hieroblog

[hieroblog]

DID I TAKE IT TOO FAR OR DID YOU DO TOO MUCH?

I am not a docile woman. I don't even have any women you could describe as fainthearted in my close circle. Sensitive? Yes. Slightly emotionally unstable? Possibly. But we are all direct communicators and powerful in our own ways. What I am now noticing is the response the outside world has to women who have sharp tongues and are known for maintaining strict boundaries - long story short, they hate it.

"You will respect me, as I respect others, or you will be blocked from the blessing of me. Period."

The "strong woman" who doesn't tolerate bullshit is cool in theory but stigmatized in private. Rarely are we extended grace when it's time for a reaction to disrespect. It is assumed we are in the wrong because there is automatically a perception of meanness and aggression. Rarely is the antagonizing and prodding taken into account. All that is seen is the response and, instantly, we are wrong in the court of preconceived notions.

This plays out in professional settings constantly. How many times have you spoken up and been labeled angry or hostile? Or in personal matters, when you get tired of being played and react then the story becomes how crazy you are.

If you are a bold, vocal, diligent, resolute woman, you are my tribe. Please don't ever dull your strength for fear of being misunderstood.

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Mental Funerals

One of my closest friends and I have had a weekend from hell. (We‘re blaming the retrograde.) Taking a step back, we decided in order to preserve our own sanity it was best to have mental funerals.

🗣️ Please keep in mind I am not a therapist and I do not know if this is the best way to grieve the loss of a relationship/friendship but this is what works for me.

Traditionally, a funeral can make death a reality, normalize the grieving process, and introduce the possibilities for hope, imagination, and new life. Following that logic, “killing off” someone mentally can help do the same. It’s a means of closure of a cycle you can’t seem to break. It detaches your psyche from the what-ifs and holding onto an idea that maybe one day that person or thing will magically become what you need. For me, it’s a part of healing.

So what happens when I encounter the person I’ve mentally buried? Absolutely nothing. They become a figment of my imagination because I’ve already grieved and detached. Medical professionals call this “disenfranchised grief.”

Disenfranchised grief is when your grieving doesn't fit in with your larger society's attitude about dealing with death and loss.

Now all of this may sound extremely morbid to some and that is completely fair. However, I firmly believe in protecting my peace because I have fought so hard to come to a place of harmony within myself. And I don’t wish for anyone on their own journey to suffer at the hands of people or situations they need to release.

Let go or be dragged.

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3-Minute Meditation

The most common response when I ask people if they meditate is, “I don’t know how.” That’s usually followed by, “I can’t concentrate. My mind wanders.” All are reasonable responses but I believe many of us have the most extreme version of meditation in our minds. You don’t have to be full on monk level of mastery or Tina Turner style Namu Myōhō Renge Kyō yourself into bliss. Meditation can be any moment you choose to feel at peace.

Three minutes of focused breathing will change everything. You can do this anywhere, any time. You may even find you are able to increasingly lengthen your meditative state the more you practice. But start with three minutes a day; breathe in deeply for 8 seconds, hold for 2, exhale for 8. The better you become at mastering your breath control, the more you will feel your body begin to unclench and your thoughts become clearer.

I have included some links to frequency sounds and music I use during meditation. These help me to stay in tune with my thoughts and I know when the sound stops, I’ve reached my allotted time:

Root Chakra

Trigger Protection Mantra

The King’s Affirmatifon

Reiki Healing

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Scentually Speaking

“Scent is our most primitive sense”

Scent has an emotional context that is rarely discussed. For example, if I smell liver and onions cooking, I have a visceral reaction. Not only because I absolutely abhor liver, but I instantly remember falling down the stairs while my mother was cooking that many, many years ago. That is how impactful smells can be. Scent has the power to make you remember both positive and negative memories, and similarly help to either enhance or hinder your mood. If you like the high-level details: "The olfactory bulbs are part of the limbic system and directly connect with limbic structures that process emotion (the amygdala) and associative learning (the hippocampus). No other sensory system has this type of intimate link with the neural areas of emotion and associative learning, therefore there is a strong neurological basis for why odors trigger emotional connections."

- Rachel S. Herz, an assistant professor of psychology at Brown University

That little known fact has helped people battling everything from fatigue to anxiety and is the main reason Hiero began. Deliberately incorporating scents into my daily routine has been a powerful tool for me. I sincerely hope our products become a part of your self-care rituals and help along your journey as well. 

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“In a society that has deemed black women incapable of being vulnerable, warm, beautiful, and graceful, it can be a powerful choice to identify as feminine.”

- Adia Harvey Wingfield

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I’m not a fan of this “rise and grind” culture. I have aspirations of wealth and comfort and I work hard towards those. But I also believe in rest and quiet and stillness. Please don’t be so busy chasing a goal that it steals moments of peace, love, and joy.

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2022 Reading List

Untamed | Glennon Doyle

Atomic Habits | James Clear

Verity | Colleen Hoover (OMG!)

Seven Days in June | Tia Williams

The Stationary Shop | Marjan Kamali

Yellow Crocus | Laila Ibrahim

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo | Taylor Jenkins Reid

The Wives | Taryn Fisher

You Are a Badass | Jen Sincero

The Heretic Queen | Michelle Moran

City of Girls | Elizabeth Gilbert

The Love Songs of W.E.B. Du Bois | Honoree Fanonne Jeffers

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I’ve heavened my room (the entire home is next). I created a sacred space for me and only me. When visitors come in here, they know this is not the place for bickering or negativity. This place is for laughter and silence and myrrh and love. I carved out stations so each corner functions when I’m in a different zone and have different needs.

1. My altar. She came first and feels complete. I pray there, meditate there, just be still there.

2. My bed. I picked a damn good mattress. That was a mandatory self-care decision because naps are a hobby of mine.

3. My reading nook. I truly loved reading until college and began drowning in textbooks. But I’m committing to reading daily again and needed to make a change to remind me of that commitment. I used pieces of furniture my daughter decided were no longer “trending on TikTok” and wanted out of her room and only added books I’ve planned out for 2022. I quickly put that together and now it’s a pleasure to read again. My girl @ellekayevents said it best, “Ambiance is a thing for you.”

Nothing in this room is exceptionally fabulous. Everything is functional and pleasing to my eye. But I’m happy and I’m motivated and I’m home. I’ve created comfort for myself so I can think about how to get to fabulous someday. And I think that is an important part of staying mentally healthy; creating space for yourself no matter what.

So my suggestion moving into this new year: Take what you’re working with at this very moment and heaven your home.

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We seek to inspire women to take control of their happiness.