready for a long fucking post

(side note: i haven't reread abm yet, so there could potentially be new highlights once i do reread it)

short explanation of what the position of the sticky notes mean:

• on the side of the page means this particular line or paragraph (19 marked)

• at the top on the inside means this page (4 marked)

• at the top on the outside means the entire scene starting from here (15 marked)

also, sometimes i didn't highlight a specific line or paragraph if it's within a page or scene i already marked (because i was running out of sticky notes lol)

let's get to it in chronological order!

1) page 25 to 30:

lucifer's first time flying with baal and his first time bleeding

2) page 49 and 50:

lucifer's first time watching michael fight

3) page 68 to 70:

gabriel telling lucifer about how god created him

4) this paragraph on page 86:

"so far away in the crowd was michael, with that proud grin of his and one hand in the air, but he called out to the youngest angel still. 'lucifer! lucifer!' even with all their distance, their gazes met and locked. an intake of breath, then the exuberant shout: 'lucifer—the lord has never made as fine an angel as you!'"

5) page 105 and 106:

michael and lucifer finally actually meeting

6) this paragraph on page 106:

"michael seemed to hesitate, before he turned to lucifer, and they were facing each other, seeing one another, for the first time since that day years ago when lucifer had led all of heaven in worship. up close, finally — lucifer felt all of himself melt like precious metal into a cast. 'you know my name,' michael said, and his voice had a mellow reverb to it. 'that's a shame. i wanted to introduce myself.' lucifer opened his mouth, but michael was grinning; it revealed little dips in his cheeks. 'i am michael, archangel of god, angel of strength.'"

(i was giggling and kicking my feet at this point, i love this moment so much i could scream)

7) page 107 to 113:

michael's and lucifer's first conversation with one another, right after that wonderful introduction above <3

8) michael saying this to lucifer on page 121 and 122:

"'that was a gallery? for art? i suppose it's no surprise that's where i found you then.'"

9) page 127 to 131:

god telling a story about a pure dove that dirties itself while lucifer is thinking about michael

10) michael saying this to lucifer on page 135:

"'(...) but i canceled it. i canceled all the plans i had for this.'"

11) michael to lucifer on page 147:

"'when i asked of you, angels said to me that your beauty was so great, one could take a glance, but never stare. (...) i learned that their words were true. when we wrestle, when we spend time together — the pain you give me is indescribable.'"

12) this paragraph on page 151:

"he discovered himself wanting to be afraid, feeling that he should be, knowing he should taste distress like his first visit to the bathhouse, but lucifer could still hear michael's words from when they had bathed. he thought of thorns, remembered those in his hands so long ago. the prince's eyes were shut; lucifer thought of tracing the bridge of his nose, his mouth, with his index, to see if he would prick him."

13) page 152:

lucifer and michael on earth, touching each other on their last day there

14) this paragraph on page 156:

"(...) but his hands went to lucifer's warm cheeks and, in a quick swoop, he planted his lips against lucifer's forehead; then he did it again, and again, pressing one kiss after another until he had done perhaps more than a dozen."

15) page 168 to 171:

lucifer and michael in lucifer's room, in front of his mirror

(lucifer's questions about why some things are the way they are... michael almost worshipping lucifer in front of their reflection... all the touches between them... oh i'm about to go feral—)

16) michael to lucifer on page 169:

"'for you, i wouldn't mind a little pain'"

17) page 177:

lucifer falling asleep in michael's bed without michael even being home

18) this paragraph on page 180:

"this, this here could be worship. "this—" lucifer pressed an innocent kiss to the prince's sweet, divine mouth. this could be religion."

19) page 181 to 183:

the interlude

(do i even have to say more? do i really have to go into detail about just how beautiful it is, and how every line sounds like poetry? i want to carve every word, every letter, into my skin, so deep that it reaches my bones, and stays with me long after i lose my flesh and soul)

20) these lines on page 201:

"the prince was grinning, waving him over, then offering open arms. when they embraced, it was tight, one of lucifer's hands going to michael's curls of hair and clutching it like an object once lost returned now to be cherished again; and the prince put his face up against the warmth of lucifer's neck and breathed low, hot."

21) page 210 to 216:

michael begging lucifer to stay with him, and then uriel showing up and just the entire conversation between him and michael, and him and lucifer

22) this paragraph on page 210:

"'simply my beloved.' michael smiled back, grand but sleepy, before he swung up to sit again. he shuffled closer to lucifer and chuckled warm, perhaps at the confusion on the other's irises and brows and mouth. 'my beloved lucifer.'"

23) michael to lucifer on page 211:

"'i think i'd like you to be the first thing i see when i wake.'"

24) page 250 to 253:

lucifer and michael touching each other, feeling each other

(i'm so weak for moments like these oh my god i could read a thousand pages just about every time these two even breathed in each other's direction)

25) this line on page 251:

"'i feel drunk,' michael murmured against him, then shuddered. 'your mouth— when you were created, your lips must have been laced with liquor.'"

26) these lines on page 253:

""we were over the flowers, and you touched me, remade me. (...) i want to be yours, your angel. angel of love, angel of michael.""

27) page 278 to 281:

lucifer cutting himself open

28) page 302 to 308:

lucifer trying to have sex with michael, and michael refusing

29) michael to lucifer on page 302:

"'don't make me say such embarrassing, affectionate things, beloved lucifer. but, let me say that — before i saw you on the street, dancing and singing, i was never very joyous. i was content with serving father, i felt i had no room to complain, but then you arrived. and being around you, i had so much joy i became irrational, and now — now, it's all spilling out. you make my heart swell and rise, like smoke."

30) michael to lucifer on page 303:

"'and suddenly i'm questioning everything, asking myself if this is really paradise, or if you are paradise.'"

31) lucifer to michael on page 304:

"'haven't you ever wondered why father is so strict about our subservience? it's because disobedience is creation. create with me, michael, and let's call it sin.'"

32) page 327:

lucifer finally losing his shit

33) page 328 to 330:

lucifer's speech about god being cruel and how angels are also good and deserve better

(just realized i didn't highlight this scene when i first read it and i'm honestly questioning myself right now because that whole speech and everything lucifer says is so fucking real)

34) page 340 to 344:

the moment michael disagrees with lucifer about the end of heaven and the end of god

35) michael to lucifer on page 344:

"'you're everything to me, the stars and the moons, the heat and the cold, the earth and the seeds, the waters and the flowers, but you are not god.'"

(also apparently didn't highlight this one and now i'm one hundred percent sure i ran out of sticky notes in that moment and told myself i'd do it later and ended up forgetting about it because this line absolutely broke me)

36) this paragraph on page 361:

"but the sword never made contact; a golden chain shot out from somewhere, grappled his entire body, flung him downwards. and lucifer, frozen, kicking, screaming — he saw michael suddenly above him (...). lucifer felt the tears land upon his own cheeks, as if they were his own."

(cut me open. let me bleed to death. break my ribs and crush my heart inbetween your fingers. it would hurt less than michael crying while hurting lucifer.)

37) page 362 to 367:

michael destroying lucifer on god's orders, cutting off his wings, and lucifer being damned

38) michael to lucifer on page 364:

"'apologize, i'm begging you, lucifer, stop, i can't do this— i don't want to lose you—'"

(just reading this again made me dry sob)

39) the last paragraph on page 367:

"the angels wept at their punishment — michael, between them all, his tears morphing into crystals, slicing down his cheeks and making him bleed."

40) page 369:

the little bits about the fallen angels finding lucifer on earth and how he loves them

so uhh yeah it's definitely safe to say that abm is literally my new favourite book now and i've been thinking about it every single day since i finished it a bit over a month ago and i find pieces of lucifer and of michael in every song i hear or every other story i read and i'll never get over them or over how good this book and the writing style is

@nicosraf seriously thank you so much for writing it and sharing it with the world, i will treasure it till the day i die

[ggukalaxy]

some more lyrics that remind me of "angels before man" by @nicosraf but this time it's all songs by zeph

lucifer about god when he got punished at the end of part one:

"your hold on me has left me bruised

ring around the daisy

please, someone come and save me

he loves me, he loves me not

it's making me go fucking crazy"

— you don't like me like that

lucifer about himself in part two:

"whoever wrote my description

i think they misspelled

now i'm cursed to see it from within

a story i'll never get to tell

but now i know it too well"

– i'll never fall in love with myself

lucifer to god during part two:

"i know that power is something that you like to abuse

don't make me turn into something that you're afraid to lose"

— game

lucifer to michael about god in part two:

"what does he have that i don't?

we both know he won't treat you right

(...)

but what he can he do that i won't?

what besides making you cry?

— what does he have that i don't?

michael to lucifer at the end of part two:

"even if i don't kill you,

i could say i was ready to see you bleed,

i'm not brave enough to give you all of me"

– brave enough

lucifer to michael during the fall:

"i'm paying for the risk you took on me"

— sorry for wasting your time

lucifer about being damned:

"i'll stay in hurt

all my homes have been uprooted

it's the last place that i'm suited to be

for what it's worth

visitors can come and go

but as long as i call this home i'll ache safely"

— home of hurt

lucifer to michael after the fall:

"do you regret me?

i might as well make you hate me

i'm sick of it, try to forget

you've got my heart up your sleeve

(...)

i'm sick of the end of my rope having a handle

but i do feel kind of special i'm the one you choose to torment

so don't let go

(...)

i'm choking but it's kind of nice

you're like a breath of fresh air"

— game

lucifer to god and to michael after the fall:

"does it make me a monster to live my life honestly?"

— until i leave

[ggukalaxy]

just finished reading "angels before man" and "angels & man" by rafael nicolas, and can i just say that the song "power" by isak danielson really reminds me of lucifer's relationship to god in book 1, but also a bit of michael's relationship to lucifer (also in book 1)?

i can't really describe it or explain it well, but these are the parts that made me think lucifer could be singing it to god:

1)

lucifer knowing that god knows all his emotions and all his thoughts, lucifer knowing that god is the creator, the father, the lord he must and wants to obey to. lucifer feeling so lost in what he is supposed to be until he finds love in worship, wants to be closer to god, wants his approval and his unconditional love—

and there is something so cruel about god knowing exactly what lucifer will turn into and how he will fall, yet still creating him despite that, maybe even because of all of that, and abusing the power he has over an obedient and submissive angel like him

2)

lucifer giving his all to god, dedicating his entire existence to loving and worshipping him, yet still having to endure god's punishment. lucifer still worshipping and serving him while mute, doing everything god asks of him and having faith in him even though he got robbed of his voice for years, blaming himself and wondering why god won't love him anymore—

3)

lucifer's love for god turning into a pain so intense that it fills him with hatred and rage, realizing that god never loved him simply for the sake of loving him, but to have him and own him, to use him. lucifer realizing god isn't what he needs or wants, putting himself (and micheal) above god, allowing his hurt to take over him after suffering under god's wrath and jealousy

the parts that made me think of michael are even harder to describe, but it pains me to think about what he must have felt after god damned lucifer and then punished him for decades and centuries after that, blinded and trapped in nightmares:

1)

michael falling in love with lucifer, maybe not even realizing that that is what he's feeling. micheal desiring lucifer in ways unknown to him, ways that are sinful but haven't even been created yet. michael carving out such a special place in his heart for lucifer, giving lucifer power over him

2)

michael being confused and hurt that lucifer would ask him to put him before god. do you think that maybe michael thought lucifer deceived him? would he even be capable of thoughts like that, before lucifer created the sin of lies? do you think michael felt used by lucifer, and betrayed that his beloved would deny god and ask the same of him?

3)

michael, after satan's fall, after god's punishment, after being ordered to war against man with the devil by his side; still desiring lucifer as he did when they were together in heaven. longing for his touch, for his love, for everything to go back to what it ince was. wishing he could undo lucifer's sins and erase the war of heaven from existence. looking at lucifer down on earth, in the caves that form his hell, so hurt that his love turns into hate, and his desire to feel lucifer's skin underneath his turning into urges of violence

do you think in another world, he would have chosen lucifer over god? do you think one day, in this world, he still will? do you think he wishes he had put lucifer first, regretting that he didn't during the only night heaven ever experienced? or do you think he regrets the day he introduced himself to the angel of beauty, angel of worship, angel of michael, and wonders how differently things could have been if the two of them had never met? do you think he blames himself for the suffering lucifer had to endure (and still silently does)? or do you think god has manipulated and ruined him to the point where he is nothing but a puppet on a string, made to follow each and every single one of his creator's orders? do you think we will ever heal from this pain?

[ggukalaxy]

just finished my rewatch of all five seasons of bbc's merlin, and my sister and i decided it would be fun to keep count of how many times merlin saved arthur's life throughout the show, so here is an accumulated list:

(disclaimer: it is absolutey possible that we weren't always watching attentively and that we might have missed a case or two, but i like to believe that it is kinda accurate)

times arthur would have died if merlin hadn't saved him

• 1x01: dagger thrown at arthur ⟶ merlin slowed down time to pull arthur out of the way

• 1x02: snakes supposed to poison arthur ⟶ merlin exposes the snakes and arthur kills them

• 1x04: poisoned cup ⟶ merlin drinks from it instead

• 1x05: a griffin attacks them ⟶ lancelot fights it, and merlin enchants his sword/spear so that it’ll work

• 1x07: arthur is to be sacrificed to the sidhe ⟶ merlin saves him

• 1x10: ealdor gets attacked, including arthur, and they’re doomed ⟶ merlin creates a huge wind gust to save everyone

• 1x13: questing beast attacks arthur ⟶ merlin kills it

• 1x13: questing beast bites arthur, the poison is fatal ⟶ merlin gets water from the cup of life to save him

• 2x01: arthur gets attacked by a huge boar (?) ⟶ merlin uses magic on a crossbow to save him 

• 2x01: camelot gets attack by living stone statues ⟶ merlin destroys them

• 2x02: assassin tries to kill arthur during a tournament on horses ⟶ merlin uses magic to make the assassin fall off his horse

• 2x12: dead stone statue thingies attack arthur and his knights ⟶ merlin uses magic to make the ceiling cave in and pulls arthur to his side, separating them from the statue thingies

• 2x13: arthur's wounds are getting worse ⟶ merlin finds balinor in time and has him help him (HONORARY MENTION)

• 3x04: arthur gets attacked (again) ⟶ merlin uses magic to save him (again)

• 3x07: morgause tries to kill arthur with a fire beam ⟶ merlin uses magic to make the fire beam explode before it reaches arthur

• 3x08: arthur gets attacked by wyverns ⟶ merlin uses his dragonlordness to stop them

• 3x08: arthur wears the eye of the phoenix bracelet (sucking life-force out of someone) ⟶ merlin takes it off him

• 3x12: arthur gets shot by a poisoned arrow ⟶ merlin uses magic to help him, then brings him to gaius

• 3x13: an army of immortal deads attacks camelot ⟶ merlin empties the cup of life of their blood to “kill” them all

• 4x01: dorochas attack arthur ⟶ merlin pushes arthur out of the way to get attacked instead

• 4x04: their food gets poisoned ⟶ merlin uses magic to save them

• 4x05: arthur fights in a duel and is about to be striked down ⟶ merlin makes the opponent’s sword fall out of his hands with magic

• 5x01: arthur and their men get attacked by morgana’s men ⟶ merlin saves arthur and gets them away from the battle

• 5x04: arthur almost got beheaded by odin ⟶ merlin created an earthquake with magic to stop that

• 5x06: dark tower traps ⟶ merlin parries an arrow with magic

• 5x07: arthur gets poisoned ⟶ merlin saves him with magic

• 5x08: someone wants to shoot an arrow at arthur ⟶ merlin attacks the shooter and saves arthur

• 5x11: kara tried to stab arthur ⟶ merlin uses magic to save him

and the one time he fails: 5x13, mordred stabs arthur with a sword forged on a dragon’s breath — merlin doesn’t get him to avalon in time

which brings us to a total of 27.5 times that merlin has saved arthur's life throughout the show

we also kept track of all the times arthur saved merlin's life, so here is that list:

• 1x03: merlin tells uther he is a sorcerer to save gwen (which would’ve gotten him a death sentence) ⟶ arthur convinces his father that merlin is lying out of love for gwen

• 1x04: merlin drank from a poisoned cup ⟶ arthur gets the antidote for him

• 1x11: arthur drinks poison so that merlin won’t have to ⟶ it was actually a sleeping draft though (HONORARY MENTION)

• 1x13: questing beast attacks ⟶ arthur pulled merlin out of the way

• 2x12: dead stone statue thingy attacks merlin ⟶ arthur strikes it down

• 4x01: a dorocha flies towards merlin ⟶ arthur pushes him out of the way

• 4x08: the lamia was about to kill merlin ⟶ arthur comes in at just the right time

which brings us to a total of 6.5 times that arthur saved merlin's life

it's kind of crazy to me to compare it like this, because on the one hand 27 near-death experiences across 65 episodes doesn't really sound like a lot. but at the same time i can't believe that arthur would have died 27 times if it hadn't been for merlin. and to think that arthur only saved merlin's life 6 times though?? oof

on my next rewatch, my sister and i want to make a list of all the moments that contributed to arthur's death (a so-called "doom list" with moments like merlin poisoning morgana in 2x13 etc), but that one is definitely going to be more subjective, since it'll be based on things that we think could've prevented arthur's death if they had gone any different

very excited to debate all the things that could go on that one!