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I doubt anyone is gonna see this but one time when I was 6 a girl older than me told me that flowers are edible. This changed my brain chemistry because flowers are undeniably delicious looking 👀.

But anyway I took her word for it because I was impressionable and honestly pretty stupid (still stupid btw 😊). We were both in the same after school she was 2 years older than me the same age as my brother and her dad actually ran the after school. I also wanna mention another girl 3 years my senior. I think she was a 5th grader and so this meant in my head that she was god😆.

So anyway we pull up in a McDonald’s parking lot 🅿️ . But this wasn’t just any McDonald’s. It was a McDonald’s with a huge ass playhouse. Let me mention this all went down in 2011 so it wasn’t some gray and black depressing ass McDonald’s. It was colorful AF🌈. I was so excited I nearly pissed myself (I think I did a lil). But anyways we played and ate and we were walking to the parking lot. I believe I assaulted another child so we had to dip quick.

So this is the moment the flower incident happened. I remember the exact flower a beautiful orange and red tulip🌷. This was odd considering it was a McDonald’s parking lot. But anyway the girl picked a tulip and ate the middle of it where all the pollen is. I looked at her as if she had her head up her own ass because who tf in their right mind eats a fucking flower specifically the part where all the pollen was 😭.

Now for some reason my dumbass thought that the shit looked like some kind of 5 star French dessert. My stupid ass even thought that the shit would taste like honey 🍯😭.

Spoiler alert 🚨 it didn’t ☺️😐

I hesitated at first. And my dumbass obviously ignored this instinct 🙄 I hesitated until we got in the van. And the urge to taste sweet honey won. I looked at the beautiful specimen and delicately tasted the pollen. I tasted nothing. She then looked at me and said you have to eat the whole thing. So…. I bit that shit and chewed and unintentionally swallowed. I think I did this because it tasted so shitty and I wanted it off my tongue.

Now I should mention I’m allergic to pollen 😐🫢

Now this is where the 5th grade god girl comes in . She watched all this happened and said in a delicate sweet voice✨“your gonna fuckin die”✨

Now she didn’t really say this but she definitely didn’t struggle to tell an impressionable 6 year old that she was gonna die so yea f#*$ her.

But like I said she was a god to me so even when the perpetrator told me I wouldn’t die, I didn’t believe her cause she was younger than my so called 5th grade god.

I started spiraling. The words of everyone else were drowning out it the thought that I was gonna die. My heart sunk to my ass. And then it happened my throat had i little itch. 💀 I grabbed my brother from the seat in front of me and said “ tell mom I love her” as a tear nearly fell from my eyes.

He said “what 💀” and I quickly updated him on the previous events and how my throat was itching.

He looked at me with pity and annoyance in his eyes grabbed his McDonald’s sprite and handed to me and said the words that granted me eternal nirvana

“Drink it you’ll be fine stupid”

I grabbed the sprite as if I was trapped in Walter whites dry New Mexican desert 🏜️ and drank it as if I was a desperate teenager trapped in a hot ass RV with no air conditioning (victorious reference 🙄). It hurt because McDonald’s sprite to a child is as good as handing a nun a glass of battery acid. But it soothed the itchiness the poison flower inflicted on me.

Moral of the story McDonald’s sprite saves lives

Thank you for letting me share my story 😔🙂.

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I feel like I should use this account to post stories of things that happened in my life cause I’ve been through some weird shit.