hatmp

[hatmp]

this is the only valid twitter thread

[hatmp]

[hatmp]

[hatmp]

Unrestrained summer fun

[hatmp]

hey guys, i didn't want to have to do this, but i really need some help.

all of the links can be found in the document

[hatmp]

[hatmp]

*boops you gently on the nose*

i hope this september is kind to you. i hope this month gives you everything you want and more. i hope autumn is refreshing, and cool, and as the world slowly thaws into the winter months, you continue to thrive and love deeply.

[hatmp]

[hatmp]

Ive had this saved in my phone since April

[hatmp]

So funny story.

I work for a financial institution and have a pretty senior position, but I still have to do a lot of 'training'

Every quarter we have to do 'IT training' that's basically 'dont open phishing emails, don't give out personal information of our clients' and 'everything you do can be tracked, including internet usage and we can read your emails and teams whenever we want.'

Have at it.

I've worked there seven years and they've never once said anything about me reading the news, AO3, Google docs, anything. So I figure 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ I'm fine. They block all social media, but never blocked AO3.

Cut to today.

There are exactly two people in the company I like.

I'm outside decompressing with said two people as we do for 15 minutes at the end of everyday before we go home to our families. Kinda like wiping away the ick of the day.

IT guy: so what's ao3?

Me: what?! Why would you ask me that?

IT: because outside of sites related to your job, that's your most visited website

Me: you guys actually track that?!

IT: yeah we just don't give a shit. Unless you're being audited or investigated we don't give two fucks. So what's ao3?

My other friend is laughing her ass off.

Friend: OH MY GOD ISN'T THAT WHERE YOU READ YOUR WEREWOLF PORN?!

IT: enough said. Hope it's good at least.

Y'all my emo ass, skinny jeans and DC wearing IT guy knows I read/write werewolf porn on the clock and basically said godspeed.

[hatmp]

*showing visible symptoms* oh my god i need help desperately

*symptoms go away for one day* what if im just faking it

[hatmp]

you may think it’s no big deal but every sweet interaction is actually the most important thing in the world. sooo. take that

[hatmp]

Please help my good friend Marah and her family!! They are starving to death in Gaza

Her poor mother has lost 27 kilos due to starvation and her father has lost more than 15 due to the famine. Osteoporosis treatment requires a healthy diet, and the Balousha family can not eat.

@mahrahpalestine is her url for vetting proof!!

I am hosting this campaign! The funds you donate are transferred directly to the Balousha family by myself and an irl coworker. Thank you!

[hatmp]

"No one cares about how long your run was"

"No one cares if you baked something"

Wrong bitch - I'm locked in. Post the little map thingy from the app, I won't even know what it means and I'll like it. Post your first upside down cake or homemade pizza crust attempt, I'm in there and I'm smashing the like button.

[hatmp]

[hatmp]

bro last night was totally redacted! last night was fully expunged from the record. bro, do you... can you remember last night? what did we do...? what did... did we hurt someone? bro? why won't you look at me? what did I do...? whose blood is this...? bro...?

[hatmp]

dancing half naked in your room alone to good music is important and also good for the soul