gotchacreamymatcha

[gotchacreamymatcha]

🌻

[gotchacreamymatcha]

Unexpectedly in love

Being in love is not always about butterflies

Or smiles between two people

Or giggles in every little unnecessary conversation

Or beats of heart that pounding overly

Being in love is about waiting

Waiting for them to realize your presence

Waiting for even you will realize that's not gonna end well

Waiting for miracles to happen in any minutes

Being in love is mostly about let them free

Let them fly among the clouds that you always worry can hurt them

Let them be happy with their decisions

Let them choose who they're gonna share their love with

Being in love is how you manage to do nothing

But always be there for them

Being in love is an art of hiding

[gotchacreamymatcha]

Insecurity consumes you

Telling me how bad you think you are

When i think you're one of the best person i know lately

Every kindness you give

Every careness you give

Lead you to heaven-feel condition

To be your friend, is all my pleasure

To see you grow, the proudness inside me growing too

We have our own past that should be buried

Which we only can dig it up once we need to remind ourselves

The past is there

It never leaves

We can only living the life and accept everything that happened

Good or bad

It all happened

You're not that bad, we all know that

It's all just insecurity that consumes you

[gotchacreamymatcha]

Wondering what i am to you

If everytime i try to explain what are that matters

You never listen

You never try to listen

I give what i have

I always try my best to be the one who understand

Yet you never have a little piece of yourself appreciating me

Wondering what's the point of this all

They say a lot about the art of waiting

But for me that all just give me some gambling problems

I never know what will happen second later

You never know what will happen minutes later

We never know where the nature and future lead us to

Wondering have you ever been in love with me for real?

Or it's just all nothing but what i want you to?

[gotchacreamymatcha]

Some moments meant just to be enjoyed

No feeling included

No expectation at all

Because some moments created just only memories

Memories that should be buried deep

No feeling included

No feeling included

[gotchacreamymatcha]

I thought everything will be as good as I imagined

I thought you are someone who can bring my smiles back

I thought our journey will be easy

I thought we can create paths full of laughs

Turns out I made my another mistake to ever think that way

That's it

You're gone.

[gotchacreamymatcha]

U turn

Many things are making me confused

Thinking about every moments that we have made

Brought me back to you somehow

"You changed much", you said

"I did", I said

Then we shared things that did us better

That we did until we finally meet at the exact same point

But you did break my heart once

"I can't", you said, "I'm sorry"

I tried to understand

But turned out being your best friend with this kind of feeling is not easy

It was driving me crazy

Then I chose to leave

"Move on is the only way", I said

I didn't give you a chance to say something

I left

I put every memories behind

Until you called me the next day

And now, we are what we are

I put down my expectations

Cause we all know that you can't break something that's already broken

And instead of moving forward, I'm taking a U turn

[gotchacreamymatcha]

The face that I thought I cant live without,

the voice that I thought is my only lullaby,

the hand that I thought I cant let go, and

the words that I thought I cant forget

now are just meanless things that I have experienced,

now are just things that I wish never happened.

[gotchacreamymatcha]

This song describes everything I meant, thanks Niki

[gotchacreamymatcha]

Bestie?

I never thought a second that I would meet him, or else, falling to him. He's just a friend who I met in last few days in 2017. He's charming, I admit it. He is who he is.

I've been his "situational" friend for about 3 months. Nothing much happened between us as far as I can remember, just friend, I can say I liked him back then but it was just a "woooshhh" because I know he wouldn't like me back. We didn't talk much, but we hang out a lot with our other friends. We never talk about our personal life until this fckin PENG came out....

Well, he casually ask me out, for ice cream at first, but the plan changed so we went to this coffee shop, anyway we had our romantic spot to talk for the first time. I didn't know what that was all about until he started acting weird and kinda flirted to me, but again, I didn't think there was a something.

Yeah maybe some of you knew what happened next, we became a couple right before I went and we got this LDR things haha so funny. I loved him so much, the best boyfriend I've ever had, the relationship was amazing until I ruined it.

Being this fcking moody bitch is no fun! He gave up on me. But actually he had other reasons to let me go which I knew exactly that was all my fault. Stupid bitch. We've been good friends after that. We still have sweet and nice convos even until now.

In June 2023, we finally met after our last meeting in 2019. It felt nice and good to see him grow. I know he doesn't change much, he's still the same person I met in 2017 and fell into in 2018. He told me so many things of his life which is amazing. I was excited to know everything about him now. And surprisingly...the feeling stays the same.

I don't know exactly what to do. It's kinda hurt knowing that we're not going to be together again at the moment. Actually I just kinda curious why he keeps this sweet connection between us. I'm sad tbh, but you know, I couldn't do anything about this, right? I don't wanna ruin our sweet friendship. So go ahead bestie, do whatever you wanna do, I'm always be here in the exact same spot.

Well now, I just wanna wait up and see where this life will lead me to.

Peace.

[gotchacreamymatcha]

At first i never thought that i would love you this much

At first i thought our story would end happily

At first i never thought i should prepare anything to say goodbye

At first i thought we would never take a U turn no matter how hard our fight will become

At first i thought you will love me endlessly

But now i just realize, all of that thought are my biggest mistakes. I ruined myself to death by loving you too much.

[gotchacreamymatcha]

It is actually my favorite sad song since i was in high school. And sure, i'd like to play it on repeat for months.

[gotchacreamymatcha]

And by leaving the door open I'm risking everything I own.

[gotchacreamymatcha]

And even in the worst day like this, i still have our pictures hanging on my wall.

[gotchacreamymatcha]

Kadang dering masih ada namamu beberapa pesan singkat untukku

Entah apa maksudmu yang kutahu sayangimu aku telah keliru

Ayo tulis dibuku harianmu kelak jelaskan bila engkau punya waktu

[gotchacreamymatcha]

I dont know where do i start but right now i just cant think clearly, i just wanna disappear, i just cant hold it any longer. Too sad to be alive, huh?

[gotchacreamymatcha]

Yes it's me, kicking out everyone away when i actually need them the most.