gxnes1s

[gxnes1s]

entry – [07/27/25]

today was fine. i woke up around 12pm and ate lunch while watching a twitch streamer called imdontai. i love dontai. he’s such a comforting, chill streamer. just someone you can put on and relax to.

i’ve been grounded from most of my stuff for skipping school, but i somehow won it back by playing roblox with my little brother, trenton. he’s almost 11.

(backstory)

apparently, he’s been getting bullied again. some kids at school were being assholes. joking about our mom dying in the car crash from about a month ago. those fucking pricks. same group of kids that have been bullying him since like 2nd grade. i seriously hope him telling them his older sister is in high school gives him some kind of higher ground.

i remember being his age and wishing i had someone older who’d stand up for me. i never had that. he’s such a sweet kid too. do kids not have any morals anymore? he’s fucking autistic… and they still joke about our mom being dead.

(back to today)

anyway. around 7pm, my mom made steak for dinner and we watched happy gilmore 2. it was hilarious.

also… this girl i’ve been talking to (flirting with? kinda?) let’s call her brianna.

we’re in the same class for second period. we talked a bit last year and she figured out pretty fast that i’m VERY obviously a sub and that i can’t hold eye contact. i don’t know if that’s the audhd or what, but eye contact feels so intimate?? it’s like… we’re thinking about each other when it happens and it’s just. idk.

her table is kind of across from mine

like this -> mine || || hers

so we can make eye contact. and she always rests her head on her hand and stares at me like she either wants to fight me or fuck me.. and i love it.

i get awkward though. i look at her, then away, then at the front, then back at her, fully aware of her eyes on me. whenever i do hold eye contact, i give her a little awkward grin subconsciously. she smiles back.

i mouthed “stop” once and she shook her head “no.” UGH.

while we were watching happy gilmore i was messaging her on tiktok. then later we switched to imessage.

i sent her a screenshot of someone i used to talk to honestly, probably just to make her jealous.

i wanted to spite her a little. not in a mean way. just… idk how to explain it. but i wanted her to think i was talking to her right now.

i really wasn’t expecting her to say that. ummm.

she ended up calling me while i was hitting my pen and idk why, but i really like talking to her when i’m high.

at one point she sent me a photo of herself and i literally screamed. not in a bad way, i was just high and wasn’t expecting to see her beautiful ass in my notification.

but i think she misunderstood why i screamed. she got upset, i assume that she thought i was like flustered w someone elses text since i sent her that ss? she ended the call, and after asking what happened for a while, she told me she had been crying.

i don’t really know how to comfort people. i told her to breathe, ground herself, and reminded her that everything was okay.

truthfully, i’m still trying to tame my own mental health.

she later told me to forget about it and said she has bpd, so maybe it was part of that “pushing people away” thing. i could be wrong, but that’s how it felt.

i called her twin. please publicly execute me.

and yeah… i do care about her. maybe too much. but i don’t know if i can let myself get attached to someone again.

[gxnes1s]

INTRODUCTION TO MY BLOG

TW BEFORE LOOKING AT MY PROFILE: kink mention, hypersexual thoughts, p3doph1llia, age gap themes, submissive feelings, shame/confusion about such topics, obsession, venting, mental health,

hi. welcome to my blog.

this is my personal space where i vent, reflect, ramble, and just exist without filters. i talk about my life, and thoughts I can’t share with others.

for privacy reasons, i use fake names for everyone in my life. thats for if people somehow find this account, they wont know who im talking about.

🗝️ what you will see here

• raw thoughts

• how hypersexuality affects me and my life

• mental health stuff

• my intrests

• and moments i dont want to forget

about me

basics

MINOR

• pronouns: she/her

• sexuality: lesbian

• diagnoses: psychosis, bipolar 1, BPD, auDHD, GAD, MDD

• timezone: MST

• dms: open

intrests

• warriorcats

• mlp

• she ra

• mha

• squid games

• tpn

• avatar / tlok

• wednesday

• fnaf

• kipo

• twilight

and women (billie eilish and jenna ortega)

DNI

• judgemental people

• people who cant handle unfiltered emotions

• homophobes

• older men

• people over 18–20

• people here to force religion