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hi lovies…………………..
i think this might be it for now, not with shifting, and not with writing, and not with magic or manifestation or whatever term we're burning through this week. just with this version of me and with this version of the space and with this little corner of the internet where i've been both held and hunted.
i’m deactivating this blog sometime tomorrow.
i always thought i'd stay, or at least disappear for a bit and then come back in a blaze of historical revisionism like, hi guys, i had a child in a past life. her name was julie. anyway here's how the plumbing worked. but i truly don't think if i can do that now. or not yet, or not like this.
and maybe that's a betrayal or a plot twist or a necessary limb amputation before the rot hits the bone marrow, maybe all three.
truth is, i don't feel safe. in the actual, literal, legal-definition, report-it-to-the-site way. someone is stalking me and i've been harassed and impersonated and threatened and envied. picked apart like roadkill on a highway no one even wants to drive on anymore.
this place used to feel like my room. not my stage, not my arena. my room, meaning messy, safe, maybe a bit stupid, maybe a bit brilliant. i used to write posts with hope and a very real belief that i was helping people.
and you can say that's the price of being visible, of being correct, or of being incorrect, of being good at what you do. and i guess that's true, but it's also such a boring lie.
i'm like 2 weeks into being 17 in this reality, and i'm already so, so, so, so tired, and i'm crying writing this, and i feel sick that i even have to explain why.
and no, i'm not a perfect person, obviously, i've been defensive and i've been stubborn and i've made people mad and i've posted things i regret and i've left up things too long and i've trusted the wrong people and i've said too much and i've said too little. but never, not once, did i want to hurt anyone, never, not once, did i want to build an empire just to be burnt at the stake for it.
i doubt that i ever deserved to be called ridiculous when i was hurting over being mocked or reading someone saying they scripted that i get cancelled in their dr. and now i know how joan of arc felt💔💔💔💔💔
and still, and still, and still, and still, i wouldn't undo it.
this account, this little blog, this weird, overactive, overcaffeinated brain i cracked open for you all like an egg with a bibliography. it truly changed my life. you changed my life.
every ask, every affirmation, every time someone said "you made me feel like i could shift." every time someone messaged me at 3am to say "i just did it. i'm there. i'm home."
you were the ones who kept me here and you were the reason i stayed longer than i should've.
and you will be the reason i come back, maybe in a month, maybe whenever. maybe when i've built a family in god knows what ancient civilisation.
until then, please, don't give up. and if you do give up, don't punish yourself for it, it's not a sign of failure, simply a pause.
shifting is still guaranteed, always, it is a metaphysical inevitability, it is yours. it belongs to you because you decided it would. you don't need to "deserve" it and you don't need to be good and you don't need to earn it like it's a nobel peace prize for mental stability, it is yours.
that's the whole point of shifting. it's an extension of you.
so script the stupid things, script the cat that meows in french, script the dad who didn't leave, script the version of yourself who remembers every birthday and never flinches when someone says i love you. script safety and script softness and script freedom.
you don't have to perform belief, you just have to live like you're already there.
this is me saying thank you. thank you for reading and for listening and for watching me try and for making me feel like i mattered and like i was helping. like maybe something i said meant something to someone who needed it.
i really hope it did, and i really hope you don't forget me.
be safe. be free, be gone. i love you i love you i love you.
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I’m so sorry you’re receiving so many hateful/weird comments right now. It’s upsetting because you just want to help people, yet you’re being bombarded with unnecessary backlash. I just want you to know that you’ve helped and taught me so much about shifting and manifestation. You’re such a kind-hearted person, and so many people still support you—including me. I appreciate you so much emma! 💗
this is the sweetest thing ever. genuinely. i want to print this out and frame it. you have no idea how much this means to me!!!!!!!!!my heart just did a little flip. thank you thank you thank you. i appreciate you so much. sending you the biggest hug ever 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗
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making a sim that looks like you in ur desired reality on sims 4 or whatever sims game as a way to connect and get a better visualization >>>>>>>>>
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think it, know it, live it.
you change your reality like you change your mind. except most of you don't even change your mind. you sit in it, like a cat curling up in the same sunspot, convinced that because it's warm now, it'll always be warm. but reality isn’t a sunspot; it’s a flickering bulb, and if you know anything about quantum mechanics or mid-century romance films, you’d know that a flickering bulb can be rewired, replaced, made to hum at a different frequency entirely.
if you know something, it is. that’s it. fin. the end. we wrap, we go home. reality’s a yes-man, an old-school studio exec who never met a leading man he didn’t want to overpay. it doesn’t argue. it doesn’t negotiate. you say, 'i have a mansion,' and reality goes, 'of course you do, sweetheart. here’s the keys, watch out for the marble staircase, she’s a real ankle-breaker.'
what you don’t do is wake up in your two-bed semi, take one look at the ikea bookshelves and go, 'oh no, my mansion didn’t manifest, i must be doomed to a life of particle board and existential despair.' no, you step onto that linoleum with the full-bodied conviction. you know the mansion exists. you know the funds are cleared, the champagne’s chilled, the guest rooms are done up in a tasteful but deeply unaffordable way.
this isn’t delusion, it’s direction. nobody looked at the wright brothers and said, 'ah, but have you considered that humans can’t fly?' no, they said, 'alright, fine, make it aerodynamic and make sure nobody dies.' and then they got on with it. that’s you. you get on with it. so no, you don’t wake up in your desired reality and then self-sabotage by asking where it is.
this is not about waiting. you don’t send a letter to reality and refresh the tracking info like a lunatic. you don’t ask, 'but where’s my dr? where’s my new life? where’s my starring role in the blockbuster that is existence?' you are the blockbuster. you’re in post-production. you’re in distribution. you’re already on the awards circuit. this is a done deal. it’s only ever been a done deal.
assume it, know it, live it. because if you know it, it is. and if it is, then. well. pour the champagne. the credits are rolling.
that’s a wrap.
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" there is no new information on here "
there is nothing new. no revelation, no eureka moment, no half-lit epiphany waiting in the wings to drape itself over you like some scene-stealing ingenue. not in shifting, not in loa. this is not a murder mystery; the butler did it, the secret was never secret, and the call is always coming from inside the house.
but then again, the debate flares up, bright and exhausted, like the end of a cigarette crushed against marble. tiktok is misinformation central, tumblr is an echo chamber, et cetera, et cetera. apples and oranges, atomic bomb and coughing baby. false equivalence. but sure, let’s pretend.
if you think the community is boring, i regret to inform you: you are looking for the plot twist in a story that does not require one. you are waiting for the second act crisis in a structure that is flat by design. you are watching water boil and bemoaning its predictability. shifting is easy. loa is easy. the mechanics are not some esoteric alchemy known only to those who speak in riddles or upcharge pdf guides. you just do it. you know and it happens.
but there will always be some industrious soul stepping onto their soapbox, announcing, with the breathless urgency of a man who has cracked the zodiac cipher, that they have discovered "the secret." as if there is some clandestine order, some walled garden of enlightenment, some ineffable password to be whispered at the gates of the promised land. but let’s be serious. it’s all one big game of emperor’s new clothes. the trick is that there is no trick. the prestige is that there is no prestige.
people will dress up the simple in filigree because they cannot handle the terrifying freedom of ease. they will spin their wheels because stillness scares them more than failure. they will reject the plain truth in favor of the labyrinthine lie because, deep down, they want the struggle. the suffering. the uphill battle. because what are we without a climb? what are we if it’s just......easy?
you don’t need another revelation, another discourse, another rearrangement of the same three puzzle pieces. shifting is easy. loa is easy. and the only real "secret" is accepting that it always was.
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GIRL, NEW YEARS??????? Omg if you're staying for a minute, SPILL THE DR TEA
i shifted for a quarter of a year.....does the cia want to know my location??
it’s soooooo over for you all. i have seen the light (coryo). i have tasted the forbidden fruit (no..not coryo). i have held hands with fate and made out with destiny in a dark corner of a new york rooftop bar (coryo!!!!).
hi. so. i shifted. with this method.
and listen, the universe is a freak. it’ll knock the wind out of you, throw you down the stairs, steal your wallet, and then, while you’re still gasping for air, go, ‘oh, my bad. here’s a gift card. also, you can shift now.’ so. hi. i’m back. i lived in my better cr for three months. an entire fiscal quarter. and now i’m here again, blinking in the fluorescent light of this reality, trying to form sentences like a war vet just back from the frontlines.
what do i even say? where do i begin? i guess the first day. let’s set the scene: september 20th. autumn in new york. cinematic. LET'S GOOOO.
i shifted back. cried. obviously. cried some more. then locked in (queen never crumbles) and promptly lost my entire mind on the balcony. squealing, jumping, doing the full carrie bradshaw excited little twirl in paris before she got fucked over the russian short guy. if my neighbours were watching, they were getting a show.
i got dressed for school. threw on something casually devastating. drank matcha on the way as i picked up lily-rose. business as usual, except i was vibrating at a higher frequency than ever before. every nerve ending in my body was singing. i was so happy.
then. okay. i know i said i got with coryo. and i did. (everyone say: ‘she won.’) but. not yet. patience. restraint. delayed gratification. all that. i saw him that first day, and did i think about jumping him? yes. did i? no. but he winked at me.like the absolute menace he is. imagine me, gripping my books like a regency heroine whose gloved hand was just brushed by a suitor. i nearly blacked out. then it was onto the usual: maths, english, lunch, philosophy, p.e. (where i spent the full hour contemplating coryo in gym clothes. blessings upon this timeline), history.
post-school, me, lily-rose, and malina (@chaaistained you made a cameo, my ride-or-die) went shopping on fifth ave because of course we did. the girls were girl-ing. capitalism was capitalism-ing. i know you’re nodding. i know you get it. we all get it. then home. girl dinner. filmed some deeply unserious tiktoks. stalked coryo’s instagram (two days apart and i was already checking for potential threats. he had none. heh). chatted with my car, caesar. absolute king. i was, in a word, thriving.
and now i know what you’re thinking. ‘emma. you were there for three months. why didn’t you stay longer?’ and lovies, i hear you. i do. but last time shifting ate me alive and spat me out, so we’re doing things differently now. a little here, a little there. back and forth, like a woman with multiple lovers in different countries. balance. we're ed recovering this stuff.
oh ! also. minor detail but i started an anonymous page in the shifting community over there. what’s it about?????? well. let’s just say i’ve been documenting.
more soon. xoxo. gotta organise these rogue thoughts first
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i am 34 years old (psychologically) and that is so chill of me.
seventeen years here, where the air smells like burnt espresso and a corporate merger. where the sun rises over a skyline of scaffolding and overpriced pilates classes. where my childhood is a stack of polaroids somewhere in my drawer, and my adolescence is something i’m allegedly still in.
seventeen years there, in my dr, where i was richer, sharper, better dressed, and seventeen. where the air smelled like old money and private school perfume, where my life moved in a different language, a different rhythm. a world where my name meant something.
seventeen plus seventeen is thirty-four. thirty-four years of memory. a number that doesn’t make sense because i am not thirty-four, and yet, i am. i have been alive for seventeen years, but my mind? my mind is double that, stretched across realities like a film reel with too many frames.
i was only there for fifteen days. but the brain is not a calendar. the brain is a hard drive, and when i shifted, it downloaded everything. seventeen years of memories compressed into two weeks. entire lifetimes absorbed like water into a sponge. when i woke up here, i didn’t just remember it. i had lived it.
i remember two lives with the same clarity, the same weight. i have twice the memories, twice the heartbreaks, twice the love stories, twice the moments of standing in a bathroom at a party, gripping the sink, thinking, this is it, this is the moment i will remember forever. i have lost twice as much, gained twice as much, made twice as many mistakes, laughed at twice as many jokes that weren’t even funny.
but it’s not just about the numbers. it’s about the feeling. it’s about living with a brain that is both young and ancient (sorry, old people). it’s knowing things i shouldn’t know, not in an oracle kind of way, but in a girl who has seen too much kind of way. it’s walking down the street and feeling like a ghost in my own life, because part of me still expects to turn a corner and see the other world waiting for me. it’s remembering places that no longer exist, inside jokes no one here would understand. it’s muscle memory trying to open doors that aren’t there.
and yet, i am still here. standing in this reality, holding a coffee, texting the same people, making the same plans, laughing at the same tweets. to anyone else, i am just a girl. but i am a girl with 34 years of lived experience. a girl who has already been seventeen, who has already been sixteen, fifteen, seventeen again. a girl who has been given time, taken time, stolen time, and still somehow has no idea what to do with it.
is this what shifting does? does everyone who shifts wake up feeling like they’ve lived twice? like they are something between a time traveler and an unreliable narrator? like they are a person split at the seams, two versions of themselves constantly overlapping? because i think that’s the part no one talks about. the part where you return and you are both more and less than before. you are wiser but more confused, fulfilled but aching, young but so old.
thirty-four years of memory should make me twice as wise, twice as tragic, twice as fabulous. instead, i’m just sitting here, waiting for my mom to get me a quiche.
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love
how i look in my hogwarts reality trying to hide the fact im half siren with literal PEARLS on my CORAL CORE wand ... (does anyone wanna see the wand btw)

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━━━━━ ✧˖° 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑
[ 𝗸𝗹𝗮𝘂𝘀 𝗺𝗶𝗸𝗮𝗲𝗹𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝘅 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 ] 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬𝐭/𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐤
female reader, inclusive language. minors dni.
kinks: priest/religious kink, spanking, punishment, oral sex, corruption kink, degradation, dirty talk, guided masturbation, light dom/sub, sex obviously
warnings and triggers: mentions of past sexual assault, abuse (not by klaus), blood play, literal blasphemy, death and violence, hint of stalking, this is more of a horror story than romance
word count: plot with porn, alternate universe.
there’s a legend whispered among the people of your town, about a fallen angel named klaus, who resides in an abandoned gothic church, buried deep within the forest. it’s said that if a sinner is brave enough to make the journey, to admit their sins in a confessional to the supernatural entity and offer up a sacrifice of their blood, they would be absolved of all their sins.
when your name becomes disgraced in town and your parents turn their back on you, you’re out of options and decide to make the trek to the church in the forest. every sunday, you sit in the confessional booth, admit to your sins, while klaus orders you to do things for him so you can be forgiven. dirty things. sinful things. he tells you to come back every week until he deems your soul completely clean.
klaus might be supernatural, but he’s far from an angel. He feeds on the unlucky sinners dumb enough to take his legend for word, and with each passing week, each confessed sin, all the time you spend in god’s forgotten house of worship, worshipping the wrong vessel, you come to realize: that although god may have turned his back on you - at least he left you klaus.
“Why are you here?” He asks, and suddenly the fact that you’re staring into the eyes of a supernatural creature isn’t as scary as the fact that this creature is a man. A man is what got you into this mess, the reason you’re here.
He’s got no wings. No horns. No halo. He looks like the average man in your town, although much more handsome. It’s sort of a let down and a nice surprise all at the same time.
You don’t answer. You can’t. Your mouth opens and closes like you’re a fish out of water, and you must look ridiculous.
He grabs your chin suddenly, as if he can’t wait any longer to know the reason you’re here. You thought there’d be a confession booth for this, so you wouldn’t have to look into someone else’s eyes to admit the worst thing that's ever happened to you.
The worst thing you’ve ever done.
“Tell me why you’re here,” he orders, locking eyes with you - and you can’t stop it. It’s like you’re in a trance, and the words spill out. It feels natural, even though it’s not. It’s wrong, it’s scary, and you have no control over it.
“I’m here to be cleansed of my sins,” you say, words spilling out of your mouth like vomit, but the guilt that’s been festering for weeks goes away with the release of the words. You don’t understand how it’s happening, what sorcery you’re experiencing that’s letting you share so easily.
“What have you done, little sinner?” He asks, curiosity evident in his voice. You’re almost glad to be in this trance, because it proves something to you - that this ‘man’ is the legend you’ve been chasing, and as scary as it is, you’re going to come out of this situation pure again.
It’s all you want.
“I’ve lost my purity,” you say, and then he drops your chin and stops making eye contact. Stands back from you and looks you over, like he’s inspecting an object. Your entire body heats up, and a random headache comes on so strong that you shut your eyes for a second.
When you open them, he’s looking at your face again. He’s wearing a sinister smirk that only highlights how handsome he is, and you grab onto the cross on your neck, scared. It’s a nervous tick. You’d never guess that being under the scrutiny of an angel would feel so…sinful?
“Do you know what I am?” He asks, crossing his arms. His shirt is black and long sleeved, and in the dark lighting of the church it’s hard to see anything, but it’s like he glows. Skin pale, sculpted face. You nod.
“You’re an angel,” you reply simply, and he actually lets out a little laugh. You wonder why.
“Call me Klaus,” he says casually, and the change in his demeanor is confusing to you. He takes a step back and his eyes trail over your body one more time, from your feet up to your face, although his eyes linger on the cross necklace you’re still firmly grasping in your hand. You quickly let it go, and he chuckles lightly one more time.
“You’re going to be fun.”
────
You walk into the church and head straight to the altar, palm throbbing in anticipation. There’s an offering dish waiting for you, the bowl gold and gleaming, and you swallow hard with anxiety.
This is your third visit, and you know what to do. Step into the church and walk straight to the altar, where a bowl sits, ready for your offering. Klaus explained it to you during your first visit. Handed you a small pocket knife and told you to give him your blood.
Your heart races just thinking about it, the sting of the blade, the way his face looked when he heard the drip of your life essence into the offering dish. His nostrils flared as you squeezed your palm, watching your blood slowly cover the bottom of the bowl. “Enough,” he snapped after a few more seconds, directing you to the confessional booth on the other side of the church. You didn’t look behind you as you followed his directions, but you could hear him drinking from the bowl.
The light ding when he set it back down on the table. The moan it sounded like he made it when he was done drinking your offering. A shiver ran down your spine.
You know the routine now. You walk into the church and to the table in the front of the room, the pocket knife waiting for you. You cut open your palm with your eyes closed - it hurts more than the first time because your skin is trying to heal itself, not given a chance to scab over, bright pink. You drop some blood into the dish, and make your way to the confessional booth.
You don’t know where Klaus waits, but he’s always somewhere, because he always arrives at the confessional booth after you. You always hear him.
Silent until he clears his throat, the sound of his chair screeching against the floor. “Little sinner,” he says, like he’s surprised you come back every single time. You don’t know why - you’re coming back until he says you’re clean. Your palm burns and you press it against your pants to stop the bleeding, letting out a hiss at the rough fabric of your jeans against it.
“Forgive me, for I have sinned,” you say through clenched teeth. You swear you can hear him smirking on the other side of the booth, although you’re not sure why or how you’d know that. Why he would think any of this is funny. Maybe human pain is silly as an angel, when nobody or nothing can harm them.
“Forgive you,” he says, humming like this is a casual conversation. Like he’s contemplating if you deserve forgiveness. “What have you done now?”
You’re not sure how to answer that. “I’m still impure,” you start, speech rehearsed in your head. You try to get all of it out as quickly as possible, not wanting to carry the weight of all your wrongdoings. You wonder how any one else survives on this planet without sinning so horribly, because a week can’t even go by without you fucking up.
You don’t let this thought hit you, but it’s definitely there. Ever since you stepped foot in this church, you can’t go a week, a day, an hour without thinking about Klaus and the possibility of a gleaming clean soul.
“I’ve upset my parents. Again. I’ve upset my…suitor.” You don’t want to go into details. Maybe if Klaus doesn’t ask, you won’t have to tell him all the ways you fucked up this week.
That you didn’t remember to recite your prayers after a long day, that your shirt was too low cut and almost gave your mother a heart attack. That you fed yourself first before serving your brother, and that you’ve been ignoring Peter, your suitor’s, apologizes that are, in your father’s words, not necessary.
You don’t understand how he did the same thing as you and his reputation isn’t tarnished. Just yours, but you’re used to life being unfair.
Klaus doesn’t answer for a second. You wonder if he wants you to continue. His reply is sudden and sharp. “Yes, well,” you hear him standing up, and you get ready to follow him, because it goes without saying that you’re supposed to go with him to the altar. “You shouldn’t be argumentative,” is his response. You want to say I’m not, but you don’t. You just nod, forgetting he can’t see you.
“Yes,” you reply, voice caught in your throat.
“Come,” he orders, and you know he means to meet him at the altar. He goes a different way than you, but you follow him all the same. When you get there, you lose your breath, take in what he’s wearing and sit down on the stairs of the stage while he makes sure your offering is in order.
Klaus is in a short sleeve grey shirt, and when he lifts the bowl to his mouth to drink your blood, a few drops splatter on the material. You wince, because you know how hard blood stains are to take out - you look down at your jeans and know they’re probably done for, thanks to your bloody palm.
Klaus finishes his drink and sets the bowl down, looks down at you from the step above with a poker face expression. “You’re still bleeding,” he comments, and you nod, thinking he’s going to offer you a bandage or something, but he doesn’t. Instead, he walks down the steps, past you, to the pew that’s right in front of you. He leans back in the seat and looks at you like you’re on stage to perform.
“You said suitor,” Klaus says, and you furrow your brows, wondering why he’s honing in on that. He knows about Peter. But does he know something you don’t? Can he read your mind, find out about the truth of your unholiness?
The thought makes your heart rate pick up, anxiety knotting in your gut. You feel like you’ll start sweating, wondering if the truth about what happened will come out. You’d rather have Klaus believe that you chose to debase yourself - not that you tempted someone into sex. That’s even worse, isn’t it? Being so sinful you’re not even aware of it. Like there’s so much bad in your body that it’s just seeping out of your pores.
You grip your necklace in nervousness, and Klaus notices. He sits up, leans his hands on his knees, and fixes you with a look that makes you look away. You’re scared - of him, and of him doing that weird sorcery thing he did the first time you were here.
“Take your clothes off,” he says instead, lighting your entire body on fire. You work up the courage to look at him, and you find yourself obeying. Standing up to kick your shoes off, your jeans, your shirt off too. When you’re left in your underwear and panties, you hear him let out a low whistle, the kind you hear whenever you walk around in town with one of the shirts your mother hates.
You’re not sure why it doesn’t bother you when he makes the same noise as when other men do. Or why Klaus saying, “Beautiful, every inch,” makes you want to show him more, slip the straps of your bra down your shoulders and let him have a show. “So perfect, it’s a shame you’re a filthy sinner,” he’s smirking as he says it, but you don’t see the playfulness because you’re avoiding his eyes.
“Stop,” he says suddenly, voice low, speeding over to you with a swiftness you know isn’t human. He grabs your hand that’s at your side, and as he does, his knuckles skim over your stomach. You feel your entire body scream with want. Lit up, like fireworks. You’ve never felt anything like it before. Have never met a man who’s gotten this reaction out of you.
Although, you suppose, you’ve never been this close with a man in this state of undress - aside from Peter. But this feels different.
“I can smell your blood from here,” he says, picking up your hand and looking it over. It looks disgusting, torn up and scabbing, fresh blood coming out of the half closed up wound - and it’s embarrassing that he can smell it.
“Who told you to come here?” He finally asks, and you don’t know how to reply. You weren’t expecting that. “My father,” you answer honestly, confusion evident in your tone. Klaus nods, before pressing his thumb into the wound on your hand. You let out a cry, and you swear that for a second you see a dark satisfaction grace his face.
“Father,” he murmurs, with more weight on his tongue than the word should carry. He’s silent, looking at you, gazing over your body while putting pressure on the wound. His gaze lingers a little too hard at the bruise on your hip, one that came from Peter the other day, shoving by you while you ran into him when buying groceries in town. He’s so rough since you refused to forgive him, always looking for excuses to be cruel to you.
“Did your father give you that bruise?”
You don’t answer. You look away, once again afraid of the truth spilling out. Because you don’t know Klaus, or anything about him - but you’re frightened that he, someone heavenly, might deem you too imperfect if he knew the truth. You don’t want to answer.
Klaus is impatient. When he lets go of your hand, he storms out of the room for a quick second, only to enter again with his own wrist all bloody. He grabs the back of your head before you even know what’s happening, and shoves his wrist in your mouth, tells you to suck.
“You say you want to be cleansed,” he accuses, venom in his voice. “But you won’t talk. You won’t open up and tell the truth,” the taste of his blood in your mouth makes you want to puke, and you wonder if he’s trying to kill you or harm you. You can’t tell, but you cry out against him. It’s hard to breathe.
“Withholding the truth is just as bad as the sin itself, you know.” He pulls his wrist away from your mouth and focuses on your reaction, but all you can do is look down at your hand. It tingles because the wound heals on its own, so fast you’re suddenly very aware of the fact that you’re in front of a being that's literally magical. You almost start shaking.
You wonder why he doesn’t just use sorcery again to get the truth out of you. But you begin to understand.
He wants you to stutter. To slip up with your words and make a fool of yourself, so that he’ll have an excuse to punish you. You recall what Klaus said the last time you were there - the more blood, the more pain, the more bruises - the cleaner the soul. You gulp at the reality that you’re about to hurt.
Klaus sits on the steps of the stage and pulls you over his lap. He manhandles you like you weigh nothing, spanks your ass red and raw, grips your wrists and your hips and your thighs to keep you in place until they’re almost purple with bruises. “How’s this for purity?” He asks, fingers pressing into the cotton of your panties that covers your core. You’re aroused, and if he can smell your blood, you know that he can smell that. Your entire body heats up in shame.
Euphoria too. You’ll never understand how what Peter did to you makes you unholy, but this, with Klaus, somehow makes you pure again.
But with religion, you’ve learned to not ask questions.
This moment with Klaus tells you that you’re in the right place - because what kind of person gets turned on, feels arousal, when being punished?
When he’s done beating your behind, he pulls up your panties and practically shoves you to your feet. You’re shaky as you stand and put your clothes on, tears falling down your cheeks. Less from the pain of the punishment - more for the pain in your soul.
Klaus shakes his head, almost talking to himself. “It’s dark now. You should go. Come here again, next week.” You nod, and try not to show just how scared you are of walking home in the dark again. Whenever you leave the church, you practically run the whole way, wanting to get home fast, the sounds of all the animals at night absolutely terrifying to you.
You slip on your sweater, your other jacket (you learned your lesson after the first visit, how cold it gets), and your pants slowly, all while Klaus watches you for reasons you’re not sure of. You wonder, now that your body is bruised and hurting, if he’ll give you some of his blood again to heal you up. But he doesn’t.
When he walks away, cold and cruel, you leave the church and begin to walk back home. You’re only halfway home, the moon as your only light, when you see it.
A massive looking wolf halfway behind a tree, loud as it steps on crunchy leaves and twigs. You freeze, but to your relief, the wolf just walks the other direction.
You consider yourself lucky, although the rest of the walk home, you swear you hear the sound of something following you. Maybe you’re just paranoid. You spend the rest of your walk home replaying how it felt to be over Klaus’ lap like that - how arousal pools deep in your belly at the feeling of pain. It’s different than when you’re hurt without expecting it. You knew the smacks were coming, and maybe, just maybe -
You can enjoy that you will be free of sin soon. How nice it feels, just to put yourself in Klaus’ hands and not worry about the future of your soul.
You make it home and sneak in through the window. Your parents know you left, but it’s not like they care. They just seem surprised to see you every morning when you join them for breakfast. Maybe because they can’t believe you’re taking this soul cleansing thing so seriously. You’re not sure.
You’re quiet as you change into your pajamas. As you look in the mirror and gaze, although with a wince, at your bruises - you realize that Klaus healed you of the bruise Peter made so he didn’t have to see anyone else’s harm on your body.
So the mark of his pain would be the only thing on your skin.
You’re flush red at the thought and turn away from the mirror, walking to your bed. You’re just about to turn out the lights when you catch a glimpse of something moving outside your window. It’s a little ways away, but it’s clear what it is.
The wolf from the forest followed you home.
When you shut off your lights, it walks away.
────
You stand in front of the altar, wondering where Klaus is. You wait for him to call you from a pew, to appear out of nowhere. Maybe he knows you’re expecting him now, know his little tricks, and is coming up with another one. You walk to the confessional booth, the church feeling unusually dark, but then again - you’re here at a later time than usual.
You’re in the hall that leads to the confessional when you see Klaus. Only -
He’s not waiting for you.
Klaus stands against the wall, just a few feet away from the confessional booth. You only see the side of him, but you can tell that he’s smiling, the same kind of grin he gives you when he finally gets you to confess or beg him for some mercy. You think back to your last visit, when he had you over his knee, counting out loud as he spanked you for the sin of lying to one of your friends. For the sin of being impure.
For the sin of getting aroused while he punished you.
Something negative stirs in your chest at the thought of Klaus doing that to another woman like you. That he might use his corrective powers to make another woman pure again. To touch her body and look her over, to lick her blood from the offering bowl.
Only now, you take yourself out of your thoughts and look down to Klaus’ feet. There’s a man on his knees, quietly sobbing, and you realize you know him. He’s a baker from your village, a man that has constantly picked fun at you for years. You remember times you were a few pennies short, or when he just wanted to fuck with you - would tell you he’ll give you bread for your family if you’d just flash him in the baking room.
You wonder why he’s here. What he could’ve done worse than harassing women to show their breasts for bread. But it seems pretty bad.
Something inside of you feels pleasure, at the fact that this man that you hate, who’s caused you so much discomfort, is actually hurting. You wonder what Klaus is going to do to him - if he’ll ever be granted salvation. Surely Klaus isn’t going to spank him?
“Too late for redemption. Pathetic. Up,” Klaus says, voice much louder than necessary. The man stands on shaky legs and wipes his face. It happens so fast, you can hardly make sense of it. Klaus grabs the man by the shoulder and brings him close, lunges for his neck while the man screams. There’s a grotesque sound, one you’ve never heard before, but it’s predatory, the grip Klaus has on him.
It all clicks, just as the wheels turning in your mind tell you that you need to go. You run, fast, out of the church.
Klaus drinks blood. He drinks your blood. He drinks blood from the neck of the people begging for his forgiveness.
Panic surges through you as you run through the church. Klaus is not an angel, you realize, and your body breaks out in goosebumps as you run through the forest away from the church.
The man thats’s been touching you, hurting you, drinking your blood - he’s no angel. He’s not from Heaven at all.
Whatever Klaus Mikaelson is - it can’t be good.
The moon makes the graveyard you’re running through look like sharp fucking teeth. You have a feeling that’s similar to the one you felt after the…incident. After your suitor touched you. The reason you’re here in the first place. Because it’s one thing if Klaus is an angel, but taking advantage of you the way he did?
Why don’t you care more?
He’s touched your body. He’s seen you naked. He’s -
Right behind you.
You can feel him. He must’ve finished with the baker and is now following you. You want to keep running but your body freezes in fear. You stop, because he’s closing in. There’s no way you can outrun him, so you decide to hide instead. Make it to a tree and stop there.
You try to control you breathing, because you’re really scared. Klaus never gave an inkling that he’d kill you, but there’s no way the other man survived that...feed. Maybe Klaus was just waiting for the right moment to hurt you, harm you.
There’s a crack of something stepping on a twig.
You close your eyes as he rounds the tree, but when your eyes open after a second it’s not Klaus. Unless…no. It’s a wolf - large, predatory, its eyes glowing in the night.
You take off running, your mind reeling with the fact that it’s the same wolf you saw outside of your window weeks ago. You run until you hear the wolf growl, stupidly going in the opposite direction of your home, but as long as you get away from the wolf you’re fine. Maybe you can make it up a tree, hideout for the night -
But then you fall, over a log, your body shaking with fear and adrenaline. “Why are you following me?” You cry out. “I didn’t see anything, I,” you realize how dumb that sounds. You obviously saw something to act the way you just did.
Slowly, the wolf walks towards you. Big, tawny paws, eyes so scary you shut yours. You wait for it to pounce but it never does. Instead, it stops a few feet in front of you. Looks at you, as if contemplating you.
You look away, but the sound of bones cracking, the horrible sound of muscle rearranging, has you looking again. The wolf’s shape contorts, shrinking, morphing back into the angel you thought you knew.
Klaus.
He looks normal again, although - he’s completely naked. You don’t know if your heart is racing from his perfect, naked body - the first fully naked man you’ve ever seen, or the fact that he’s no longer a wolf looking to kill you.
"What are you?" you whisper, barely able to form the words. Klaus is just looking at you laying on the ground, cupping his…package like you haven’t felt it rubbing against you all the those times you were over his lap.
But if he’s a wolf that means….he was the one following you home?
“Not an angel, love. That much I’m sure,” he says, like this is funny. Like it’s a joke to you. He steps forward, eyes softening in a way that seems almost affectionate. It makes no sense to you.
"I'm a hybrid," he answers, voice smooth.
“Hybrid?”
────
You stand at the entrance to the church again, trying to work up the courage to walk inside. It’s funny, how this time your hesitation is not because you’re scared - it’s because you feel pathetic.
Seeing Klaus as he truly is - not an angel - it should make you run. It should make you never come to this church again, should have you knocking on every door of your village at home, warning everyone of the danger that lives so close to home. You don’t know how long this legend has gone on, you don’t know how long Klaus has been making the perfect trap for the people of your village. Like easy food.
You know now, that Klaus doesn’t have the ability to heal your soul of anything. That the things you did with him - maybe they’re just as bad as the things Peter did to you. You wonder, if that’s the case - why it feels so different then.
After what happened with Peter…you felt ashamed. Wanted to cover your body up. Wanted to hide from the world. But being around Klaus - you kind of feel the opposite. Sometimes you even linger in your window, hoping he’s there in his wolf form, slipping your clothes off and taking too long to put on your pajama top, hoping he sees. You don’t know if he does.
You don’t know what’s wrong with you. Why the monster masquerading as a angel doesn’t have you screaming and locking yourself away in your room for good.
All you know, is that the guilt you felt the first day you came to this church, lessens every single time you see Klaus - and you don’t want that feeling to go away. So you’re here, at night, because you weren’t scared this time to walk here. The greatest threat in these forests has walked you home to ensure you safety before. Has had ample opportunity to kill you - and hasn’t.
You push open the church door. Even though you’re choosing to be here, you can’t help but feel like you’re walking into the mouth of the beast. You take a deep breath, pushing the door open, and step inside.
There, standing at the altar, is Klaus. His arms are crossed, and he’s looking right at you, which is different than the usual times you’ve arrived. Normally, Klaus lets you linger before making his presence known.
You’ve never been one interested danger - you’re a good girl through and through. Or, you were, before the incident. But there’s something about Klaus - something dangerous that calls to you in a way you don’t understand. Maybe it’s the fact that this legend being a sham opens up a world of other possibilities.
Maybe the world as you’ve always known it - a world with god - is a sham as well. You know that should make you scared, but all the thought does is send a crazy relief throughout your body.
You’re going to burn in hell.
But Klaus might be there.
“What are you doing here?” His voice is soft, but there’s a meanness in it as well. His tone is an odd mix of surprise and something that could almost be considered a warning.
You step forward, ignoring the rush of anxiety in your chest, the voice that tells you to leave, dummy. But you don’t listen. You don’t want to.
“I wanted to come back,” you say, voice wavering only slightly.
Klaus exhales sharply, shaking his head and doing a laugh you can tell is one that comes from anger. “Why?” he repeats, his voice suddenly booming. “You know what I am. You saw me. And yet you come back, after all of that? Are you stupid, or just more naive than I took you for?”
You take another step. The pull toward him is like a magnetic force that’s impossible to run from. “I don’t care,” you say, though the words are barely audible. “I don’t care what you are. I just...please don’t make me leave.”
Fuck, why are you so pathetic? It’s embrassing, that you came back here. It’s embarrassing, that you hold onto this beast’s every word like gospel.
Why am I not scared? You scream to yourself. As you get closer, a little voice pipes in from the back of your head.
You are, it reminds you, and you like it.
You think that Klaus is going to ask you why. You think that he’s going to kick you out - although, judging by the way he looks at you, with irritation someone only has for something they don’t despise, you know that’s just your anxiety talking.
A sudden burst of confidence explodes in your chest, and you let it carry you. “I feel…light around you,” you try to explain. Klaus won’t even look at you. Whatever dynamic you two have is insane. It’s cold. There’s no warmness from him, and it’s not like you lead anything to even feel like a part of an equation. Klaus is on a pedestal, literally - and you like it that way. You can’t explain why, but you do.
And he might not be an angel, but he’s powerful enough for it to mean something. Supernatural - and maybe it’s not a gift from the heavens, but one from hell, but you’re not even sure if that matters. Magic is magic. Special is special.
And Klaus is the closest thing you’ve ever come to something extraordinary.
You’re standing by the altar now, on the opposite side from Klaus. He looks at you, with something like pity in his eyes. “Light. You know what that feeling is, don’t you?” he asks. You shake your head. “It’s adrenaline.” You’re still at a loss, not understanding what he means.
“You’re scared of me,” he clarifies.
“I want to, can I - can you,” you cannot believe you’re saying this. “Show me more. Please.” You grip your necklace again, a move that you swear makes Klaus almost roll his eyes, but then you think about what your teacher used to say - at least attitude means youn feel comfortable around me. You wonder if that’s how Klaus feels.
He probably thinks you’re so naive. You play into that.
You worry that he’s going to ask you to say more. Describe in detail what you want him to show you - and even though you’re feeling bold today, you’re not that bold.
He doesn’t.
“Have you ever made a man cum with your mouth?” He asks blunty, stepping around the altar and into your space. Your body heats up, your heart speeds up so fast you’re sure you’re going to pass out. He smells woodsy, warm, like the trees outside - and you wonder if that lingers from his wolf form, or is just what he smells like as a person. You breathe him in, feel his strong hands on your hips pushing you against the altar so you’re trapped.
All these weeks, and you haven’t seen his dick, haven’t felt him in a sexual way beyond the feeling of his hard bulge under your thighs when he has you over his lap, or his fingers teasing you about your wetness through your panties. Little touches, but you’ve memorized them. Think about them whenever you have the chance, to be honest.
You shake your head in response to his question.
Klaus lips curl into a dangerous smile. He’s so handsome, it’s unfair. Like the devil knew looks meant something in this world, and sent his prettiest soldier. “Present your offering to me,” he says, you furrow your brows, confused. Weren’t you just talking about giving head?
You look for the bowl, but Klaus grabs you gently by the chin and chuckles. He lets go. “Your mouth can be the offering today,” and fuck. He pushes you to your knees, and you go easy, looking up at him in all his glory.
He really is glorious. Sculpted abs, pale, perfect skin without an imperfection. It makes sense, if his blood that can heal is running through his veins. You’re a little jealous, of what that level of untouchable means.
“You’ve never done this,” he says, and you can’t tell if it’s a question or not. You nod, confirming. “Shame,” he says, “With lips like that it seems like the first thing a girl like you would learn.”
You blush. Again, you’re reminded about how weird it feels to enjoy what he’s saying - because when Peter talked to you like this, all you felt was disgust. But when Klaus says it, you know that wetness is probably pooling in your panties, your knees jello from how turned on, overwhelmed, you are in this situation.
You open your mouth and look up at him, and then Klaus unzips his pants. He’s hard already, and you can’t deny the thought that you’ve been thinking about this ever since you saw him naked in the forest. It’s primal almost, the strength of this man - it makes sense why you, someone weak and totally human, is on your knees in front of him.
You lick your lips, and Klaus wears that delicious smirk again. He pumps his hard cock in his hands a few times, before running the tip all over your lips. His precum wets them like lipgloss, and you wonder what’s got him so aroused since you just walked in.
Another sinner? A woman, that he plays with like a cat with a mouse? The thought makes jealousy and something in you stirs to be better than her. If she even exists.
But then you see his hands. You didn’t notice the blood at first, but his nails are stained red. It only takes a second for you to realize, and then you get it -
Klaus is hard because he killed someone before you arrived.
“Like what you see?” He asks, looking down at you. You widen your eyes, and he teases you by shoving his cock halfway in your mouth, and then pulling it away. His dick grazes the side of your cheek and he chuckles, and the way you feel on the ground is so utterly degraded.
But it’s controlled, if that makes sense. You know it’s happening. It doesn’t feel like you did, walking through your village with your clothes ripped up after dealing with Peter. It’s - safe? in a way.
Klaus takes a step back to look down at you, thumb and pointer finger running over the smooth head of his cock. He looks like he wants to moan at the feeling, but restrains himself, if only for a minute.
He fucks your mouth after that. Lets you suckle on his dick as he gently pushes it between your lips, so you get used to the feeling. Your mouth stretches, and when he hits the back of your throat you nearly panic.
Klaus grips your hair and reminds you to breathe. “That’s it, love,” he says, voice a coo - almost mocking. He cups your face when he gets a little rougher, slips his finger into the side of your mouth to stretch it even more. Like you’re a toy he’s playing with. He licks over his lips.
“Your eyes,” he murmurs, and you open them wider as he says that. “Like an angel.” It’s not a dirty comment - it’s actually kind of sweet, and that takes you off guard. You sputter around his cock because you forget to relax, and then Klaus lets go of your hair.
He leans against the altar and puts his hands on the back of his neck, arms bent at the elbow like he’s stretching. As you look up at him, gagging around his cock in your mouth, you notice that he’s standing in front of the cross on the wall. He’s a ways away from it, but in this position, it makes it look like he’s meant to be there. Perfectly in the center, his hands and arm position like wings on either side of his shoulder.
He said you look like an angel - but you could say the same about him.
────
“I’ve been too easy on you,” Klaus says the next week, when you’re sitting at the confessional booth. You don’t know why sometimes he chooses to have you talk in the booth all proper, and why sometimes he wants you somewhere else in the church. Nothing with Klaus makes sense - in fact, nothing about this situation makes sense.
And you’re not the only one who thinks so. Everyone in town has been acting weird around you. Avoiding you still, yes, but more so than usual. After your first visit with Klaus, when you came through the door early the next morning, your father literally jumped up from the kitchen table where your mother was serving breakfast. Spilled his coffee all over his newspaper and exclaimed, “What on earth are you - doing back so early?”
You didn’t answer. Just walked to your room and closed the door, ate after the rest of your family left the kitchen.
“Easy on me?” You ask, because you have no idea what Klaus means. Nothing he’s told you to do has been easy. You think about it now, squeezing your knees together as you sit on the other side of the booth from him. The spankings, the blowjob that ended in him cumming all over your necklace.
“Playing naive doesn’t make you holy again. Being meek doesn’t make you immune to sin. You need to learn that,” and for the first time, you actually laugh a little. Because what does Klaus actually know about sinning? He admitted the truth of what he was to you. He knows you come here not to be holy again - but to feel free.
“I know,” you reply, and it’s like something in him snaps. When he speaks again, his tone is mean.
“You know? Well, by all means, show me just how confident you are.” You’re confused. You don’t know what he means by that, and luckily, you don’t have to worry about, because he tells you.
“Tell me what you want. I can smell your arousal from here.”
Woah. That takes you off guard. It’s like your body is trained, to be aroused the minute you walk into this church. To crave the feeling of Klaus’ hands all over your body, to crave the feeling of the pain he brings. The feelings he brings out in you, although not right, are more holy and healing than anything you’ve ever experienced before.
It’s addicting, the feeling of slight freedom you get when you come here. Addicting and appealing enough that you’re able to ignore the different faces of god on the walls of the church as you walk inside.
“I don’t know what you mean, Klaus,” you say shyly, squeezing your thighs together for some relief. It’s warmer out today, so you’re wearing a skirt - maybe that’s why you’re so obvious. Klaus chuckles.
“You step foot in this church and immediately are turned on, little sinner. Practically cum all over yourself when I get close to you. You’re not the shy, inexperienced girl you were when you came in. At least - your throat isn’t. Tell. Me. What. You. Want.”
He punctuates it for effect. Your mind begins reeling, but maybe super religious people are right - not being able to see his face, sitting in your own part of the confessional - it gives your confidence you wouldn’t have face to face.
“I want,” but he cuts you off again.
“Tell me what you think about when you’re under the covers of your bed at home,” he urges, voice low. He’s turned on too. “You really should turn your lamp off at night, by the way. Anyone from the window can see you through the mirror.”
And fuck.
Has he been - ?
“I imagine a mouth,” you admit, cheeks red. Looking down at your hands that you’re playing with in your lap.
“A mouth?” Klaus asks, clicking his tongue. “Or mine?”
“Yours.”
Klaus hums. He’s pleased with your answer.
“Tell me more.”
Your face burns. “I can’t, I, I’ve never done that before. Your…dick in my mouth made me think about what it’d be like…” you trail off.
It’s silent for a moment. You never expressed your desires before, and you feel fucking embrassed. But it’s also empowering. A little spark inside of you burning up the anxiety you always feel about your own needs. You rarely speak your truth. Maybe the shallowness of expressing your desires can be the catalyst for expressing yourself in other ways.
“You want me to lick your pussy, is that it?” Klaus asks, so vulgar you actually choke on some spit. You cough, and can’t see him but you know he’s smirking.
“Don’t be shy, little sinner. You are a sinner, aren’t you? Bad girls ask for what they want, isn’t that right? Haven’t you been raised to be good?” He’s not wrong. “So do the opposite of what you think you should do. Tell me how badly you want me to push that little skirt up and lick you to an orgasm. It’ll be better than your fingers.”
Oh my god. Like a dirty sermon, the words spill out of his mouth. But he’s right.
“I want,” you can’t get it out. Klaus sighs, frustrated.
“You say the words, and I’ll leave my side of the booth and drop to my knees in front of you. I’ve always wondered how you’d taste. Being the first to bring you to the brink of pleasure with my mouth - I’ll never forget it.”
You want this so bad. You sigh, bite your lip, squeeze you legs together again.
“Klaus, I. Please - will you lick me?” God, how fucking embarrassing. How fucking shameless. Your parents would literally dig their own graves if they ever knew you were saying this. You came home with ripped clothes and bruises all over your body after Peter tore your innocence from you even when you said no - and they hate you for it. Imagine how they’d feel now, looking at you begging a creature straight from hell to lick your cunt.
“Good girl,” Klaus says casually, and you feel proud. Nobody has ever said that to you before. You expect to hear the chair squeak, for him to move, to give you what you want now that you did what he said.
Instead, he’s still talking. “Lift up your dress and feel yourself over your panties, sweetheart,” he orders. You do what he says, fingers pressing hard over your pussy through your cotton underwear. It’s painful in a good way, and you’re wet. Probably have a wet spot.
“Tell me. How wet are you? Just from my voice, no?” He’s teasing. Such a cocky, confident bastard. But you nod, and then he reminds you. “Words. Can’t see you.”
“Yes,” you spit out. “Your voice. This place, I,” you rub yourself.
“Take the panties off and touch yourself. How you do at home, with your hands under your covers in your panties and your hand over your mouth.” You open your mouth to ask how he knows this, but you fall short. You do what he says, stand and up to take your panties off, wanting to hear another good girl. After a life without praise, you want that hit of it again.
You sit back down and flip your skirt up, rubbing your clit gently while little moans leave your mouth. “A finger inside. Have you done that? I want you to. For me.”
You’ve never done that. Never tired, but you do what Klaus says and slip a finger inside of yourself. After so much time so pent up, you’re close already. Really. Just a few minutes rubbing your clit, that’s how backed up you are. Klaus must sense it. Because your pussy clenches around your measly finger like it’s hungry and then there’s a slam and he does that speed thing that lands him in front of you.
Your legs are vulgarly spread wide, and Klaus is on his knees in front of you. It feels wrong, him in a position of worship to someone like you. You almost want to tell him to get up, but you’re not that selfless. Not when his necklace hits your leg as he dives between your legs, his hands spreading your knees even further apart. He looks hungry - similar to how he looks when he drinks your blood from the dish.
“Shame you’re not on your cycle,” he says grossly. “That’d be an offering all in itself.”
Klaus licks between your legs and laps up your slick, his warm, skilled tongue feeling like what you imagine heaven feels like. He moves his tongue from your clit down to your aching core. You don’t know why it aches - have never had more than one person inside of you, but god do you want Klaus.
He makes you cum right there in that confessional booth. Three times. Once, on his tongue, and the next two with his fingers buried inside of you. He says you taste sweet, that you could convince a good man to take a deal of eternal damnation for a taste of you, that he’s never seen a pussy so perfect, and all you can do is whine and moan and call out to god.
Klaus pulls away when you do, handsome face covered in your wetness. Smelling like you. Your heart races as he licks his lips. “Call me Klaus.”
────
You stumble backward as Peter shoves you, his hand pressing sharply against your shoulder. The force of it catches you off guard, and you try to regain your balance, but the ground feels slippery beneath your feet. His laugh rings out, harsh and mocking, and you fall backwards, your hands scrambling for purchase. You can’t believe this is happening in town, with people around you watching this - not giving a shit.
Your knees hit the pavement with a sickening scrape, the rough concrete cutting into your skin before you even have a chance to break your fall. A sharp sting bursts across your knee, one ten times worse than the feeling of the pocket knife you use for your offering. You bite your lip, trying to hold back the tears that sting your eyes. The pain is immediate and raw, the kind of sting that burns and throbs all at once.
"Oops," Peter sneers, his voice dripping with amusement. He says he cares about you, that he still wants you, yet he can’t stop tormenting you whenever he sees you. Boys will be boys your mother keeps saying, but surely this can’t be what someone does when they want you? You start to cry, trying to sniffle back the tears.
You glance up, gritting your teeth against the pain, and you meet his eyes. Peter’s smirk widens, and there's no apology in sight - only the cruel satisfaction of someone enjoying the sight of your discomfort. He was bad before the incident, but after it, he’s so much worse. You wish he’d just leave you alone. You can’t believe you ever thought he was handsome - that you were ever excited when he’d come pick you up, or take you out. He’s ugly to you now that you know who he is on the inside.
"Get up," he snaps, his tone cold and dismissive as if this is some sort of game to him. You try to push yourself up, wincing as your scraped knee protests, but your legs feel unsteady, and there's a humiliated heat creeping up your neck.
"Come on, you're not gonna stay down there forever, are you? Oh, well - maybe you are. Spend enough time on your knees at that church, don’t you?" His voice drips with sarcasm. What he says stings more than the wound on your knee - because you’re only going to the church because of what he did to you.
On the flip side, you only know Klaus because of him, so maybe things do happen for a reason.
You want to say something, to snap back at him, but the sting of the scrape and the weight of his presence presses down on you, leaving you feeling small, and it’s hard to muster the energy to fight back. He reaches down for your necklace, and for reasons you don’t understand, rips it off of you.
You look down until he waks away - you don’t want to let him see you cry.
────
“What happened to you?”
His voice makes you jump, and you almost stumble over a gravestone that’s half toppled over. You catch yourself and stand steady, but your heart is beating at an alarming rate at your surprise. This is the first time, in all the weeks you’ve been coming to repent, that Klaus is standing outside of the church.
You’re almost to the front door, but not quite, about to open the door to the broken, barbed gate that was once a protection for the church, but now sits as a reminder of how long it’s been since this place of worship was properly used. Every time you walk past it, you feel something like sorrow in your chest, looking at the locks different couples throughout the years have clasped on the broken fence when it wasn’t so decrepit.
They probably thought their love would last, you think, something like bile rising in your throat at the thought. It’s pathetic and sad, that anyone could ever think that love or another person could save them. That’s the angry, negative part of your brain. The other part of you, the one that wants to believe in good so bad you can almost taste traces of it when the moment is right - well, it can’t even make the locks romantic. Can’t even turn love that’s frozen in time into something sweet.
Maybe the couples who put these locks on the fence are still together, your brain reasons, trying to think on the bright side, but your thoughts quickly tumble to the negative as they always do. It doesn’t really matter though, does it? Those couples, even if they stayed together, are dead now anyway.
So much for a bright sunny day.
You grip the gate with one hand and lean against it, hoping it doesn’t topple over - but you need something to support you to be in the presence of Klaus this close. He’s in a black, long sleeved shirt, a rosary around his neck, and he looks so angry you worry about your safety.
“What?” You ask dumbly, so lost in his eyes and the symbol of devotion around the neck of such a monster you don’t even remember what he said when you first walked up to him. You swallow hard when he sighs, obviously irritated, before crouching down and pulling your knee high sock down to your ankle.
You blush, at Klaus on the ground in front of you. His hair is almost golden where the sun hits it, hands strangely soft where they touch your skin. You think about a story your father used to tell you, about the devil; how he’s not a man with red horns and skin, but a beautiful angel that turned rotten.
You think that’s accurate, looking down at Klaus. His beauty. When he looks up at you, still frustrated at your lack of response, you finally realize what he’s talking about.
The white of your sock has a red stained circle where you knee is, some dirt covering it. Your exposed knee burns, now that you focus on it, from when you fell down.
When you were pushed.
You try to push those thoughts out of your head, because you’re here now, and it’s time for you to repent and move past it all. Isn’t that what your father told you to do, after the fight you had with Peter again? Confess. Repent. Get over it.
“What happened to you?” Klaus asks again, his patience wearing thin. You’re no vampire, er, hybrid, but you swear you can hear his breathing. Heavy, like he’s angry, like he’s upset, and then he locks his jaw and looks up at you and you realize what he’s really mad at.
You really can’t go one day without fucking everything up, can you? You made Peter mad today, and now you’re making Klaus mad. Both have the ability to hurt you, one worse than the other. You feel unwanted tears start to burn in your eyes, and you wish more than anything that you’d had a chance to breathe and change your clothes after you fell into the trap that is Peter.
“I fell,” you say meekly, hating yourself for being mousy, average, annoying. Quiet. So utterly ordinary and useless it makes you want to rip your skin off just to start fresh. Be someone, anyone, new.
“You wouldn’t skin your knee this bad if you just fell. Someone pushed you,” Klaus replies, hand still on your thigh. You try to focus on that feeling, his hand steadying you, anything to keep you grounded so you don’t cry. It works a little bit, because you don’t even hear the concern in Klaus’ voice. “Tell me who pushed you.”
You shake your head and try to pull your leg out of his grasp. “I fell, Klaus, I swear,” you lie, and you hate yourself even more, if that’s possible. You feel bad, after the vulnerability you’ve shown Klaus before, that you’re acting like this now. Why should you protect Peter? It’s so wrong. You’re just scared to admit how badly you fucked up today, how you made Peter mad again, when you’re supposed to be getting better. That’s what Klaus has been helping you with, hasn’t he?
You’re such a failure.
Klaus doesn’t reply. Instead, he leans forward and licks at the bloody wound on your leg. It’s disgusting, and you hold you breath, the feeling of his wet, warm tongue on the owie on your leg such a horrible sensation…
Until it’s not.
He cleans off your knee with his mouth, in broad daylight, before standing up. He looks at you all disappointed, because he can see right through you. Knows you’re lying, knows you’re a screw up, and him looking at you with that expression is just too much.
Your eyes water. You instinctively go to grip the cross on your neck, a nervous tick - only to be reminded that you’re not wearing your necklace. Klaus’ eyes follow the movement. He clicks his tongue, disappointed.
Not like the amusement he usually has when he makes that noise. The fun he gets, out of making you confess.
“Come, little sinner,” he orders, a hand on your shoulder to direct you past the run down gate, into the even more worse for wear church. You follow, doing your best not to stumble, wound on your leg still burning despite the way he licked it clean.
You ignore the other burning you feel, always feel, around Klaus. In this church. Burning of your cheeks, burning of arousal in your core, burning with want in every inch of your body he touches and doesn’t.
When you’re inside the church, Klaus leads you to the altar and orders you to strip and kneel.
“But my knee,” you say before thinking it through, another sin for not just obeying. A woman is supposed to obey, you hear your mother’s voice in your head.
God, you ask, and not as a curse - it’s a genuine plea. A genuine question. Why can I never do anything right?
“When you tell me the truth about what happened to your knee, you’re free to go. Already got my offering,” he reminds you, referring to the blood he lapped up off of your knee. Klaus is sitting a few pews down to watch as you get your shoes off, pull your socks off, something dark in his eyes that you’re not sure is desire or frustration or something else entirely.
He looks too beautiful to be watching you be so useless, the sun shining through the stained glass window casting his pale, handsome face in a mosaics of bright colors. What you wouldn’t give, to look like that. Painted by the sun itself. Instead you’re dreary, dumb, a punching bag who can never get anything fucking right.
You do what Klaus says, get on your knees and stay there until you can’t take it anymore. It hurts, putting all your weight on the wound, but the position is uncomfortable anyway. And Klaus just watches, in the third pew from the stage, while you cry, trying to come up with the words to say what happened without admitting the whole truth to him.
I made Peter mad, you want to say. You want to cry out. I asked him to apologize for what he did to me, and I should’ve left it alone. That’s why he pushed me. Please, just clean my soul of this.
Nothing comes out.
Klaus sends you home an hour and a half later, knees bruised, cheeks wet with tears. He brushes them away roughly when he helps you stand, pulls your socks back up your knees and helps you out the door.
“You waste my time when you lie to me,” he reminds, which you know. “How can I help you if you won’t tell me what what’s wrong?” You don’t hear the pleading in his voice.
────
“Here,” Klaus hands you a box just as you pick up the pocket knife from the altar. He comes out of nowhere, behind you, and you can’t help but think that he chose to make himself known that way so he could press himself against you. Your body burns where he touches you, and you find it funny that he put a nice looking box on the altar where you slit your hand open for him.
“A gift?” You ask. You can count on one hand, the number of gifts you’ve received. Your parents don’t belive in shit like that, but you’re excited nonetheless. You don’t wait to open it, and your surprise when you see what’s inside must show on your face. Klaus does a shy smile, an expression you’ve never seen him wear before.
It’s a necklace. Like the one Peter broke. It’s gold, heavy - the same material as your cross one. Only -
There’s no cross on this one.
Just a K.
For Klaus.
It’s a weird gift. You don’t know what to say to it, because Klaus expects you to wear this? An initial of his name? You’re not sure what’s happening here, only that you feel like this is…serious. Sensitive. What?
He must see your face again. But you don’t want to disappoint him. You grab the necklace and hand it to him, turning around and moving your hair out of the way so he can clip it on you. His hands linger, and then cup the sides of your throat. For a split second you wonder if he’s going to snap your neck, but he doesn’t.
“I want you to wear it, when you’re here,” he says, like an order he knows you’ll obey. “But if you ever wise up and choose to…get out of this town, you could probably sell it for a pretty penny.”
You furrow your brows and then to face him. “Leave? What else is there? More shitty towns?” Klaus looks at you like you’re crazy.
“You’ve got no idea what’s out there, do you?” You shake your head, confused. “It’s part of your appeal, little sinner, that naivety - but there’s so much more out there. Art. Music. Beautiful places, and cities. Places where men don’t,” he pauses, and your breath hitches. You wonder what he’s going to say. “Nevermind.”
“You talk like you’re going to leave,” you say, insecurity showing in your voice. Because you’re not sure what you and Klaus are. Aren’t stupid enough to even think that you’re something. But the thought of him leaving when he’s the only thing in your mind, the only decent thing in your life, is just too much to handle. What’s wrong with you? One man shows you a lick of kindness and suddenly you’re worshipping at his altar?
Klaus steps closer to you, grabs your waist. “I’m not leaving.”
You open your mouth but Klaus cuts you off. Looks at the necklace on your neck, his initial, like a brand. “I want to fuck you,” he says suddenly. Your body responds, you feel your nipples harden and your stomach tighten, turned on with just those few words.
You look down, shake your head. You want Klaus to fuck you - of course you do, but it doesn’t change the fact that the thought of sex makes you freeze up. You’ve done everything else, naughty things with Klaus, yet -
You can’t run from your past.
“Klaus,” you want to explain yourself. You’re ready this time, to tell him what happened to you. Why you come here. You want to share. “There was this man. My suitor. He pushed me and he hurt me and -“
“I’m not going to force you.”
You’re frozen after that. He knows. Even better, he seems to understand what happened to you by the hands of Peter, and he doesn’t seem to blame you.
Klaus bends to his knees and runs his hands down leg. It’s gentle, for no reason other than the fact that he wants to touch you.
“What are you doing?” You whisper, and he doesn’t say anything. Just kisses the scar on your knee, up your thigh, and then pulls your panties down your legs. He stands, gets his own pants off, and when he bends you over the altar and stuffs his cock inside of you, you realize that sex was never the issue at all.
Peter was.
“Beautiful girl,” Klaus murmurs. “You’ve got no idea the power you have.” He grabs your hand as he puts his weight on your back, using the altar to to support you while he fucks into you with slow thrusts. You think he’s just going to hold your hand, but instead he bites into it, takes his own offering while he claims your body. He feels so fucking good, stretching you out. Going slow, tender. You never imagined someone like Klaus would fuck you like he actually has a soul.
When you cum around his cock, you keep your eyes open, locked on the cross in front of you at the back of the room in the center of the wall.
“Klaus,” you call out like a prayer.
────
You walk into the forest with Peter, his friends trailing behind you - and you wish you hadn’t come. When he showed up at your place a few hours ago, your father and mother all but shoved you out the door with him. You don’t understand how or why they’re still pushing you into his arms, but you know they just want to get rid of you. It hurts.
Their laughter echoes off the trees. They’re all drunk, except for you, and it’s insufferable. Peter keeps pulling on your wrist, trying to grab your hand, and eventually you won’t be able to fight him off.
His hand isn’t Klaus’. And you wish you weren’t such a pushover - wish you stood your ground and never let your parents tell you, a grown woman, what to do and with whom. You don't want to be here. Not with Peter, and not close to the area where you walk through the forest to see Klaus. You don’t want those memories, the only thing positive in your life, tainted by Peter.
You zone out, breathing in to try to calm down. If you just get through whatever campfire they want to go to, then you can go home. The air is thick with the smell of pine and earth, and for a moment, it almost feels peaceful. But then, Peter’s voice cuts through the calm, teasing.
Mean.
“You really went to that church again this Sunday? This is a far walk from home,” he says, his tone dripping with mockery. The others chuckle, and you feel your face heat up. He’s not asking because he cares. He’as asking to make fun of you.
You bite your lip, trying to ignore them. You’ve heard it before, the constant jabs, but it still stings every time.
“I don’t see what’s so funny,” you reply, your voice a little sharper than you intended. You don't know where it comes from, when you’re shaking from being so bold. “It’s important to me.” You want to scarem that he's the reason you have to go, but you refrain. Because these days - he’s not. Not anymore.
You hate him so fucking much.
You should just run back home, but the only thing stopping you is the fact that Peter’s holding the only flashlight. You should have brought your own.
Peter snorts. “Yeah, I get it. You want to be cleansed. You’re all about that holy stuff,” he mutters, and then one of his friends chimes in. “Weren’t so holy when you let Peter pop your cherry though, were you?
His friends laugh again, and you can feel the heat rise in your face, but you try to hold it together. You don’t want to give them the satisfaction of watching you cry.
You say nothing. Peter tries to wrap an arm around your shoulders, but you’re seething so hard you pull out of his grip. Stupid, maybe, because in retaliation, he shoves you, just a little too hard.
Your feet slip on the uneven ground, and you lose your balance. It’s a rough part of the woods, and you twist your ankle. The world tilts as you fall back, your hands shooting out to catch yourself, but there’s nothing to stop you. You hit the dirt, your head on a rock, with a sickening thud, the breath knocked out of you.
For a moment, everything is still. Your heart races, panic spreading in your chest. Peter doesn’t move, just watches, face unreadable.
His friends are silent now, their laughter gone, replaced with something else. Something you can't quite read.
You slowly push yourself up, your hands shaking, dusting off your knees. But even as you rise, the hurt from the fall doesn’t compare to the sinking feeling in your stomach. This is more than just a push. You can’t stand up. You can’t move. Everything feels hazy, and then you hear the urgent voices of his friends. You’re not sure how you missed it before, but now, it’s undeniable. Something’s wrong.
And then everything goes black.
────
You wake up on the hard, cold ground of the forest. Your head is aching something fierce - you’ve never experienced this level of pain before. The minute your eyes are fully open, you let out a cry, laying your head back down on the dirty grass underneath your body.
“Fuck,” you mutter, covering your eyes with your arm. You breathe in, coughing immediately. You sit up with another cry, your body stiff and heavy feeling, every nerve on edge.
That’s when you realize the smoke. There’s a fire at a distance, that much you can tell. You smell the charred odor, along with something earthy - but the scariest smell is the smell of something metallic. Sour.
It’s blood. Coherent enough to look around now, you notice that even in the dark, it’s clear that wherever you’re lying is a crime scene. There’s blood everywhere - but strangely enough, not a lot on your clothes. You know you should stand, but you can’t bring yourself to. The air is too thick, too choking, and your head and your limbs just feel too heavy and -
“You’re up. Fantastic,” you hear, along with the crunching of leaves that tells you someone is walking towards you. You know that voice anywhere, but you’re not sure why it’s here.
Klaus.
The last thing you remember is Peter, and his friends, and walking into the forest together for that stupid bonfire. So how are you here, with Klaus right now? How - what?
Klaus crouches down next to you.
“There’s enough blood here for a baptization,” he says, voice a little too cheery for this eerie situation. You ignore him, even as he touches the back of your head, like he’s checking something.
That’s when you realize - the back of your head is covered in blood, hair matted against your sclap. No wonder you’ve got a headache, but even scarier - with this much blood loss, how are you even awake?
“What? Klaus, I,” he cuts you off. “You’ll feel better once you eat something, little sinner.” He stands up and walks away from you, and you watch him, heart beating too loud and too fast in your chest. You could gag at the smell around you, and your head pounds at every step Klaus takes. Why is it so fucking loud? Why are you feeling so much?
What happened?
Klaus returns with a bloody paper bag. You don’t understand. “What’s going on? Why are you here? Where’s Peter?” But you don’t finish again. Klaus shoves the bag at you, and you open it, a cream threatening to escape your throat when you see what's inside.
“Now,” Klaus starts, crouching back down. “I would never force you to do anything, but in a few hours, you're going to be feeling worse than you’ve ever felt in your entire life. Hunger, like you’ve never known. I would suggest, love, that you take a bite out of the heart, just to keep your appetite at bay while we find you some clean clothes,” the immediate reaction in your body is to hurl.
You want to throw the paper bag with a heart inside of it, but instead your own beats faster. It's like your veins throb, your stomach growls, so hungry for this organ that you can barely contain it. What the fuck is happening to you? And why is Klaus so calm?
“Klaus, explain, please,” you look at him, noticing only now that he’s entirely drenched in blood. Up to his elbows almost, so thick it looks like he’s wearing gloves. Your head spins, making you dizzy, and you stand up because you don’t know what else to do.
Klaus looks at you like you’re crazy. “That’s a heart. You’ve never seen one before?” As if you've seen an actual heart outside of a body before. You lean your back against a tree, your own heart about to leap out of your chest at the disgust you now feel for yourself - because that heart - why does it smell so good?
“Why?” you manage to get out, and Klaus actually laughs. He’s having fun, you realize. This is the first time in all you’ve known him, that Klaus is actually fucking smiling.
“That suitor of yours. He pushed you, although I do wonder what you were doing in the woods with him and the others, without your necklace on,” you want to tell him that you keep your necklace somewhere safe, as to not draw suspicion from people in town. But he just keeps talking, on a high that only death can give him, apparently.
“I tried at first to get him to cut his heart out of his own chest, but as you know - people don’t like to be forced to do things. Even him. So I did it for him. Kind of me, I know.”
Peter is dead. Klaus found you in the forest with him and he killed Peter and the others.
But more than that - you can’t breathe. Can’t think. Klaus takes a step closer to you and places a bloody hand on your shoulder. You’re full on crying now.
“Don’t cry,” Klaus says, as if that helps. “He deserved it. Think about what happened. What you last remember. After we were intimate, before you left - I fed you my blood to heal the wound on your hand,” and you remember that. So why does Klaus sound…desperate for you to understand?
But then everything comes back, and it only takes a second for it to all come together.
Peter - he pushed you. You had Klaus' blood in your system , and all the vampire facts he told you after you found out he was a hybrid came flooding back. Peter -
He killed you. You must’ve hit your head when you tumbled down the hill. And because Klaus’ blood was in your body you -
You turned. You're a -
“No,” you shout, pushing past Klaus. The fear in your body is enough to push past the pain and stand up. “I can’t be this. I’m going to hell, Klaus.” You've never felt an emotion this devastating. This is horrible. You’ve experienced self hatred before, but nothing quite like this. You have an eternity to accept this disgusting, disgusting truth.
Klaus actually looks offended. But he doesn’t get it. How could he? You’ve been trying to be someone new, but the beliefs that have been drilled into your ehad since you were a child are strong. And you’re scared.
You drop to your knees and plop on your ass, holding your legs to your chest. Klaus comes to you, but not to comfort you. To twist the knife deeper.
“Look around,” he says, voice loud. You don't want to. To see what - blood, smoke? “You’re already in hell. Your father let that man around you. He told you to come to me. Don’t you think he knew what I’d do to you?”
You don’t understand what he’s saying. Your father - ?
“He was hoping I’d kill you. Dont you see?” You don’t know what to say to that. But it’s all clicking, and you’re going to be sick. Your father sent you here to die. It makes sense why he was surprised every time you came home. You cry even harder, body shaking with sobs.
“But don’t worry. I took care of it. You’re holy now, you understand?. Safe. Untouchable.” You look in the direction of the smoke and realize it’s coming from your town. Did he - burn the town down? And maybe supernatural sense are even crazier than you thought, because you focus on the scent of char and pinpoint that the scent is coming off of Klaus’ fingertips.
He grabs the paper bag and sits beside you. You shift away from him. This is too much. You can tell he’s upset by your reaction, but what did he expect? He moves closer to you. “Leave your faith and follow me, and I’ll show you things the Bible never taught you.” He drops something on your lap.
It’s your old cross necklace. All bloody. He must’ve got it from Peter. It’s a thought you’ll have to go back to later, to understand - Klaus, giving you back a piece of yourself. Even one he doesn’t agree with.
“I’m going to hell,” you repeat, frozen. You’re looking forward, unsure if you’re even blinking. You can’t process this. You will never, ever get over this.
Klaus waits a moment, before he opens the bag and hands you the heart. It looks smaller than you imagined, but softer. The smell is so vile it’s good and your stomach rumbles.
“Welcome to the club, little sinner,” he says, and without looking at him, you grab the heart and bite into it.
Klaus grabs your free hand and gives it a squeeze.
this fic is a gift for @myklaus ♥︎ thank you for the yaps, the laughs, and the idea!
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♡Headcanons For Orlando Johnson.♡

♡Headcanons For Orlando Johnson.♡
Requested by @aquarising03
Orlando is a special kind of boyfriend, who makes you feel seen and appreciated. As a student at Bringston University, he’s not only focused on his studies, he is also deeply invested in his relationship with you, a student and best friend.
Orlando as a boyfriend.
Fluff Moments.
-Orlando is always your biggest cheerleader, whether you're acing an exam or facing challenges. He has a way of motivating you that makes you feel like you can conquer anything.
-He loves to surprise you with the little things. Whether it's your favorite snacks or your favorite place to relax on campus, he always finds a way to make you smile. He loves to give you gifts as a reminder of how special you are to him.
Late Night Study Session.
-Orlando always makes sure to knock first, bring your favorite type of coffee which is a mocha latte and your favorite snacks, he’s ready to help you study or ready to distract you with sweet words and playful teasing.
-He delights in holding your hand as you walk through the bustling halls of Bringtson, makins sure you are safe and beside him.
-Orlando loves to steal kisses in between classes, and always finding a moment to pull you in for an unexpected kiss.
-He makes sure to ask if you are okay, physically, mentally and emotionally, your mental health and well-being are important to him.
-Those eyes of his are something dangerous, quite captivating about the way Orlando looks at you, making it difficult to look right back at him.
Kinks For Orlando.
-He loves to talk during intimate moments, a playful side with a hint of teasing here and there, affirmations to make you feel desired, saying things like “You're so beautiful,” or “See? You can feel it,” he says softly, ensuring you're comfortable and enjoying the moment.
Dominance and Submission.
-Orlando has a dominant streak in the bedroom, enjoying taking the lead but with a focus on making sure you feel respected and safe. He loves it when you take control of the most, wanting you to be dominant turns him on as well.
-He loves to give praise and let you know that he feels good being inside you too, he lets out a groan in your ear, while he thrusts harder yet passionately. Giving you everything.
-Roleplay.
Orlando enjoys the idea of roleplaying scenarios that allow you both of explore different dynamics. Whether it’s playing out fantasies or pretending to be strangers meeting up for the first time, he finds it exciting to step outside your usual routines.
-Aftercare Focus.
After any intimate moment, Orlando is attentive and caring, he makes sure to check in on you, cuddling and running you a hot bath, helping you get into the tub while you wash yourself clean.
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If you need any shifting advice on your journey, here's mine; be nice to yourself. If this advice doesn’t resonate or feel accurate to your journey, keep it pushing, it’s not for you then, but for someone else, it can be! If you relate to me, I'm gonna expand on it, when it comes to my shifting journey I was really impatient, getting mad at myself because I couldn't "shift" to my desired reality, I think deep down dealing with depression and lots of other things made me use shifting as an escapism and in some cases to condemn others for doing that is a privilege, sometimes escapism is all they have. But the little light you do have left, that's used for shifting, use that to be nicer to yourself and don't beat yourself up that you're not in your dr yet, you are, but you just have to shift your awareness, you are in your desired reality, you're living and breathing just as you are in your current reality.
As I was saying, deep down, I really felt like because of the things I experienced with childhood trauma made my self-esteem really shatter deep inside no matter how much I held myself in high regard. I think you guys should consider a little shadow work when dealing with dark thoughts when it comes to shifting and to be patient with yourself. I hated myself, I hated everything about myself, from the way I looked, the way I talked, the way I even laughed infuriated me. I always longed for something more, being in a different reality where I can finally be free. But truthfully, it's you that's gonna get you to your dr aka shifting your awareness. I don't have all of the answers, but I know what clicked for me in my shifting journey where I was consistently desperate and upset with my lack of progress was that I would blame myself and turn those negative feelings onto myself and harbor them deep inside, using myself as a punching bag.
"I miss my s/o, I wanna be with them" is what I would say, and "I wanna be out of here, I just wanna be free," in the end I would always talk about the things that gave me comfort like my s/o and have an attachment to them, rightfully so, I could love everything about them, name all the cool things about my dr self, feel confident about my dr self, but I couldn’t name two things I like about myself.
I think I realized that I was making a shifting journey about another version of me, well it is me, and the people I cared about from my dr but I could never give myself that same kind of priority or love, I wouldn’t brush my teeth, wash my hair, I would neglect my cr self and I found myself losing love for the place that I call home, it never felt like home to me but sometimes you gotta make the most out of this reality which can be your launching pad, I see other realities like a staircase, it just keeps going, and whatever your foot is on is the one you’re aware of at the moment, however, there other versions of you, still the same consciousnesses, same person, and they’re walking as well, just through you, like spirits, my analogy is all over the place but you get the point the moment you shift, you’ll be in another version of your body, your dr body, and what not and you’ll be on the step that you always wanted to put your foot upon.
Anyways, I just realized that all that time I spent writing love letters to my s/o, writing and scripting about our wedding, our reception, how we first met, what did I wear, what gifts they’ll give me, I could do all of that and daydream about our love but never could pour that same amount of dedication into my own shifting journey and daily routine as a person. It’s okay to script xyz and 12345 amount of things about your dr but just make sure that when you are excited about your dr and scripting, that you can put the dedication and love into yourself as well, but I’m not saying you can’t be in a bad mindset and not shift. I just believe the message I wanna give out is that, sometimes you can not really self-reflect on your shifting journey and beat yourself up when things go unplanned or have a “failed shifting attempt”. You’re in your desired reality, you just have to shift your awareness, you can shift, I have done it, for like six seconds, and I got scared and freaked out and decided I didn’t want to after YEARS of trying.
I think sometimes what we need to do as shifters when we have been trying for years and is to be left alone with ourselves and remember to pour love into ourselves when we feel like we’re not progressing in our shifting journey and things can get a little dark, I realized everything I did for my s/o when it came to scripting, was a reflection of what I actually wanted in my current reality, I wanted someone to love me enough to write a 6790 word letter, to tell me they love me, how badly they are infatuated with me, rightfully so of course, and do a bunch of tarot readings for myself about my dr to get me all motivated, and I couldn’t help but realize I lived my life through my script, it’s like I experienced everything I scripted and that I knew everything about it, where was the mystery of it that I could enjoy?
What secrets would keep me interested to find out after I shifted like what color did my pillows look like? What did my bedroom smell like or even my hair? Because my current reality was terrible and my self love was terrible, I lived my life through my script as an escapism and when I laid down trying to shift and didn’t shift my awareness like I hoped, I just hurt myself altogether by saying “you’ll never shift, you’ll never be cool, you’ll never be that popular girl you always wanted to be, you’ll still have that ugly face and hair that never shines or never grows,”
Now keep in mind, using shifting as escapism isn’t a bad thing, to view it at as a bad thing can be a privilege, some people really have shitty lives, and shifting is all they can hold onto. But I’m saying for myself, it was to my detriment and I just HATED my life and put my dr on a pedestal even when I thought I wasn’t.
But back to what I was saying…… It’s like when I didn’t shift, I was left alone with the darkness of my insecurities eating me like maggots would a corpse. I was my own enemy, so I’m just saying to those, who live in a current reality where it HAS NOT been kind to you and dealt with childhood trauma, anything that pained you or anyone.
This reality isn’t the end. Be nice to yourself, love yourself, because when it comes to this shifting journey and latching onto your dr people, that give you hope, or dr places that give you hope, or anything at all, remember it is yourself that is carrying you to this place, that your dr self is you, is the vessel of your soul, your consciousnesses and everything and more, and that you should give yourself a pat on the back for getting you there and getting you this far in your shifting journey even if you felt like you didn’t progress at all.
Love yourself, remember that love, because in the end, you are all you have at the core, treat yourself with love, pour into yourself, do things in your current reality that give you the tiniest bit of joy even if this reality disappoints you, gives you something to think about with a smile, like eating your favorite snack, watching a sunset, taking a deep breath and just relaxing, do anything and hold onto that love and carry it with you.
Because you’ll have a thousand more moments like this and it’s not the end for you and it never will be. You are incredible, magnificent, it is not your fault that you think you cannot shift, you CAN shift, you got this???
Would shifting not come into your life if you weren’t capable, anyone can shift, any second, any hour, a shifting journey is something personal and only you can find out what works for you and if it doesn’t don’t beat yourself up because it didn’t work out!! No, you find something else and make it work, it’s all about trial and error because in another reality, you are doing the same thing, with another name… maybe another face… possibly a different hair color but nonetheless, it’s still the same you. Shifting really is real and it’ll change your life forever.
If you never experienced love in your current reality, never known what it looks like in person or never grew up with a good example of it, don't beat yourself up just because you don't know how to do that for yourself, especially within a shifting journey that is just magnificent and out of this world, literally.
If you ever been put down by people that are supposed to care about you but just in general be in receiving of a lot of animosity from people with no reason at all, just used to being the one being beaten by the world, it's not a surprise to do that to yourself.
But with this shifting journey, please do not do that, you're all you have and you got this. So, if any shifting bloggers or loa bloggers are going around telling people that its their fault that they're not getting their desires and that it's all on them, just pay them no mind. In a world where empathy is fleeting, hold space for yourself and love yourself through it all.
You made it this far, give yourself a pat on the back for that!! Remember who you're doing this for... (you.)
#reality shifting#shiftblr#shifting blog#law of assumption#shifting realities#permashifting#desired reality
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being a shifter is so annoying when u cant figure out what career you want to have in ur dr when ur a planner type of person but also... im like i can just re-script things when im in my waiting room after being in my dr and figuring out what i wanna do lol
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good things will happen 🧿
things that are meant to be will fall into place 🧿
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sfw/nsfw klaus mikaelson headcanons
(keep in mind i had a feminine reader in mind but no gender was specified until the nsfw)
tw: (sfw)mentions stalking(briefly no yandere shit), (nsfw)reader is called a good girl, has breast and a vagina.
sfw
°even before you got to know the soft side of klaus he’d constantly try to flirt with you
°when he realized flirting wasn’t helping he stopped a decided to play the nice guy approach(meaning constantly spoiling you with his riches)
°he’d buy you pretty dresses, jewelry, flowers, food
°klaus loves stalking, whether it be a girl he’s into or his enemies, he likes knowing what your up to but elijah raised him to be(somewhat) respectful
°he only watches over you when you leave your house to make sure you make it back safely
°one day you left your house to go meet with bonnie and elena at the grill and a stray tuxedo cat approached you. klaus watched as you awed and adored the cat softly petting its fur. he saw how sad you looked when you had to leave the cat to deal with a vampire emergency that had nothing to do with you.
°the next morning you heard a knock at the door but when you checked outside there was nobody but that same tuxedo cat with a pretty pink bow around her neck and a note that read “please adopt me”. although it did feel weird you shrugged it off welcoming your new furry companion.
°you never knew who was sending you these gifts until you received an invitation to the mikaelson ball with writing on the back asking you to save klaus a dance, along with a pretty blue gown and gloves.
°you decided to go to confront him, he’s been sending you expensive gifts for a while and he’s also been harrasing and almost killing your friends for a while
°the moment you step into the lockwood mansion and lock eyes with him it seemed different than the other times you looked at him. maybe it was the suit, or the slicked back hair, or the fact that the chandelier lighting was making his eyes look soft and beautiful.
°you were baffled when you confronted him.
“why have you been sending me anonymous gifts for weeks?”
“because you’re as gorgeous as a queen and deserve to be spoiled as such. but if it bothers you i will stop.”
°that was the moment your perspective of klaus changed. you guys began going on walks together and having deep conversations and you slowly started falling for klaus.
°he continued to send you gifts and it made you feel bad that you haven’t gotten him anything. so you saved up all your checks you’ve received from working at mystic grill and bought klaus a small silver necklace with a wolf charm attached to it.
°once you gifted to him he cried(jk he cried on the inside) but seriously he deeply appreciated it although he kindly lectured you about spending your hard earned money on him.
°he was so touched and when you explained to him it was to repay him for all the gifts you’ve received from him he was assured you were the one for him. and asked you out right on the spot.
°since that day you guys have been inseparable.
now onto the spicy shit
°klaus is a giver and a damn good one
°gives you the best sex, the best head, the best orgasms, while still giving you an emotional connection
°this man is a god at dirty talk and foreplay no one can tell me otherwise
“ssh love i know it’s a lot, but i know my good girl can take it”
“just like that -fuck- keep going princess”
“mm baby you sound so angelic”
°this man will give you head at any moment! but for his sake demand that shit. nothing gets this man harder than you bossing him around and putting his face where you need him the most!
°being one of the eldest vampires this man has lots of experience, even as a mortal he had game
°he’s always willing to try any position that’ll make you happy but he loves missionary.
°he loves watching the different faces you make as you moan, he loves watching your eyes roll back and you mouth hang open, the feeling of your thigh trembling, your gentle pushes on his pelvis when it’s too much
°loves scattering marks all over you as much as he loves drinking blood
°your neck, your thighs, your hips, your stomach, your arms, your breast, no where is safe from his mouth
°don’t be afraid to tell klaus exactly what you like or want he’s tried everything, he’d be excited if you come up with something new to him
°no threesomes! anything involving sharing you he cannot do. he’s a selfish man wants you all to himself. he doesn’t even like you going outside but he tolerates it because you’re always with him
°praise him! call him handsome, call him a good boy, tell him how good he’s making you feel.
°he’s not use to being praised and will melt in your arms but if he’s really worked up that day your praise will go straight to his head and you’ll receive a good vampire speed fuck.
°the first time you called him a good boy he came immediately. poor boy wasn’t used to the praise, just thinking about being your good boy made him hard all over again
°he definitely overworked you that night
°gives amazing aftercare, he feels bad everytime no matter if it’s a quickie or if you’re making love because he’s bound to drill the shit out your pussy
°he plants kisses on your sore skin, if your really tired and can’t get up he’ll bring you water and clean you up before you sleep
°doesn’t fall asleep until you do, places a soft kiss to your forehead everytime before he eventually sleeps besides you.
(this is my first official post on tumblr, i still have to figure ts out lol. honest feedback is always welcomed! if you enjoyed this headcannon reblog please🙄. but i honestly think i’m officially retired from wattpad but im still trying to write and keep my creativity going. so any suggestions or prompts are appreciated.)
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