grimdark13

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Metaphor

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What's the process if you're a superhero and you come out as trans

Do you tell your villains?

Do you keep it a secret so no one can connect Spider-Man with your secret identity for a while? Or do you pop a pronouns pin on your costume and the next time you web up Doctor Octopus and he goes "I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME SPIDER-MAN" you go "Spider-Girl actually! I've been figuring out some shit"

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What is even the difference between an Elf and a High Elf?

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Ru

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as a child being told "the moon controls the tides" with no additional explanation was like. oh okay. you want me to believe in magic? you're talking about magic right now? okay. fine

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why can't manatees bounce around on land like seals

a simple reason!

THERE IS NO BOUNCE IN THIS THING. it's just bones. open bones.

seal and sea lion skeleton for comparison:

LESS BONES!! MORE BOUNCE

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"weird" really is the perfect descriptor for modern conservatives because I would argue the defining feature of the current american far right is that they exist purely in their own bespoke media ecosystem that is both highly conspiratorial and mostly untethered from the truth. this is a group of people whose belief system has been debunked and disproven so many times by legitimate sources that they've resorted to just telling each other increasingly absurd lies in order to justify those beliefs. the upshot of this being that the minute you remove any of those lies from said bespoke media environment, there's really no appropriate response other than some varient of "bro, what the fuck are you talking about?"

how am I supposed to respond to someone who says that Democrats are running a satanic cult where they ritually sacrifice children to harvest their adrenachome - a theory that is not only insane, but is also a throwaway gag from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. what do you expect me to say to someone who says that trans women are dominating in women's sports, and when asked to give examples responds with a list of non-white cis women? How am I supposed to take someone seriously who thinks that wildfires are caused by space lasers controlled by the Rothschilds or that schools are installing litter boxes for children who identify as cats or that most large corporations are "Marxist" because they have mandatory diversity trainings?

like sure I can take them seriously as a political threat but how am I supposed to have any respect for them as *people*. because as people they are just deeply fucking weird. we should be able to dismiss them out of hand because it's not like they'd care about whether or not we're making a reasoned argument

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for the love of god, do not use chores to punish your kids!!!! it's just going to make them struggle deeply to keep their houses tidy as adults since you made them associate necessary chores with punishment and suffering, and it's going to take years of therapy to undo. don't use chores as punishments!!!

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I wish this was my job.

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it sucks so bad that 'lightning magic' in every media is just some pathetic little strands of electricity. i wanna see some LIGHTNING. show me a magic setting where lightning magic lights up a room like the sun, and the bolt is only visible as an afterimage burned into your vision. I wanna see someone cast lightning and have the thunder rattling the room and shaking everyone to their core. i want lightning magic to be a split second blast of so much power it leaves everyone's senses reeling. c'mon guys don't you know what real lightning looks like? we can be doing so much better than this.

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For decades stoners were renowned for their aesthetics. For their blacklight posters and lava lamps, for their airbrushed dragon murals and electrical shock orb thingies from Spencer Gifts. Then they legalized weed and every weed store became the flattest, emptiest minimalist void imaginable. They're putting a weed store in a former Rainforest Cafe and they're tearing out all of the rainforest decor to make it just a big empty space with walls painted the blandest green they can find. They tore down paradise and put up a place where a business major tries to tell you CDB oil can cure cancer

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when internet people are like “i love gothic literature but i hate anything that discusses incest, sexual violence, oppression, misogyny, abuse, torture, gore, murder, or death”