h4thaway

[h4thaway]

༘⋆｡ let's  get  trope-y.

almost a sequel to this. for the cliches, the relationships you read about in romance novels & see on your tv screen.

friends  to  lovers.

be  honest,  have  you  ever  thought  about  us?

if  this  ruins  everything,  i'll  still  be  glad  i  said  it.

you're  the  safest  place  i've  ever  been.

i  don't  want  to  risk  our  friendship.

i'm  terrified  of  losing  you.

you've  slept  over  a  hundred  times  before...  but  this  feels  different.

i  see  how  you  look  at  me.

you  look  radiant  tonight.

i'm  sorry,  but  i'm  in  love  with  you.  and  i  think  you  love  me  too.

i  don't  know  why  but  i  hate  your  new  [ partner. ]

if  this  is  a  dream,  don't  wake  me  up.

you  always  know  exactly  what  to  say.

fake  dating.

hold  my  hand.  act  normal!

we  said  no  falling  for  each  other.

you're  scarily  good  at  pretending  to  like  me.

i  thought  the  plan  was  to  fake  a  relationship,  not  be  in  one!

you  kissed  me  like  it  actually  meant  something.

oh  thank  god,  they  bought  our  story.

quick!  kiss  me.

don't  look  at  me  like  you  actually  want  me.

i  wanna  see  how  far  we  can  take  this.

why  does  everyone  think  we're  perfect  together?  ...are  we?

this  was  supposed  to  be  simple!  then  i...

quick  reminder:  we're  just  pretending.

rivals to lovers.

god,  you're  insufferable!

you're  infuriating. and  yet...  i miss  you  when  you're  not  here.

you're  the  last  person  i  want  to  care  about.

i  think  you're  the  only  person  that  actually  understands  me.

i've  never  felt  like  i've  been  pushed  so  far  by  someone  before.

i  want  to  win.  but  i  don't  want  to  lose  you.

you're  the  only  one  who  can  keep  up  with  me.

you  drive  me  crazy.  and  i  think  i'm  crazy  for  you.

i  think  you're  the  only  person  i  want  to  compete  with.

i'm  tired  of  pretending  like  i  don't  care  about  you.

if  you  win,  you  can  have  me  for  the  night.

mutual  pining.

why  did  you  say  friend  like  that  when  you  introduced  me?

do  you  ever  feel  like  you're  holding  onto  the  shadow  of  something?

don't  read  too  much  into  that.

i'm  not  staring  at  you!  i  was  just  looking  in  that  direction.

i  guess  i  just  know  too  much  about  you.

it's  nothing.  just  my  imagination  running  wild  again.

i'm  not  jealous  of  them!  you'd...  make  a  cute  couple.

i  wasn't  waiting  for  you,  i  just  happened  to  be  here.

it's  silly,  but  i  always  notice  when  you're  not  around.

you  don't  need  to  say  anything.  just  sit  with  me.

enemies  to  lovers.

you  make  my  blood  boil...  and  i  hate  that  i  like  it.

maybe  i'm  fighting  for  more  than  just  victory.

i  hate  you.  i'm  terrified  of  what  that  means.

i  loathe  everything  about  you.

i  will  destroy  everything  you  stand  for.  but  i  won't  hurt  you.

i'm  supposed  to  see  you  as  the  enemy!

i  can't  stop  thinking  about  you.  you're  in  my  blood.

you're  supposed  to  tear  me  down,  not  look  at  me  like  that.

i  want  to  crash  into  you.  i  don't  care  what  that  means.

we're  from  opposite  worlds!  this  could  never  work!

i  don't  care.  i  want  to  keep  you  safe.

[h4thaway]

consciousness creeps back in fragments. her body feels dense, aches in a way that saddens her more than shocks her, but her mind . . . clarity feels broken, but it fights its way forward. mark was here now; he'd been here all night. he'd been the one most likely to order labs, lead intubation, administer counteractive drugs. she'd been the nurse assisting by his side for situations identical to her own.

was susan still here? lydia, haleh? faces she'd seen on her way out . . . they'd all been here to see her come in. she expects shame to accompany those thoughts, but it doesn't come. maybe it should accompany that one. though her chest feels impossibly heavy, she isn't sure that's why.

she wonders if someone had called tag. her mother. her eyes close as different faces pass behind her eyelids. doug ── was he outside, waiting in the hallway? had he gone home? she doesn't realize that she's gripping mark's hand fiercely until she opens her eyes once again.

it was me. she knew it before he confirmed it. there's a war going on within her, and the lump that rises to her throat is painful but at least she minds. the tears in her eyes begin to spill over, and she's quick to wipe them away as if the water would burn her cheeks.

in the back of her mind, she wonders if roles were reversed . . . would she be as patient? as kind? would she be angry? the only thing she can say she's sure of in this moment is that she doesn't want him to leave. " can you, uh ── can you please just stay? " she hears the way her voice trembles, and she forces a breath into her lungs to try and steady her nervous system.

she'd known what to do, she'd done it all correctly. he wasn't supposed to have seen her like this. no one was. she would have already been gone. " mark, i didn't ── i wasn't supposed to ── " the right words fail, her voice threatens to shake, so she stops. " . . . i don't know how to do this, mark. "

he can't leave her alone. he keeps sending everyone else away. only haleh is allowed in here right now apart form himself. he's keeping it as small as possible, but he can't stop the rumours spreading by those who had seen her be brought in. everyone else who worked to save her when there's doubt in all of their minds that she had wanted to be saved.

deep down, he knows. so far, he's heard nothing about a note. the roommate hadn't provided anything and nothing else has come to light. he's not sure he wants the confirmation, but it's what carol provides in three simple words. he's swallowing back the lump that's formed in his throat in the few seconds that have passed since she spoke those words aloud. so simple, but effective. she doesn't have to say anything else.

in the back of his mind, he notes that he should get her some ice chips to sooth her throat, provide her some additional hydration that the iv steadily dripping into her arm isn't currently providing for. he ponders what flavour to add. normally it's just for the kids that they add something, but it's the least he can think of doing now. it doesn't make up for what's happened, what he's done in bringing her back, but it's something.

"yeah." it's a word. a singular syllable. it's all he really has to say. his hands tighten around carol's for a few seconds. for a moment, he's back in the curtain area not far outside of this very room. shouting orders. attempting to intubate with a cast of thousands watching. "it was me."

he doesn't need her apologies, doesn't want to hear the explanations. he never asks of other patients in this situation, if they want to talk, he let's them, but he makes it clear they owe him no explanation. it's the same with carol. it's not his place, in a way. only if she wants to, if she ever wants to. "is there anything i can do?"

[h4thaway]

@gobagx asked: ❛ i'm not drunk enough for this. ❜ 

" well, you're in luck. " she's on her feet before the words are completely out of her mouth, her sights set on the kitchen. more specifically, the fridge. if you looked too closely at the rooms in her house, it would be easy to spot many an unfinished project ( or better yet, a failed fix ) . but she had a couch with plenty of room for her current company & a fridge that kept beer cold. she didn't need much else tonight.

carol grabs two more beers, glass clinking when she pried the cap off of both. she walks back to jack, hands one off to him, and settles back into the space beside him. she's far enough away to face him with her arm propped on the back of the couch to hold her head up. " if you don't drink it, i will. then i would be too drunk, which isn't fair, but i'm not one to judge. " her voice is soft, her tone light. she's always the first to joke, to tease, but she could just as easily shut up & listen when the opportunity presented itself. " it also wouldn't be fair to make you talk about something you clearly don't want to talk about, but ── i'd listen if you'd let me. "

[h4thaway]

she had woken countless students, residents, doctors from the on call room in her years at county. she didn't mind being someone else's alarm clock ── rarely did they know what they were getting into when asking her, but she didn't mind. she could have chosen from a repertoire of tricks to bring carter back to the land of the living, but she was feeling nice.

" john . . . hey john, wake up. carter! " voice rises in volume & she moves to turn on one of the ambient lights along the wall. her other hand holds a plate overcrowded with food that could only be categorized by a quarterly potluck. " you missed free food. probably haleh's best work. "

@countybled asked: why  didn't  you  tell  me?

" i didn't tell you because you spent three hours in a trauma & were starting to look like you had one foot in the grave. you needed the sleep, it's fine." it's said with equal doses of care & humility. carol wouldn't claim to have mastered self - care, but she knew when it was long overdue.

" i brought you . . . well, everything. hope you're not allergic to anything. " she walks over to place the plate on the bedside table. arms cross comfortably over her chest as she looks back at the drowsy boy. " you doin' okay? "

[h4thaway]

the way certain deaths, certain patients settled under their skin emotionally didn't always need to make logical sense. it was easy to desensitize yourself to some things in this line of work, but there would always be some that slipped through every defense. she knows better than to empathize, but she can always listen.

she tucks her jacket into her locker and pulls out her badge, her name tag. she tucks a few windblown curls from the walk in behind her ears & walks back to him. she's quick to pull a new coffee filter from the cabinets, just to help, to do something. the coffee wouldn't fix the state of things, but it just might give him enough energy to make it through whatever had to come next. " of course, i've always got time. " and while that may have been a lie, she knew how to make time. especially for him.

carol pulls the old filter from the top of the machine & throws it into the trash absentmindedly. " not the way you want to end the day. i hope it didn't start like this. " her tone is light, hopeful. trying to find something positive to shift his focus.

it's what he signed up for. it's what they've all signed up for. but some patients have a greater impact than others. some hit closer to home. this one had hit closer than it has in some time. perhaps it was the flash of a naval id card. or the rank he's told that he's heard his own father referred to so many times over the years.

his hand rests on top of carol's as she lays her hand on his arm. he knows she means the words more than others would. none of them wanted to see anyone die here, but the impact was never the same if they weren't in the room at the time. he's shaking his head as he steps towards the coffee pot, sighing as he drains the last dregs into his mug. it's barely a third full, but he skulls it down in one go before he's going to make the next pot. "they'll be here soon. i'll ride it out until they get here."

at least here, there's noise. if he heads back to his apartment now, it'll be quiet. too quiet. nothing but him and his own thoughts and he knows sleep won't come any time soon. "if you've got a minute, i could use a hand cleaning up trauma one before they get here."

[h4thaway]

she knew she was running late. in fact, her last few steps into the ED were quite close to actual running. being called in was never good; whether it was due to a staffing shortage or an influx of patients, she knew that she would be walking in to chaos. which is why she didn't want to walk in empty - handed! she'd stopped on the way in to grab coffee for the woman who was surely feeling more stress about the day that carol was.

@storybookodyssey asked: ❛ well, i do feel better now that you're here. ❜ (from dana)

" i'm a sight for sore eyes, i know. " she teases a bit breathlessly, setting a paper - cup of what would probably be subpar coffee down in front of the blonde. " sorry i'm late. thought you could use some energy. if it's gross, just throw it away when i'm not looking. " carol peels off her jacket & turns to look at the board. " what fresh hell did you call me into, dana? "

[h4thaway]

it's funny how quickly prioritizing the day's events puts a bit of her anxiety to rest. there were many reasons why she knew him to be a good doctor, and this was solely one of them. it was rare that mothers delivered before making it up to labor & delivery, and a healthy, new baby in the ED really was a small miracle. she made a mental note to pop in before they were moved to a room upstairs.

even rarer, it seemed, was getting to send someone like mr. lewis home. he wasn't necessarily out of the woods, but one could hope. " she's been so worried about him. i'll grab her some coffee when i go back in, try and convince her to go home and get some sleep. maybe she'll come back with more muffins. " and though she's only teasing, she certainly wouldn't complain.

" thank you. " words mingle with a sigh. " don't tell anyone i ran away. they can smell weakness down there. " humor comes easily in her bleaker moments, and she supposes she should be thankful. coping skills, and all that. " but really, thank you for coming after me. "

stress was never felt alone, no, and that thought is so often not enough to be any comfort, but some days it is. sometimes, it's good to know there's someone holding your hand at rock bottom. sometimes, that's all he can offer -- shoved somewhere so far down that he can only cheer people on to climb up by themselves, while he stays down there. still, they all do their best. like a balancing house of cards.

" it has absolutely sucked, " he agrees, a fond smile on his lips as he humors her phrasing. but this he can do, sitting out here and trying to bring her some light. " there's been worse, there's been better. you can't really weigh them like that. " his shoulders raise in a shrug. it's useless to try and guilt oneself for being too affected by certain shifts. every shift hits them differently. " well... " he hums, mulling over her request for a fleeting moment. " the obvious would be that delivery we had on trauma two, that was good. mother and baby are safe and resting. but-- i'll raise you a better one, mr. lewis, with the wife that brought us muffins the other day? " the sweetest old couple, no children, the husband had been in their care for three days now and she'd barely left his side. " his fever finally broke, he's fighting off the pneumonia pretty well, now. that's a good thing. "

[h4thaway]

#shenanigans

[h4thaway]

&. 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐬.

( this is basically just a very self indulgent list of various fluff, angst, and suggestive themed dialogue sentence starters. )

❛ i could keep you safe. they’re all afraid of me. ❜

❛ i’m trying to fix your hair, so hold still. ❜

❛ your heart is beating so fast right now. ❜

❛ promise me you’ll still be here when i wake up. ❜

❛ you’re not as bad as everyone says you are. ❜

❛ i thought you’d like some company. ❜ 

❛ clean yourself up. you're getting blood all over the place. ❜

❛ here, give this a try and tell me what you think. ❜

❛ you can kiss me, you know. ❜

❛ come back to bed. ❜

❛ you look good like this. ❜

❛ working together again, it’s just like old times. ❜

❛ how is it you always know what i need, huh? ❜

❛ you’re lucky you got away with only a scratch. ❜ 

❛ i can’t imagine losing someone like that. i’m sorry. ❜

❛ you know you can always talk to me. ❜

❛ the only one who gets to kill you, is me. ❜

❛ so, what do i owe this pleasure? ❜

❛ ah, so you aren’t heartless after all. ❜

❛ may i have this dance? ❜ 

❛ it’s okay, you can touch me. i won't break. ❜

❛ enemies make the best lovers, you know. ❜

❛ hold still. this might sting a little. ❜

❛ we can't keep doing this. ❜ 

❛ you look like you've got something to say. ❜

❛ just relax and let me take care of you. ❜

❛ thought you’d be lighter without all that blood. ❜

❛ i had it under control. you didn’t need to do that. ❜

❛ everything looks so beautiful from up here. ❜

❛ you treat all your ladies like this? ❜

❛ well? how do i look? ❜

❛ can’t sleep? ❜

❛ do you mind if i smoke? ❜

❛ i’m scared of ending up alone. ❜

❛ i don’t think i’ve ever seen you smile. ❜

❛ how long has it been since you've slept? ❜

❛ you are losing my interest, and that’s very dangerous. ❜

❛ i’d suffer hell if you’d tell me what you’d do to me tonight. ❜

❛ you look really pretty right now. ❜

❛ i’ve never cared for anyone the way i care for you. ❜

❛ i’m not wearing any underwear. thought you’d like to know. ❜

❛ just a few more stitches and you’ll be as good as new. ❜

❛ i’d say we make a pretty good team. ❜

❛ i want you to forget this ever happened. ❜

❛ i'm here for business — not pleasure. ❜

❛ if i didn't know any better, i'd say you were jealous. ❜

❛ you'd look better down on your knees. ❜

❛ fine, keep acting like you hate me. ❜

❛ kiss me again. ❜

❛ are you asking me out on a date? ❜

❛ just sit there and look pretty and let me handle this. ❜

❛ you okay? caught you staring off into space again. ❜

❛ well, i do feel better now that you're here. ❜

❛ i'm not drunk enough for this. ❜ 

❛ why is it whenever we see each other, you’re covered in blood? ❜

❛ i was wrong about you. ❜ 

❛ the first time i met you, i had no idea you'd mean this much. ❜

❛ you gonna be a good girl / boy for me? ❜

❛ i’m not afraid of you. ❜

❛ books mean more to me than people anyway. ❜

❛ i just wanted to say thank you for protecting me. ❜

❛ how about a kiss goodnight? ❜

❛ i don’t have time for distractions right now. ❜

❛ you shouldn’t be out here by yourself. ❜ 

❛ if i have to think about one more thing today, my head will explode. ❜

[h4thaway]

if carol isn’t a little mean to you . . . that’s a red flag 🚩

[h4thaway]

as unaffected as she wants to be appear by him, she is amused. her gaze stays downcast to the orders she's supposed to be updating, but that smirk stays fixed on her lips. working at a teaching hospital meant watching people come & go, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. working with jack was easy, and maybe that was because of moments like these. ONLY ONE FOOT ── self - deprecating humor forces a laugh from her, her gaze finally rising to him. " good thing i'm not very fast. " she parries, a pointed brow rising with the corner of her lips. the dinner invite was bold . . . but she couldn't say she minded. " depends. if we're running down to the cafeteria, i'll have to pass. "

❝  meow.  ❞  purrs  jack,  leaning  on  an  arm  at  admit.  anyone  would  be  lying  if  they  said  they  didn't  have  a  lil  crush  on  nurse  hathaway.  and  jack's  a  lot  of  things,  but  a  liar  isn't  one  of  them!  the  young  resident  finds  himself  ensorcelled  in  her  presence;  like  she's  a  black  cat  and  he's  a  kid  chasing  her.  hence  the  question.  ❝  only  one  foot  won't  stop  me.  ❞  from  chasing  you,  isn't  said  but  is  heavily  implied.  he's  been  back  at  work  a  few  weeks  now,  since  returning  home  from  afghanistan,  an  amputee,  and  something  comforting  is  that,  while  people  might  tiptoe  around  him,  he  can  still  banter  flirt  with  carol  and  it  feels  natural.  normal.  ❝  i  can  chase  you  all  the  way  to  dinner  tonight?  ❞

[h4thaway]

she knows that she can depend on him. and he's right; he could always depend on her. she didn't necessarily like needing to lean on anyone, but the support that she'd been given by everyone, especially mark, would bring tears to her eyes if she thought about it for too long. she would blame that on the pregnancy.

" i'll always be on your side, you know that. especially if you get pregnant, are you kidding?! " she chuckles. " twins might be a little ambitious, though. that can just be my thing. " she was grateful for moments like this ── jokes were easy, the future seemed exciting. normal, in the best sense of the word.

she places a supportive hand under the swell of her belly & shakes her head. " no, let's walk. i've probably only got a couple of weeks before i'm constantly complaining about everything, so we should take advantage of this while we can. " truthfully, she's only partially kidding. " and as my humble servant, you're not allowed to say ' i told you so ' if i start complaining on the way there. "

a huff of a laugh left mark's lips at carol's jibe. "absolutely. that and letting jerry and malik babysit her at the admit desk." he shook his head, knowing the threat was not serious. that there wasn't even the most remote possibility that he'd be demoted (again) in favour of kerry. at least in this scenario. at the hospital, all bets were off the table.

even if he were demoted, he still would have shown up for his friend. he'd rather be there in a demoted position than not be there at all. despite everything that had lead up to doug's departure, there wasn't even a chance that he wouldn't have stepped up now. he hoped that one day he and doug would be able to work out their differences, but mark knew that the answer would never be working together again.

"you don't have to thank me. i know you'd do the same for me if i ever got pregnant with twins. or you know, just needed someone on my side." at the suggestion of ice cream, he nodded his head, eyes briefly casting over carol in a quick assessment. "you good to walk or i can bring around the car? your choice. i'm nothing but your humble servant."

[h4thaway]

carol honestly couldn't remember the last time she'd just had undivided, uninterrupted time with lucy . . . and frankly, even the idea of a girl's night felt so needed, so rejuvenating. her house had seen many phases; barren & falling apart, renovation after renovation, impromptu parties simply because she had the space. now, having a home she could share with doug - a dream her younger self could have never believed - and being able to kick him out of it to prioritize a friendship she also may have never believed: perfect.

wedding planning was on the agenda. as someone who'd ironically had an amazing time at her own failed wedding what surely felt like decades ago, the thought of planning one for two people who had really weaseled their way permanently into her heart . . . her heart felt full, warm in the best possible way.

getting to speak at this wedding . . . well, that was an honor she hadn't expected but wasn't going to take for granted. with a mug of cooling tea that had basically been forgotten in her hand, she had started to ramble off some key points she wanted to include ── only to immediately be corrected on facts she hadn't thought to question.

things between them when lucy had first come to county had been contentious to say the least. it made her want to laugh now just to think about how far they'd come. despite that, she hadn't thought that she'd been so completely clueless to the beginning of their relationship.

" lucy! " the other woman's name blends in with a surprised laugh. " i knew he worked in the dorms, but i guess ── i mean, i guess i thought the hospital connected you guys, you know? god, how clueless were we? " carol wasn't immune to the gossip that often circulated through the nursing staff. nurses usually got to stick around the longest; they saw everything.

well, almost everything.

" okay, you have to start at the beginning. i can't stand up and speak in front of both of your families and then be wrong about everything. "

@h4thaway gets to spend a girl's night in with lucy

there's something comforting about the sound of the l train moving past the window. it's certainly different to the silence that surrounds the carter estate. there, lucy wakes up to the sounds of nature, the birds fluttering around the trees that form the gardens that surround the pool house where she and john live. here at carol's, it's the sound of people that fill the air, of cars going past, arguments of people striding down the sidewalk and the l train rattling overhead. lucy's used to the noise. it's what she's grown up around, so it's simple for her to relax against the bedhead in the master bedroom without a care in the world.

a girl's night. a sleepover. call it what you want, it's long overdue. doug's been sent on his merry way for the night and they're supposed to be wedding planning, but the magazines that scatter the bedspread have long been forgotten.

reaching for another chocolate from the bag, lucy's shaking her head. "no, no, no..."

carol's been speaking, something to do with her maid of honour speech. but she's got it wrong. one part at least. "i didn't meet john at the hospital." it's a simple stated fact, followed by another shake of lucy's head as she regards her friend. at the start, her and john had been a secret, something they kept quiet, knowing the consequences that would come if their relationship had become public knowledge. eventually it had, but that was beside the point.

"we met when he was ra for my dorm, remember? we were talking before i even knew that i'd been placed at county." the blush that rises on her cheeks is subtle, thinking back on a time that both felt like a lifetime ago and mere days. "haven't i ever told you this? like how we actually met?"

[h4thaway]

hey dash !!! people are the worst but this is my cat and his favorite stuffed animal . . . oh and also him napping on some donuts

[h4thaway]

[h4thaway]

good morning to everyone except that latte kid who judged carol for ordering milk at a coffee shop ✨

[h4thaway]