gladforthisdistraction

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A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis

[gladforthisdistraction]

[gladforthisdistraction]

musings on the sun

christina perneta, noor hindi, vincent van gogh, jeanette winterson, zinaida vysota docenko, anne sexton, olga kos, khalil gibran

[gladforthisdistraction]

Water Lilies painted by Claude Monet (1840 - 1926)

[gladforthisdistraction]

Andrés Neuman, Traveller of the Century (trans. Nick Caistor & Lorenza Garcia)   [ID in ALT]

[gladforthisdistraction]

I miss him.

I know I have no right to. I did the right thing by cutting that friendship off. But I *miss* him.

I miss having fun with him, laughing with him, gaming with him, talking every day, flirting with him.

I miss him so much I can hardly breathe. I want to scream it from the top of my lungs, I wan to shout and cry and rage.

I want to call him. To text him and hear him talk. I want to hear his laugh again. I want to hear him tease me and poke fun.

I miss him so much it’s a physical pain. I’m disgusted with myself for this. How badly I want to have him in my life again. I hate it, hate this.

God, why did he have to be like this. Why did he make me have to draw a line.

I hate this I hate this I HATE THIS

I feel like a teenager, like I’m not 31 and scrapping my life together. I want to throw a tantrum and I want him back.

I want him back so bad I’m nauseous with the need. My head and my heart hurt. I hate this…

[gladforthisdistraction]

Anaïs Nin, from Incest: From a Journal of Love

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she’s smart! she’s beautiful! she’s healing! she’s growing! she’s enough! she’s me!

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the regret of my confession

taste of spoiled love;

the rot of dead friendship.

i am sorry for ruining

the brief love we shared

the innocence of it.

i am bitter, and angry

and hateful

but still i wish for you

i shouldn’t have said anything

please forgive

my overeager heart

i prayed for love and companionship,

and you, i thought,

were that prayer answered

but you were not

and i feel shame

i miss you terribly

[gladforthisdistraction]

fire bright and fury borne

        there is a stirring in her heart; there is violence and anger there. there is so much of it that her body shakes with rage. this thing that acts as a parasite suffocating her body, draining it of nutrients. 

          she is very tired.

          she doesn’t want to tear any more walls down. she doesn’t want to build any more walls up. she simply wishes to be. she wants to exist in her own right and believe in all the wonderful things life has to offer. But the well is dry; the soul is empty. she craves to be fire bright and fury borne. 

          the ache is so powerful that if it manifested into reality she was sure it would rip out of her in lighting and shower storms. it would be beautiful and destructive and it would be what this world deserved. but this is the real world and so it manifests itself in tears and screams and a red, puffy face. 

          she is so very tired.

[gladforthisdistraction]

“Everything I love is soft and silent,

My cat, the morning, the end of the day,

Even the moon in its way.

Everything I love is soft and silent,

The water, the forest, the snow at play,

Even the mountain in its way.

Everything I love is soft and silent,

The sun on the sand, a rainy day,

Even the wind in its way.

Everything I love is soft and silent,

The grass, the brook, the leaves at play,

Even you in your way.”

[“Soft and Silent” by James Cavanaugh]

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Little Weirds, Jenny Slate

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I think I am a better ghost than I am a human being

Landscape with Fruit Rot and Millipede, Richard Siken | Ghosts of right now, Dillon Samuelson  | Faces in the Crowd, Valeria Luiselli

[gladforthisdistraction]

vision

I saw a vision and it gave me new life. The possibility of happiness given to me by myself - that no other would fulfill my needs as I would. I saw a vision of determination. The end goal of misery with sweat on my brow and a grin to bring light and laughter. I saw a vision and now I have hope.

[gladforthisdistraction]

Forbidden Fruit

forbidden fruit, ripened and tempting. low hanging and alluring - prohibited and sinful. i am so carefully avoiding destruction, stepping carefully 'round the tree hoping for the winds to be kind and blow you my way.