herunstablelogic

[herunstablelogic]

Dear Baby,

I never thought much about my lack of appetite and picky eating habits until my therapist diagnosed me ARFID. Since I'm no longer underweight, I thought I was "healthy".

However, I haven't eaten yet today and the smell of a plain bagel and the action of bringing it to my mouth made me cry and I couldn't do it. It's still sitting on my desk, taunting me with it's smell, "Stupid bitch can't even eat a plain bagel, you're that weak?"

I wish I could drink blood to sustain myself instead of eating.

[herunstablelogic]

Oh, we heard tale of a party.

Sinners (2025) dir. Ryan Coogler

[herunstablelogic]

I love uninstalling shit. Get out of my computer.

[herunstablelogic]

I put the omen in women

[herunstablelogic]

Luis Xertu (Mexican, b. 1985, Mexico City, Mexico, based Rotterdam, Netherlands) - Two Men on a Branch, 2024, Paintings: Plants, Acrylics on Canvas

[herunstablelogic]

Portrait de Madame Louis Rosenau, 1913 Antonio de La Gandara

[herunstablelogic]

Losing Control

Nails dig into bare skin, Fingers grip locks of hair, Vision blurs, Muscles tense, Blunt force trauma Looks like a perfect solution... No! STOP! PLEASE- make it stop My mind, it's destroying me Scream! Just SCREAM! Scream till you lose breath, Wait- hush… Fear of being heard… Fear of being seen… Fear of being feared...

[herunstablelogic]

[herunstablelogic]

Dear Baby,

A little over an hour and a half ago I got off the phone with my therapist who spent the majority of the time, rightfully so, scolding me for not eating enough to get out of survival mode. During this scolding, I learned that 90% of the serotonin your body makes is in the stomach during digestion. That fact was the motivation or push I needed to get me to want to eat past survival. I want to be happy to wake up everyday and if I have to ease myself back into eating complete meals to do it, fuck- I guess I will try harder then.

I just ate two pieces of toast with a half of an avocado on each slice with salt and pepper, a banana with peanut butter with each bite, and a single peanut butter cracker sandwich before I ran out of peanut butter... I can tell I'm still hungry too which I hate because I wish that was enough (as I used to think it was)... turns out I no longer know if I'm hungry or not until it's at the extreme. Oh- and that the reason I struggle to fall asleep is because I'm hungry... and when I finally fall asleep, my body doesn't wake up because it's going into hibernation.

So yeah- that's a lot to take in. Accepting the fact I have an eating disorder at 30 years old isn't the easiest thing to do.

[herunstablelogic]

It would mean a lot to me if I got at least 10 pledges! 🖤

[herunstablelogic]

Things They've Said

Not sure why I'm here It's been twenty three damn years All the whispers remain Tormenting me just the same "She's underweight" "She's emotionally unstable" "I was just tickling her, promise" "Eat your fucking food bitch" "You know you want to fuck me" "Just show me, come on" "All you need is a flat stomach" "Can't you just shave it off?" "I just love the Marine Corps more" "You're just like every other girl" "I do enough for you, why aren't you happy?" "She doesn't even work, just sits at a desk all day" "I could do your job better that you" "I heard she slept around in Japan" "I bet she's easy" "Have you seen her social media? Slut" "You can't misrepresent the Marine Corps like that, it's disgusting" "Why hasn't she made her rounds yet?" Fuck, why am I still here? No matter what I do No matter what I believe in No matter how much I am achieving I am not good enough

[herunstablelogic]

i think we should stop calling them baby names so people remember they’re not just naming a baby but also a future twenty seven year old with a resume

[herunstablelogic]

people wonder why i want sex work decriminalized. because when an adult consents to sex in exchange for currency, i deserve to be protected if im assaulted. if i agree to set terms and a client violates me, they should be prosecuted without me or other sex workers fearing for our own freedom

now i cant do anything. i just have to block his number, keep doing survival sex work and pray i dont get hurt anymore.

please support your local sex workers. protect us. help spread our voices.

[herunstablelogic]

Recently updated my frequently asked questions page on my website! 🥰

[herunstablelogic]

They/them

[herunstablelogic]

Bring back handwritten love letters with the wax seal on the back

[herunstablelogic]

It would mean a lot to me if I got at least 10 pledges! 🖤