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Kashmir Sikh Girl Controversy

If a non-Muslim woman chooses to marry a Muslim man, even out of free will and willingly converts to the faith of the husband, there’s much to despair than to celebrate, because she is not practicing her right to freedom, but she is just transporting herself from a lighter form of patriarchal dependence to a more severe form of patriarchal bondage.  The question we should ask –why change of faith? Why does she need to abandon the heritage of her birth and adopt the identity of her husband? Is it not a form of pervasive patriarchy where the groom colludes her in abandoning her identity? In fact, women raised in patriarchy of one community fall prey to patriarchal oppression in other community because they don’t know how to defend their rights while falling in love with a man of different faith. For that, the blame lies on us because we seldom raise our daughters to be independent. In most cases they are not adequately aware of the risks they are exposing themselves to. A non-Muslim woman of tender age does not realize that her would-be partner can marry someone else without divorcing her and without taking her consent, that her husband can easily throw her out without proper alimony and maintenance, that her husband can refuse her child custody in case of separation— these are real possibilities which are legally unthinkable in Hindu-Sikh communities. Our women do not grow up with these perceptions. And they are not adequately prepared to deal with such a situation if it befalls on them.

The other curious case is that of Muslim men, who are often indifferent towards or even outrightly opposed to change their civil laws that would award women within their community with equal, reciprocal and gender balanced rights but are super assertive about ensuring the rights of women from other communities practicing their freedom to choose for themselves. Such hypocrisy flies on your face. If you are someone who believes that Muslim women do not deserve the same rights as women from other communities, then your insistence of ensuring the rights of Hindu/Sikh women converting to Islam for marriage, is plain farce.

It is not enough to support the freedom of women to choose their life partners. It is also on us to ensure that women are not penalized for making such choices and that they are not left to their fate if such relations do not succeed. Therefore, it is equally important to throw out gender disbalanced sharia laws and enact Uniform Civil Code. It is equally important to criminalize polygamy for all faiths. It is equally important to ensure that women of all faith get equal compensation after divorce, equal inheritance in property and also equal rights for child custody. If you are someone who is opposed to these changes but insist on ensuring the rights of Hindu/Sikh women having a Muslim partner, then you are nothing but a opportunistic misogynist and this is the reason we don’t our women to be your partners. Because they are our daughters and sisters and we love them, since they were born.   Note: My suggestion to all those having a sister, daughter or cousin having an affair with Mulsim man. If your girl is hell bent on marrying the Mulsim guy then tell her she is allowed to do so and is even allowed to convert to Islam, provided you write the Nikah Nama. Consult a Muslim lawyer and ensure maximum possible rights for the girl in the nikah naama including complete ban on second wife, more than half share in parental property of the boy, full child custody in case of divorce and separation and ensured monthly maintenance adequately proportioned with the boy’s income and assets. Khud bhag jayenge.