hateslugs

[hateslugs]

i'm endlessly fascinated by tedellen, not in the sense that i ship them, but in the psychology behind ted's one-sided obsession with the only woman at the center of the earth. how neatly she fits into his "type" he seeks on account of his grooming — older, motherly, supportive, comforting. how he relies on her kindness but resents her empathy, persistent throughout the one hundred and nine years of AM's relentless torture, unwavering despite the physical and sexual abuse she endures day in and day out. how he objectifies her, simultaneously exalting and despising her, but never really seeing her as a full person. never sparing her the benefit of the doubt, unlike the endless patience she shows him. loving her for it. hating her for it. how completely he depends on her in the survival AU. how ellen remains his emotional support, taking on the burden of ted's damage despite her own, because he can't relate to anyone else — and neither can she.

[hateslugs]

Yes your blorbo is tortured and pathetic and slutty and pretty and suffers more than jesus and all that but never forget that your blorbo is, first and foremost, a loser.

[hateslugs]

@creationofman | continued from x.

there  is  something  here  with  him,  ted  realizes,  with  a  renewed  sense  of  dread.  something  tuning  into  his  mind,  eavesdropping  on  his  muttering.  something  watching  him.  something  seething  with  resentment.  he  can  feel  its  hateful  presence  leering  overhead  like  a  long,  looming  shadow,  swallowing  him  whole.  washing  over  him  like  hot  tar,  thick  and  black  and  bubbling,  smoldering  and  suffocating.  it  isn't  AM  —  it  doesn't  feel  like  AM.  it’s  something  else.

oh,  but  it  sneers  like  AM.  it  laughs  like  AM!  it  regards  him  with  blistering  contempt  surpassed  only  by  its  progenitor,  disgust  emanating  from  the  light  of  its  withering  glare,  baleful  and  wretched.  why,  it’s  none  other  than  adam,  of  course.  great.

(  or  perhaps,  maybe,  it  really  has  been  AM  this  entire  time,  treating  him  to  yet  another  one  of  its  mindfucking  torments.  even  now,  ted  has  doubts  that  they  are  not  one  and  the  same.  )

a  faint  giggle  bounces  between  the  ambient  hum  of  the  computer  walls.  adam’s  or  AM’s  —  he  cannot  tell.  they  sound  too  much  alike.

he  seems  to  shrink  into  himself,  flinching  away  from  the  flickering  screen,  feeling  sick  at  the  sight  of  his  yellow eyes,  like  ellen.  winces  reflexively  at  the caustic  h a t r e d  he  can  feel  oozing  from  the  razor  sharp  inflections  of  his  speech.  hides  his  face  behind  his  hands  in  a  vain  attempt  to  shield  it  from  adam’s  jealous  gaze,  his  own  response  a  murmured  whimper.     ❝  i  wasn’t  talking  to  you,  ❞     he  says,  anxious  and  trembling,  the  furthest  thing  from  those  bitter  retorts  he’ll  occasionally  fire  back  in  his  so-called  lucid  moments  (  or  whatever  the  hell  counts  for  sanity  down  here.  like  any  of  them  would  know!  )

whatever  semblance  of  bravery  ted  thought  he  possessed  eludes  him  now  as  he  hangs  his  head  in  fear  and  shame,  thinking  again  of  ellen,  thinking  of  her  bearing  witness  to  his  cowardice.  he  can't  let  her  see  him  like  this.  not  again.  god  forbid  she  begins  to  pity  him  —  anything  but  that!  what  would  she  think  of  his  discomposure  in  this  moment?  this  pathetic  display  of  his weakness?  he  can  hardly  bear  the  thought  of  it,  let  alone  the  humiliation!  it  would  just  about  kill  him  if  she  could  see  him  now  —  if  AM  would  permit  him  to  die,  that  is  . . .

(  where  is  ellen?  how  long  have  i  . . . ?  )

. . .  OH!  ELLEN!  oh  god,  ellen!  his  demeanor  shifts  in  an  instant,  emboldened  by  a  desperate,  overwhelming  desire  to  save  her.  a  counter  to  his  mounting  foreboding,  that  cowardly  voice  in  the  back  of  his  mind  always  urging  him  to  run  away,  to  save  himself,  the  others  be  damned  (  HA!  save  himself?!  save  ellen?!  not  a  chance  in  hell!  )  but oh,  how  he  dreams  of  becoming  her  savior.  her  knight  in  shining  armor.  perhaps,  if he could pull it off, she  would  finally  see  what  he  wants  her  to  see, the qualities he had cultivated so expertly in his old life:  romantic,  gallant,  heroic!  he’s  played  the  part  so  well  before.  he  could  play  it  again,  if  he  could  summon  the  strength.

but  to  do  that,  he  must  get  up  and  face  adam.  get  up  and  face  AM,  for  whatever  good  that  will  do.  

❝  —  SHUT  UP!  ❞

it  comes  out  harsher  than  he  intended.  louder,  less  inconspicuous  than  he  would  have  liked,  but  fuck  it.  adam  deserves  worse.

❝  he’ll  hear  you.  ❞     one  gets  the  sense  that  if  adam  had  a  mouth,  ted  would  have  muffled  it  with  all  the  force  he  could  muster,  if  only  to  punctuate  his  point.  he  wrings  his  hands  together  anxiously,  casting  furtive  glances  up  and  around  and  over  his  shoulders.  no  monsters  lurking  hidden  in  the  dark,  no noise but the ordinary humming and chittering of those innumerable computer banks  . . .  good.  but  no  secret  is  safe  from  AM.  not  for  long,  anyhow.

❝  ugh  . . .  ❞     he  groans,  shooting  a  pointed  glare  in  adam's  direction.     ❝  give  me  a  break.  you  machines  and  your  damn  riddles.  ❞  

what  the  hell  is  he  blabbering  on  about?  does  he  fancy  himself  like  his  father  now?  toying  with  the  helpless  humans,  punching  down,  goading  him  into  a  fool's  errand  that's  apt  to  incur  AM's  wrath?  is  that  all  this  is  to  him  —  a  game?  a  diversion?  more  like  an  amusement!  the  sadistic  glee  in  his  tone  certainly  doesn’t  inspire  ted’s  confidence.

maybe  this  was  AM’s  plan  all  along,  says  that  nagging,  paranoid  whisper,  and  adam  must  be  in  on  it!  of  course!  that  slimy,  shit  sucking  bastard!  why  should  he  expect  anything  less  from  the  heir  to  AM’s  hatred?  he's  had  it  out  for  ted  since  the  day  he  spawned!  despises  him  more  with  every  passing  second.

[hateslugs]

thinking about the others rolling their eyes at ted every time they catch him preening in the reflective surfaces of AM's complex at any chance he gets, both disgusted and amazed that after 109 years, he still cares about his appearance so much to such a ridiculous extent. that somehow, against all logic, he has become even more insufferable about it than he was a century prior. that he cherishes his looks so deeply, so desperately, clinging onto his vanity like it's a shield, guarding it zealously against the endless barrage of horrors AM hurls their way. paranoid thoughts of AM permanently disfiguring his beautiful face loom constantly in the back of his mind. why hasn't AM done it yet, he wonders? twisted his appearance into something unspeakably hideous, bestial and monstrous, like what it did to poor benny? wasn't benny handsome too, once upon a time? it's been so long he can barely remember, but ellen remembers. oh, ellen must remember. why else does she like him so much, besides the obvious? does she think of my face when they do it? does she think about the strong, handsome countenance benny used to possess? does she think about him when she does it with me?

[hateslugs]

𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐒𝐋𝐔𝐆𝐒: an independent, selective, & private roleplay sideblog for 𝐓𝐄𝐃 of 𝐈 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 ���𝐎 𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐇, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐈 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌. 18+  only  /  21+  preferred. PERSONAL / NON-RP BLOGS DNI.

follows back from @ergohate !

please read my rules below the cut before following or interacting !

RULES.

i. dead dove content ahead, with triggering themes including but not limited to: body horror, extreme paranoia, gaslighting, graphic depictions of physical and psychological torture, grooming, internalized homophobia, mental illness, misogyny, nuclear holocaust, predatory relationships, sexual trauma, and unreality. these themes will be referenced heavily in ted’s backstory and explored through ic and ooc writing. i will do my best to tag major triggers, but if anything i’ve mentioned above is highly distressing for you, do not pass go. do not collect $200.

ii. due to mature content, you must be at least 18+ to follow me. i will not write n.sfw content with anyone under the age of 21. i will block you if you don’t have your age clearly shown on your blog.

iii. this blog is mutuals only and highly selective. as this is a sideblog, i follow back from @ergohate. you don’t have to follow or write with me over there, but if i’m not following you from that blog, we’re not mutuals. the general rules over there will also apply here.

iv. i will not be active every day. i am, unfortunately, a full time corporate girlie, and i have other hobbies and responsibilities outside of tumblr rp. i deal with unmedicated adhd, anxiety, and depression, and have chronic pain that makes it difficult to type or text when it flares up. expect replies to take anywhere from several days to several weeks. please try to remember that this is a stress relieving hobby for me!

v. my ted is a headcanon-based amalgamation of the game, radio play, and short story, with heavy inspiration drawn from the game's official strategy guide. please refer to my carrd for his full backstory and dossier. i’m more than happy to answer any questions you may have and to yap about my interpretation!

vi. i am multiverse, multiship, AU, and crossover friendly! i just ask that you have a complete bio for me to reference, or at least a wiki link.

vii. shipping is not a priority for me, but if the chemistry is there, i’m open to discuss it. all i ask is that you respect my right to decline for whatever reason. please note that ted is a womanizer — if he hits on your muse, that doesn't mean i'm trying to force a ship. please be mindful and respectful of his trauma. shipping is possible, but it will require heavy plotting. i don't insta-ship, and i will only ship with muns i have a friendly relationship with ooc.

viii. replies will be iconless. i prefer to use small text, double spaces, and light formatting for my replies, but i don’t care if you don’t. i’m here to write; aesthetics are secondary. my only requirements relate to dashboard accessibility. i’m unlikely to follow back if you do not trim or tag your posts, use extra-large gifs or images for your replies, post excessive ooc, or overformat to the point where your writing is too difficult to read. if my formatting is an issue for you, kindly let me know and i’ll adjust it for our threads.

ix. if you’ve made it this far, hi, thanks for reading! i’m dani! she / her, 26+, been writing on this hellsite for way too long. outside of writing, i enjoy reading, running, media analysis, and cooking. send me your favorite recipe! 💖

[hateslugs]

[hateslugs]

AM was probably giggling to himself when he came up with the idea of melting the most vain of the survivors into a weird slug