heidschae

[heidschae]

half past six, eighty minutes and fifteen too this morning my mom left to visit the motherland to settle some family business. half past six. “ha-eee-deee! go! go!” as we crawled in through the back of the bus-limo to the airport, mom fills the air with conversation - say 90% her voice, 8% the van-driver, and 2% me? :) in goes one earphone... a little later the other pair too. eighty minutes went by till we arrived at the airport, checked in, and bid a temporary farewell.

i have fifteen minutes to quickly jot down about mom before class. --

mom. i’m so glad we could spend quality time together yesterday - quality because you were there - and time, because we can never buy it. therefore as it is in high demand and low in supply... it was most wonderful :) i know in years time, as you see me grow even more into my adulthood as a woman... you’ll say of me how much i caused you “heartbreak” and “suffering.” but i honor and thank you for the way have persisted in believing in me despite how i chose to make decisions that weren’t so conventionally “acceptable”. i’m thankful for how you have, and always say that you will stand by me no matter what because i am your daughter. unrequited love. it has often made me feel uncomfortable - this kind of love.  see you in three weeks mother <3

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faith commended and the mountains moved,

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understanding the why’s, knowing the how’s

i don’t think i will understand the why’s. i don’t think i’ll know the how’s. so i’m letting go of trying. i give up trying to figure out why dad passed away so suddenly... why the hurry? i give up trying to fill moments of loss and sadness with this mosaic heart by giving it to god. i also give him the chords of my mind which i have stretched by trying to understand, but cannot. i grip unto god because i cannot get a grip of myself alone. 

“heal me Lord.”

and he covers me with a thick cloak, like a companion does on a cold day. he provides friends and family who bring a jolly-er joy out of my belly, as well as healing words of the promises of god. and even the vain activities in life, remind me that we are fleeting and to not get so serious too. 

 “follow me.” 

as we walk, we learn to cry. as we walk we learn to laugh. as we learn to be with him & one another, we learn to be - made whole, like himself... 

“for absolutely nothing can separate us from the love of God... neither death nor life, nor anything else in all creation.” the sting of death is momentary, yet the joy of the Lord is forever!! ... then he takes me deeper. he takes us deeper, again.

yes! and i will learn to hope again in the land of the living!

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university, I really like it... is that weird? I don't really care :) #tutorials #sydney #professorvsstudent #health&dietclass #practicallearning

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last one for the night! no greater deep friendship and love you guys example #cheersallaround #looooveit hehehe just want to tell everybody

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peter & solsol to be wedded soon!!! congratulations!!!! 🙊💛 #goodonepeter

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solnae reading though the surprise details of "peter pan with soul" group #polter #solter #peterandsol #soulpet #petersol #beautiful

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no-name, inspired by the city #abstractcollision

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waking up to this... so happy!!! #welcomebacksun 💛

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surfers on a stormy day #layers

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mindlessly wrote "food" why must you be on my mind!? #assessments #collegelife #notetakingerrors #caffeinated

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@helnk92 delirious, "my eyes!!!"

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tamarama, love the sound of the waters #sydney

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morning commutes #sydney #city

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sleep... what even?! is it just me? there must be a better way... #goodstudyhabits #collegelife #teachme !!!

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gooood morning! yet another, beautiful day :)

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it's been a bit over a month since being back, and seeing my niece walk a few extra steps each day, join syllables in an un orderly way, amongst many other things is the most fascinating thing... #development #littlechaea #nowbacktoessays #ohacademia