I'm Katie. This is where I put my thoughts and feelings, which are definitely all over the place. Sorry 'bout that.
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i don’t know how to pretend to be okay anymore. its been almost a month since i had to make you leave my house, and i’m still more upset about it than i thought i ever could be. how did you get so deep into my heart, my life in general, that i can't let you go? you were my best friend, my whole world, but you treated me horribly, and i’m still sitting here in this empty house wishing you were here. i wish i was listening to the sound of you playing video games, or the sound of you fucking around with your friends.. i wish i was sitting on the floor of the bedroom against the wall watching you play COD, or laying in your bed while you played me new music you liked on youtube. it seems that right now all i can think about are the good times we had together, because when things were good, they were so, so good; but when things got bad they got bad fast. i don't know how long I'm going to be able to live without seeing your face and hearing your voice everyday. i know our story isn't over yet, and maybe we just have to wait a little longer to be what the other needs, but it’s so hard living without you. i wasn't raised to take the mental abuse you gave me, i wasn't raised to be someone that someone else could control, but i let you do it. an i made up excuse after excuse for you. i’m still making up excuses for the way you treated me, but i guess i don’t feel like they are excuses. you have a huge heart, and a wonderful mind. you can honestly do anything you put your mind to and i know you'll do great things in this world. i just hope one day you realize that you’re better than your childhood, you’re better than having to control someone so you know they’re always around. you wouldn’t have had to control me, i would’ve been there, no matter what. but you tried to, and eventually i couldn’t handle the way you treated me anymore, and i’m so sorry that now you think i didn’t care about you at all. because the truth is, i’ve never loved anyone the way i loved, and still love, you. i don’t think i ever will. even now, if you called me at an ungodly hour when i’m supposed to be sleeping, i would pick up my phone and be by your side in a heartbeat. you mean more to me than anyone else in this entire world, you were my best friend, the one i pictured by my side for the rest of my life. but i couldn’t live like that anymore, i couldn’t be the one trying so hard, when you acted like you didn’t care, when you paraded your never ending line of girls in front of me. there were times when i could see the love in your eyes that you had for me, and i know you loved me, but you weren’t ready for those feelings, and i understand that, i don’t think i was ready for it either. the difference between the two of us though was that i could handle my feelings and i did a pretty decent job of hiding them; you, on the other hand, had to hide them and act like you didn’t care, but you slipped up a lot and i think it pissed you off. people are going to think i’m crazy for even saying that, but you're young and i know you weren't ready to be tied down to anyone. i’m sorry for hurting you like i did. i’m sorry for making you leave the only house you’ve ever been happy living in. i’m just sorry, and i love you. hopefully one day, i’ll be your best friend again. hopefully one day, we’ll be ready for each other, when that day comes, i promise i’ll be ready, i promise i’ll never leave you.
#darlin#ill always love you#come home#i miss you more than anything#boys#you're it for me#one day we'll be ready#i promise#pinky promise
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I'm proud of myself even though my heart is broken. You lived with me, and I did everything for you. I went to work to make money, just to spend it on our bills and you. You didn't have a job, you lived for free in my house. You used my car more than I did, and I put the gas in it every time. You drove me to work, and then to my friends house, just so you would have the car and constantly know where I am. You had a girlfriend, yet you still had to have complete control of me. You got to tell me when to come home, you got to tell me what we were doing that day. I never got to do anything by myself or for myself. And the one time I said no to you, you told me I would regret it and that you would break my heart. And then I didn't answer you one morning and you threatened to "use my bed" yeah, I know exactly what you meant. If you could've done that to me I don't know how you could claim to be my best friend. I introduced you to my family. My ENTIRE family, and you still let me down. Like, I gave you everything I had and you didn't give me anything in return. So, I'm proud of myself for making you leave, and I still don't want anything but happiness for you, and I'll always love you, but I had to do it so maybe you would understand that what you did to me wasn't okay. Maybe you'll finally understand how much I did for you. How much I actually love you. I hope you're happy, and I hope all your dreams come true. Maybe one day in the future we'll meet again, and it'll be better. You'll be more grown up, and I'll know myself and what I deserve a little better. Until then, I love you, please never stop smiling that beautiful smile, please don't let anyone tell you that you can't make your dreams come true. You've got so much good to give, you've got such a wonderful heart. Be brave, be strong, I'll see you again someday down the line. I'll always love you, I'll always think you're the best thing that could have happened to me. I'll always adore you. Until the day we meet again, you'll be on my mind. I'm always proud of you.
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@myself: why do you wanna fall in love so bad???
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new year’s resolution:
may this year be more fuck yeah than fuck this
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I want you to drunk text me. I want you to think of me. Please think of me sometimes, because all I ever do is think of you.
(via hlp-katon)
#all I ever do#thinking of you#always and forever#I'll always love you#darlin#rebloggin myself#cause I can
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