grokkingchair

[grokkingchair]

What Faith is Really About

Is it weird that I'm finding the Netflix series, Lucifer, to be rather enlightening? I mean, he is the bringer of light so...

Anyhoo, I had what can only be described as an epiphany while watching season 5 episode 10. I realized that faith has nothing to do with supernatural (or celestial) beings and everything to do with faith in ourselves and in each other.

Faith and love are indistinguishable.

Imagine always having faith in everyone:

Faith that they are trying to do their very best all the time.

Faith that they want the best for others.

Faith that they have the same hopes and fears that you do.

Faith that they would help you out if the situation arose.

Faith that you would help them out if the situation arose.

In other words, what if we defaulted to thinking the absolute best about people? I believe this worldview cracks our hearts open and allows us to touch (or recognize) the innate web of causes and conditions that lead to misunderstandings that take us away from that faith, and foster division, separation, and ultimately hatred.

Faith in ourselves and other people is the ultimate connector, vanquisher of the illusion of a separate self.

In the Plum Village tradition, the refuge chant starts with this phrase:

"The one who bows and the one who is bowed to are both by nature empty. Therefore the communication between them is inexpressibly perfect."

And perhaps inexpressibly, humanly imperfect at the same time. But what if, when we have unwavering, unquestioning faith in each other, our communication is inexpressibly perfect?

What if practicing unwavering faith in our fellow earthlings is the path to liberation?

My eyes well with tears when I recognize this, which is my body's way of responding to truth.

I will be practicing faith. Faith in myself, and faith in each and every one of us.

_()_

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legendary

you are a link in a chain. you will not be remembered. but the chain may be.

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you can’t have right view when you are busy disliking and disapproving of yourself.

Unhealthy shame is the mind killer.

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after five years, starting from a twig, the red buds bloomed.

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The Heart of Perfect Understanding

Or, as we have come to know it in our tradition, The Insight That Brings Us to the Other Shore, is a treatise on innate human vulnerability.

We live suspended within and sustained by a web of [bi-directional] interdependence. Separate existence is delusional.

If we use the "recollection" definition of sati, it must mean to continually recall the fact of our essential vulnerability and state of mutual dependency. I suggest this because [at least in my privileged experience], I walk around in a fog of deludedly thinking that I am impervious, independent. So--good news!--I have that part down pat, thus no need to recollect that.

Does the essential, constant recollecting ground us in humility? What would our lives look like if we lived in a state of constantly knowing deeply the fact of our interdependence and vulnerability? I think we'd be looking a lot more like buddhas.

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You don’t have to touch the flame to ignite.

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Nirvanized

"We are perfectly in nirvana. We have been nirvanized since the non-beginning." - Thich Nhat Hanh, The Other Shore

In 2014, Thich Nhat Hanh (my teacher) re-interpreted the seminal Mahayana sutra, The Heart Sutra. He renamed [the Plum Village tradition version] to "The Insight That Brings Us to the Other Shore", and the changes are, in short, revelatory. Thay's full commentary was published in 2017 (nearly three years after his massive brain hemorrhage).

I've been rereading it lately and this line shows Thay's (maybe Thay, maybe another monastic's) unique humor and wisdom, and makes me so, so happy: "We have been nirvanized since the non-beginning."

The extra bit of cleverness is that this sutra explains that ideas of dualities (birth/death, being/non-being, purity/defilement, increasing/decreasing) evaporate in the truth of emptiness. Thus, "non-beginning". Brilliant. :-)

May you also find it joyful, hopeful.

_()_

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The Good Spiritual Friend

[I’m going through my old drafts. This was from May 2016.]

“The practitioners who do not understand continue to be caught in words and phrases and obstructed by terms such as holy, profane, etc., so that they cannot open their wisdom eyes and therefore cannot see the real nature of things clearly. The Twelve Divisions of the teachings were only devised to show clearly that real nature. Practitioners who do not understand bend in the direction of words, mistakenly searching for insight therein. That attitude of seeking a place to hold to and rely on, makes us fall into the cycle of cause and effect and prevents us from leaving the cycle of birth and death in the three realms.

“If you wish to roam in birth and death as a free person, you should recognize who it is who is listening to the Dharma here. Although that person has no form, no distinguishing sign, no basis, no origin, and no place of abode, he is living, infinitely active, and able to display tens of thousands of wonderful functions, and all those functions have the nature of non-abiding.

“On the other hand, the more you look for something, the farther away you are from it, the more you are off the mark. This is called the wonderful mystery.

“My friends, do not identify yourselves with this illusory friend, the body, because sooner or later it has to be returned to the hands of the demon impermanenoe. In this world, what is it you need to turn toward in order to find liberation? All you need is a bowl of brown rice, a mantle of cloth, and apart from this you should give all your psychological force and time to find the good spiritual friend. Do not waste your days and hours following various pleasures. Time is precious, life is impermanent, the four great elements (mahabhuta) and the four signs (birth, abiding, changing, ceasing) are driving you on.You must recognize right away the signless nature of these four so as not to be pulled around by your surroundings.”

- excerpted from Record 15 of Master Linji, as translated by Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Battles

A little over three weeks ago my best friend succumbed to the renal cell cancer against which she’d been fighting for three years. ��Her death came suddenly, caught me unawares.  And yet was completely expected--in fact, overdue, statistically speaking.  

For the past three weeks I’ve been trying to characterize in my own mind the nature of my relationship with Zanne.  I’ve come up with terms like:  “Best Friend”, “Pal”, “My Person”, “My Other Self”.  All of these are accurate, but I think the best description is, “My Good Spiritual Friend”.  

Zanne encouraged me to start the “baby sangha” in my home.  Many years ago, standing in the parking area outside of the Bikram studio, sweaty after the morning class, she mentioned that she used to have a friend that she would practice [meditation] with but hasn’t had that in a while.  I needed no more than that nudge to encourage the seed that was already forming in me to start our sangha.  

Our friendship grew slowly, steadily over the years, neither of us in any particular hurry.  Zanne was like a talking mirror, helping me see the good things in myself that I never allowed myself to acknowledge.  She would also be there to course-correct me in her southern-gentility-imbued way--indirect yet unmistakable. She was my confidant and cheerleader, and I was hers. 

All of our friends are Good Spiritual Friends, if we see with clarity.  But some are effortless. For me, those ones don’t come along every day--the ones who get me, and whom I get so effortlessly. 

As I sit down to complete this post, several years later, I realize that that the effortlessness comes from the ease borne of authenticity. Artifice is taxing; personas are exhausting. I don’t know what alchemy it is that allows free authenticity between two people, but it’s pure joy. Authenticity....resting easy in yourself, resting easy in the Way.

May we all have many Good Spiritual Friends. 

And thank you, Zanne, for being my Good Spiritual Friend. 

_()_

[grokkingchair]

I just now got it.  That feeling of loss that you get when someone dies?  It’s this:  it’s the profound recognition of the gift that was that person’s very existence.  How do we merit this bounty of grace, this beloved creature?  That gutted feeling is the realization that you forgot to adequately cherish the gift.  That gift--the raw existence of that individual--finally registers, overwhelms, creates hollowness in our core because we didn’t fully recognize and cherish that gift for what it is.  Each and every human, an astonishing miracle.  If we really realized that, we’d scarcely get through the day, as we’d be bowing  with deep  gratitude at the feet of every individual we encounter.  How is it we forget this, most fundamental of truths?  

The sucker punch of death reminds us.  It’s a mindfulness bell that has toiled since time began.  And still we forget.  Not today, I tell you. Not today.  

This is it.  We are the blessed living, walking gifts.  

May I remember.

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Loving "Lisa"

I was today years old when I learned that my name, Lisa, means:

A shortened form of Elizabeth, Lisa is a name with immense Biblical and religious significance. With Hebrew and English origins, the meanings of Lisa are “God is bountiful,” “God’s oath,” and “Promise of God.” The name also means “Bearer of God’s Light.” Similarly, the Swedish origin of the similar name, Lysa, means “Light.” Regardless of its origin, Lisa denotes hope through God’s will or bestowing light upon others.

according to this site https://parenting.firstcry.com/articles/lisa-name-meaning-and-origin/.

Well, dang. I guess I'll keep it after all.

_()_

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Love is All

Love is the substrate. Let go of everything and love is what's left.

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Is freedom other than love?

I've been working with the sensation of freedom in the body, and it's been profound. Try it. Sit and conjure up the feeling of being truly free in the body.

One of the first things you may notice is that perhaps you are in conflict with your body rather than being free in your body. You may perceive your body as uncooperative, inadequate, a prison in ways small or large.

But what if you drop all that for a minute?

Drop ability vs. disability. Skinny vs. fat. Old vs. young. Better vs. worse. My past body vs. my present body vs. my future body. Pain vs. comfort. Curly vs. straight. Weak vs. strong. Here vs. there. Masculine vs. feminine vs. non-binary. Stupid vs. clever. Illness vs. health.

Our ideas about ourselves root in our ideas about our bodies. (And important to see that these are just our own ideas, whatever their origin.) What if I drop all of it? Just for a few minutes. What happens if I allow it all and just be with it--be truly free in and with my body?

As I reflect, I see that constant conflict with my body is the framing for my life. Is that what I want? Is that how I want to walk in this world? (Erm, no. The answer is no.)

So I'm practicing feeling freedom in my body. Dropping it all, all the ideas I have about myself/my body. As I sit with it, a different kind of ease washes over me. It feels like the practice of deep acceptance.

It feels like love.

_()_

[grokkingchair]

“Aint you beautiful!” I sang to the sunrise. ”Aint YOU beautiful.” She whispered back.

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The Digital Life Equivalent of the "Can't Scream" Nightmare

I awoke this morning from a nightmare where I was urgently--frantically--trying to connect with my traveling partner. And all of my devices--mobile, tablet, computer--were frozen and unusable. I couldn't restart them, or nudge them from their frozen screen state despite exhausting all my knowhow.

Recalling the dream upon waking, I recognized this nightmare: it was the familiar, "I open my mouth to scream but no sound comes out" trope. It was the digital life equivalent.

How odd, I thought, upon recognition of the variation on a theme. I find myself unsettled by it, a sense of a too intimate connection to technology; technology as an extension of my very self. Have I passed some dangerous threshold in the role technology has in my life? Do I have a problem? Or is this the Way as we all move forward with ever more technology in our lives?

_()_

[grokkingchair]

Ritual & Remembrance

Ritual has never resonated with me. At a young age, I learned this quote from Emerson: "consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." But we weren't taught the whole thing which is:

“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. — 'Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.' — Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.”

I think this quote also speaks to our own internal cognitive dissonance borne of existing over a period of time, and the twin truths of impermanence and no-independently-existing-self-ness.

But I digress. While ritual doesn't resonate with me, my body apparently has other plans, and it's own rhythms of ritual. And so today is a day about ritual and remembrance. And the consistency of the grief of human loss.

On this day in 2003, my dad left his human body behind, transitioning to what-comes-next. I have not recovered from this loss and I wonder if I ever will. Every year in late July/early August a general sense of sorrow crawls over me, and then I realize what time it is.

I don't know what I want to say here as my eyes fill with tears, and my body is leaden with remembered loss.

Maybe this: maybe my dad was a great man because he, like each of us, was misunderstood. He looked like an average guy, steeped in a culture where Men were Stoic and Strong and Silent. He bore all of the mental anguish that that creates by drinking heavily, the Solution for many of us, and especially men of his generation. He maybe looked like a not-great man, an average man, maybe even a weak man. He was probably all of that. But still waters run deep and my dad (like each of us) ran deep and profound and wise and flawed and unknowable. ("The Dharma is deep and lovely.") I saw the greatness right there amidst the not-greatness. Because I Loved him. Or maybe because I am of him.

I loved my dad more than maybe anyone on this planet, and so deeply that I could never adequately convey it in words or actions. But I never doubted that it was mutual, obvious, didn't need to be yammered on about. I still do.

The energy of true Love sees the great and the not-great together as one, accepts them both unconditionally, and stands unwaveringly by the Other(s). By Every One. On their side. On our side. Only one side.

It seemed like dad sort of was like that, innately, in his way.

With profound gratitude and love, Dad. I miss you every day.

_()_

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Metta Across the Miles

This poem by Sr. Tu Nghiem was written, I believe, as a love letter for all of us homebound practitioners during the pandemic. Reading these words in the TNH Foundation 2021 annual report, moved me to tears. The love carried in these words is exactly, EXACTLY what you feel in the presence of monastics. And it was just what I needed today. May it nourish you, as well.

May the Smiles from our Hearts A poem to all Bodhisattvas by Sister Tu Nghiem (Sister Eleni)

May the smiles from our hearts Pierce through the clouds Of our confusion.

May the smiles from our hearts Reach you Continuing your path With courage and freedom.

May the smiles from our hearts Melt all your obstacles So you can serve all beings With peace and wisdom.

Let the smiles of our hearts Encourage you on and on, Like the sun Shining everywhere With warmth and freedom.

---

Oh, it does, Su Co, it does. I know you are there, and I am profoundly grateful for the gifts selflessly offered by you and your sisters. You probably don't remember this, but you were the first monastic I met at Plum Village during my first visit--I think it was in 2009. And you picked me up from the train station with another sister. We stopped at something like a Costco before making our way to New Hamlet. I'll never forget your sweetness then, and I'm reminded of it again by this poem.

_()_

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Boop-a Nature

From this day forward, I want to greet everyone by smiling and saying, "boop!", while gently tapping their nose.

I see you, beauty. I see you, sweet child of the cosmos.

You're loved, you're wonder-full.

Thank goodness you're here! Thank goodness we're here!

What joy! What a miracle!

[BOOP!]

The following excerpt from Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet describes the bodhisattva, Sadaparibhuta. Sadaparibhuta is often referred to as never disparaging bodhisattva. But I think really, this bodhisattva is far more powerful than "never disparaging"; this bodhisattva is the uber-personal cheerleader and hope-builder. This bodhisattva holds the mirror up and reminds us of our innate buddha (boop-a) nature. We are inherently loving, lovable, and understanding. It feels like the balm for our times.

There is a bodhisattva whose name is Sadaparibhuta, the bodhisattva of constant respect, who never underestimates or disparages anyone. The action of that bodhisattva is to remove the complex of worthlessness and low self-esteem. This bodhisattva acts to bring the message of hope and confidence and remind all of us that we are a wonder of life. Sadaparibhuta can see the seed of awakening in every person. Even if you are disagreeable, Sadaparibhuta still smiles and says, “Well, even when you’re shouting at me, even when you’re angry, I still believe there’s a Buddha in you.” He is just trying to tell the truth. That is his vow: to go to everyone, rich, poor, intelligent, or less intelligent. And he always says the same thing. “This is what I really believe. I want to bring you that message that there is a Buddha in you. You are capable of understanding and loving.”

Hanh, Thich Nhat. Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet (p. 112). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.

We are capable of understanding and loving.

[BOOP!]