homemadehorrors

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He's finished! The first of our new perytons, done in a caribou inspired theme.

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So my family has a Gay Pirate Plate.

Stay with me.

We do not know how the hell the Gay Pirate Plate was first acquired. This being a point of contention is actually pretty plot-relevant; the saga of the Gay Pirate Plate began with my grandmother and her sister, who, for some ungodly reason, both BADLY wanted the Gay Pirate Plate and believed it to be rightfully theirs.

I should back up, firstly, to establish: The Gay Pirate Plate is the cheapest, tackiest, ugliest plate in existence.

It is in no way a collector’s item. It is physically impossible for it to complement anyone’s decor, because the colors in it are garish. It’s just a ceramic plate with a gay pirate painted on it, and the painting is, this cannot be emphasized enough, extremely bad.

(How do we know the pirate is gay if he’s just posing on a plate? Listen. Fully 100% to stereotype, but he is. He is gay. There’s an energy. That pirate is a flaming homosexual. That pirate has sex with men and does it frequently. That pirate is fucking gay, all right, he just is.)

Anyway. The point is that this is an extremely cheap and ugly plate with a poorly-executed painting of pirate on it who is like a nine on the Kinsey scale.

My grandmother and her sister fought a blood feud over this plate for their entire lives. It would be on the wall in my grandma’s house, and then her sister would visit, and then it would be gone. She’d visit her sister and the plate would be on the wall and her sister would pretend it had always been there. She would steal it back, hang it up, and, when her sister visited, pretend it had always been there. This continued for DECADES.

When the sister died, the Gay Pirate Plate lived triumphantly in my grandmother’s house. And then my grandmother died. And my aunt, who had lived with her and been her carer throughout her life, rightfully inherited their house.

We visit my aunt after the funeral and stay with her for a week or two.

Me, my sister, and our dad. Her brother.

The three of us look at each other. We don’t say anything. We studiously avoid making eye contact with the Gay Pirate Plate mounted proud and ugly on the wall. We notice one another studiously avoiding looking at it. We notice one another noticing. We say nothing. We come to a silent consensus. We pack up to leave. We get in the van. Our aunt comes out to say goodbye. I loudly announce I need to use the restroom before we leave. She obviously stays outside to continue talking to my dad.

I take down the Gay Pirate Plate, stuff it under my oversized sweatshirt, go outside, and get in the van. She happily waves goodbye as we drive off.

Two days later my dad gets a phone call that opens with hysterical laughter and “You FUCKING ASSHOLE did you seriously STEAL THE PLATE–”

Anyway. The gay pirate plate lives in my dad’s house currently.

But he’s trying to get me and my sister out to visit him. And plate mounts are cheap.

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We've got 3 yule cats hitting the shop tomorrow at 7pm est, Church here included (tell me they don't look like they'd be voiced by Idris Elba).

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Well fucks? Get to it!

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i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake

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FE is almost here!

Come find us in the left back corner starting Friday (look for the mounds of faux fur)! We have 3 new designs to debut, as well as lots of our most popular critters!

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You can only reblog this today.

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New stickers for FE are here!

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This tropical grump will be looking for a new home (along with his siblings) in our shop tonight 9pm est.

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Concept sketch I later coloured of a @homemadehorrors gryphon. The art was later rendered in posca on a mini canvas for a collab bonus at Canfurence 2024. You bought the Gryphon kitten, you got the matching painting! Fun time. :)

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First new sculpt of the year!

We figured everyone could use the ewenicorn's calm, pleasant energy going into the hellstorm that is 2025.

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Are you on bluesky? Do you need a lil guy?

Good news! We're giving this one away over there!

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Happy wolfenoot!

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We don't make goats very often, but we'll have these two available tomorrow at 2pm est!

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Got a lot to do this week, including something special for our patrons! Let's gooooo!