goldfishpainter-blog

[goldfishpainter-blog]

[goldfishpainter-blog]

You Matter.

Shit gets hard.

Sometimes you’ll be lonely and want to cry. You’ll worry for the soul of the world. And you feel there is nothing you can do.

Part of the wonderful curse of being human is being able to understand things that are so much larger than we are. It’s easy, and dangerous, to believe that an individual’s power can make only a minuscule difference.

Climate change especially wrecks me. I…

[goldfishpainter-blog]

Why My "Label" Was A Gift

Why My “Label” Was A Gift

It was 3 AM, and my heart was racing. I was searching the internet for medical conditions that would account for the horrible abdominal pain I’d been in for the previous 4 months. I had gone to the doctor three times and gotten three different diagnoses and treatments (including a full-body CAT-scan) and was nowhere near improving. With my heart racing in the dark, quiet room, I felt awful. My…

[goldfishpainter-blog]

What I Do In Therapy

I do particularly well with lists of capital-T-Truths. Truth is always at the heart of healing, and finding it is the ultimate goal of therapy.

In a recent session, I was dealing with the problematic and painful cognition “I am a bad person/I am broken”. This was a huge problem for me for several years, but had gone away in the past few months. I am 10 months out of a divorce, and my world is…

[goldfishpainter-blog]

How (And Why) To Choose A Therapist

Therapy offers you the ability to changeyour thoughts and feelings. Any problem you have can be addressed with a therapist. And though not all problems can be solved through therapy, many emotional and cognitive problems related to life issues can be dramatically improved, whether you’re mentally ill or not. Over time, you build a relationship with your therapist that allows you to grow into a…

[goldfishpainter-blog]

Very Specific Instructions For Dealing With Coronavirus Anxiety

There are real, concrete things you can do to manage your anxiety. It’s not all about “thinking positive” or anything as simplistic as that. Anxiety is a physiological response to a stimulus. Since the stimulus we have right now is fear of the plague, we as a world are being presented with anxiety from which we cannot escape. So if you’re playing tug-of-rope with your anxiety and trying to stay…

[goldfishpainter-blog]

Congratulations! You're a Horrible Person.

Congratulations! You’re a Horrible Person.

Figuring Out That I Have Borderline Personality Disorder

Am I a bad person? If I am, how can I be better? I’ll do whatever it takes to be better, please just tell me how.

My introduction to borderline personality disorder was through my best friend and my mother, both of whom I love very much. They both have mothers who have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and were horribly…

[goldfishpainter-blog]

Not To Publish

  I mostly know emotional abuse from the inside, which means I hardly know it at all. I lived with it for seven years because I loved him – I love him – and I thought I could help. I thought I was strong and patient enough, and that if I could just nurture him enough, I could help him heal and let go of his fear. He was so badly abused that, even though he is a good person, his fear twisted him…

[goldfishpainter-blog]

Life After Husband

All I Have To Do Is Feel; Day Two of the Aftermath

  He’s gone.

He was my biggest and most important metric for success, meaning that without him, I’m unmoored. I’m writing lists of values and priorities and goals now that my life is wide open, which is terrifying, exciting, and promising. But “be in a committed relationship” was what I considered success, and now I am alone for the first time in…

[goldfishpainter-blog]

Why We Should Be Scared

Why We Should Be Scared

I am so confused. When I started, I thought I was pissed, but I’m not. I’m bewildered.

How did this happen? How did we poison so many young white men? School shooters, Incels, groypers, MGTOW, pick-up artists, MRAs. How much of the electorate do they have? And their determination scares the fuck out of me. They’re not stupid, and they’re not lazy.

I thought they were all stupid and lazy.

How did…

[goldfishpainter-blog]

A Very BPD Problem

A Very BPD Problem

Once upon a time, my poor boundaries led me to unceremoniously, unkindly dump a faithful friend. My mother clearly identified it recently as me devaluing this woman who I loved. Idolatry and devaluation are opposite ends of an interpersonal problem that many people with borderline personality disorder have. Someone who you once loved deeply becomes someone you want nothing to do with.

I didn’t…

[goldfishpainter-blog]

Patreon Is Open For Business!

Patreon Is Open For Business!

My spirits are up, my hopes are high, and I’m a little bit anxious… sounds like I’m right on schedule for achieving a milestone!

I’m ready to launch my Patreon page.

I had no idea when I started Goldfishpainter.com that this is where I’d be 4 years (or 5 years? Who knows.) down the line. I thought I was going to sell my paintings by writing a little bit about what feelings inspired them. Now, I…

[goldfishpainter-blog]

Everyone Does Not Feel That Way

Everyone Does Not Feel That Way

Let’s play pretend.

Imagine you’re vacuuming your carpet. The room is big, the carpet’s a mess, and your vacuum cleaner is loud. Twenty minutes later, you’re finished, and when you turn off the vacuum, your ears start ringing. The ringing is so loud that you can barely hear your loud music playing. You call me later, and say “Yeah, my ears were ringing so loud earlier, I could hardly hear!”

I…

[goldfishpainter-blog]

Guns: The Night My Neighborhood Met Fear

Guns: The Night My Neighborhood Met Fear

It’s midnight, and I’m half-heartedly picking up around the house with Conservative propaganda in the background. Keeping tabs on the likes of Tucker Carlson and Nick Fuentes makes me feel like a super-spy and gives me the illusion of being protected from the evil they promote, since I’ll know where they’re headed next if I keep paying attention. State propaganda vs. pure hatred. I don’t know…

[goldfishpainter-blog]

The world is a dumpster fire, and it's getting worse. How this mentally ill person copes.

The world is a dumpster fire, and it’s getting worse. How this mentally ill person copes.

When the camps at the US-Mexico border came to the forefront of the news cycle, I was disgusted and dismayed. I was also angry, and anger is motivating. My mom mentioned a breakfast meeting of the Waco Immigrants Alliance, and I went.

About a week later, there was a global day of action protesting the inhumane treatment of immigrants at the camps. I contacted Hope Balfa Mustakim, local superhero…

[goldfishpainter-blog]

How To Have Someone Committed To A Mental Hospital

How To Have Someone Committed To A Mental Hospital

Emily K Harrington, Author and Advocate

  The best way, which is not always possible, is to have the permission of the person that you are trying to commit to inpatient treatment.

Most people do not want to go to the hospital, especially when they’re already sick and struggling. If all of your comforting objects, habits, substances, places, and people will be suddenly removed, you logically fear…

[goldfishpainter-blog]

Should We Have Labels?

Should We Have Labels?

Photo by Gabriel P on Pexels.com

by Emily Harrington

Should We Have Labels?

Would it be better to believe you were normal than know you are sick? Does having a label make your life worse?

Anything classified as a mental illness or mental disorder is, by its nature, problematic. It’s almost always distressing or painful. A person with a mental illness can usually identify that their feelings are…