hazellight11

[hazellight11]

dean wouldn’t call himself bisexual. he would sweat nervously and grin profusely and say “i’m an equal opportunity sorta guy. there’s enough of me to go around ;)))” and cas would glare at him and dean would notice and clear his throat and look abashed and sam would slam his head into the table until it exploded

[hazellight11]

I was reading a piece of fan fiction about a girl so beautiful, all the heroes wanted to make her their wife, yet so powerful, no villain dared fighting her. Instead they sought legal action against her.

Had to lay it down, I can't stand these marry/sue characters.

I'm looking at you with very narrowed orbs right now

[hazellight11]

So wait are livestock guardian dogs to their flocks like… Clark Kent among the residents of Smallville? He’s been here since he was a baby, we all know him, and he’s… generally one-of-us shaped, uh, approximately. And then when something goes wrong he suddenly leaps into action and does some terrifying impossible shit none of us could do. And then comes back home and settles in like nothing happened and he’s one of us again.

[hazellight11]

the human mind is prone to catastrophizing when left unoccupied. And that’s why it’s important to always have a little Blorbo to rotate in your head. It acts as a protective charm of sorts to redirect your imagination away from harmful spirals

thoughts without Blorbo: oh my god I was so cringe in seventh grade why did I do that

thoughts with Blorbo: I haven’t considered the interactions with bleebus; I must rectify this immediately

[hazellight11]

"From the earth I rise..."

[hazellight11]

put those racist swords to good use

(parts 1 and 2)

[hazellight11]

Normal people: hey man how's it going

Guy who loves spreadsheets: can I make you a spreadsheet

[hazellight11]

Please be looking at Yamuel

Here he is.

Please LOOMK

PLEASE

✨Thank you ✨

[hazellight11]

Situation where Clark has formed a tentative working relationship with Batman, but somewhere in that time, Batman acquired Robin and, naturally, didn't tell him.

Clark finds out about Robin's existence when a ten year old Dick Grayson in full Robin gear breaks into his apartment at two in the morning and shakes him awake because Batman's missing and Alfred's away and Bruce taught him that, in the case of emergency, Superman was one of the only people he could trust. Bruce just didn't think to tell Clark that he was, by all means, his son's emergency contact.

Clark: -wakes up to a small boy that he's never seen or heard of before in a cape and a mask with lenses that reflect light like a cat's perched on the edge of his bed in a pitch black room-

Dick, calmly: Hey, Batman's -- stop screaming -- Batman's missing. I need help.

[hazellight11]

every now and then I am reminded to my great chagrin that my mother is funnier than I am

[hazellight11]

dear universe give me ten billion dollars and infinite free time and indestructible hands so i can do every hobby ever

[hazellight11]

Funky Man

[hazellight11]

I’ve always loved performing. Being the center of attention feeds me when I’m telling a story and it’s been like that since I was very young.

When I was four or so I went up to my nana one day while she was watching me and brandished my favorite book, Bre’r Rabbit and the Tar Baby. “I’m going to read to you,” I told her imperiously.

Obedient to my tiny whims she sat me on her lap and waited to hear what nonsense I was going to make up. Because of course, she knew I couldn’t read yet. It’s not impossible to read at four, but I wasn’t getting the kind of attention to make that possible.

To my nana’s astonishment I read the first page perfectly, with silly voices and everything, then turned and read the second page just as competently. I read the whole book while her jaw was on the floor.

She praised me effusively and ran to the phone. I was a genius! She had to tell my mom right away!

My mother was less inclined to hop aboard the genius train. She came to pick me up after work and held up a piece of mail. “What’s that say?” she asked me.

I shrugged in indifference. My nana frowned. “How about this?” she said, offering me a book off her shelf. I shrugged again, losing interest in this new game.

“She can’t read, mom,” my mother informed my nana. “She has the book memorized.” My mother was a child educator and had seen this exact situation more times than she could count.

“She read it page by page! She knew everything!”

That’s how my family found out I’m a very gifted mimic, but not a baby genius.

[hazellight11]

In a rare double own-goal the Young Nationals (the youth wing of a conservative party) posted this in their own Facebook comment section today

Naturally they have been getting completely roasted for it in the comments, leading the page to clarify they were actually referencing another blunder.

Problem is, it was a blunder by another Nationals MP that had largely gone unnoticed, so they've just dunked on their own brand twice.

The comments on both are, of course full of references to one of the great AusPol comment blunders of all time, making it possibly a rare three-for-one stuff up.

[hazellight11]

You’d think that having wings means griffons could get themselves down when they climb trees, but believe you me, you’ll be getting the ladder out later today.

[hazellight11]

some of the best writing advice I’ve ever received: always put the punch line at the end of the sentence.

it doesn’t have to be a “punch line” as in the end of a joke. It could be the part that punches you in the gut. The most exciting, juicy, shocking info goes at the end of the sentence. Two different examples that show the difference it makes:

doing it wrong:

She saw her brother’s dead body when she caught the smell of something rotting, thought it was coming from the fridge, and followed it into the kitchen.

doing it right:

Catching the smell of something rotten wafting from the kitchen—probably from the fridge, she thought—she followed the smell into the kitchen, and saw her brother’s dead body.

Periods are where you stop to process the sentence. Put the dead body at the start of the sentence and by the time you reach the end of the sentence, you’ve piled a whole kitchen and a weird fridge smell on top of it, and THEN you have to process the body, and it’s buried so much it barely has an impact. Put the dead body at the end, and it’s like an emotional exclamation point. Everything’s normal and then BAM, her brother’s dead.

This rule doesn’t just apply to sentences: structuring lists or paragraphs like this, by putting the important info at the end, increases their punch too. It’s why in tropes like Arson, Murder, and Jaywalking or Bread, Eggs, Milk, Squick, the odd item out comes at the end of the list.

Subverting this rule can also be used to manipulate reader’s emotional reactions or tell them how shocking they SHOULD find a piece of information in the context of a story. For example, a more conventional sentence that follows this rule:

She opened the pantry door, looking for a jar of grape jelly, but the view of the shelves was blocked by a ghost.

Oh! There’s a ghost! That’s shocking! Probably the character in our sentence doesn’t even care about the jelly anymore because the spirit of a dead person has suddenly appeared inside her pantry, and that’s obviously a much higher priority. But, subvert the rule:

She opened the pantry door, found a ghost blocking her view of the shelves, and couldn’t see past it to where the grape jelly was supposed to be.

Because the ghost is in the middle of the sentence, it’s presented like it’s a mere shelf-blocking pest, and thus less important than the REAL goal of this sentence: the grape jelly. The ghost is diminished, and now you get the impression that the character is probably not too surprised by ghosts in her pantry. Maybe it lives there. Maybe she sees a dozen ghosts a day. In any case, it’s not a big deal. Even though both sentences convey the exact same information, they set up the reader to regard the presence of ghosts very differently in this story.

[hazellight11]

I really hope young folks just discovering Leverage understand that in 2008 a Tesla meant basically the opposite of what it means in 2025. They were so exciting. We were so hopeful.