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"You need to get up, get out, and get something. Don't let the days of your life pass by." Today I am focused on living. In the last couple weeks I have ended a few relationships and heard that a friend ended his life. These devastating events have led me to believe that it's time to live as hard as I can. I need to stop letting fear hold me back from the things that make me happy, and stop living the life that everyone else expects me to live. I am going to live for me, and me alone. I'm going to make decisions that benefit me, and--for once in my life-- be selfish for my own good. I have the unique luxury of being a single woman with a great career, two of them actually. I have the financial freedom to live the life that I deserve, and I'm going to finally start doing that. No excuses, no regrets. I'm going to choose happy every single day, no matter what. I'm not going to allow people or things that don't make me feel good exist in my life anymore. Because I am the CEO of my life, and I get to decide who is promoted, who was demoted, and who is fired. I've spent too long worried about what everyone else thinks, when deep down I don't really care. How you feel about me, isn't going to change who I am. You're just going to be too much for some people, so those aren't your people. Hold onto the ones who see you for who you are, but don't love you in spite of it. They love you because of it. I am committed to being real, vulnerable, emotional, wild, loud, and full of hope that I can have exactly what I want, no matter what. I am the master of my own destiny. I am exactly who my world needs, and I am enough.

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(Wrote this on Thursday but in the midst of posting it, I got the news that my friend took his life. Ironic that I got this information right after writing the last line of this post. Since writing it, he left me inspired to start running. More on that later.) I have been through some shit in the last two weeks. Going into the retreat, I knew that it would be a time of personal growth, but I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I knew a couple of the people of the leaders who would be there, and hadn't even met some of them. I was sure we were going to talk about our business, but what was in store for us as far as personal growth, was something that we never could've expected. We went really deep, and unpacked a lot of shit. We built a lot of trust with each other, and opened up in ways that I have never opened up with some of my best friends. It felt really really good, and it made me start to think about the company that I have kept in my adult life. There of been many phases where I have done some cleansing of my peer groups, because over the years I've collected a lot of people in bars and at parties. I've made some great friends, but on the most part I have collected a lot of shitty people. I have bonded with people that I thought were the same as me, and I have harshly misjudged people because we were different. But when I took the time to get to know them, I found that we weren't all that different at all. This was the case at the retreat. These women who seems so different than me, growing up in different places in the US, coming from different backgrounds, we all found common ground and our experiences. And the tie that bound us was our goals and our fundamental desires to succeed in life. I started to think about how this affects my relationships. Do I want to be with someone that doesn't fulfill my needs, or someone that doesn't have the same goals as I do? In the past, I have fallen in love quickly and then quickly found that we would grow apart, because they either weren't as ambitious as I am, or just simply didn't have the same values that I did. Thinking about being with someone on long-term, it has to be someone that I would be proud to call my husband or the father of my children someday. I realized that wasn't the case in my current relationship. So I asked him to rise to the occasion. I found that he was not up for the challenge, in fact he vehemently pushed back and showed me that he was not the man I thought he was at all. He showed his true colors when I began to question him and pick apart a relationship that wasn't quite as strong as the façade would lead you to believe. And it ended, just like that it was over. I'm sad, and disappointed that it didn't work out. But I am crazy grateful for the people who are in my life that made me find clarity in my situation. I believe that the universe delivers the right people at the right time for better or worse to show you how things are supposed to be. I don't believe in much, other than the infinite nature of the universe. But I do believe that there is a plan, everything happens for reason, and right now I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be in the universe.

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So, I decided to give in and ask for help with my smoking problem. This past weekend I found myself chain-smoking with friends and drinking the day away happily, but I woke up with that familiar shitty feeling. Two of my friends, who happen to be sisters, are taking Wellbutrin to help with their smoking habit. So, I did a little research. I found that it is an antidepressant, which is not something I ever considered taking. But there are many reported results of smoking cessation, and other stress induced habits broken. I started to think about my compulsive over-eating. I have basically attributed most of my behavioral issues to stress, so maybe this was something that could help me in more than one aspect. As soon as I got home from Nashville, I set an appointment with my doctor. I met with him yesterday, and went over to things that I needed help on. I had an unusual amount of stress and anxiety, it was affecting the way I eat, and I realized that I had gained a considerable amount of weight since the last time I saw my doctor. This is troubling, considering how often I exercise. Why am I killing myself in the gym 5 to 6 days a week and gaining weight? This seems counterproductive and majorly disappointing. So I asked him if he thought the medication would help with my stress and emotional eating as well as the smoking, and he thinks that it might! I am extremely hopeful that this will be the thing that is a game changer for me, in the way Thrive was for my overall mood, energy, and sleep. I will keep this blog updated on my progress. PS, the MONQ aromatherapy inhaler is bad ass, and I still love essential oils, but it doesn't replace cigarettes. So if you want to try it, I definitely recommend it! I think it's a really cool little device. But if you want to quit smoking, ask your doctor for help. #stopsmoking #thrivelife

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This diet is not going well! I've had events and celebrations and holidays to contend with over the last two weeks, and I have a really hard time sticking to it. I still get up every morning and pack my food for the day. But without fail, it's somebody's birthday (mine) or Mother's Day or Cinco de Mayo, and before I know it, I have completely blown my calories on a second cupcake or margarita. So, how do we still live our lives and manage our weight? Isn't that the eternal question… We want to be thin we want to be healthy, but we want to enjoy life too! How do we get what we want without making huge sacrifices? I think that's why people don't stick to diets. They're hard! I've heard anything worth having, is worth working for. But, by and large, motivation doesn't come from nowhere. What motivates me? Self-esteem, success, a feeling of self-fulfillment. I just want to make something work, for once. And I want it to be simple and effective. I really thought that this diet would be easy to follow, because it didn't really restrict my need to have carbs or sweets or dairy. It included everything so that I wouldn't feel like I was missing out. But yet I'm still eating the cupcakes! What's the missing link? I'm going to try to stick to my diet a close as possible this week, but I'll be traveling for most of it, which makes it hard. I can't pack my food when I'm committed to living out of a carry-on. I'm grateful to my best friend Sara, for making sure that I get a workout in while I'm with her, knowing that I probably wouldn't get another one for the rest of the weekend. I mean, I'll be with active healthy people, but I'm not sure how much activity will be getting in. Doing this alone is no fun. I don't have an accountability buddy, I'll have anyone that agreed to participate in this diet with me. I'm really looking for somebody who wants to do this beside me. He wants to eat like I do, and sweat like I do. Are you out there? #trytokeepup

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Man I felt strong yesterday! (No I'm not going to tell you about my work out. But it was pretty good…) I felt strong because I empowered myself to change my language. My coach Suzy and I had a conversation the other day about my propensity to be in conflict with people. She asked me if that made me happy about myself, or made me feel fulfilled in my business. The answer was obviously, no. So she challenged me to change my language from "it is in my nature to be in conflict with people" to "it is in my nature to bring out the best in people". Just considering this change so deeply and profoundly affected me, I immediately began to cry... because I didn't know if I had the power to be that person. There are definitely people in my life who truly bring out the best in others, but that's never been one of my strengths, at least in my own perspective. So I asked her to let me sit with it for a little bit. I went to yoga immediately after, and I silently wept through class. Over the next 24 hours, I did a lot of ugly crying, releasing my pent up negativity that was causing me to create conflict. I confided in my closest friends and family about this challenge, and their responses surprised me. Most people were surprised to hear that I was challenged in this way, because they had seen so many improvements in me over the last year with Thrive. It sounds crazy that a vitamin can change your attitude, but feeling good goes along way. Feeling energetic and like you can take on the world every day, totally changes your outlook and your mindset. So, yeah... I have been far less confrontational recently. But that made me realize that this was more than just being tolerant, or being able to keep my mouth shut when something bothered me. This is about turning something negative into something positive... on purpose. And, that when I would typically create conflict with someone because we disagreed or if they were different than I am, I needed to show them the kind of kindness that would bring out the best in them. Making everyone's world a little bit of a better place. Suzy told me that kindness will save the world, and I truly believe that. Today I feel strong because I have decided to not allow my greatest weakness to control me. I am able to move forward knowing that every day can be a little bit more positive if I can not just avoid conflict, but actively work against it. This is going to change how I deal with my relationships, my job, and I lead my team. I think this is going to be groundbreaking in my life and seriously change it. And I am so looking forward to this personal growth. #trytokeepup #thrivelife #stroketosuccess #morethanavitaminllc

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In the interest of full disclosure: I have really been struggling with smoking lately. Many years ago, when I was very unhealthy, I was a pack a day smoker. I pretty much lived on caffeine, cigarettes, and junk food. When I decided to clean up my act, I dropped cigarettes like a literal bad habit. I didn't ween myself off, I just stopped. The problem is, nicotine is one of the most addictive substances in the universe, and it's harder for some people to quit than opiates. So it was more willpower than anything that helped me put the cigarettes down. But the addiction still lived in my system, and eventually the things that triggered me to smoke I tried to remove from my life; such as having a cup of coffee in the morning or having a few cocktails at night. But as I lost my motivation towards eating healthy, I started to pick up those cocktails at night again, and the familiar desire to smoke came back. Now, anytime that I'm drinking I want a cigarette. It's worth mentioning, that I've never had any kind of problems with alcohol. I definitely went through my party phase, where I drank a little too much and it led me to some bad decisions. But it's a substance I have never abused, and now in my 30s I am purely a social drinker who rarely drinks to the extent of being "drunk". I do have a boyfriend and many friends who are smokers, so I'm constantly surrounded by it in a social setting. I love cigarettes! They taste great to me and I enjoy them in the moment. But I don't always enjoy them the next day. I can smell them coming out of my pores during my workout. (yes, I always work out when I'm hung over. I would rather suffer through an hour and get all of that crap out of my system, then be miserable all day. It is a habit I have learned from my sister, who also loves to party and then boot and rally the next day.) Some of my friends have turned to e-cigarettes and vaping. I can't bring myself to vape because of the douchebag stigma around it, no offense to my friends. But it makes me feel like an idiot. My friend Trish (and future sister-in-law) has an e-cigarette that she let me try this weekend, and I enjoyed. It was very light and had a nice flavor of black cherry. She said that I could pick one up at the gas station, but since I do all of my shopping on Amazon--because I am obsessed with reading reviews, and my Amazon prime membership is the greatest thing ever happened to me--I went online to look at e-cigarette and I came upon the MONQ aromatherapy stick. There is no nicotine in this vapor cigarette, but rather essential oils that are blended to give a certain result. They have flavors in names like Zen, Sleep, Happy, Energy… Well we all know I don't need energy. So, I chose Zen. It has the essential oils of Frankincense, Orange, and Ylang Lang. The little e-cigarette is purple and has a light up diamond on the end. So aesthetically, it's right up my alley too. I'm really excited to try this, I'm hoping it will help me have the essence of smoking without any nicotine and the added benefit of essential oil. Apparently, you don't even actually inhale the vapor, but rather just take it into your mouth and exhale it through your nose. I will let you guys know when it shows up and how it's working for me. If you are struggling with smoking too, reach out to me, let's talk about it. I have used Thrive to control my cravings for cigarettes during the day. But like I said, as soon as the drinks come around, I am searching for a cigarette. And I've been doing so much traveling with my friends and spending time with my boyfriend, that cigarettes have become much more prevalent in my life. Wish me luck!

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Some days you feel like you have it all together, and some days you pack two different shoes to go to the gym. But on those days you have your absolute best work out you've had in weeks. Maybe it's this powerhouse diet I'm doing--or maybe it's all the cupcakes I ate yesterday--but today was a freaking awesome day at the gym. I feel strong! Stronger than ever. I haven't been lifting super heavy lately, either. More yoga and Barre than anything when it comes to strength. There is clearly a lot to be said about the dynamic strength it takes to hold your own body weight. People keep telling me I look like I've lost weight, but I've gained it. And I was feeling really crappy about it until I realized that if all that really matters is how people see me (second to how I see myself), then I need to stop letting the scale ruin my day. Gotta keep this brief, hitting the road to get the boy. Yay! Happy Friday Eve!

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I have transformed my diet! Check out my super simple 1800 calorie meal plan! First things first... Thrive (duh) Breakfast 1 Cup Vanilla Greek yogurt 1/4 cup rolled oats 1/2 cup berries Snack 3 Hardboiled Eggs 1 small Apple Lunch 6 slices Deli Turkey 2 slices bread of your choice (I love Dave's Killer Bread or Wegmans Marathon bread the best!) 1 Tbsp of deli mustard 1 cup shredded spinach Snack 8 baby carrots 3 Tbsp Hummus Post-workout 1 scoop Vanilla whey protein Dinner 8oz baked chicken thigh 1 cup steamed green beans 1/2 cup sweet potato Dessert Larabar (I like any of the flavors with chocolate) Worth mentioning: I purchased everything here, plus paper towels, for $50 at Giant. One week of groceries for one person for $50. That's a major win.

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I have tried everything. I've cut carbs. I've cut gluten. I've cut dairy. I've eaten only fish and vegetables for a week. I've used resistant starches. I've obsessively built diets on macros. I've done challenges. But I'm still gaining weight. Sound familiar? Diets work but they don't change the eater. This eater is a quitter. I have no willpower. I get excited about something because I see results and then I cheat. Or I just give up. Because dieting is hard! It sucks and it doesn't make you feel good. I've never been the kind of person who believes that feeling thin tastes better than food. That can't be true because food is awesome. Food is comfort, food is love and is shared with the people you love. I don't want to live a life afraid of food! I want to enjoy it. So why is this so hard? I'm setting an intention to make it easy. Over the next 4-1/2 weeks, I'm going to take on a diet like I've never tried before. No macro counting, no keto, nothing major eliminated. I've created a diet with reasonable, easy meals that are affordable and sustainable, enough to keep me satisfied throughout the day and support my workouts. I'll be tracking calories in and out, by recording my daily workouts. I plan on sweating the same 5 days a week I have been for a long time. I love my workout routine and I don't plan on changing it. Now you're probably wondering, what about that new weight loss product from Le-Vel? Why are you dieting if it works? Come on people. Everybody knows there is nothing mystical or magical about weight loss. You have to burn more than you consume. So changing your eating is critical. I needed to find something that I could maintain. If I don't like what I'm eating, I'm definitely not going to do it every day for a month. You know how that goes. The DFT Duo premieres in June. It is kind of awesome. So, our original DFT (our patent-pending dermal fusion technology, if you have been living under a damn rock) is designed to deliver 8 layers of nutrients through your skin over 24 hours. The new Duo stepped up our game. Its an evolution of our DFT, not just in the concentration but the delivery. It's two stickers you wear on opposite sides of your body, which our experts have found push absorbency through the roof! We have a higher concentration of Forslean and the addition of BHB ketones, both widely recognized for their weight loss and lipid metabolism benefits. So that sounds great, why not just use that? Ok I think you're missing the point here, people. There are thousands of diets. And there are thousands of weight loss supplements. None of them work. Why? Because, by and large, we are unable to change our unhealthy habits and our mindset. There are no magic pills. Healthy weight management is most effective with a reasonable diet, a regular exercise plan, and the right supplementation. And I recommend you follow me to see how adding that DFT duo will totally be a game changer in June. So the only question I've got is, do you want to watch me or join me? Try to keep up. For more information on our DFT, visit: Morethanavitaminllc.com

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#transformationtuesday We have a serious problem. Every single woman I know is constantly on this vicious cycle. "I'm not eating carbs this week." "I'm doing a weight loss challenge." "I'm doing a juice cleanse." NONE OF THAT SHIT WORKS. The hard truth is that there are no quick fixes, other than weight-loss surgery. And let's be real, that isn't permanent either without a lifestyle change. The only way to lose and keep it off is to be in a calorie deficit and sweat daily. And for gods sake, DON'T be a cardio queen, add strength training too. But you have to work for it, that's the point. Ok fine Katie, you did that but you gained some of the weight back. Yep. Because I'm a quitter. I worked my ass off and I gave up. I was stressed, unhappy, sore, and tired. Sound familiar? Y'all know Thrive helped with a lot of that. Like it was crazy. I could eat better because it turned off my cravings for crap... and caffeine? I didn't even need it anymore. I went harder in the gym and recovered faster. I started to build muscle and lose fat again but not the way I used to. So what's missing? I'm hoping it's our new product, the Next Level DFT, designed specifically for weight loss. It releases this weekend, and I believe it will work. Why? Le-Vel makes products that work. Period. I believe in this company, and I believe in this product. And I'm going to prove to you that it works. I will be documenting my experience, and I want to invite some friends to join me on this journey. If you're ready to find something that will make all your hard work pay off, please do this with me. We eat well, we sweat daily, and we deserve results.

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Let's talk about fear for a minute. 

I just saw the most bored-looking sign spinner ever. He was probably in his late 50s, wearing a Statue of Liberty costume. He had on sunglasses and wasn't even spinning the sign, he was practically leaning on it. I wish that I wasn't afraid to walk up to him and give him a sample of Thrive. Looking at his current state of affairs, I could tell that might be what he needs. I spent a few minutes rethinking it, and almost busted a U-turn, but I chickened out. I was afraid.

But wait, what do you think he is afraid of? He's a 50-year-old man standing on a street corner in a Statue of Liberty suit. He has nothing to lose. So why him and not me? What is fear anyway? Is it real or is it just a figment of our imaginations that holds us back from doing something that could push us forward?!   So I am committing myself to not be afraid.

I have nothing to lose by talking about Thrive all the time. What, am I just annoying you? Have I offended you in some way? Sorry, not sorry. I want to share this product with you because I think it's amazing and I'm just trying to help you. If you were sick and I had a cure for your sickness, would you want me to tell you about that? What are you afraid of? What do you have to lose? $150? You know you blow that at Target on Wednesday night on stuff you don't even need. So tell me truly, why not?

email me about it: katelyn.coram@gmail.com

Or just stop being afraid: https://ktcoram.le-vel.com

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So, I’ve decided to start blogging about Thrive because I’m pretty sure that my friends think I've been brainwashed or I've joined a cult since I start using this product.  I just want to touch down, keep it real, and let everyone know that I am still the same person. I'm just in love with the stuff and I believe in it. I don't need the money (but it’s awesome) I'm not trying to sell you anything, I only want you all to feel this good all the time!

And I know that you're skeptical, because I was skeptical too. It took my friend about six months to talk me into trying it. So when you tell me NO, expect me to ask you again, because I feel like you're going to change your mind. I'm going to be totally transparent and start blogging daily experiences that have affected me so that you guys can see into my life.

This morning I didn't want to get out of bed. I slept amazing and I put these little twinkle lights up in our room, because we finally got rid of the bedbugs and can finally sleep soundly in our own room again. We have a new mattress and Marc was home with me, and I just wanted to snuggle. But I couldn't go back to sleep, so I popped up out of bed and I took my two capsules and got in the shower and I found myself singing in the shower and ready to attack Monday. I can imagine most of you dragging your asses around like zombies on Monday morning waiting for the coffee pot to brew your 1st cup. Even the Keurig couldn't brew it fast enough for me a few months ago. I am no longer a slave to that coffee pot, I haven't had a caffeinated drink since October.

My goal was to be at work at 7AM but then I got really caught up in making free samples for people so now I'm almost at work at 8 AM, using talk-to-text to write this blog while I'm driving because I've gotten to the point where my mind is never totally at rest. I am constantly motivated to be working and designing and sharing. I'm not caught up on any of my TV shows because I have a hard time just sitting and watching them, sometimes I'll just listen to them as I'm doing things in the house, and then run back into the room and realize that I didn't even notice that Shoshanna cut her hair and bleached it and I'm already at the end of that episode of Girls.

 Anyway, I always hear people complaining that there aren't enough hours in the day. I like to say that we have the same amount of hours as Beyoncé. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Thrive gives you more hours in the day because you're using your time efficiently, because you're motivated and energized and excited to tackle whatever task is at hand. Even laundry. I did like 8 loads of it yesterday. I also took apart my front porch light because it wasn’t working. And I fixed my broken coffee table leg. I hung new curtains and ordered a new cord and stand for the half-usable flat screen TV that was handed down to us. 

That's all for now, unless something else miraculous happens today. :)

Thanks for checking in. And for posterity…try to keep up. 

 https://ktcoram.le-vel.com

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The Outgoing Personality of an Anxious Mind

(I didn't write this. Someone else posted a link to this but it was poorly written and impossible to read, so I cleaned it up to share on my blog. You'll read later why I found the need to do this.) Outgoing people with anxious minds – or minds that overthink – tend to feel anxiety the most intensely, often because we don’t talk about it. And by “often” I mean never. Our anxiety is a contrast to our big, bold personalities. Strangers would never guess it. We never know when to fight or flight, and our self-angst is maxed out. We are often the life of the party but can also be mind-numbingly introspective, questioning everything. Our day normally goes something like this: Anxiety: Okay but what if – Me: Homie we went over this a thousand times and we totally resolved it. Anxiety: Yeah but I’ve looked at it from a new angle and there are like 15 more reasons why you should worry about it. Me: ……go on. We’re kind of a conundrum because we love people and need to be surrounded by people to be happy, but our over-thinking and our apprehension to immediately trust someone is, in fact, what makes us very guarded. That might mean we’ll have lots of friends or acquaintances but very few close friends who we share our world with. But when we do, they become our entire life. And too often we forget to share with those folks how much we love them, and how much they mean to us. So as a result, our intention to protect our feelings by not letting people in, ends up hurting our feelings in the long run. We still find it easy to talk and connect with people – we can be charming creatures and when we do choose to grace a party with our presence. But then we wake up in the morning and of course, we are over-thinking everything – Ahhh what did I say to that one person that I'd rather die than act like an idiot in front of? Did I talk too much? And what did they mean by “I’ll see you soon?” What does “soon” even mean? Like soon soon? Or “soon”? Although we are very bold and outgoing, sometimes even the smallest things can stress us out and override our nerves. Whether it’s picking up our dry cleaning, finishing a project for work or making a call to our doctor, just the thought stresses us out and we usually will go to great lengths to try to avoid it. Dating is hard, we have to explain that we’re not insecure control freaks, we just think. A lot. I mean you don’t have to call us back right away when you’re out, but just know that our mind is playing out a bunch of horrible scenarios in which you’ve cheated. Or died. That’s right, if we reach your voicemail, we can’t help but consider that you might not be alive. Even the smallest gestures make us melt. We tend to be overwhelmed very easily. So we need you to show us little acts of affection whenever possible. Like playing with our hair when we’re watching a movie, calling to see how we’re feeling or making us a cup of tea comes with the highest of thanks. We will never take your gestures for granted. We’re hardest on ourselves, we are always gripped by the feeling that there’s more that we should be, or could be, doing in our life. We try to trick our brain by doing as many things as we can during the day so we can fall asleep at night – HAHA what were we thinking? This is our brain’s prime time to annoy us; it won’t miss this opportunity. We ebb and flow between wanting to be surrounded by many people, reveling in the attention we receive, to being very selective and sort of wanting to isolate ourselves to recharge and be left alone with our thoughts. Needless to say, we’re enigmas wrapped in bacon. We aren't sorry. We just are who we are. And we hope you will love us for it.

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I'm the kind of girl who wears black to a baby shower. I didn't used to be, but lately I don’t really care much about tradition. I was raised to believe that tradition was important because it was important to my parents’ generation. But recently I’ve realized that it's held me back from doing things like participating in bachelorette parties if I wasn't invited to be a bridesmaid. Because it “just isn't how you do things.”

 So really I’ve come to believe that tradition is kind of stupid. Because I’ve discovered that my family traditions are strongly centered around fear-based decisions and pre-judging people or situations before we really give them a chance. And I'm over it. I quit playing roller derby because I was scared. I will tell you it's because I didn't love the drama, or that the game changed. But the truth is that I was afraid. Because I cracked my sternum and broke a finger, but I've watched friends break legs and dislocate shoulders. And I couldn't imagine going through the trauma, or dealing with the aftermath. But I'm tired of being afraid. I'm ready to take risks in my life, and I'm ready to believe that "risk" is not a bad word. I am an adult and I need to make my own decisions, and feel confident that they are the right ones for me.

 As I enter my 33rd year I've decided to purchase a home for the first time. Yes, I am doing this alone, although that is none of your business. Everyone seems to have made it their business to know whether my boyfriend and I will be buying together. Quite frankly, if I was a man you would never ask me that question. So when I insisted that I am doing this on my own, because I have to, that is for my benefit not yours. I believe my family--and other adults I know in my parents generation--are afraid that I will settle for a man who doesn't make more money than me. They are worried that nobody will take care of me, and are concerned that I will never be able to bear my own children because I won't be able to take time off for maternity leave.

 I beg of this generation, to get over it. We are entering 2016. Tradition has only gotten us so far. We need a new way of thinking. Women have been running their households without the aid of men for decades. That is nothing to fear, and nothing to be ashamed of. Don't worry about me, I'm going to be fine. A few weeks ago my boss checked in on me and asked me if I was going to be OK, because she feels like she kind of threw me to the wolves. I simply responded "I am a wolf."

 Sorry it's been so long, I'm going to try to keep up.

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I am a badass.

Today I started the Badass Body Diet by Crossfitt Superstar Christmas Abbott. My Crossfit-loving friend turned me onto the book a few weeks ago and I was instantly hooked after reading the very sensible meal and workout plans, and saw many potential achievable challenges that I found very attractive in a diet. Plus, I got the chance to meet Christmas last year and she was awesome and insanely fit so I completely trust her advice. So said friend and I decided to embark on this plan together to prep for beach season, and to get ourselves out of a workout/diet slump.

First day on the plan was kind of not great. Actually it was pretty fucking bad until dinner time, the first satisfying meal of the day. I was hangry, I was not very nice to my boyfriend (oh yeah! I have one of those now!!!) and I whined to my accountabilibuddy all day. I dreaded the first workout, but it ended up turning the day around. It was the most intense short workout I’ve ever done, Crossfitter WOD style. But it kicked my ass, and I had a ton more energy after than I did when I started.

After I ate dinner and got my head on straight I did a serious reassessment of my meal plan. I needed more food mid-day and didn’t like a recipe I tried, so I adjusted some things. Now I can include peanut butter at least once a day, which I can only assume is going to make things 1000% better.

And in spite of me being a bitch to Marc today, he still wants to hang out with me. So we are headed out to see Mad Max in 3D! And I’ll be packing my hard boiled egg and pickle snack for the movie. Haha yay!!

If I can survive this 21 day plan, I can do anything. Its been awhile since I have been this motivated, but I’m back bitch.

Try to keep up. 💋

[hbicbamf-blog]

It's been a while. Forgive me for staying away so long. I've been really wrapped up in work for last few weeks.

 Updates:

Admittedly, I really slacked on the challenge. I went through some stressful weeks and wasn't doing well with my diet. I got discouraged by the amount of muscle I was building and the lack of fat I was burning. And I never believe anyone when they tell me how good I look, I just assume they're trying to be nice. I don't see that change in myself.  I guess I'm battling with a little body dysmorphia again.

I have three weeks to lose 20 pounds. The Challenge is almost over and I have only lost about 10 lbs. And five of those come and go with the tides. So I adjusted my calories based on my BMR, and I am on a pretty restrictive diet for the foreseeable future.

I decided to chill on lifting heavy for a while and focus more on cardio as I was not losing any weight. I'm still lifting, and a much stronger than I was few short weeks ago. I have accomplished a 205# x6 deadlift, and I sumo-squatted 100# x10 with great ease yesterday. My shoulder is getting much stronger (after a complete dislocation in October 2013). I was even able to clean and press my sister’s 90# log x3.

I'm not dating anyone, but I'm in love. With my new tattoo. After many years of regretting the stars on my chest, however meaningful they were at the time, I finally decided on how to cover them. 

A friend asked me what was the meaning of the stars. Nautical stars are a symbol of finding direction in your life. Now, on the year of my 32nd birthday, I believe I have found my direction. So it is time for me to cover those up with something beautiful. I chose to go with a Mehndi-inspired design that covers the majority of my chest with beautiful scrollwork. The center of each side is a lotus flower (we’re all familiar with the symbolism so I won’t get into it.) But blooming out from both sides are a tangle of leaves and ferns that symbolize the blossoming of my life, career, and soul. I could not be happier with the results of the line work, I love my artist, and I can't wait to see what it looks like in color.

 For once in a very long time I am satisfied and at peace.  

Try to keep up.  Bitches.

[hbicbamf-blog]

Sprinkles are for winners.

For as long as I can remember, I think all I've ever really wanted was a boyfriend. Who would eventually turn into a fiancé, and then a husband, and then a father.

 But, it's finally taken me dating a lot of the wrong guys to realize that's not what I want at all. Sure, companionship is great. But I finally started to think outside of the bipartisan dating paradigm. Come to find out, there are more than two options: getting married or hooking up. While both sound like fun, I feel like what I need to look for something in the middle. I hear this is called making friends.

 What a novel idea! To meet a person that you may or may not be attracted to, and not have the agenda of capturing them. Actually having a conversation with that person, enjoying their time, and not expecting them to pay for your dinner. Dating is for suckers. How many free drinks have I gotten out of guys I don't even like? And how much of myself I have I given to guys who clearly didn't like me? And I'm finally considering, maybe they would've liked me if I let them have the chance to get to know me.

 No more dating. No more agendas. Nothing more than making friends and being 100% your true self from now to... whenever I get tired of this, too.

 Try to keep up.