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dean: youre like a brother

cas: oh?😳☺️👨‍❤️‍👨

dean: no not like that

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I absolutely loved blonde Ruby and it took me way too long to realize she HAD to be a brunette to match Dean’s aesthetic better and for Sam to imprint on her as his big brother’s replacement. All makes sense now

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Sam Winchester in SUPERNATURAL 4.09

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SAM WINCHESTER

Supernatural | S2 EP14 : Born Under a Bad Sign

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I believe in slutty demon dean🔥👀💦

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brady introducing sam to jess bc she’s dean coded 🤝 ruby picking her vessels bc they’re dean coded

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so many beautiful drafts that may never see the light of day if i dont get my life together

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Me, leaving my friend’s apartment with his load tightly clenched in my ass to go get a DNA test done to see if his questionable girlfriend really is pregnant with his child:

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john winchester who's really just doing his best. it's not great, but it is his best.

john who apologizes for the screaming match that took them all the way across wyoming by finding a motel that has a heated pool behind the lobby and a prime rib buffet across the street.

john who keeps a set of teacher's answer keys to the most popular algebra and geometry textbooks tucked under coils of enchanted chains and blessed rope in the trunk of the impala, because he was never the best when it came to math.

john who picks up hagstones and chunks of slag glass and wiccan books on botanical magic and whatever else will make sammy give that little closed-mouth gasp of delight, the thing that could've been a full-throated shriek of joy on a kid raised in the suburban fenced-in yard john intended for him.

john who teaches dean how to do card tricks, knife tricks, trick shots with a pistol and a pool cue. john who shows dean the ways around rigged carnival games and how to drill a slug for vending machines, pop machines, laundromat machines.

john who teaches the boys (his boys) how to poach an egg and how to change a tire and how to pack and fill their own shotgun shells. john who brews coffee burnt and black but never forgets to buy milk. john who carefully winds cassettes back into their cases when the tape deck in the impala pulls their guts out. john who shows the boys how to rewire broken toasters and hotwire stolen cars.

world's okayest dad john winchester.

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stained windows

john doesn't want to break dean's heart.

contrary to what others might think of him, what sam threw in his face before storming out, he's not a bad father. he's not a bad man. there are some lines too vile for him to cross, ones that creep closer every time he blinks, until his toes are nudging the edge regardless of how many steps he takes backwards.

a bad father would push dean away when he looks to john for comfort, crawling into his bed, seeking a replacement for the warmth of his lost brother. a bad man would pull dean closer, wrapping arms around a shrinking middle, fingers trailing further down. dean would welcome both, an answer to a question he keeps asking. john does neither.

he avoids looking at anything too closely these days, avoiding dean's always-wet eyes, avoiding the mirror, anything that isn't the hunt. john doesn't know what path he had taken to leave them here, or maybe he doesn't want to look back to see. maybe some things are better left a mystery, left as a shadow in the corner of your eye instead of a confirmed monster.

it's difficult to ignore however, dean makes it difficult, as if sam's departure broke the seal-- confirming their family as other, and dean's determined to turn the family business circular. they're closer than they've ever been, communicating through gestures more than words, a twitch of john's elbow enough to have dean running to bring him whatever he needs. there's no need to talk, so they don't.

still, the questions come non-verbally, the invitations, the openings dean leaves for him to fill in. the assumptions dean makes when john doesn't respond to them, but doesn't dissuade him from either.

the way they sit too close now, despite there being more rooms in the booths, car, rooms than there ever was. an absence that takes up more space than its form, leaving dean pressed up against john, his heat burning through the leather, the denim, the copious amounts of whiskey he downs to forget.

dean grows bolder and bolder with no rejection, no acceptance, peacocking to an audience of one, and john is held captive. can't respond when dean places a hand on his thigh, doesn't look away when dean strips before the shower, door wide-open, releasing steam that caresses his face, despite his distance on the bed.

it's purgatory, a sense of illicitness that hovers over them always, even in something innocuous as skimming the news together, dean's head over his shoulder as they read.

they move like one, in hunts, in civilian settings, in the darkness. isolation has melded them together, like sam was the normal force preventing them from collapsing into one. it's disturbing. it's gratifying, a partnership and sense of understanding john hadn't ever experienced with anyone, not even mary.

it's the thought of her that makes him resolve to leave, desoldering the metal that conjoins them, even at the risk of breaking dean apart in the process. if he survives, he'll be grateful.

john's doing what's best for them, for dean. one day, he'll understand.

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stuck between john explicitly badtouching dean and john fucking him up in every other way hard enough for dean to wish he'd badtouch him and get it over with

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Thing is Dean absorbs the lecturing words his family throw at him:

Sam, 4x14: You're too busy sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Whining about all the souls you tortured in hell. Boo hoo.

-> he's never shown talking about Hell again on screen

Bobby, 4x22: You stupid, stupid son of a bitch! Well, boo hoo, I am so sorry your feelings are hurt, princess! Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good?! Bake you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family!

-> he never tells anyone about how Sam betrays him after that

Sam, 7x13: Look, man, she was not yours. Not really.

-> he doesn't talk about Emma again (except in that script)

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when you hashtag a post and the op reblogs with those hashtags as part of the post

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invoking s16 of spn is a threat to me

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john is infact so delusional about his sons. definition of unreliable narrator. the way he talks about them is insane at times. he's like uh dean aged 5 has a killer instinct. he doesn't want to go to school. he wants to do everything i tell him to do ok?? HE LOVES GUNS!! he's a good soldier also he was so super mad at sam for leaving, not me though i was chill (literal opposite of what's shown in canon.) but looks at sam, who infact shot and killed a deer to protect dean (aged idk 10??) and is like oh sammy my special boy. who is innocent and only does things due to my messed up parenting of him. sam is like a young mary (john, you did not actually know your wife at that age, she was literally lying to you about herself and everything. but sure.) sammy has no killer instinct like his brother. he is soft and must be protected. He doesn't know what's good for him. etc,, i just find it amusing, really.

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john writing about dean in his journal is 90% him mentioning a stomach-churning deeply emotionally-incestuous dysfunctional habit he instilled into that boy and following it up with #proud #mysonis #agoodsoldier ?? as far as i'm aware he admits once (once) that he had no right to put the weight of sam's life on dean's shoulders but otherwise he is like when i whistle dean comes to me like a dog <3 yay <3 i'm sure he is like this by his own devices. no john i don't think so

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frustrated because i feel like an actor that's rehearsed their lines one time too many and now its just words on a page 🥲 i CANNOT for the life of me gauge how emotional my writing is because i keep re writing the same words 😭