gulated

[gulated]

WHY I’m SAD, UPSET & EMOTIONALLY drained

WHY - is one question. 

- Anyone who loves me? 

- Sexuality; lover is straight? Why am I gay? Why wasn’t I born normal?

- Family; so distant, constant arguing with dad, mum not in same country and barely talks, brothers doing their own thing - I’m the youngest, forgotten about, and alone

- Work - manager’s don’t like me, constantly saying the wrong thing, evidently a crap worker, will anywhere else have me? Why should I stay when no one wants me there?

- College; do I even want to work with children anymore? Why am I bothering? Can I even cope with these two years? I’m TIRED!

- College placement; I’m too fat for placement, will the staff even like me? How will I get to the nursery on time? How is it possible?!

[gulated]

I NEED help...

I want help but where do I go? Who do I ask? Why am I bothering?

It’s so much easier to just kill myself. Put an end to it all.

[gulated]

Another day, another disappointment...

Another day is slowly passing, another day of tears and disappointment. No one to talk to, no one who cares, just completely alone in a never ending battlefield. Feeling like I’m fighting a war with a bouncy ball, how could I possibly ever escape this alive on my own?

Anxious to speak to new people in case they don’t gel to your personality, waking up in the morning hating yourself because you couldn’t get out of bed to go to college - hating yourself for being lazy when in reality you just can’t cope with the stress and responsibility of life. 

Sitting on your bed, home alone wiht no one messaging you as they are all off having their own life, looking towards your tin of blades and the drawer where you keep your medicines. What’s the point in being here anymore? No one cares so why should I bother?

Tearing up because you hate yourself so much and want to die so quickly, but are a coward for never going through with it. I am in pain, I am suffering, and I want it to end... but I don’t want to be in pain when I end it? I want to die peacefully without pain? I want to die happy. 

I’m a coward for not killing myself, but I’m a coward also because I’m chucking the blame on other things or people. Not killing myself because I don’t want someone else to find my body? Stupid! You’re making up excuses...

[gulated]

Don't wait for the perfect moment, Take the moment and make it perfect.

Zoey Sayward