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a. jogia

it’s fine, yeah ? i just don’t get what i did.

     -              “ you didn’t do anything, man. i was kidding. did i really seem that hostile ?

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d. o’brien

          you’re a real pain, y’know that ? no, it’s fine, i don’t wanna go to the shelter with you & see you take credit for my idea. hmph, i don’t need you ! i already have three dogs that love me endlessly to make up for my disappointment.

     -              “ would i be me if i weren’t, though ? three dogs, really ? even i only have two. you’re not a total disappointment, though. i mean there’s always your youtube channel to back you up. 

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a. jogia

—was that supposed to be FUNNY ?

     -              “ ... no. i honestly think that might’ve been a little too far. i’m sorry.

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z. malik

that’s pretty sick. now if i need any random facts about dogs, i’ll know who to go to. i used to have two dogs but they er, live with my ex now. i felt like i lose a child so i dont see me being a dog person or getting one anytime soon. now i’m just a bitter, pet-less dude.

     -              “ my mind is full of ‘em so feel free. well, i’m sure they take great care of them ! the thing is, i’m bitter except when it comes to dogs. i’m sure even your ex would let you see them if you wanted to --  have you asked ? 

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c. christian

          don’t call me hoe-dy, that’s just fucking disrespectful. you asking for a fight ? what the fuck are wrong with cats ? they’re pure. alright, bye, nice knowing you. guess i still got fake people showing fake love to me. now i know how drake felt.

     -              “ you know what’s disrespectful ? you choosing cats over dogs. there’s a reason why cats are always the villain in those animal movies, okay ? they’re pure, but they aren’t dogs. fight me, hoe-dy, you’ll lose ! please, even DRAKE is too pure for you.

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d. o’brien

          uh, hennig, that’s pretty much what i just said ! god, so unoriginal of you.—nah, i’m kidding. that’d be dope as hell. get all the different breeds in one house together, that’s living the life right there. except a chihuahua, don’t get a chihuahua.

     -              “ oh, right. sorry -- i mean, sorry you’re mad you didn’t think of it first. in fact, if it makes you feel any better, you can come down to the shelter with me and PRETEND it was your idea ?

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a. jogia

dogs smell. they shed. they destroy your belongings. that’s why i’m not a fan—that and a giant german shepard nearly tore my ear off when i was five.

     -              “ alright, alright. to each their own i guess. even if i still think YOU’RE WRONG. i’m sorry that german shepard nearly castrated you. i mean, your ear isn’t that far from ... your dick, right ? 

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Mood.

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z. malik

i’m not a huge fan of animals, but that’s actually pretty fucking adorable. thanks for the random fact. have anything else about dogs?

     -              “ do i have any other fact about dogs. you’re talking to the KING of dog facts, here. of course i do, please don’t insult me ! for example, at the end of the beatles song ‘a day in the life’,  paul mccartney recorded an ultrasonic whistle, audible only to dogs, just for his own dog.

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c. christian

          thanks for the random ass fact, but my opinion is still the same — i prefer cats over dogs. nothing can really change that, even though dogs sneezing because they want to play does tug at my heartstrings a little bit. but throw in a cute ass cat fact for me, hennig, or else this entire friendship that we’ve built together will be over.

     -              “ is that a threat or a promise, hoe-dy ? listen i can’t deny any animal, but cats, really ? i think i might have to take the chance of losing you. sorry kid.

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l. payne

    “—can’t say i’ve experienced any dog that sneezed and wanted to play, though? i don’t know, maybe it’s just me! usually they’ll just bring me whatever is they want to play with, so i play with ‘em. if they sneeze, they usually don’t even look at me. but, i will totally agree that dogs are too pure for this world, we don’t deserve them.”

     -              “ hm. maybe it’s not all dogs ? or, maybe you haven’t noticed ? either way, it’s still a claimed fact and nothing surprises me when it comes to how pure that species is. 

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d. o’brien

            that’s actually so fucking cute, what the fuck ? that explains a lot, actually. bandit is always sneezing more around me than the other dogs, i just thought he was sneezing because of something nearby. but that’s really cute. i love dogs so much, i want an entire house filled with them. can you imagine that ? it’ll be the best damn household anyone has ever had before in the history of the world.

     -              “ wait, could you imagine if i had a house dedicated to dogs ? it’d bring a new definition to the phrase DOG HOUSE.  that’s it. as soon as i sober up a little, i’m headed to the dog shelter.

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a. jogia

i’m not a big fan of dogs. or cats. or ANIMALS in general, really. they smell, they shed, they ruin your belongings. it’s not like i don’t like them, i’d just never own one personally. why would i be offended ? i’d never value the life of an animal over the life of a human, though.

     -              “ sorry, you lost me at ‘i’m not a big fan’. i can see you not being a fan of like ... me. but dogs ? how ? not that i’m judging ... but, i can’t trust you.

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p. edwards

        “ that’s so fucking cute, okay ? like, wow, i need to go & grab my little baby & give him the biggest cuddle in the world. & play with him, obviously. dogs are TOO pure, they’re TOO good for us. ”

     -              “ i, for one, could D E V O T E my life to protecting dogs. like, if this acting thing doesn’t work out, you’ll probably find me deep in the woods running a dog sanctuary.

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l. tomlinson

-              “ see that’s just the T H I N G with that though . . like no one trusts someone who doesn’t love fuckin’ dogs ? at least i don’t anyways, s’just ‘ow things are in me world as far as that goes. dogs are BEYOND too fuckin’ pure, can ugly people stop ? ”

     -              “ honestly, though ! i don’t think people can stop being ugly. unfortunately, we’re all destined to be horrible no matter what. IN FACT, it’d be a blessing to us all if we stopped electing cheetos as the american president; started embracing the pure as our leaders.

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    -              “ there’s only one reason anyone would love dogs more than they do now. and if you didn’t know it already, i’m about to present you with the single most important ‘useless dog fact’ you’ll ever know. are you ready ? dogs sneeze to signal that they’re trying to play; not fight. so, all this time we thought that all dogs have allergies -- they don’t. not all of them, at least. they’re just trying to make sure you know that they want to P L A Y. no offense, but dogs are just too pure for us ugly humans. too pure.