heartoftherevel

[heartoftherevel]

been overdosing on that medieval yaoi cocaine lately ⚔️

[heartoftherevel]

[heartoftherevel]

They should add "On Horseback" option to Google Maps. For writers.

[heartoftherevel]

ok so yesterday my coworker/friend went to go mop and she saw some little things moving in the mop bucket (don't ask me why there was still water in there because i don't know lol) she looked closer and saw that they were brine shrimp

which is very silly and odd but not quite unexpected because we are aquarists and we have brine shrimp hatching cones that we raise them in to feed our jellies. and sometimes visitors mess with the knobs on the tank and then end up dumping them out (which fills me with RAGE because you can't accidentally do that. you have to be purposefully reaching around the hatching cone so like why the hell are you messing with our stuff but anyways that's not the point) so then we mop them and yeah ok that's how the eggs got into the bucket. but not only have they hatched, they are thriving adults !!!!! and they are thriving so much that some of them even have EGGS!!!!!

ok now here's the kicker

THEY KEEP DYING IN THEIR HATCHING CONES !!!!! SO OUR BATCHES KEEP FAILING!!!!! EVEN WITH THEIR REQUIRED WATER PARAMETERS THEY ARE FAILING.

SO. WHY. THE. HELL. ARE THEY ALIVE IN A MOP BUCKET OF ALL PLACES

so you're telling me that our brine shrimp (that keep dying) that we are dutifully caring for with specific water parameters for maximized hatching etc etc etc are so happy in a Mop Bucket that they are fucking ????? these little shrimps are porking on company time in company supplies ???????

(update: my other friend @plaguedocboi took them home yayyy)

^ the soggy children

[heartoftherevel]

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[heartoftherevel]

incredible move by warhorse to dump so much of kcd1 henry's momentum into getting back his father's sword (the self-imposed, blindness-inducing personal quest that helps him survive being consumed by grief for his family) only to just fucking swat it away so effortlessly in kcd2 when hans is in danger and we realize (as henry must) that the sword means almost nothing and his purpose and life's focus have shifted to being with hans. the sword becomes such a tertiary issue that we (and henry) don't even really realize we've stopped thinking about it - it just drops and fizzles into the background, so much so it's like a splash of cold water when we suddenly have it in hand, and it dawns upon us we could not care less. we haven't cared about it in a while.

the sword quest, and by extension the revenge quest, was deeply important to the plot and the character arc... but not for the reason kcd1 might have led us to think. this was in fact both (1) a hinge between the games and (2) a memento of what this growing henry regretted not caring about more in his former life: respect for his father, knowledge of his family, appreciation of the mundane blessing that he was so profoundly loved. it played its role in keeping henry moving through grief and its growing pains until maturity & circumstances led him to find another reason to be alive.

because who has any care or energy to spare on a stupid sword when we are focused on getting back to hans - who has become henry's family.

[heartoftherevel]

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[heartoftherevel]

slowly becoming the designated DIY guy of my household not because of any skill or training but because im the only person with the hubris to say 'fuck it hand me a drill how hard can it be." highly reccomend it because it gives a butch thrill that cannot be matched. i understand why suburban dads are like this now. im unstoppable.

[heartoftherevel]

Ever come across your #bestpal having a humble cry but then you don't quite know what to do so you accidentally bare your heart to him in a confusing & inopportune moment? #bromance

This is either going to stay as a standalone or be part 1 of 5, depending entirely on my ability to pare down what I have written out :'^)

[heartoftherevel]

Mutt is peeing in his helmet this very instant, and the loser doesn't even notice

[heartoftherevel]

headache? not in the mood to partake in any of your hobbies because of the headache? consider simply staring at the Make Headache Worse rectangle!

[heartoftherevel]

The reason Henry has to wear a helmet isn’t because I’m bad at fighting: it’s because I’m a fucking master att running the horse into everything low hanging and giving him a concussion

[heartoftherevel]

i think fiction should be abolished. if yo uwrite about a character dying you should be put on trial in real life for murder

[heartoftherevel]

Mutt Appreciation Post

If I kind of breezed over the subject of Mutt in that other post on how much I love the mechanics of Kingdom Come: Deliverance, that's only because Mutt really deserves a whole spiel of his own. So lemme tell you everything I loved about Mutt.

Mutt was added with the Woman's Lot DLC, and (at the risk of getting off topic) is the sole reason I'd recommend buying it. Give him half a chance, and Mutt can transform whole game into the tale of A Boy And His Dog. I have never owned a dog, but some of my best friends and relatives are card-carrying dog people, so I feel fairly safe in the telling you that Mutt is not only absurdly useful, but perhaps the most endearingly realistic portrait of canine behaviour I've ever seen in animated media.

Wherever you go, Mutt will wander around you, drinking out of puddles, digging in the dirt, and peeing on whatever he pleases. You can generally find him simply by listening for which side of you the loud panting is coming from. If you go into a building he can't go into, he will sit outside and howl mournfully until you rejoin him. Spend time with him, and you will quickly learn to identify his "I am on the trail of something interesting!" bark, because he is training you just as you're training him. (He will sometimes do that same bark when not on the trail of anything, this is exactly the sort of bug dogs come with in real life, so I don't really feel I can object.)

He does get in the way a lot. He will stand between you and herbs you want to pick, graves you want to rob, and doorways you would really like to walk through, and I'd be lying if I told you this doesn't get old. He will enthusiastically lead you along painfully complicated paths just because he's found a chest in some poor peasant's shed, and cannot tell the difference between 'treasure' and 'junk', let alone 'Jesus, Mutt, stop trying to get me to commit even more theft, GDI!!'

He is painfully good at jumping right between you and your enemies in combat, getting hit by accident, and then running off wailing to make you feel like a truly terribly human being. Life with Mutt is far from friction-free. But I love him anyway.

Much like a real dog, making Mutt like and obey you means remembering to regularly feed him and tell him what a good boy he is. Henry's voice lines for both of these get very old very fast, and I will skip through them as fast as possible. But I'll still do them, because what sort of monster would I be otherwise?

And once your relationship with Mutt (your Houndmaster skill) levels up, you will unlock so many cool new reasons why dog-ownership rules. He'll attack enemies in combat (though his record for not getting between you and them isn't great). Though he can be hurt, Mutt can't be seriously injured; if he's hit in battle, he'll just run off, and you'll be Mutt-less until he comes back again. He'll hunt game, and fetch hares for you. He'll growl when there's an enemy about ‒ frequently long before you realised you were closing in on danger yourself. But best and most game-changing of all, he will lead you to treasure and map locations you haven't visited yet.

One of my favourite things about this game is it's willingness to explore different ways to lead you to stuff organically ‒ without just dropping an objective marker on your map and letting you beeline towards it. There are treasure maps to follow, there are paths through the wilderness you can find that don't appear on the map. There's learning that smoke plumes on the map often indicate the location of a camp, and that fireflies in the night often indicate the location of a grave.

But if all else fails, there's Mutt, and Mutt has probably found me more stuff than any other single method.

Tell Mutt to 'Seek', wander into the general vicinity of any treasure location or any map marker you haven't found yet, and Mutt will do his three "pay attention!" barks, stick his nose to the ground, and lead you to something interesting. You will not believe how many wells Little Timmy could possibly have fallen down until you've gone wandering the wilderness with Mutt.

Threading the needle between 'everything is an objective marker, press F to go right there' and 'the player just can't find shit at all without resorting to google' is tough, and for my money, Mutt is the perfect solution: a way to make it almost impossible to miss stuff worth looking for while also feeling organic to the game world.

If anything, leveling your Houndmaster skill is almost too easy once you've taught him a couple of tricks like 'Hunt' or 'Seek', because the game will give you points every time he successfully does one of those tricks. And then he will get even more points, because I have spent enough time with dog people to have been made to understand the Social Contract As Pertains To Dogs. So whenever Mutt does a good-boy thing, I will immediately tell him what a Good Boy he is for doing so, which will net you even more skill points. OMG, Mutt, you brought down a whole wild boar all by yourself? Whaddagoodboy!

As a DLC feature, Mutt's integration into the base game is hardly seamless. Dialogue which explicitly references his existence is vanishingly rare, and NPCs will often just not notice that he's running around and barking at things. There are many quests and plot points where Mutt is simply not available at all.

I sent him home to the mill during the Monastery quest, for example, because I did not want that poor pup sitting outside waiting for me for days. But on leaving the monastery, something was immediately missing. Oh god damnit, what do you mean I have to go all the way back to the mill to get my stupid dog back now? What do you mean no-one is standing in front of me when I'm trying to pick marigolds, no-one is making me feel guilty for not praising and feeding him multiple times a day?! This cannot stand!

Life with Mutt will not be for every player. I made it through my whole first playthrough without him. But I'm definitely never playing this game without him again.

[heartoftherevel]

people on reddit have some bizarrely specific skills. someone can post a blurry photo and say "what bug is this? :( I found this in the garden, is it part of a moth?" and a guy will just roll up like "that's not a bug, that's the corner of page 12 of the june 1987 issue of marie claire magazine" and you know what? most of the time, he's even right

[heartoftherevel]

[heartoftherevel]

internet safety we were taught as kids: don't share ANY personal information with ANYONE EVER the british government: you don't want to give these random third parties your photo or driving licence showing your name, birthday, address and signature? are you perhaps a nonce?