hastinge

[hastinge]

just me and isha @vanderwail completely normal

[hastinge]

Troian Bellisario as Spencer Hastings PRETTY LITTLE LIARS (2010—2017) Season One, Episode Two: "The Jenna Thing"

[hastinge]

15 years of pll ❤️‍🔥🤫 @cinamontg @dilaurentia @fieldsia and i living our best lives

[hastinge]

isha writing alison, aria and emily i am truly being blessed

[hastinge]

[hastinge]

No truer words could have ever been spoken, Spencer would have said.⠀ ⠀ [Maybe the Spencer a year ago would have said that].⠀ ⠀ Maybe the Spencer who still had clean hands.⠀ ⠀ Definitely not this one though.⠀ ⠀ This Spencer couldn't have run away from Rosewood faster.⠀ ⠀ This Spencer changed so abruptly, a swing of a shovel changed her entire life.⠀ ⠀ OR MAYBE THIS WAS JUST YOU ALL ALONG?⠀ ⠀ ALREADY BROKEN?⠀ ⠀ ALREADY HURT.

[ \ ]        " THE BIGGEST CHANGES HAPPEN SO SLOWLY, YOU HARDLY NOTICE THEM. "                        @graveyirl,                        from elena.

The move to Mystic Falls was a plea.⠀ ⠀ One of guilt and avoidance.⠀ ⠀ [Alison isn't the only one who can disappear].⠀ ⠀ On her hands and knees she begged Veronica and Peter to ship her to Virginia.⠀ ⠀ THERE'S NO DISTRACTIONS THERE.⠀ ⠀ I CAN FOCUS ON GETTING INTO UPENN.⠀ ⠀ Never mind the other girls.⠀ ⠀ (Never mind the decaying corpse under the Dilaurentis' gazebo).⠀ ⠀ She's safe here.⠀ ⠀ No one will ever know.⠀ ⠀ SHE WON'T LET THEM.⠀ ⠀ A soft tug of a smile on cherubin cheeks as she gathered binders of various colours around her chest.⠀ ⠀ What she said was the truth.⠀ ⠀ She's here to focus on UPENN.⠀ ⠀ She won't let a simple SLIP get in the way of it.⠀ ⠀ "⠀ ⠀ Oh?⠀ ⠀ And which romantic poet told you that?⠀ ⠀ "

[hastinge]

"⠀ ⠀I think I heard her scream.....⠀ ⠀ "

[hastinge]

The brunette cocks a smile.⠀ ⠀ Unnerving, unsettling considering her state of mind just a minute ago.⠀ ⠀ Hazels lock on deep cerulean blue.⠀ ⠀ She's standing fuller now.⠀ ⠀ No longer hunched over the tear-stained papers that clouded her desk.⠀ ⠀ SPENCER HASTINGS IN HER FULL GLORY.⠀ ⠀ Isn't this what mom and dad wanted you to be?⠀ ⠀ [Melissa will never beat you now].

Sharp fingernails dig into the inner folds of her palm.⠀ ⠀ Her fists clutched so hard nail starts to puncture through skin;⠀ ⠀ (carmine incisions forming under what once were clean hands).⠀ ⠀ The blonde points to the back of her head and for a second, for the tiniest speck of a moment:⠀ ⠀ [Spencer feels deliverance].⠀ ⠀ THAT NIGHT, THAT RUSH, HER ANGER.⠀ ⠀ In an instant the scene flashes once more.⠀ ⠀ Alison Dilaurentis sprawled over crisp autumn leaves, foraged death mirroring what's about to become her corpse.⠀ ⠀ THERE SHE IS! THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN ROSEWOOD.⠀ ⠀ ALISON ALISON ALISON!⠀ ⠀ Powerless.⠀ ⠀ Afraid.⠀ ⠀ (It's a scent that fills Spencer's nostrils, contracts her lungs, satisfies her hunger).⠀ ⠀ The dead will never return.

"⠀ ⠀ Maybe if you actually felt something for us, Ali.⠀ ⠀ MAYBE IF YOU ACTUALLY CARED.⠀ ⠀ MAYBE IF YOU DIDN’T TREAT US LIKE PAWNS TO YOUR TWISTED LITTLE GAME THEN I WOULDN’T HAVE—⠀ ⠀ "⠀ ⠀ She stops.⠀ ⠀ Eyes wide.⠀ ⠀ Her heartbeat ringing in her ear.⠀ ⠀ Admitting fault?⠀ ⠀ [HOW VERY UN-HASTINGS OF YOU].⠀ ⠀ She retracts.⠀ ⠀ "⠀ ⠀ Then maybe you wouldn’t have been murdered.⠀ ⠀ "

[𝕷]ike a wilting flower, its positioning leaves you unsettled; uncalm & disturbed. DECAY ROTS BOTH THE DEAD AND THE LIVING. The only expectation in life is rewarded to time's healing, the affectionate display of grief leaving your bones stripped of cold. It seems time has not been a friend to the both of them. Life full of scheming, hurting those in the name of sport, biting the hand that fed her so easily: SHE'S NOW BITING YOURS TOO! There's a shallow cackle that she coughs up from the back of her throat, doll-like velvets part in a gasp, ringlet curls bouncing with a sway of her figure. [She's gaunt, skinnier than she's used to. . . Her programming is distraught — SHE IS BEGGING TO BREATHE.

The blonde skips away in triumph, a graceful glide to avoid being grazed by the piece of paper. Limbs are stiff, yet she allows herself to move with utmost ease. . . THAT'S THE BEST PART ABOUT BEING DEAD: Everything hurts, you feel your guilt, yet walls are only a playground to you. Cupid's bow twitches, icy blues lock onto the top of Spencer's head, and the 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝 in her stomach grows bigger, a groan begging to vibrate through dirt-tangled lungs. ❛❛ HAVE I HIT A NERVE? Hey, hit me here again, [she points to the back of her head] — I'm itching to feel something. ❜❜

[hastinge]

[WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CLOSED YOUR EYES SPENCE?] = [HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN AWAKE?] = [DID YOU POP ONE OPEN TODAY?] = [HOW MANY PILLS HAVE YOU SWALLOWED?]        \        when will i feel numb?

It's the apparitions that make her sick;⠀ ⠀ make her stomach churn and contract.⠀ ⠀ She'd vomit if she'd had anything to eat in the past twelve hours.⠀ ⠀ For some reason Alison looked more alive [dead] than when she was actually alive.⠀ ⠀ Her hair is shinier, there's a vivacity to its curled ringlets.⠀ ⠀ Each strand telling a story of how Spencer /split her skull open with that shovel/.⠀ ⠀ A pool of crimson quickly pooling around said magnificent blonde mane.⠀ ⠀ And of course, always in that same [fucking] yellow top.⠀ ⠀ (As if Rosewood needs more of a reminder that Alison Dilaurentis is, in fact, the sun, and we are all under her mercy).⠀ ⠀ WHAT A PERVERTED FUCKING JOKE!

[ \ ]        " WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GHOST AND A MEMORY? "                        @dilaurentia,                        from alison.

The brunette buries her head further into her palms.⠀ ⠀ Nails digging into her scalp.⠀ ⠀ Dried blood lodged under her nails;⠀ ⠀ she's been clawing at her head all day.⠀ ⠀ [ALL NIGHT]⠀ ⠀ trying to keep the voices out.⠀ ⠀ TRYING TO KEEP HER OUT.⠀ ⠀ Hazels narrow in discomfort.⠀ ⠀ She's on edge.⠀ ⠀ She's always been.⠀ ⠀ But of course, only Ali mattered.⠀ ⠀ Never Spencer.⠀ ⠀ She grabs the plethora of lined paper on her table and flings it far across her room;⠀ ⠀ each page tinted with lines and lines of mathematic equations.⠀ ⠀ Genius turning into scratched madness.⠀ ⠀ The pen stains seeping through paper.⠀ ⠀ She turns to the blonde, wearing the same maddening expression.⠀ ⠀ (There it is.⠀ ⠀ Akathisia my anxious friend).⠀ ⠀ " I DON'T KNOW ALI.⠀ ⠀ OKAY?⠀ ⠀ OPEN A DICTIONARY.⠀ ⠀ GOD!⠀ ⠀ I HAVE TO STUDY FOR AP CALC.⠀ ⠀ CAN YOU PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE?⠀ ⠀ FIND EMILY, OR HANNAH.⠀ ⠀ OR ARIA—PLEASE!⠀ ⠀ JUST.⠀ ⠀ LEAVE. "

[hastinge]

plotting alispence with isha and she brought up an interesting thought…. what if, alongside spencer being ali’s killer, -A was also all a psychological construction by spence created because of her guilt… what if it was just her conscience reminding her/GUILTING HER that she IS ali’s killer… @dystorbia your mind!

[hastinge]

" you are the knife i turn inside myself, that is love. " / she did it... spencer killed alison dilaurentis.

[hastinge]

“ she's intense . . . ” “ if you knew her parents, you'd understand. ”

¹  complex, katie gregson-macLeod.   ²  holly black, the cruel prince.  ³  tumblr user @ritikajyala.  ⁴  tumblr user @raenprabhaker. ⁵  the crane wives, hard sell.  ⁶  the queen’s gambit, walter tevis.  ⁷  the man with the axe, lorde.  ⁸  elizabeth wurtzel, prozac nation.  ⁹  courtney barnett, pedestrian at best.  ¹⁰  benjamin, dir. simon amstell.  ¹¹  rainbow, dodie.  ¹²  katherine may, wintering.

[hastinge]

when i say i write spencer hastings this is what i mean.

[hastinge]

"No matter how high Spencer's GPA was, or how many extracurriculars she smashed into her schedule, she never quite reached Melissa's level of [Perfection]."

[hastinge]

“ on a soft bed, delicate, you would let loose your longing ... ”

¹  our chemical hearts, krystal sutherland.   ²  i know the end, phoebe bridgers.  ³  last words of a shooting star, mitski.  ⁴  redecorate, twenty one pilots. ⁵  funeral, phoebe bridgers. 

[hastinge]

the drowning kind.

dialogue prompts from the drowning kind by jennifer mcmahon.

the dead have nothing to fear.

if they come for one of us, they'll have to take us both.

i'll know if you cheat.

you think you're protecting me, but really, you're just lying.

dreams can be scary, but they can't follow you into real life.

i know you're there. i can feel you listening.

if you're mad at me, i get it.

how can you be so mean?

you make everything look easy.

i didn't know you were living here.

can you come?

there are no secrets from the dead.

you hold things close to your chest. it makes you a fine card player, but at times, a difficult friend.

what do you see in the clouds?

does their need to be an occasion?

this place is obviously haunted.

i believe in a thousand little gods.

what's the difference between a ghost and a memory?

it was nothing. a trick of the light.

i love you dearly, but you're a bit of a wet blanket.

there are very old stories about this place. some say it's a door between worlds.

people are frightened by things that can't be explained with reason and logic.

i'm starting to think something must be wrong with me.

i didn't even know you were back in town.

the biggest changes happen so slowly, you hardly notice them.

why didn't you pick up the phone?

i feel like a sleepwalker. like i'm under a spell.

did something happen to you? something bad?

you're coming back to my place tonight. no arguments.

i loved you, in my own way. i really did.

sometimes i think our brokenness held us together.

they're just dreams. don't let them trouble you.

i could use a rational voice.

i was sorry as hell to hear what happened.

how can i be here for you if you won't let me in?

there's something down there. something grabbed me.

i know you're lying. i just don't know why.

if you need anything at all, call me. day or night.

grief can do funny things to the mind.

we come as a pair. there is no me without us.

you were smart to get out when you did.

what do you say to going for a little walk?

i double dog dare you.

why the sudden interest in ____?

you don't know how to live in the moment. you don't appreciate the here and now.

perhaps it's not for us to understand.

you've got some strange ideas about things.

i'm so happy you came. come sit with me.

your ____ would have been proud.

you look like ____, you know.

you've got to slow down.

please. you're not making any sense. start at the beginning.

you don't want to be out here after dark.

i'm not a big believer in closure.

that's what we do: pretend that if we don't talk about a thing, it didn't happen.

you knew. you figured it out.

how are you doing, really? the 'no bullshit' answer, please.

i'd love to say goodbye before you go.

secrets can fester, bloom into something much bigger.

you know what they say: you never get over your first love.

it seems impossible that we were ever that young.

i can't believe you're real.

the times i've felt most like myself, i've been with you.

you believe me, don't you?

i'm sure things will look better in the morning.

you've got to stop thinking so hard about what's real and what isn't.

i feel like i'm under house arrest.

you've seen ___, haven't you?

i was wrong to leave.

we have all we could ever need right here, don't we?

if you make a wish, you have to be prepared to pay a price.

i'm sorry. i shouldn't have done what i did.

have you ever seen things you didn't want to see?

i was your wish, and you were mine.

my life feels like a dream i had.

[hastinge]

[THERE IS] something rotten in me... Spencer Jill Hastings, by Leia.