heart-for-thought

[heart-for-thought]

I wish that I could be someone better, more optimistic, more gentle, more kind, less weird, less spontaneous and maybe a little less.. lonely. I wish someone wanted me the way I want them. That reciprocity was, and could be, a real life thing for me. I know I'll always be the person who loves more, it's who I am. I'm unable to water it down; so I drown.

[heart-for-thought]

April is the month of animals; they come out of hiding and explore the worlds greatest places <3

[heart-for-thought]

I'm not worth loving until I'm skinny.

[heart-for-thought]

I want to be a mother so badly, it's an urge that gnaws inside me especially at night. To create another life with someone you love. A reflection of two souls; interlinked. I want to have a little child to show all the wonders of the world to, a little adventure buddy and most importantly a best friend. But what if I'm not meant to be one? The older I get the more I come to terms that maybe I'm just meant to be alone.

[heart-for-thought]

To grow old with someone you love is the most intimate thing in the universe. I chose you, for this lifetime, my entire lifetime and onto the next we'll go. Hand in hand, I love you. Eternally. We'll explore different careers together, support each other in every way possible, grow into our own personal selves together. Buy a house, raise beautiful kids, watch them grow old, become grandparents. Live in a fairytale. Grow old with me.

[heart-for-thought]

Crystal blue waters, beautiful orange-rusted sunset, pale white sands with speckled brown birds resting on the surface. So calming, a sense of solitude; a safe space.

- his face.

[heart-for-thought]

"Are you okay" is such a tiny miniscule question, an action of kind curiosity. Yet I break down in tears when someone asks me. Because I'm not okay, I haven't been okay since I was 10, picking flowers from a field.

[heart-for-thought]

I am not physically well. I could've built an entire coliseum in Ancient Rome with the effort it took me to try and make him stay.

[heart-for-thought]

I loved a caterpillar once, and waited what seemed like an eternity for it to become a butterfly. I cared for and fed it.. I tried my best to nurture and encourage it's transformation. As each day passed, I slowly found out it was a worm who I had disguised with my own love as a caterpillar. He could never make the change, he couldn't even become a moth.. I just seen him as something beautiful; that if I gave enough he could become something beautiful.

[heart-for-thought]

my downfall? I forgive. I hand out second chances like candy on Halloween, because I remember it's their first time at life too and we are all going to make mistakes.

[heart-for-thought]

I miss him and our conversations. I miss the way he'd update me on his day at work and ask me questions about mine. I miss us planning things that we never got the chance to do. I miss having a person I could pour my love and affection into. I miss the "good morning/goodnight" texts. I miss the "the roads are icey so drive safe" texts.

I miss it all.

[heart-for-thought]

I don't want to be alone, but I know that's how I'm meant to be. If I wasn't, why does nobody stay? Why do I fight, bleed and beg for others to reciprocate when they wouldn't do the same? Maybe the universe is trying to break me enough until I finally understand that being alone is the best thing for me.

[heart-for-thought]

"Right person, wrong time" is a myth. If they are your true person, it doesn't matter what time or how much time it takes. You will always, somewhere down the line, be meant to be together. Fate brought you together for a reason. Whether for you to know a love like theirs exists, or maybe fate gave you this person to keep forever. Something beautiful and pure. There might not be labels, but something inside of you craves them and their presence, you'll never be able to truly let them go. That's love, and love is a beautiful yet heartbreakingly confusing thing.

One day you'll both be ready, to commit and sacrifice. You both will be at your best level of self and you can build a nurturing life around one another. I hope that day comes soon.

[heart-for-thought]

If someone asks me what I admire most, it's renaissance artwork. Something about it screams "madly longing for someone I deeply desire but yet, too far gone to fully appreciate what I have. So let me lust for you now, before you inevitably slip through my fingertips and wander away."

[heart-for-thought]

Be content with the space that fate has given you. Sometimes two souls need separation before they realize how much love they have for each other.

It'll be okay.

[heart-for-thought]

"I dont want you to think i was misleading you or using you. Everything i said and felt was genuine. My mindset just changed"

- the truth, and only the truth.

I could never be mad at the truth.

[heart-for-thought]

I can never truly be mad a person for simply not being ready for the sacrifices and commitments that come with a relationship. I'd rather them wait and see than rushing and ruining a good connection. I hope he finds himself and that one day, he's ready.