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[hello-kaneez]

Second family trip…. And in Japan again!

This time round we chose Osaka which is more family friendly overall, with more elevators haha. But it wasnt any less tiring to be honest. Hanna usually walks like a champ and eats well but for the whole week she was acting up. Then we have the big one who is a mini teenager that complained and misbehaved half the time. Sigh I can’t be the only one with kids who are so travel-unfriendly right?? Came back feeling even more depleted than before but I had planned Hanna’s 3rd birthday celebration the day after we returned. I was clearly not thinking straight.

Anyhow this year marks the last time we can travel during the off peak periods so I wanted to make it count. I have already started planning for trips in Jun/Dec with places that have kids clubs so I can potentially offload them 🤪

Will be sometime before I go for long distance trips or biz class flights…

[hello-kaneez]

Today marks the end of my 2d1n mother-son trip to JB Legoland. Ideally I would have wanted to go further and longer or even the cruise that Hyder asked for but… pursestrings are rather tight for now and future SIGH.

Anyway, the me 6 years ago would never have thought I would do this while struggling with motherhood. Sure it still ain’t easy for me but at least I have the confidence to pull it off now. I think having Hanna helps because I get to redo certain things and enjoy motherhood more. Plus having 2 kids u just got to tag team no matter what.

Being alone with Hyder has also cleared my perspective. A lot of times while handling both together it always feels so tiresome and my fuse gets shorter faster but I need to be reminded that my son is generally well behaved even if I do feel challenged or he doesn’t behave the way I want him to. Time is going so fast and he is already leaving toddlerhood.

I hope when Hanna is this age I will be able to do a similar trip and hopefully have a bigger budget too. It will be interesting to see how she is like at that age because at this terrible 2 stage, she’s already so sassy with so many big emotions and words. She amazes me with her ‘whys?’ and breaking out into random songs and I know that if I don’t document this I would forget all the random cute things she does at this phase. Just like how one moment I couldnt leave Hyder alone and now he is already independently reading his own book in the hotel room. 🥲

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Updates for 2023... so far

Well 2023 was not supposed to be a good year for me and I can attest to it. I have so much anxiety at the moment, I cant even sleep at night even though Hanna has finally STTN. So mentally and physically I am at a 5, sometimes dropping to a 4. Why am I so anxious? There's a thousand and one things running in my head these days. My job/career (or lack of) is like hovering in the air. I thought I was gonna get retrenched but dodged the bullet in Jan but there's another round now, and other job opportunities are drying up in this market. We sold our place (yay!) but this means a mad scramble for another home (which I am praying will not have bad FS direction) and also a ton of other things to plan like reno, childcare etc. H still haven't mention anything about the period where we will be homeless but I am guessing he is banking on staying with his parents (hurray to my mental health).

Happy to say that both kiddos are growing up well. Hyder is already 5 and somehow during this period he has lost all his baby fats and baby voice. Now he sounds like a mini teenager and acts like one. I had such a hard time during this phase that I signed up for parenting classes but I am too tired to listen to it regularly now. Sigh, I like to think it is at least a step in the right direction and it will make me be able to cope with Hanna when she is at that stage.

Hanna is just more of everything compared to Hyder. Her temper, her voice, but also her sweetness. She can be shrieking one moment but later when she cries mama for me, my heart just melts. She blabbers a lot more words at 18 months and is already running, climbing and kicking ass (no just balls :P) I broke so many of my own rules when it comes to her. With Hyder I was adamant about him sleeping in his own cot but guess who is sleeping in between us now. Hyder was on home cooked porridge and food till he was almost 3 but I have already started giving Hanna outside meals with diluted soup. Motherhood is really a learning journey. As time goes I realised they are all growing up and the phases dont last. There will be a last time for everything and I just want to cherish the times with both of them now.

[hello-kaneez]

Last post of 22 *coughs

Wow I haven't posted anything since getting Covid. Let's just say that I am the minor percentage that suay suay got long Covid and still have health issues till now. In fact I think that Covid has somehow wreck my immunity and I lost count of the times I fell sick in the past few months. Between my weaken state and the interrupted sleep, I'm just not my best self right now mentally and physically. :(

2022 is almost gone and everyone is saying how the next year will be better. Apparently that will not be the case for me according to the FS master that I consulted :(( I was deeply affected for a while but I am telling myself now not to take everything too seriously and just be aware of certain things especially my relationship with H. Even if 2023 wont be that great for me, I think its high time I get off my ass and start to 'lean in'

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Broke my V-card... to Covid

So here I am, in the midst of my quarantine (Day5) and counting down to when I can head out again. Spent the first 3 days sleeping and in a daze because I was just so tired and bleeding like siao from my period (that is another story which I shall not go into). I am slowly losing my mind because Hanna got Covid from my aunt one week prior and I was already home the whole time taking care of her. If this was H he would have been so happy to be left alone in a room with nobody talking to him for a week. As of now, the 2 boys are still virgins but then we highly suspect that they have gotten it before but somehow the ART showed otherwise.

Thankfully we have a helper again so things are still somewhat manageable at home. I was slowly unraveling with so many things on my plate. So, as much as it has been nice to have personal space at home, we really needed that extra pair of hands in the household now. Hanna is 9 months old now and crawls/moves so fast we need to constantly have our eyes on her. With all the restrictions easing, I will be happy to plan something for both the H siblings upcoming birthdays.

After taking care of both genders I realized the stereotypes and generalization are actually true to an extent. Hanna is definitely more of a sweetheart but I am so thankful that she is not as picky as Hyder. Feeding Hyder makes me despair at times, especially when I am an amateur cook to begin with. This one eats almost everything and will make noises if you feed her too slowly. Maybe it also comes with experience but I feel like I can enjoy the baby stage much more this time even though I was way more tired.

Ending this here because I have mental block or covid or just lazy.

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This morning upon seeing me Hanna removed her pacifier to smile and ‘talk’ to me in her cooing manner before popping back her pacifier. 🥰🥰🥰

I love this baby phase because they just smile and look at you with the most adoring eyes when they wake up. I remember wanting to video Hyder doing that but never got around to doing it and next thing I know he has outgrown it. The days are long but years are short indeed. Because of what we have experienced so far with Hyder, I’m holding on to Hanna’s babyness for as long as I can know.

Looking back at the pictures and videos, it just dawn on me how much Hyder has suddenly grown in the past year. He no longer has the baby face or voice. Now he speaks like a mini-teenager who is always trying to exert his independence and pushing my buttons at the same time. And I really didn’t expect adjusting to being a family of four to be this tough.

It doesn’t help that I’ve never felt so tired before, especially when I’m still exclusively pumping plus going back to work. Some days really feel long and hard but I tell myself that it doesn’t last forever. Everyday I’m dressed in a baggy tee and stretched out shorts with messy hair trying to keep everyone fed and clothed. I’m planning for some ‘self care’ days soon to do my hair and lash because I got labeled as aunty and housewife recently. Pray nothing happens in the next couple days :/

[hello-kaneez]

The Second Fourth Trimester

And so I’m writing this on the eve before my confinement nanny leaves (it’s like a tradition). I had a different one but she’s even better than my first and a godsend this period. I feel so well taken care of, with soup every meal, tonic and dessert.

Delivery was pretty uneventful this time round (thank God!) I checked in, wheeled into the delivery suite and came out with a 3kg baby in 45 minutes. Gynae was even humming while he operates on me and all the medical personnel seemed very relaxed. Recovery was a bitch though, for a second time cesarean with that weird itchiness from epidural but all the nurses in MAH were super assuring and caring. Can I just say I enjoyed my ‘staycation’ and won’t mind extending a few more nights if I could haha.

Baby Hanna is 7 weeks old now and even though this is not my first rodeo, I don’t think it gets easier for me.

For one, the H siblings are close to 4 years apart and I’ve forgotten almost everything on newborn care. Despite my best efforts on breastfeeding, I ended up EP again now. By the second week I was having splitting headaches from the 2-3hours shifts and had to get nanny to feed her formula while extending my feeds/pumps. At least I can say I managed to get Hanna on bm for 80% of her feeds so far. Looking back I don’t remember feeling that drained but I can’t recall much on my bf journey with Hyder. Mum guilt was weighing on me during the first month and the mantra of fed is best somehow didn’t work. Now I tell myself that I must be grateful that Hanna is healthy and growing well plus at least we have formula!

It’s also another ball game all together trying to handle 1 baby and 1 headstrong toddler. Half the time I’m trying to control Hyder’s volume and praying that he doesn’t wake up his sister. H has been spending 1-1 time with him by bringing him out during the weekends but I’m not sure how that’s going to work out this weekend onwards. I guess we will try to wing it as we go along.

Anxiety is still a big thing for me but I recognized I’m heading down a slippery slope. Being a perfectionist, I’ve been telling myself to not sweat the small stuff and to close one eye for certain things. Forget it if things are not done according to my expectations, H is already trying his best. I always overthink and the mental load was really weighing on me. I’m learning to accept help and not shoulder everything onto myself. A happy mom is the best mom.

Ending this post with my cutie Hanna who seems to love ‘talking’ as much as her kor kor bhai.

[hello-kaneez]

Homestretch... for Hyderina

Have not updated since the first trimester.

First things first, its a mei mei (aka Hyderina) yay! *cues everyone’s comments about closing factory since we will have a boy and a girl. I don’t really fancy myself having multiple kids but heck I never really see myself as a mother to begin with initially. 

To be honest, these few months passed like a blur. I hardly take any bump pictures, SH is paranoid about heading out and and our staycation got delayed due to the pandemic. Silver lining of the pandemic is definitely working from home and not having my faith on humanity questioned when I commute on public transport. But I experienced way more pains and aches earlier probably due to the placement of the placenta and faced more lethargy from all the insomnia so half of me just wants Hyderina to evict soon but the other half of me is worried on the newborn phase + handling 2 children. 

I’m also guilty of not eating as healthily as when I was having Hyder. With Hyder I had no weird ass cravings, never wanted any caffeine and mainly ate plain food like YTF and fish soup. But this Hyderina seems to fancy all the unhealthy stuff like desserts, SLF and CHEESEBURGERS (why sia? I never ever like burgers before this). The amazing thing is I haven’t gain much weight, at 34 weeks I have gained 6ish kg so this should be mostly from the baby (guess the lack of sleep helps?)

I will need to be more diligent in exercising after this pregnancy though. No more excuses since we have pool and gym access now. Till then, I’m gonna vegetate and enjoy my Netflix and Disney+

[hello-kaneez]

3......

Hyder is really growing up so fast. He started childcare last year in November, cried for 2 weeks straight and then viola! one day decided that school aint that bad after all. Now his check-in photos are all happy and smiley ones. 

His language skills really picked up by leaps and bounds when he started school, apparently he was the first one in class to start speaking in sentences. I guess it helps that he is a Jan baby. There are some mishaps with the school but overall I wont complain that much since he is settling well. According to the teachers he eats well (even the dreaded rice!) and mixes well with everyone. The only thing is his naps, or lack of which we still have not find a way around. The memory of a 3 year old is really like a sponge. I read to him about the ribcage protecting his heart and lungs and the next day at the mall he can recite it back when we spot a skeleton !!! It’s no biggie but I doubt I would be able to remember something abstract from just 1 time.

+1

So.. after Hyder turned 3, I was thinking how nice it would be for him to have a sibling. Well well well, along came Hyderina haha (psst that’s just a nickname, obviously I would not condemn my child to such a name).

It’s still early days but this pregnancy is really very different from the first in all sense. For one, I have more morning sickness URGH.. poor appetite, nausea, constipation, lethargy etc. I actually haven’t gain any weight and probably lost 1kg. 3 years ago my body age was at my peak in my early 20s but when I did the test again recently its reflecting my real age FML. Plus all the gynae talk about Downs and other risks that increases after you hit 35 doesn’t help with this overly anxious mama. I’m counting down to the days where we can take the NIPT test and officially tell people its a Hyderina or Hyder2.  

[hello-kaneez]

Zootopia (2016) dir. Byron Howard, Rich Moore, Jared Bush

When I was a kid, I thought Zootopia was this perfect place where everyone got along and anyone could be anything. Turns out, real life’s a little bit more complicated than a slogan on a bumper sticker. Real life is messy.

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Hope seems like the summer birds Too swiftly flown away

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Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.

- F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

It’s been a few months and so much have changed that I do not know where to begin.

For one, our residence has changed! We finalized the sale of our first home, settled and moved to our new abode in a span of a month-ish. It was a really stressful journey honestly and boy was I glad when the dust had settled. It was always our plan to move to a condo after the five years MOP and till now it feels kinda surreal when I walked around the estate. Best perk of living in a condo will definitely be the facilities and given that we do not head out much due to Covid-19, the pool and gym have been great. Hyder is a fan of the pool and is ever excited to go ‘swimming’ heh.

The lockdown started barely after we moved in so I guess we got really lucky in that sense and it’s a good thing I did not insist on fengshui auditing else the timeline wouldn’t have fit. Working from home in the new place gave us time to unpack and be familiar with the new surroundings too. Because of Circuit Breaker + Hyder, I finally aquaint myself with the kitchen. I won’t say that I’m a great chef but I do have a repertoire of decent eats now 😬😬

Hyder’s room during unpacking which is also my state of mind at the moment due to work. People always say to have a positive mindset but I feel really tired. I guess I’ll continue again when the mood hits.

[hello-kaneez]

— Remember, you’re the one who can fill the world with sunshine.

[hello-kaneez]

Celebrated Hyder’s second birthday at Carousel on Sunday. Was really a last minute thing cos most of the folks can’t make it in the morning so we switch to high tea after his nap. Turned out for the best cos there was 50% for senior citizens and almost half the group were that age keke

And on Hyder’s actual birthday we had last minute viewings, so we spent the time around our hood watching the sun set and eating waffles both of which are a treat to Hyder. Pointed out snails to him in which he responded ‘snail spoil’ when one of them curled up 😂

There are bliss in life’s simple pleasures.

[hello-kaneez]

Happy 2020! Reflections of a decade relationship

The only plan I had was to countdown to bedtime.. I was in bed by 10ish and it didn’t bother me much. I guess that is life with a toddler. (I also had a couple of things bothering me but I don’t wish to talk about it here)

Hyder is still uttering mostly mono-syllable words. He demands for all the soft toys at bedtime including mine (pon-pon) and calls strawberry Mei-Mei. Tomato and potato are both Toto. 😹 Some kids his age are already speakin in short sentences but I’m not too fussed about it at the moment since he seems to understand us pretty well and I think his repertoire is easily over 50 words. I guess being bilingual or even trilingual it’s also more confusing?

2009 was the year I met H and it just dawned on us that we have been together for a decade. This decade was also the period I went thru so much. Growth, maturity, pain... it’s interesting that I was clearing my old study just a week back and came across my 10 year old diary that reminded me of how things were during our courtship and subsequent engagement. In 10 years, we went from single to married to being parents. Our journey together has not been easy with us both being Cholerics (Hyder is one too !) and life throwing us curveballs here and there. But he has always been my steady rock since the day I call him Bam.

I only hope our next decade can be better and may I progress to become a more patient and loving wife and mother.

[hello-kaneez]

First Family Trip ever!!!

Was supposed to go Hong Kong in another 2 months but because of the unrest and violent protests we had to shelve that indefinitely (*prays for HK because I actually really wanna go there with lil H)

So for a 3 nights stay we had 3 suitcases (!!!), one of SH’s usual huge Lorgel, followed by mine and a carry-on that contains Hyder’s stuff. I literally packed the whole house down including a portable steraliser, humidifier, ELB (plus ice pack for his cheese, yogurt, avocado), his bed sheets and favorite fuzzy blanket. Oh i haven’t add his diapers, tin of milk formula and a shitload variety of snacks.

Flying with the little tyke was surprisingly uneventful although i need to give myself credit because i got a flight that coincide with his milk feed so he was drinking during the takeoff and we stuff him with fruits and snacks during landing. Again i óverpacked a shitload of toys/new books/poms poms to entertain him for the remaining time that he wasn’t eating haha.

Didnt managed to video it but he was so happy exploring our XL Suite in G Hotel Gurney. And every single chance he had when he was at the hotel lobby he would start dancing. It’s really the funniest thing. :)

I guess H turn out to be a better traveller than expected but I probably wont go for another holiday anytime soon because there is too much hassle/effort in preparing his meals (picky dude rejects all the instant food -.-)

Well at least everyone including my mum and aunt had fun.

P.S. I came back with a bad cold and cough

[hello-kaneez]

18 months milestone..

I always find 18 months to be a major milestone.. I dunno why maybe its because they start behaving like a toddler who can walk/talk (somewhat) or its also the age where they can start childcare (?).  Either ways I want to give myself a giant pat on the back because I have been in charge of a little being for more than a year, and became a semi-Sleep 'expert’, Play IC and most importantly, nutritionist.

We ‘celebrated’ his milestone by bringing him to a gym class.. his first ever in a classroom environment and as expected he was not shy or clingy at all. He went around exploring and squealing in excitement, clapping hands after each song to the point where the teacher asked “why is he so happy?” HAHA its a good problem to have and he even did his adorable but weird ass dance in front of the teacher.

The little chatterbox is still speaking in gibberish but he suddenly likes to mirror words so here’s a list (non-exhaustive) of words he currently understands and says from time to time:

Mama, Dada, Go, Nan-Nan, Mum-mum, NO (fave), Ceipt (for receipt), Zip, XieXie, Hot, Bus, Taxi, Car, Star, See, Done and some other words in canto maybe.

Looking after a kid is really a full time job and I feel exhausted every weekend now. Maybe the next time I update this space is when I retire :P