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what am i even good at

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im so sick of being 25 and lost and broke I want to be 45 and accomplished and paying my bills on time Booohoooooo

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I want to sleep for a million years without any plans in sight

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what am i even good at!!!!! besides staring at walls

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my not-so-anonymous essay first started on this blog moved to print abt working as a server. written on the brink of crazy, quit a day later. a post-script i added wasn’t printed so its here: 

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I wrote this essay a couple weeks into my first serving job in New York. I was exhausted and confused: I found myself not exactly good at my job and that created frustration. I also found myself in a new city, unable to spend time exploring, meeting new people. I was spending all of my time at this job I could barely justify to myself as wanting. It’s been months since my last day at the restaurant, which in ways I had grown to love and hate deeper. I only lasted four months (Which is to say, four months at a Bad Job is a fairly good run for me.) I am surfing the never ending tide of finding another job, moving to another gig, constantly searching for something that will fit. Now I am tired and my anger is less frontal. I do not think apathy is at play, but reading back on this essay is a reminder that so much change can be enacted when things are so undeniably in your face. When you lean into something, find comfortability, get better at the job, get to know and love the people, pay your bills, it is much more difficult to dip into that sunken beginning rage, insecurity, fear, etc. a reminder to Demand Everything.

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being a gay man and other whispers!

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this

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who here understands the difference of all

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who here understands the difference of

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who here understands the difference

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“Modena 4” © MIKAEL COMPO

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XXX Sermons, Lately Preached

So now are you interested in 17th century sermons?

(Yes, yes, XXX = 30 in roman numerals, but we couldn't resist! Happy Friday!)

Farindon, Anthony. XXX sermons lately preached at the parish church of Saint Mary Magdalen Milkstreet, London : to which is annexed, A sermon preached at the funerall of George Whitmore, Knight, sometime Lord Mayor of the City. London: Printed for Richard Marriot, 1647.

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Stepan Bakalovich (Polish, 1857-1947) 

Mythological Subject

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a problem is i tempt fate. i will do what feels like a hole in the ground that we both dug

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when you spend ur early years with someone and then you spend the rest of your years relearning yourself you start to go crazy you start to fear sleeping with the lights of your back to the wall

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its not my fault my heart is haunted

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E 77th Street, Shreveport, Louisiana.