hopelessfragility

[hopelessfragility]

OK, so we are about two days away from my daughter’s birthday fourth birthday and it’s time for an update. I can’t believe I’m about to have a four year-old. My youngest is turning two next month, I cannot believe it. Time has seriously flown by so quickly. They are doing fantastic. I remember when Norah was born, I was so filled with anxiety and fear about her life because of her cleft. It’s so funny how she seriously the most perfect child that I could’ve imagined. Noelle is seriously growing into her own too… With an attitude to match. I do love how much she loves her sister though, and that makes up for all of the sass.

We are in the middle of a construction zone. I’m incredibly grateful that we are still able to live in the house while we do this, but it definitely comes with its challenges. My husband and I have been sleeping in the living room on a Murphy bed for about the last two months. It’s been tough lol intimacy wise as well as space wise. We have to keep all of our clothes in the girls bedroom, and some in the laundry room. But at least we still have a laundry room, a bathroom and a kitchen. I’ve been trying to look on the bright side of everything. Construction has been challenging, since we went with someone with a smaller sticker price… there is a lot left to be desired in terms of management of the project. The guy is super inexperienced and he doesn’t know much about construction so he relies on hired help, which ultimately is more expensive. My husband has had to step in and fill in a lot of gaps, I feel like God had been preparing him all these years in terms of renovation in order to get us to the finish line. Essentially this project is costing us 30 to 40% more than what we were expecting. I’m trying to keep the complaining to a minimum since I know that ultimately this is what gets us to our goal. 

We’re heading to New York next week. It’s really weird because we’re literally flying for one evening just to celebrate a friends courthouse marriage. I’m seriously not excited about the cost or the logistics of doing this, but at the end of the day I do value the friendship. I guess those are types of sacrifices you make at this age to keep people that you care about in your life.

Work has been weird… I’ve gotten a ton of more responsibility, my boss quit and essentially gave us two weeks notice. On one hand, I’m happy to have less oversight, but on the other hand, I’m not getting paid or have the title for the responsibility that I now do. I’m between a rock and a hard place. I feel like I’m supposed to be looking for a new job, but I still have not brought myself to do it. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me… I think I still need to pray about it.

Anyway, hope all is well with everyone!

[hopelessfragility]

I think it’s important for adults (and children) to have—or be taught—proper emotional regulation. Adults who aren’t well adjusted in this area were children who were not taught proper self-soothing techniques or simply not taught that there are different ways to resolve conflict without bowing up, yelling, being aggressive/hostile/belligerent, or being physical.

People can tend to be stuck in survival or fight/flight mode for a lot of their adolescence and adulthood and truly not know how to channel that energy into proper hobbies and healthy ways; they end up becoming people who have misplaced anger and agression that ultimately take it out on whoever is close by during the right (or I should say wrong) time.

These type of people seem to be easily angered and irritated, ready to fight at the slightest offense to prove that they’re not “weak”, and to prove a point. When you don’t have emotional regulation you tend to think that by fighting and always “winning” you proved something, but that victory is always a pyrrhic one.

It goes against a lot of people’s pride and ego to solve a conflict that doesn’t involve “letting someone have it.” Many people are not taught de-regulation tactics/techniques, or how to handle things in a mature manner because their pride doesn’t want someone to think “they got the best of me.”

When you’re wise, you understand that you have things to lose—whether that be opportunities, money, or relationships. Something insignificant is never worth losing things that matter. And most people know that those who have nothing to lose don’t care if they cause you to lose all you worked for, because then you’re essentially broken down and humbled.

It always takes just a moment, a second, to not let yourself get out of character and to remember that you don’t always have to fight your way through things. Everything doesn’t always have to be a struggle or fight. De-escalation can save you (and others) a lot of time, money, and in some cases, your life and livelihood.

[hopelessfragility]

So I’m back, and I feel like it’s been a while. To catch you up on some important news, we finally got our permit to do the work on our house. It took an entire year from the decision we made to finally go through with it, to finding our architect and designing our plan, to finding our contractor, to submitting the plans to the city and finally getting them approved. We had a lot of roadblocks…. A lot of roadblocks. Honestly in forms of people weirdly enough. But I’m happy to focus on the positive that we finally got what we needed to start the work. I’m feeling so grateful to God.

Speaking of, I dove into my church’s, small groups, and I started attending a mom’s group that I didn’t think that I would love. And I’m not sure if I honestly love it yet, but it has really given me a lot of perspective. It’s been nice diving into God‘s word again.

February felt like the longest month of my life. But I feel like March is going to bring change. Some good change and some bad change. I found out today that my boss is leaving me in two weeks. We’ve been together since the very beginning… At least of my journey at my current company. So honestly, I’m a little sad to see him go, he’s probably the only person at my company that I really connected with since I never really had a team. He promised that before he leaves, though that he rewarded me in the merit cycle. So we’ll see where that lands.

My two friends that were having trouble a couple years ago, finally tied the knot. I’m really happy for them and I pray that their marriage is fruitful. Our other friends who have been engaged for a really long time are finally tying the knot this year too. They seem happier than they’ve been in a really long time. Honestly, I’m really grateful for that. I love when the people around me are experiencing highlights in their life. It makes life more fun.

My husband and I are finally going on our first post kids vacation by ourselves. Mind you, this will be our first time on vacation together in the last four years. It’s crazy how long or how fast time seems to go by. My oldest will be 4 this year. Did you know that my husband and I have been together almost 15 years now? It’s crazy because that’s when I started this site. And I’ve been using it for that long. I’m just sad that I deleted so many posts back in the day. It would’ve been nice to go back to the beginning. 

I hope you all are doing well too

[hopelessfragility]

Back again for 2025! It’s been a pretty eventful couple of months honestly. I think the last time I posted it was around my birthday. Since then we had Thanksgiving, we went to Disney, a bunch of people from my job took the buyout lol, Christmas came and went, we traveled to Georgia, and my husband and I spent the new year out together for the first time in a long time. Honestly, I’m feeling super blessed.

To catch you guys all up, I did not get the job that I had applied for a couple of months ago. It turns out that I did not really want that job anyway. Also, I’m really happy at my current job. I think all the sadness I had stemmed from the people who worked there and the uncertainty in the economy. Now that a bunch of people have quit and the economy seems to have turned around, I feel super secure in my job again.

Christmas was crazy and a little intense. We spent way more than I ever would’ve wanted to over the holiday, but all of our recipients were super happy so at least it wasn’t money wasted. The girls had a great holiday. We decorated cookies, we watched Christmas movies, and they got tons of gifts. We also went to Disney World - not for the Christmas parade, though that was way too expensive!

We also took Norah on her first airplane ride. This is Noelle’s second. It worked out pretty well, although we will never travel with two kids car seats again. We also returned the double stroller that we bought because it was complete and utter garbage outside of the airport. But we got to meet and spend time with a ton of family. We made memories with the girls that we will all never forget. I think that’s the part that I love the most about having my own family. The memories.

My husband’s family gave us a break once we got home with the girls. We literally dropped them off at his parent’s house on New Year’s Eve. We were supposed to go on a boat with 11 other people, but the guy who owned the boat never showed up at the dock. There was a bit of drama, but we ended up at a friend‘s house and we ended up doing karaoke into the new year. It was honestly really nice. Also, on a more exciting note I got the girls into charter school 🙌🏾😮‍💨 which I feel really accomplished about!

When I reflect on some of my old goals, I feel some sadness, but mostly some relief. I definitely did not hit all of the goals that I intended to, but to be honest, I kind of don’t care. I set goals at the beginning of the year just to not feel like a bum. It would be nice to accomplish goals but at the same time, my life is not a checkbox. it feels good to finally come to terms with that.

I ran 427 miles out of the 500 that I wanted to run and I also gained 10 pounds lol. But my family is healthy and happy. We ended the year with less that 50 accounts on our app. I’m sorry about that but I plan to get back into a groove this year. I think I put too much pressure on myself. Airbnb has been ok but I don’t think we made superhost again this quarter unfortunately. We started going back to church every week last year - I know my relationship with God has grown. I don’t have to put that on display to anyone. I finally feel like I understand what it is to be a mom. Putting myself last in almost all scenarios, but not being angry about it. I do need to work on my patience a little bit with the girls, but I have so much love to give them both. I thought it would be hard, but it’s so easy. My cup is so full….it is definitely running over.

It’s funny because I didn’t talk to. I guess the thing that’s been the biggest in our minds and on our hearts, which is our addition renovation. We are finally so close that we can taste it. Out of the six permits I believe we only have two left to be approved before we can start work. We are praying that it will be this month. It’s funny to read some of my old commentary on the addition because I almost sound delusional thinking that we would’ve started last year. The process has been so long and drawn out and frustrating. Between the city and our contractor and our architect, I’m definitely over it. But I’m super excited to finally have the final home that we’ve dreamt about raising our children in. No it will not have a two car garage or a pool lol but it will be perfect for our family. It’s been hard not to compare our lives to others, especially when we’re so blessed. So I’m definitely working on that as well.

In 2025, i haven’t decided what my word will be this year. I don’t think I want to pick one word that will sum up my entire year. My hope is to become more patient, embrace spontaneity, lead with love and understanding, and to become more secure in my own identity.

Here are my goals:

1. Continue my walk with God

2. Give more attention to our app

3. Make more family memories

4. Plan multiple vacations with my husband

5. Start and hopefully finish our home addition

6. Become more secure in my role at work

7. Stay focused on my health and fitness - make it more of a lifestyle

It’s funny because my husband said to me the other day that he had no idea that I still wrote in my Tumblr online. And it made me chuckle because he doesn’t understand the peace that this really brings me. I don’t care who reads my stuff, it’s really just for me. But it does feel nice to know that there may be someone out there who does find enjoyment from reading about my life.

[hopelessfragility]

Today is Election Day. Easily the most divisive day in our country. I’m a bit anxious about how this all turns out but I’m letting go and letting God. Regardless of what happens, I still have my faith and my family& friends to ground me. The last month has been interesting. I really love the idea of keeping this weird journal online thing where I write down all of my thoughts and feelings between posts just so I can revisit them and remember everything.

I’ve been having some weird feelings about work. We got a email from our parent company about a voluntary buyout. They were essentially offering us up to six months of severance to quit voluntarily. We only had four days to decide, but they ended up cutting it short because they had so many volunteers. I wrestled with it for a long time, but ultimately did not do it. Part of me wishes that I had, but the pride and the planner in me would not let me. I started interviewing at a new job though. I have a panel interview this week. They seem to like me. The title is less than what I have now, but they plan to pay me and that’s all that really matters. My current job takes advantage of me. When I say it out loud, it makes me sad. They don’t ever wish me happy birthday, or celebrate workiversaries. They didn’t even have a virtual baby shower for me. It wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t saw that it was done for other people. But I don’t have a real team, so nobody cares for me and that’s the part that eats me alive.

Other than work, my life is great. I love my family immensely. My husband and I are best friends. Noelle is growing up to be so sweet and kind hearted. She is very saucy, but she has a heart of gold. My Norah is just the light of my life. She turns every bad day into sunshine. She’s so incredibly smart, and wants to communicate so bad. I’ve been teaching her how to communicate, she has a lot of words under her belt, though crying still comes a second nature. At the end the day she’s only a year and a couple of months.

The month of October felt absolutely amazing. We spent the month at Halloween parties, doing Halloween crafts, just celebrating an amazing month. I told my husband that I love Halloween so much because it’s in the month of October. The beginning of the month is my birthday and it kicks off this amazing season. My husband threw a party for me, and it was so kind. Everyone I knew showed up and it made me feel really special. I had been depressed for a couple of weeks over the whole job situation so it was nice to feel good. 

I go through these crazy mood swings and highs and lows in my life. I have an amazing life truly…but sometimes the depression overwhelms me. I’m working on it still.

[hopelessfragility]

So reading my last update was really depressing, which is what prompted me to write again now.

Sadly, I didn’t get the job that I wrote about originally. They took me through a nine week or so interview process and they left me on read, essentially.  

I’m also still at the job that I hate, things were OK for a couple weeks but as we head into the holiday season and Ive started to remember why I wanted to leave so badly. The economy is just really hard right now. So the idea of trying to find a new job that will pay me and is still remote and I keep all of my perks, including my unlimited PTO is tough. I kind of feel like a hostage but at the same time I’m grateful to at least have a job.

Our contractor has become even worse, he has ignored her last two communications to him about our city plans. It’s terrifying because we’re about 20 grand into this process, and the guy is turning out to be more untrustworthy than we originally anticipated.

The girls are doing great though. Noelle has become so much more helpful and less needy. We’ve given her a lot of grace and free reign, and she has really proven herself. She is an amazing big sister. Whenever Norah is sad, she tries her hardest to make her feel better.  Norah on the other hand is not the perfect little princess I always thought she was. She’s still my princess and she still perfect to me lol but the toddler is starting to kick in. She has a lot more words under her belt, including the words: no, Uh Oh, more, crackers, and shoes. She’s sweet but mischievous. She gives us no trouble at school though which is great.

Working out has been hard. I have no motivation but I’m still forcing myself to go. I’ve gained at least 10lbs back since my lowest weight and it’s Messing with my mental health. I love the way I look in the mirror but when I compare myself to others it makes me hate myself. I just try to remember that comparison is the thief of joy.

Grateful for my health though. I had a lump in my breast in January that I’ve been investigating all year. I did my genetics test, my mammogram, and I saw a specialist and it’s been determined not to be cancer. I do have an mri planned but I’m feeling good. Or at least better these days.

That’s the update. Not overly optimistic but definitely real life right now. Not sure why but I have an unnatural sadness that’s been washing over me lately…

[hopelessfragility]

Okay I think I’m ready for an update again haha

1. Mobile app is out - it’s amazing but user acquisition is a lot harder than I thought it would be. To be fair, I’ve been lazy. I need to pay for marketing at this point but I’m also cheap.

2. ESE is dead. To us at least. Turned out that it was may more work than it was worth for us. We’d be essentially doing free labor for a while and with two kids and 5 other jobs between the 2 of us, there was just no way.

3. Our girls are perfect lol. They are both so smart, so independent, so ambitious and most importantly they’re obsessed with each other. Norah is trying so hard to communicate and Noelle is testing boundaries. Norah say mama which describes me and food. She also says baba which describes everything else 😅 but she’s so smart. She points at the things she wants and brings things to you as well as leads you to what she wants. Noelle is in the “I do it” phase; where she wants to do everything herself lol. The only thing that’s been a bit hard to get used to is Noelle walking into our room all hours of the night unannounced. I miss privacy lol.

4. I’m on the CUSP of a new job!!! I’m praying so hard that this is for me. I’ve been doing the interview process for the past 2 months now and I officially will know either tomorrow or early next week. This will be an interesting move in my career. I’m taking a SMALL step back in title but I’m gaining more in salary and at a MUCH bigger company. Fortune 20 🤫 so I’m praying very very hard for the opportunity.

In terms of the old job, it got tougher. They fired my boss and another one of her direct reports. So essentially the buck starts and ends with me and my direct report. The difference is they’re not paying me for now the even more responsibilities I own. It’s also a boys club with no diversity. I work almost exclusively with men (senior leadership-wise) and I am the only black person left. Basically I’m over it so even if the is new job doesn’t work out, I have to go.

5. The addition is happening. Very very slowly. We finally got things submitted to the city in JULY. the whole process has been so off putting. Our architect is so unhelpful and hard to work with it. Our general contractor has proven to be even worse. The city has been quick though. They rejected our plan with thorough notes so hopefully we can resubmit in the next couple of weeks. It’s honestly depressing to even talk about. The good thing is we’ve saved a little more than half of the cost of the Reno in all this time, thank God. And my husband is working towards at least 2 more bonuses outside of his normal bonus period so we are praying on that. Hopefully all will fall into place soon.

6. I had made a new friend (kind of) and then they kind of turned into a networker. I wanted to use the term “user” but that’s not entirely true. Their sole purpose is to promote themselves and their family’s businesses, which is understandable but that’s just not how I roll. I wanted a real friend. So essentially I just kind of distanced myself after they skipped my daughter’s birthday party. Idk I just don’t have time for no authenticity.

7. Exercise has been great! I’ve been consistent for most of the year only skipping a week here or there. I’m running an average of 2.5 miles each class and I’m getting stronger and faster. I’ve lost a killer amount of weight which has been a huge ego boost. However in the last month I’ve gained a little less than 10lbs. Not great but it’s for sure my diet. Im still super proud though.

That’s it for updates for now! I hope you all are well!

[hopelessfragility]

So documenting all this for future me

- so much in motion to keep track of:

Our mobile app soon to be released

Starting work on ESE

My oldest’s bday 3rd is in 2 days and we’re heading to Disney this week

My younget’s 1st bday party is in a month and it’s starting to feel a little anxious

My job is playing me. They gave me a 4% raise but they’ve 2x my responsibilities and they haven’t formally given me a direct report although they have me training her, one on ones, etc etc. I would be making at least 30% more elsewhere so I’m starting to feel a bit taken advantage of now.

We finally got one of the last renditions of our addition, hopefully it should be submitted to the city in the next 2 weeks. Praying our house will be finish by this time next year.

I really want to go on vacation with my husband. I’m tired. Really tired. I love mom life but it’s exhausting and I need a break tbh.

[hopelessfragility]

Okay sooooo I love this sooooo much about myself! I have to make goals for this year too to revisit next year!

Updates from my 2023 goals:

1. Still working on it 😵‍💫

2. Lost all of it and MORE! 70lbs and counting! Plus OTF 3-4x weekly!

3. I got a direct report!

4. Finally feeling like I’m there ❤️

5. Soooo I thought I did. We’re still talking but I’m not quite sure the genuineness of it yet lol. But we will see :)

6. Yeah….I did for a while but I keep going back and forth. It’s my husband who’s holding me back lol. His bad eating habits!

7. Omg we are launched!!!! It’s been interesting putting ourselves out there but we are doing it!

2024 goals:

1. I need God back in my life. I’m trying to focus and center but it’s tough. So this will be here on my list until I figure things out. I need to pray daily at the very least. I’d love to add my Bible to the mix and going back to church.

2. Our application: I love that my husband created some thing, so amazing, so beautiful, so intelligent, quite literally from scratch. He is a software developer and honestly I could not be more proud of his accomplishments. I want to do my part in to help market this thing. I want us to have at least 50 subscribers by the end of the year. It feels small… But I want to be realistic.

3. Our home addition: praying for it to go, smoothly, and for us to be able to afford it the entire way through. It’s pretty hefty, but this will become our forever home once we’ve completed it. It won’t be 2500 ft.² and we won’t have a pool or a three car garage but it will be big enough for our family. It also won’t give us a $4-$5,000 mortgage payment. So that was the compromise.

4. Professionally, I don’t know exactly what I want. But I’ll know when I see it I think. I’m interested in changing jobs but I also want to grow in the role that I am currently in, especially since I finally have my own direct report.  I don’t think I’m ready for a Director level job yet… But in the next 2 to 3 years that’s where I want to be. 

5. I still want genuine friendships… I just don’t know what that looks like yet. I found a couple of Moms friends, but things are superficial still.

6. I have a running goal of 500 miles for the year currently. I’m currently at 98 miles lol. I can definitely do it if I put my mind to it… This will be my first year being consistent with my workouts. 

7. Our marriage- I think I added this last because of the order of importance. But not because I don’t think our relationship is important lol our relationship is probably the most solid that it has ever been. However, I know that to keep it that way we need to nourish it. This year I would love to put date night back in our calendar. I think we will hold off on our vacation until our addition is paid for… Lol but I do want to make sure that we dedicate time to continue to grow our relationship.

Thank you, all for continuing to be my sounding board. Lol. There are not many of you anymore… And honestly, I kind of like it that way. It’s nice to be able to write my raw thoughts somewhere and to come back to them and to reflect on them without judgment. 

I hope you are all well!

Totally forgot to share my 2023 goals lol.

1. Redevelop/rediscover my relationship with God.

2. Lose my pregnancy weight again - develop a healthy diet & workout routine

3. Get promoted - done! So instead: accomplish something in my new role

4. Become comfortable in my caregiving role for 2 children while being a working professional- find balance

5. Make a new real friend - even if it’s reigniting an old friendship or taking an acquaintance to the next level

6. Develop healthier spending habits when it comes to food - cook 3-4x a week.

7. Get our app off the ground!

[hopelessfragility]

I’m back! So 2024 has been amazing so far! We launched our own software platform for short term rentals! It’s literally crazy! We’ve had a couple people sign up, not a lot but we’re energized! Norah is doing amazingly. She started taking her first unassisted steps this week at 9 months. I’ve lost 70lbs officially since birth last year, it’s CRAZY! I look and feel amazing! I’ve been running about 10 miles a week 💕 also! We are getting an addition for our house! An extra 700sqft upstairs! God is so good!

[hopelessfragility]

So I’m finally back to give an update: I am so happy to let you all know that Norah’s surgery was a success. There was a lot of drama with finding a new surgeon and picking a new surgery date but long story short, it all worked out amazingly. The new surgeon was young and had great bedside manner. He took his time and made our little girl beautiful. After surgery, the first week home was tough. But after the first week, we were also able to sleep train her, put her in her own room, and cut out her night feeding all in the span of about 2 to 3 weeks. The whole no pacifier life is tough lol and living with a nose stent was no picnic either. But we are finally through all of it. Norah started school last week Monday and everyone is absolutely in love with her. She is so sweet and kind and happy. 

Our marriage is 100 times better now that we are getting sleep at night and both of our girls are in school. It just goes to show that everything is a season and eventually you make it out to the other side. I started work back, and I thought it would be terrible… But to be honest, it’s nice to fall back into an old routine.

[hopelessfragility]

The difference between “rich” and “well off” is so skewed in our minds today. It leads to people hitting really good life milestones and then being made to feel guilty for making it because “oh you must be RICH (/disparaging).” And it’s terrible because it isolates us even more. We don’t feel comfortable sharing cool achievments with people for fear our desire to share our joy with our friends will be met with cutting suggestions about bragging and privilige. And that can lead to sending the message that you aren’t a safe person to share good news with, further isolating you from seeing joy in others’ lives.

Here’s how I differentiate these terms, in case it helps:

- Being rich means you have such an excess of money that you can be frivolous with it. You can buy almost anything that catches your eye without worrying over how much you have left in the bank for essential needs. For example, buying a yacht outright.

- Being well off means you have a steady source of income and, through good money management and saving, are able to afford certain things that might be out of reach of someone who is not well off. For example, buying a house with a mortgage, or a new car. You may have enough extra money to buy yourself treats, but you aren’t going to be jetting to a gala anytime soon.

I’m not advocating for hating everyone who qualifies as rich, btw; some rich people are kind and generous and have good economic sense. But please, let’s stop biting at people who are blessed to be well off enough to reach milestones that we all want to (and hope to someday) reach. It’s discouraging, alienating, and unloving. Let’s allow each other and ourselves to feel the joy of sharing good news and life updates! :)

[hopelessfragility]

This new life is so strange. I feel like I go through a range of emotions constantly. Some days I feel so blessed and grateful for my family and others I just want to run away.

Norah’s surgery was supposed to be today but some freak accident happened to her surgeon and it got canceled. We had to reschedule with a different surgeon who pushed our appointment 3 times all the way to September. I ended up calling and was able to sweet talk us into an appointment in August. It’s later than we hoped but better than September at least.

My husband and I’s relationship has been strained lately. The lack of sleep is killing us. He is handling Norah at night and I’m still pumping and dealing with the toddler. What’s hurting him is sleeping in the arm chair, the constant wake ups and he’s working. We get into little tiffs because I’m on maternity leave so he wants to add more to my plate. Which I understand to a point. I’ve been sick the last 3 weeks, I’m still pumping, and I’m already the primary caregiver to Noelle when she’s home and Norah during the day. I’m willing to give up everything but my night time sleep. It’s the only thing that’s allowing me to function.

Things will be better once Norah goes to school but until then, life is rough.

[hopelessfragility]

So somebody is one day shy of 1 month. I am astonished at how fast time flew bye she is literally Noelle 2.0… She knows exactly what she wants when she wants it and she’s not shy about letting anyone know. Her surgery is scheduled for August and we could not be more excited.

We are also looking forward to the launch of our new app. We have spent a couple of months ideating on it and now we are finally ready to take action.  Hubby has worked hard over the last eight months to get it to the point that it’s at right now, we are just figuring out some of the last minute features and I’ll be the one marketing it. That’s it. Praying to update you all about success u the months to come!

[hopelessfragility]

Okay so to cover off on the last post, I have the best Dr ever! She gave me her personal cell phone number so we texted all that weekend and she put me on the appropriate medication. Which stopped me from having to go to the hospital over the holiday weekend. So far having a baby has been familiar lol Norah is two weeks old now, but it feels like she's been here forever. Noelle loves her and so do we. She does have the cleft lip but it doesn't stop her from doing anything a normal baby does. And we're blessed enough to say that she does not have a cleft palate, which is the most complex part of the entire procedure. At this point, it's just the lip and her gum which can be fixed in one to two surgeries and with braces.

But I will say the reason for this post is that I wanna document my wants and my thoughts so that I can come back to this post and see if I ever get the things that I truly desire at this point in time. I'm not a person who loves luxurious items, but there are some things that I do kind of wish that we had. So I think I want to work towards them. Even if it's some thing that I don't necessarily need it's some thing that I want and I feel like in this lifetime you should be able to treat yourself to a couple of items that you truly want.

So here goes:

A new house with over 2500 ft.² with a pool, a yard, covered patio, and with curb appeal. Hubby and I talked, and we may be ready to upgrade in 3 to 5 years which would be nice, and I wouldn’t be so scared about the girls drowning in a pool.  

I am honestly a budget car girl… But I’ve always wanted to drive a Cadillac. Once my girls are older, and we no longer need car seats, I’d love to own one.

For now these are the only things that I want in life that are considered to be luxurious. Of course, I’ll add to it if I think of anything else… But truly, the car is the only thing that I don’t need. Our house is perfect for the ages of our children right now, but I definitely think that as they get older we will be running out of room very quickly. 

[hopelessfragility]

Lol it may as well be day 0.

Our little one was born earlier this week and no matter how prepared we thought we were….we’re just not. Noelle is hard enough on her own to deal with but adding a newborn and no sleep makes this all damn near impossible.

My blood pressure is spiking again. I’m afraid of ending up back in the hospital. Not just afraid. Terrified.

Honestly I’m just exhausted. And together were trying our best but idk.

[hopelessfragility]

Totally forgot to share my 2023 goals lol.

1. Redevelop/rediscover my relationship with God.

2. Lose my pregnancy weight again - develop a healthy diet & workout routine

3. Get promoted - done! So instead: accomplish something in my new role

4. Become comfortable in my caregiving role for 2 children while being a working professional- find balance

5. Make a new real friend - even if it’s reigniting an old friendship or taking an acquaintance to the next level

6. Develop healthier spending habits when it comes to food - cook 3-4x a week.

7. Get our app off the ground!